megatron @MegTwoms Twitter profile

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@MegTwoms

3 years

When I order a bagel from Dunks and they PUT THE CREAM CHEESE ON THE BAGEL FOR ME?!?! MARRY ME??

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@MegTwoms

3 years

I’m sorry if I grab a bagel and have to CUT IT myself, I’m not eating a bagel today. One of the great joys of bagelling is the knowledge that it’s precut and I can just pop that bad boy in the toaster. Don’t make me do extra work for my midday snack.

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Last Seen Profiles

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@_pausitaw

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@baddanadanabad Reminds me of a few days ago when an old couple came into Chipotle and he immediately said “those beans look like they’ve been here for 3 days. I’ll eat somewhere else.” And his wife glared at him and said “can you just shut up and suck it up? We’re eating here.” Go off grams

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@MegTwoms

4 months

@CosmonautMarcus Biggest W of my life was pushing a coworker to this point by stating very matter of factly that I think Cars 2 is the best Cars movie

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@MegTwoms

9 months

@whoshotlouise Took me way too long to figure what you meant by gnc I was sitting here wondering how you know this kid drinks protein shakes

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@MegTwoms

10 months

@mollywidstrom Genuinely I think when we file our taxes we should be able to check boxes to decide what our tax money funds. I don’t want to find the military, I want to fund schools and public works and national parks.

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@MegTwoms

6 months

@andybahber When he stepped out of the shadows at the train station I GASPED

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@mariamainmo Means that I really fuckin like Scooby Doo. Next question.

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@ULTRAGLOSS School supplies shopping was like drug for me.

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@womenpostingws All the people in the comments acting like Simone was carrying the whole team. All of these woman are fantastic in their own right and regardless of Simone dropping out they’d till medaled which is an amazing achievement. Simone did what she felt was right for her AND the team!

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@NeilNevins Like, this is a guy who wrote an entire award winning classic movie as an EXCUSE to visit the wreckage and do so safely. Of course he’s going to have things to say. Of course he’s gonna have some criticisms. He’s a professional.

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@jessf_white I swear to god if they didn’t watch at least one animated barbie classic I’ll scream

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@justinkirkland4 No one is taking into account that there’s probably an even bigger tornado behind the camera and that one is full of sharks

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@girlonprior “If it wasn’t for the baby.” Even though I reread these books like twice a year it always catches me so off guard

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@petrichorvulpes Man needed an excuse to visit the Titanic wreck so he wrote a whole award winning classic film. This is more than a hobby for him at this point. He’s making award winning movies to fund his research and exploration. He respects the ocean, she’ll respect him back.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@NAO_SEYCH So when I’m going 70 down the highway and she swerved into my lane without warning and I total my car, I’m taking her ass to court because Jesus Christ that is my biggest pet peeve. And in some states it’s the law to use your blinker 🙄🤦‍♀️

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@mxmtoon I think about how my dads phone password is my moms birthday and my moms phone password is…my moms birthday. This woman has one pinned conversation and it’s a coworker of hers. Every one of her family members is listed in her contacts as *first name* *last name* 😂😂

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@MegTwoms

11 months

@sixofsongbirds My theory is that he had the fences put up as a precaution, to keep her from coming back as well as to keep others from following her

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@SomaKazima It’s the way he put the glasses back on, like this is a daily event for him 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@alecrobbins To be fair, you can trick a chicken into doing just about anything so this goat isn’t doing anything revolutionary

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@MegTwoms

6 months

@elhammohamud He had no idea the HSM would jumpstart his career. I hope he looks back fondly on those films

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@galacticidiots I accidentally entered into a “if we’re both single at 30 we should just marry each other” agreement with my coworker/best friend and I don’t think he remembers it. But I do. I’m holding him to it too.

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@MegTwoms

2 months

@jtberry97 The legitimate fear in his eyes gets me every time

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@MegTwoms

2 months

@Tom_Smyth_ Tim Walz would probably volunteer to do it himself if we’re being real here

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@hiddenreylo I went to Disney with my sister in June and realized like two days into the 10 day trip that the only barrier between me buying whatever I wanted was available suitcase space. I didn’t have to ask permission. It was my money I was spending.

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@gwenstacying @Jbandos I’m just upset because the wait time for Flight of Passage was listed at 90 minutes and my cousin watched the entirety of the movie while we were WAITING in line. The movie is THREE HOURS LONG.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@bigmonkeong We can infer from that observation that all of the Minions are Argentinian and they only know “banana” in English

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@wildxdisney I absolutely CRUSHED this in Just Dance Disney.

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@yourtitakate Rian Johnson should put all his time and effort into creating a whole franchise around Benoit Blanc because these movies are delightful and ridiculous and so good

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@SimonHarknesstv I was in hysterics when Allan was fighting all fo the Construction Kens. On the verge of tears laughing so hard.

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@theeashleyray My parents half heartedly tried to discourage me with rumors of possible fertility issues and I looked them both in the face and laughed. Even if this rumor so proven, I don’t want kids. Never have. Never will.

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@MegTwoms

4 months

@jonathanbfine Just let out a legitimate snort. Thank you

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@noty3ss I convinced myself I liked Lord of The Rings. I read the books, watched the movies, immersed myself in the supplemental stuff. I do not like LoTR.

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@MegTwoms

9 months

@babyhcney Every once in a while I remember that 3 of them are DADS and that throws me off for about three weeks

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@pissboymcgee It will never be as bad as the guy who came into my Chipotle, in Concord, New Hampshire looking for his order and when he showed me his order confirmation, he had ordered to MALIBU, CALIFORNIA. i think about him a lot

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@killbiill I watched this scene in college (3 years ago) and it broke me so badly that I didn’t even finish the show. I just…stopped watching. Picked it up again last month and powered through but that moment haunts me

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@AynRandy Bad guy: “He doesn’t have a book we’ve got him now” John Wick: *is in a library and very upset you killed his dog*

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@DAVIDPLEASESTOP My mom has personal beef with the deer that kept eating her garden. She claimed the deer would do so in broad daylight.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@deestiv The whole sad beige trend has always confused me because a kids playroom should be full of things THE KID likes. I can point at 12 toddlers and ask their favorite color and I promise it’s not beige. Doesn’t matter if it matches YOUR aesthetic. It’s the KIDS TOYS

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@Secneww_ Me buying my coworker so many KitKats solely because he said he likes them like a year ago. I’ve bought this man hundreds of KitKats.

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@MegTwoms

4 months

@clonehumor I usually wait to watch with my dad but tonight I think I need to give it a quick once over so I can gauge my reactions and adjust to be appropriate

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@MegTwoms

11 months

@emilyuribe “If it weren’t for the baby” shakes me to my core as if I haven’t reread the books at least once every year since I was 13

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@lizzo is right. I am too damn fine to be this stressed.

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@McLeemz Michael Buble was at a party, Jon Hamm came up to him. He could tell right away he was pretty drunk. He pushed him in the corner “do you like money? Because I have an idea that’ll make a fortune.” Michael thought he was joking, so he started to laugh. Jon’s eyes turned black

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@historicalfits “She’s an old soul” no Nana I’m 9 years old and KNITTING.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@ADHDForReal When I tell my parents something doesn’t make sense the way that it is and they try to explain it. I know how it works, I don’t agree with the why and that’s what I’m trying to explain

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@fesshole My uncle did something as a child that at the time he wouldn’t fess up to so my mom and uncle were punished. He admitted he did it when they were adults. We just don’t know WHAT he did. Just that he did it. He’s been holding this over my mom for like 4 decades

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@MegTwoms

7 months

@StatisticUrban Within 10 years Obama’s gonna be the only living former president at the rate we’re going.

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@MegTwoms

10 months

@KirkMcCall68 Bluetooth. No matter how anyone explains it to me it still doesn’t make sense. I don’t even know what I don’t know. I just don’t know it

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@MegTwoms

3 months

@miles_gsmith The Japanese team being like “no come back” 🥹🥹 these guys are just happy to be here

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@MegTwoms

2 months

@kingofbrethren It’s absolutely insane to me that Gore Verbinski saw this pretty generic ride and gave it a movie with an unhinged plot that was SO successful that Disney hasn’t been able to replicate that success since.

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@SITHANDOR Dave Filoni took one look at Dee Bradley Baker and said “make him play EVERYONE” and everyone else went “anything for you Dave.”

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@_svufan @bensler4 I can never forgive Stuckey for taking O’Halloran from us. God do I miss him

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@MegTwoms

6 months

@DisneyScoopGuy The amount of people who ‘have IBS’ is truly unbelievable. I don’t use DAS but I do get irrationally angry at how it gets abused and is rendered essentially useless to people who ACTUALLY need it.

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@MegTwoms

3 months

@awkwardenabled Oh I’d be like the 14th person in line opening day. I’d be so on that shit show me all the dinosaurs right now

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@MegTwoms

6 months

@BoardwalkTimes Didn’t have to close it! Just make it more affordable for the average person!! Really sad I never got to experience it because I couldn’t justify $6k for three days

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@DisneyDan I just think Disney could make so much money off of themeing their resort hotels to specific movies/ips. I would literally chop off my leg to stay in a Tangled hotel. An Atlantis hotel. A POCAHONTAS CAMPGROUND. THE ACTUAL HAUNTED MANSION. PLEASE BOB

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@MegTwoms

4 months

@lucyj_ford I just love Robin Thicke’s immediate understanding of who the snail was and the joy on his face. It makes the whole clip that much funnier

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@buggirl I work 40+ hours a week and have pile of dirty laundry in the corner of my room, a basket of clean laundry I need to fold, and I showered for the first time in three days. Also eat one meal a day. It’s not physically possible. Don’t beat yourself up 😭😭

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@iSmashFizzle When my mom presented me with the 2022 Holiday Barbie for Christmas last year I legitimately sobbed. I spend YEARS as a child asking for the Holiday Barbie only to be told no. I was fucking delighted, thrilled, ecstatic even.

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@MegTwoms

9 months

@salikunt Fairly certain both of these characters are gay but the sexual tension is palpable wtf

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@MegTwoms

4 months

@iIydari0z @kirawontmiss I came in to get a burrito on my day off once and the cashier asked me to clock in and help. I laughed in his face. I was working at least 60 hours a week and you want me to come in on my day off? Nope.

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@MegTwoms

4 months

@veryharryhill All I’m saying is that if I had graduated college in the Obama era I’d be a senator by now but noooo I had to graduate under Trump in the middle of a pandemic so I work food service with my poli sci degree 🥲

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@MegTwoms

3 months

@Q_Review Including X-Men Quicksilver just to make a boner joke pisses me off to this day. WandaVision had the opportunity to open up the Multiverse and then didn’t. And the writers of MoM didn’t even WATCH WandaVision. I remain mad

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@titanicsrising I like to imagine that she saw the headlines and called him up and said “trust me this’ll be hilarious. They’re going to FREAK.” And he said “I’m already on my way.”

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@ZoeRoseBryant And I’ll be completely honest, her killing everyone would not have been as satisfying as her staring sadly into DiCaprio’s eyes and essentially asking him if it was worth it. I ate that shit up

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@keaaaaley They way she almost collapses. There is pure joy in that moment. She loves him so much.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@theashleyray I share my location with my parents and the single best moment was when my sister and I were in Disney and my dad texted us to let us know we were right by his favorite turkey leg cart.

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@misskubelik @ek_johnston Drew Barrymore is my favorite celebrity because she’s just finding joy in every bit of life. She’s living life to the fullest. I adore her with all of my heart.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@QuiGonJenna Dooku realizing he interpreted Sidious completely wrong. Realizing that the Jedi aren’t being trapped, that they are the bait, that what he has worked for for years is going to continue without him. Phenomenal

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@MegTwoms

11 months

@Ketso28 I see no excessive cleavage, the skirt falls below her knees, this is 100% church appropriate wear (my pastor/dad once asked me to stop wearing shorts to church because they were ‘too short’) 🤷‍♀️

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@Tony37531853 @Secneww_ He’s one of my best friends and I buy him KitKats as thank you /congratulatory/apology gifts

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@MegTwoms

8 months

@KristinChirico It’s for the same reason that the South shuts down over a few inches of snow or my northern high school postpones sports tryouts because it’s 98° for two weeks straight. (I’m not making a joke)

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@MegTwoms

9 months

@6seasonspodcast Nobody coming up with the scene where Troy pulls out a cigarette and Britta offers to light it but Troy just chomps down on the CANDY CIGARETTE. COME ON GUYS

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@jzux In the latest episode he’s just…playing Fortnite. I love Ice T so much lmao

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@rachsyme Does knitting an ugly sweater count? I’m going on hideous sweater number 2 this year. This is the first one

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@MegTwoms

6 months

@cheeserburger

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@MegTwoms

3 years

@gabs820 “Are you sexually active?” *crying and laughing simultaneously*

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@MegTwoms

11 months

@joshcarlosjosh No lie this Bilbo quote was my senior quote and to this day I genuinely don’t believe half of the kids I went to school with understand what I was getting at.

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@worldofreel Spoiler alert guys, I’ve read the book and he comes back from the dead and it’s WILD

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@alex_navarro I have a theory that he’s going to play football until he drops dead on the field because he made his entire personality being the best quarterback ever and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@metaplexmovies I think what sums up Nolan as a filmmaker is my dad watching the TRAILER for Oppenheimer and saying immediately “that’s going to be a good one” like he does with every Nolan film trailer he sees. My dad loves a Nolan film.

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@netw3rk I like the concept of time travel so much because secretly I want to go back to the colonies and punch Tommy J so hard every marble bust made of him is dramatically changed in the future.

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@MegTwoms

11 months

@FairmontHotels @MouliShah I know the Tipton Hotel when I see it

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@MediumSizeMeech He is every introvert who’s been socializing for just a little bit too long.

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@MegTwoms

6 months

@_sn_n The absolute funniest thing to come out of this is Biden leading another insurrection if trump wins and then immediately claiming presidential immunity

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@amisdalas “What have you become?” “I am what you made me” crushed my soul and I think about it daily

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@unapologhetto I once saw someone say that everyone knows the 90’s didn’t end until like 2004 and that feels pretty accurate. I’m a 1999 baby and everything you see people say only 90s baby remember, I had in MIDDLE SCHOOL

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@MegTwoms

2 years

@SupernalApe @pissboymcgee Not much. We made his burrito and didn’t charge him since he’d already paid for it. He felt kind of dumb. Four years later the three of us who still remember laugh about it sometimes.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@TohsakaPsycho My great-grandfather on my dad’s side would have been drafted by the Yankees but instead he was drafted into WW2. I’m a Boston sports fan so I’ve got mixed feelings about the situation

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@MegTwoms

2 months

@vincentprologo From what I’ve heard on Instagram, we’re losing Animation Courtyard and Launch Bay

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@MegTwoms

4 months

@Muffy1407 @CosmonautMarcus Oh I’ve had a life full of Ls and Ws. This was one of the funniest Ws though!

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@emilykmay My brother had practically shredded his Blankie to the point that my mom looked at me (the only one with sewing machine experience) and asked me to do my best. And then two years later they found an exact replica of that blanket. So now he’s practically shredded that one.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@MaceAhWindu Especially since in AoTC we see Anakin straight up tell Obi-Wan he’s like the closest thing he has to a father. Imagine not being able to tell your own dad you are in love with an amazing woman and you’re about to become a dad yourself. No wonder Anakin turned

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@femmecamp Had a specific knife I would use when cutting cilantro at my old job and the day it went too dull to sharpen and we had to retire it my whole day was wrong.

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@GinaIppy And giving Daisy/Skye an arguably darker and more tragic backstory and making her like the ultimate hero even though she legitimately doesn’t think she is? A show I’ll always come back to

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@MegTwoms

2 months

@porksweats1 The best part of this movie for me (I watched half of it on a flight last December) is when the little alien comes down in his ship just to take something and he looks so freaked out the entire time. Love that little guy. I burst out laughing when he appeared. What a silly guy

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@MegTwoms

11 months

@kimichkis My mom works with special needs kids and out loud she said “oh she’s special needs. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?” Wovey hit her HARD

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@MegTwoms

3 months

@bradwhipple Qimir watching Osha put on his helmet from right outside the cave:

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@kirkxxs Lost. Honestly. It sucked me right in, gave me the stakes, compelling characters and a wild mystery that just keeps getting more and more convoluted as the show progresses. Plus the smoke monster.

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@MegTwoms

5 months

@DietCoke_Esq Also 25. Poli Sci degree from ORU. Assistant manager at Panera. Also likes dogs. Lives with my parents BUT I can afford a twice annual Walt Disney World vacation.

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@MegTwoms

1 year

@jtimsuggs I watched every episode alone before watching with my family so I could gauge how much shrieking i would do. I did a lot of shrieking.

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