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Azure Eye News

9 months

Do YOU ever wish you could write anonymous rambling letters to Editor Lester Squirrel and the other Azure Eye News staff? Do you have pictures of the hideous spider man that lives in the woods? REJOICE! Letters: Pictures:

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Last Seen Profiles

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@ddeungllain

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@shayporteruk

Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

4 months

DID YOU KNOW: You can always tell a renaissance painting is by a man because they'll have super fine detailed lettering, stitch work, ornate filigree, and then abso-fucking-lutely no idea what a boob looks like.

soli

@solisolsoli

4 months

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6 months

@gregthesorcerer Glad to see you got your thumb put back on

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4 months

@daringlucile @philipletsou Leon reminds everybody that there’s no such thing as ex-CIA.

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9 months

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7 months

Its legit kinda impressive how many of us are still around.

Orzakroaken Adzmozzazz (Haunted)

@Orzakroaken

2 years

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

5 months

Knew I shouldn't have believed that Wizardlist ad from a druid selling a discounted orb.

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5 months

A terrible war has broken out between Gnomes and Wizards over the proper way to eat string cheese. Gnomes choose the side of stringing it, and wizards simply bite.

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Azure Eye News

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19 days

At some point we should do a new map

Frederick “That” Wizard

@ThatOneWizards

19 days

Who art mine neighbours in these fine woods?

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Azure Eye News

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1 year

We’d like to clarify that he actually does this afterwards and we have video of him doing it.

Greg the Sorcerer

@gregthesorcerer

1 year

How it feels to vaporize 8 bandits with one well placed fireball

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Azure Eye News

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18 days

For any of the 100+ people who've joined the Enchanted Forest over the last couple weeks, might we recommend The Ballad of Frosty the Snowgnome, a tale told by the Dark Mother? It's a good way to meet many of the older members of the community!

Azure Eye News

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9 months

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Azure Eye News

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4 months

We see a lot of living out there today discussing whether skeletons are constructs or undead, and all we're gonna say on this matter is stay in your fucking lane if you have a heartbeat.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

5 months

Jehovah's Witnesses are a major bane to mages. "Can't you just cast fireball?" you ask. No. The rules of magery state that we can't throw out anyone with a book offering secret revelations until we've heard them out. And those guys talk F O R E V E R.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

1 year

Character break but kind of important: The new Terms of Service grant Twitter rights to anything you own or create that you post here, including art, and they don't have to pay you. This includes the right to modify your art with AI. Goes into effect Sept 29th.

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Azure Eye News

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6 months

@BigMeanInternet @AspLovePolitics Honestly I'd join too, after that.

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Azure Eye News

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11 months

Necromancy, which can answer questions about history, the afterlife, and biology that are unanswerable by any other field, is the only school of magic that attracts any kind of serious academics or intellectuals.

super saiyan gay wizard

@seamussy

11 months

What's a wizarding opinion that'll get you locked up like this

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18 days

PUBLIC HISTORY: Yes there was! This is from waaaaaay back when the Enchanted Forest was like... Christ there were maybe like 2-3 dozen of us total? @gnomadlangston made this map of all the major recurring locations in the lore.

◇Evil-Doer Skeleton◇

@EvilDoerPosting

18 days

@placeholderaen “New” map? Was there an old one?

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Azure Eye News

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9 months

RAGNAROK BEGINS

Snoop Dogg

@SnoopDogg

9 months

I’m giving up smoke.

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5 months

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6 months

@gregthesorcerer It’s fun to cut off all of an adventurer’s thumbs and fingers and leave them with a healing potion just sitting there when they break into your tower though. Watching them fumble and cry never gets old.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

1 year

CREATURE FEATURE: What the fuck?

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

lol check it out this dude liked a post from like a year ago so I went and looked and every single one of his likes has to do with itching powder

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Azure Eye News

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10 months

PSA: If you’re cold, they’re cold. Bring the giant hissing spiders that dwell in the woods into your house.

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

In which Frosty ventures into the realm of @woman_mage , and learns the great truth of the non-truth of self.

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

BREAKING: Famed anti-bridge terrorist Mothman strikes again, vows not to rest until every water-spanning structure is destroyed

Ford News

@FordJohnathan5

5 months

🚨 #BREAKINGNEWS Key Bridge in Baltimore collapses due to collision by a Cargo Ship. Dramatic event unfolding. 🚨

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11 months

HOG INVASION: Hogs evolve and deploy deadly marine landing forces

꧁꧂

@eat5G

11 months

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9 months

SPORTS: You will be awoken 4 hours before your alarm goes off by a gnome driving his outboard-motor boat around your bathtub. Alas, he has a permit, and thus you cannot stop him.

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Azure Eye News

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4 months

Batman confirmed dead after being crushed beneath the ass of a street hooker he forced to eat five million hamburgers

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Azure Eye News

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6 months

At long last women with crippling depression and brightly coloured hair get our moment in the sun

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Azure Eye News

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4 months

Since Soil doesn't post the OP, the painting is "The Suicide of Lucretia" by Cornelis Bazelaere.

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Azure Eye News

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6 months

NO! He made the best chocolate cake in the wizarding world! YOU MONSTERS

꧁༺ ꒦꒐꒒ꏂ ꋬ꒒ꉔꁝꏂꂵ꒐ꇙ꓄ ༻꧂

@vile_alchemist

6 months

Holy fuck

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

9 months

NEWS: Arch-Lich Henry Kissinger destroyed after his final phylactery was destroyed after being injected with the covid-19 vaccine by a Laotian peasant girl, causing it to emit so much microwave radiation that it boiled off the alchemical substance inside.

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@placeholderaen

5 months

Can we all agree, please?

Wizard Student

@studyeroftomes

5 months

Can we all agree, please?

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Azure Eye News

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6 months

@otherhappyplace Imagine dying agonizingly of cancer and discovering that even in the afterlife you were still suffering of cancer forever and also had to work a full time job forever Like at that point you have to accept maltheism

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Azure Eye News

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9 months

FAN ART

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Azure Eye News

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9 months

HUMANITARIANISM: @IAmARealMage declares he has “gone woke” and formed a new organization “WETG” or “Wizards for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes.” The new group aims to prevent the usage of gnomes in potions and The Device, claiming that it is a violation of their basic dignity.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

21 days

Please please please do not fucking just RT a literal video of a woman being shot in the head without any warning or context, literally what the fuck

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Azure Eye News

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10 months

MISSING PERSONS: Pixels Puddlefen believed murdered, zombified. Last seen teaching the Thriller dance to the undead crowd down at the Gerg Memorial Graveyard.

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Azure Eye News

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4 months

Trapped in a world without linear time Engaged to Lauren Boebert Gnomish necromancer Most successful museum curator ever Passionately pro-Aten Do you find this attractive?

Richard Strocher 𝕏

@RichardStrocher

4 months

18. Single. Alpha Male. Wildly Successful. Passionately pro-Trump. Do you find this attractive?

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Azure Eye News

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2 months

Friends, if you wanna like argue religion and be an asshole to either side, fine- that's your free speech. But like, seriously, please keep it off the gnomes-and-wizards timeline. We're here to fight ogres and interdimensional hog hive minds, not each other.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

4 months

Unfortunately, beloved, now that the Ballad of Frosty the Snowgnome is over, I have to leave you. I have very unimportant places to be and useless nonsense to do, and so I must be going. But I'm sure we'll meet again, someday! Goodbyyyyyeeeee!

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Azure Eye News

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8 months

@otherhappyplace They know nothing of DEEP HURTING

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

"Finally, the curse is broken"

Daily Star

@dailystar

4 years

Men reveal the five words they long to hear straight after sex

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5 months

Check out my new homunculus. I cursed it to experience the full crushing weight of life from its very conception, and it has only ever spoken to plead for death.

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

Midwest Enchanted Forest meet up when?

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

I’ve been trying to tell you all

ØSØ

@OsoBlanc0

5 months

This is probably fine

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4 months

@dick_nixon The ads against her literally write themselves.

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Azure Eye News

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3 months

The first 4-5 notifications on literally any post now are all just bot spam. Its super cool getting a bunch of porn adverts popping up on my phone's notifications for every single post I write.

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

Saw these two throwing down at like 2am last night outside the Goblintown convenience store over who got the last chili dog

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Azure Eye News

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11 months

@emily_murnane Not many people know this but under certain circumstances murder is legal

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Azure Eye News

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20 days

Oh. Right. @DiggingUpGraves and his Gescheiden-Tovenaars Alliantie are holding their political convention today! Rupert accepted his nomination from the literally unwashed masses with great (presumable?) joy, sobbing intensely and pledging to undo his divorce by magical law.

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Azure Eye News

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11 months

COMICS: Healthcliff becomes a Goblin???

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Azure Eye News

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7 months

Getting the girls together for a camping trip to make weird noises as loud as possible to freak out Bigfoot hunters

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Azure Eye News

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4 months

DID YOU KNOW: Though mostly famous as a film critic, Roger Ebert suffered from an obsession that left him unable to refuse to judge anything people sent him! He gave a thumbs-up-or-down to over 100 dick pics sent in by John Wayne Gacy alone!

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

1 month

We’re in EVERYBODY’S circle! The azure eye sees all!

Mae🐞

@bittybeetles

1 month

My Twitter Interaction Circle ➡️

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

2 months

WEATHER: Get your iron overcoats ready! A fog from the fae realms will roll in tonight, and anyone caught out in it should be prepared for anything from tea parties to being kidnapped and replaced with a lookalike. Senior weather hobos recommend putting out milk for the fae!

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Azure Eye News

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10 months

HOGS: Hoglock the Pink takes his breakaway hog gang into the desert to destroy the unholy constructions of the rich, return nature to its balance. Azure Eye News proudly supports Hoglock and his brave freedom fighters.

Em Casey

@emcaseyturf

10 months

Come along with me on my carnage (I mean course) check this morning. What should be one of the most beautiful golf courses in the country is being destroyed by herds of javelina. If anyone has a contact in AZ state govt that can help us find a solution please pass it along.

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23 days

CURRENT EVENTS

ghoul

@RepugnantGhoul

23 days

concerning...

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9 months

CRIME: All of @gnomecliff ’s plates both at home and his restaurant stolen, reports strange man in the beautiful robes of an emir and holding a comically oversized, jangling burlap sack.

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Azure Eye News

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4 months

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT: OJ Simpson falls to death while battling masked man believed to be his wife’s murderer in dramatic, late-night thunderstorm.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

10 months

roflmao, no, not paying to use twitter. It starts with new users, its ending up everyone.

Kylie Robison

@kyliebytes

10 months

🚨 SCOOP: X, formerly known as Twitter, will begin charging new users $1 a year to access key features including the ability to tweet and retweet

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8 months

@BZVowell Featuring @BimbleWizard and Five Nights at Public Domain Pooh's

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Azure Eye News

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10 months

You overwhelm it with thousands of small, mobile targets, completely overwhelming their defenses which are aimed at large group formations and not a horde of tiny undead armed with rotting claws and tiny poisoned knives. And REALLY bad poetry.

null

@nullpointered

10 months

Look at this, seriously, how do you even beat it???

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11 months

Newsflash: Ogre sucks just INCREDIBLE amounts of dick

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25 days

As former Prime Minister of the UK, a tall-leg funeral will be held for Wise Wizard at... somewhere in the boring world, we don't really know tall-leg stuff. For magic folks, there'll be a drinking party under his monster truck and a guestbook you can sign w/ your credit card #

WISE WIZARD (Memorial Account)

@IAmARealMage

26 days

I, (The Wise Wizards unruliest son) am proud to announce orcfoot has taken the great big fools life this afternoon. He died peacefully in his sleep, facing 1000 nightmares. We request your mourning in this time, where we figure out what to do with his very radioactive corpse.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

9 months

It’s been quite a while, dear friends, since last we met. Time has no meaning in the forest, of course, but the snows have come again. I’m not here to stay, just keeping the printing presses warm while the kids are out looking for Merle. But it’s good to be back.

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Azure Eye News

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7 months

Things fall apart, Elmo. The center cannot hold. The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity, Elmo. The world of man must burn, Elmo. This is an evil world. Only in the purgation of all that is can we have hope of new good, Elmo.

Elmo

@elmo

7 months

Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing?

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11 months

NEWSFLASH: Brave journalists raid Ogre’s fortress, rescue comics archivist so that the funnies page will no longer be on fire

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Azure Eye News

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4 months

SOCIETY: Happy anniversary! This morning you woke up to discover you've had Culture Club's "Karma Chameleon" stuck in your head for six years to the day.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

5 months

What does your soul look like?

Town Guard

@GuardPosting

5 months

What doth they soul look like? (Art by mine self)

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

5 months

*Rapid-paced gunfire, explosions* Uncle O'Grimacey's gotta run, kid! Remember that he loves you VERY much! You're his favourite! North Ireland will be free, and also your dad keeps all his good hooch in the top drawer of the dresser in the garage!

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

2 months

It’s true!

MimiLisa 2.0

@69MimiLisa

3 months

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4 months

Celebrating one year of freedom from that creepy batman dude by posting nudes

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8 months

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5 months

It is genuinely adorable how many of you all are DMing me telling me you're rooting for Frosty and hope he lives.

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Azure Eye News

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5 months

I’ve never really figured out who makes those ominous black obelisks with the various-coloured glowing ominous runes that you just find floating around sometimes. But finders keepers, and they’re mine now.

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Azure Eye News

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9 months

Oh shit, PorkGrind is gone?!?

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5 months

Remember kids, you'd better leave out whiskey and corned beef for Uncle O'Grimacey IF YOU KNOW WHATS FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU!

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Azure Eye News

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10 months

MISSING: Pixels Puddlefen was last seen in the chaos of last night’s Ogre raid. If anyone has seen him, please report his location to Azure Eye News. Or the Juggalos, if you’re a narc.

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Azure Eye News

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3 months

ARTS: King Charles the whatever of England, false holder of the throne of his mother Eternal Queen Elizabeth, today unveiled a curséd portrait of himself to the presumable delight(?) of his mother’s subjects. “No idea where it came from,” he said, “just showed up this morning.”

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Azure Eye News

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8 months

In which Frosty meets @gnomadlangston and argues immortality

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Azure Eye News

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6 months

The only way I get aroused is if an elected congressional representative is vaping within 15 feet of me

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Azure Eye News

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6 months

As part-time nemeses @wizardsextape and I sung the duet "For Good" from Wicked shortly before he jumped into the Blender and Greg pushed the button. He even signed a couple shirts commemorating the event, which are all real and not fake, and which you may buy from me.

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

2 months

OPINION: More and more undead are calling for unionization.

Gori the Warlock

@Gori_Grindelfig

2 months

My minions are trying to unionize again. Perhaps I will bring them to the bards by the name of, "The greatful dead", that should make them realise how good they've got it!

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6 months

If Charles is going in for potions, which alchemist do you think he's hiring? Is it one we know? This could be INCREDIBLY funny, depending.

GB News

@GBNEWS

6 months

'The King will not be one for chemotherapy, he has always argued against it. He's a great believer in natural herbs, potions and things like that.' Royal expert, Tom Bower, discusses the King's cancer diagnosis. 🔓 Become a GB News Member:

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7 months

He got drunk on bathtub hooch and rock candy and then fell down the museum basement stairs three times.

Rupert Schminkeldorf

@DiggingUpGraves

7 months

The woke mob has given me a miscarriage

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Azure Eye News

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6 months

@BimbleWizard Don't be vulgar. This is a Kind Winstonian website. Wear your hat, young man.

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20 days

POLITICAL CONVENTION SEASON: Was... was there something happening today? We feel like something was happening today. Someone... someone was holding a convention? For a nomination? God, who could be such an unimportant loser we're blanking on this?

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

3 months

Azure Eye News is taking a short break.

Sallar Shah ..

@Salluu00

3 months

O you who believe, take care of your soul. (Qur'an 5 : 105)

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11 months

STUNNING TRAGEDY: Gnome W Bush today killed thousands in a false flag attack on Woman Mage’s boobs, with CIA agents planting itching powder on the celebrity spellcaster’s cleavage during the early morning hours.

Woman Mouse

@woman_mage

11 months

MY BOOBS ITCH

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@placeholderaen

11 months

CHILDREN'S ENTERTAINMENT: Clifford the Big Green Goat announces plans to make a surprise visit to the window of your toddler tonight at 3am

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4 months

POP CULTURE: Tired of Flat Earth? Many people are getting into Flat Sun! It’s true! The Sun is a giant, sentient, flat disc of pure, holy light that watches all of us as He screams and writhes in chains wrought by the coward gods!

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

5 months

WOW!!! Due to a wild coincidence the price of all coins on the ASS EXCHANGE has all fluctuated exactly to 1 rat coin at this exact moment. You have the equivalent of 1000 ratcoins in your pocket right now! You can spend it to buy any of the following:

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Azure Eye News

@placeholderaen

3 months

POLITICS: @IAmARealMage unleashes wave of giant black panthers on England, threatens to only withdraw them if restored to the position of Prime Minister.

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