three coffees and a nap guy @AynRandy Twitter profile

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

4 years

if you're bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. it's free and the cops can't stop you

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@AynRandy

5 years

fellas is it gay to cross the road

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@AynRandy

2 years

you might think "oh, John Wick is reloading, now's my chance". but he is so good at reloading dude

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@AynRandy

3 years

To: Noam Chomsky Subj: Timothée Chalamet Called Zandaya Out For Her Relationship With Tom Holland, And It's Peak Bestie -- your thoughts?

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

2 years

I'm excited to introduce my new personal advisor and confidante: a huge fucking weirdo named Wormtongue. plus he looks like complete shit. please trust him with any secrets of the kingdom you might have

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

2 years

imagine if you got to the front of the queue and there was none of the Queen left. you'd be absolutely starving

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

5 years

Oh so B*rnie wants to get rid of billionaires but he himself has a net worth of 0.2% of a billion?? I get all my politics news from a Harry Potter themed news channel

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@AynRandy

6 years

🚨 whoop whoop 🚨 its the sound of bumping bees

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@AynRandy

3 years

ufobot

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3 years

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@AynRandy

6 years

if the first words of your recipe blog post are "I first tasted this in Naples" and not "preheat your oven" then I will find you and drag your ass straight to hell

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

5 years

Siri, give me the most accurate definition of "libertarian" possible

The Washington Post

@washingtonpost

5 years

He made headlines as a 3-D printed gun activist. Now he’s pleaded guilty in child sex case.

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@AynRandy

2 years

tired: friends with benefits wired:

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

6 years

You may not like Elon but he is making the world a better place by (checks notes) building 7 cars a year for rich people

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@AynRandy

1 year

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@AynRandy

7 years

To my wife: twitter isn't damaging my brain To myself: I could tweet "take me to chonch"

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

4 years

let's get real for a moment

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@AynRandy

4 years

girls love it when you introduce a leitmotif and then continually evolve and recontextualise it in new and interesting ways

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@AynRandy

3 years

GOOGLE EMPLOYEE 1: sir.... we've shown him over one million ads in twenty years and he's yet to click on a single one GE2: ...show him another

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@AynRandy

4 years

ME: am I sexual? THE BOYS (UNISON): yeah

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@AynRandy

7 years

CENTRISTS: it's great when billionaires give away their money ME: cool let's make it structurally enforced CENTRISTS: whoa whoa whoa whoa wh

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@AynRandy

7 years

you versus the guy she told you not to worry about

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@AynRandy

3 months

This is proof positive that Neuralink belong nowhere near the inside of a head. This is like your doctor asking Reddit for a potion that cures mesothelioma. The question is so stupid as to be disqualifying

Felix

@felix_red_panda

3 months

Neuralink started a compression challenge. They're asking for people to find methods to losslessly (!!) compress files to 1/200th (!) the size but the files are extremely noisy so thats certainly not possible 🙁 (spectrogram of one randomly chosen file for illustration)

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@AynRandy

7 years

sex is cancelled. sorry for the 1-2% (?) of people this affects but we need to shut it down until we know what's going on

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@AynRandy

4 years

It sucks shit when I have to stop browsing the sites i hate and go to sleep, the one thing I enjoy the most

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@AynRandy

4 years

@benshapiro

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@AynRandy

7 years

One thing I hate in Australia is when the nanny state stops my children from being shot with a rifle

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@AynRandy

7 years

COWORKER: yeah you're looking pretty tired this morning ME: thank you my friend. your face is also looking fucked up

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@AynRandy

3 years

Hey I'm back. Thanks for waiting, i had to take a huge shit

Got Pickup?™ Gary PUA 👊😎 The game strategist

@GotPickup

3 years

Pro Tip: Ask the girl to watch your drink while you go to the restroom. If she’s still there smiling with your drink 15 minutes later, she’s invested, and chances are she will go home with you.

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@AynRandy

2 years

I made a picture of you praying to God @RichardDawkins . do you like it

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@AynRandy

21 days

Bingo and Bluey are shown all grown up in one episode, which unfortunately takes all the tension out of whether they survive or not

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@AynRandy

6 years

If I were stuck in traffic I would simply honk my horn ceaselessly, thereby giving those in front of me the incentive to start moving

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@AynRandy

1 year

@Cobratate How come you decided to play as a sex trafficker who got arrested. Also why did you go the lowest value on the chin slider

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@AynRandy

2 years

@Hasbulla_NFT @jairbolsonaro

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@AynRandy

6 years

I went through an orange light while a big line of traffic was in front of me and now I am stuck in the middle of this intersection! Look how sorry I am! how could this have happened yet again to me, the greatest driver in the world?

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@AynRandy

1 year

If you are a stupid bug: • do not land on me • we come from different worlds • I will never wish to commune with you

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@AynRandy

4 years

Nice history you've got there... would be a shame if you were doomed to repeat it

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@AynRandy

6 years

Once again, Denmark is years ahead of the curve

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@AynRandy

3 years

(burning to death due to a battery fire in my $100,000 sports car) I forgive you Elon

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@AynRandy

7 years

this year i WILL investigate all suspicious noises instead of merely saying "must have been the wind" and returning to my patrol route

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@AynRandy

7 years

owned you thinky bitch

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@AynRandy

2 years

they really did get the Tesla people working on it

Elon Musk

@elonmusk

2 years

Twitter right now is 🔥🔥🔥🔥

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@AynRandy

6 years

Yeah honey it's called Evangelion. It's a postmodern anime that challenges the norms of the genre and highlights the trauma inherent in conflict. Thats her pet sentient penguin, yeah. Never mind the teenage nudity

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@AynRandy

7 years

Hell yeah I've got DEPRESSION: D E P R E S S I O N

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@AynRandy

6 years

National security: if you see something, say something (Whistleblowers reveal our crimes at home and abroad as well as the vast power and financial structures making perpetual conflict guaranteed) No we meant if you see a brown person frowning on the train

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@AynRandy

6 years

DAVID BYRNE: And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile ME: hell yeah

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@AynRandy

4 years

While you're here, don't forget that Australia has illegally detained legitimate refugees in offshore and onshore detention centres for years and this has bipartisan support

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

5 years

WIFE: what are you looking at? ME: a really dumb picture (30 seconds pass) WIFE: can you say that again ME: a really dumb picture WIFE: oh was it a mirror

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@AynRandy

2 years

@burgerdrome oh so if union busting is right wing then I guess I'm soooooo riiight wiiing??

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@AynRandy

1 year

@heykody @Adobe No I haven't wondered that because i don't have a child's relationship with art

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@AynRandy

6 years

To think I have more Twitter followers now than John Lennon did at the height of his career... pretty incredible

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@AynRandy

4 years

in the 90s the wildest thing we could imagine was changing the mouse cursor so it was a little hand flipping the bird. then 9/11 happened

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

4 years

Who'd have thought the primary use of the reply restriction feature would be to disseminate misinformation

Aurora Police Dept

@AuroraPD

4 years

Aurora Police Department did not use tear gas last night during the protest. The reports that we used tear gas are FALSE. Pepper spray was used after a small group of people gathered rocks/sticks, knocked over a fence, & ignored orders to move back. Tear gas was not used.

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@AynRandy

4 years

This is of course a callback to various tall objects the Saudis have lit up

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@AynRandy

4 years

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@AynRandy

3 years

forget the 90s, now the early middle ages are in vogue -- everyone's vibing with serfdom, fey moods, base superstition, horse remedies, dying mysteriously from miasma, so on and so forth

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@AynRandy

7 years

if i was a detective trying to track down a serial killer i would simply get inside his head and use his own logic to catch him

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@AynRandy

3 years

I love being a parent more than I possible imagined. my life is ruined. my little dude kicks so much ass, and sometimes I cry from exhaustion. I would die for him. I will never know a moment of peace again

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@AynRandy

10 months

A TERF, an Islamophobe, and an ableist walk into a bar. "Good morning Miss Fartlow," says the bartender

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@AynRandy

7 years

(Ad on CatTV) after sleeping for 18 hours straight I simply have no time to waste when it comes to doing a huge gross puke on my owner's carpet for no discernable reason. that's why I trust the scientifically proven formula of Grass

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@AynRandy

7 years

Nazis were socialists - it's in the name! Also RHCP are actual chilli peppers, and Spinal Tap was a documentary. All my friends avoid me

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@AynRandy

2 years

wow, another banger tweet. quick reminder that I am smarter than Elon Musk

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@AynRandy

4 years

When he witnessed the Trinity test, Oppenheimer was said to have remarked: "now I am become bomb man. Look at the fucking size of that explosion"

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@AynRandy

5 years

Climate change is bad, but we make money from coal. so you can understand how nothing can be done

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@AynRandy

5 years

Zoom. Enhance.

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@AynRandy

5 years

Going to the park to calm down but also reading twitter to make myself mad, achieving perfect equilibrium

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@AynRandy

5 years

BIDEN: I saw a mudcrab the other day BUTTIGIEG: disgusting creatures

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@AynRandy

5 years

twitter rules because you can tweet something like "Windows focus stealing is the worst thing to ever happen" and someone will ask you if you think it is worse than the Armenian Genocide and then you have to publicly deny that it is

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

5 years

I'm a lazy SJW developer at a AAA studio. I hate fixing bugs or hitting the button that says "optimise". I could but I don't, because I hate working hard

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

7 years

Siri show me the most accurate venn diagram of my interests possible

Stereogum

@stereogum

7 years

. @JeremyCorbyn will introduce Run The Jewels ( @runjewels ) at Glastonbury

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three coffees and a nap guy

@AynRandy

2 years

@Teslaconomics My car can't break a whole bunch of laws by itself, you're right

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@AynRandy

5 years

CNN: Huge crowd drawn in support of Senator Warren's colleague

mike casca

@cascamike

5 years

final crowd count: 25,872. not a radical idea to say #BerniesBack .

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@AynRandy

7 years

it's almost that time of the year again... the boys know what i'm talking about

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@AynRandy

3 years

@laurahelmuth @sciam this tweet is why you need to teach the arts in school

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@AynRandy

8 years

going through the desert? name 👏 your 👏 horse 👏 first

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@AynRandy

6 years

who will watch the watchmen? also the watchmen. simple

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@AynRandy

5 years

disappointing!

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@AynRandy

4 years

I'm so sick of open world games where the only goal is to find a place and murder everybody there. why can't there be more open world games about having a nice time

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@AynRandy

6 years

MILLENIAL PRIORITIES: not dying in the climate apocalypse BOOMER PRIORITIES: never paying tax ever again, teaching their new wife's shih tzu to howl the intro of Immigrant's Song

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@AynRandy

2 years

hey. stop that

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@AynRandy

6 years

remember when they whipped James Bond's nutsac and wiener with a big rope

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@AynRandy

2 years

this is the closest I've ever come to clicking on an ad

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@AynRandy

5 years

@GrayConnolly We get it, you can't imagine things that don't affect you

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@AynRandy

3 years

it should cost one thousand dollars to beep your horn

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@AynRandy

2 years

@elonmusk ah yes that famous stereotype: a trans communist who watches CNN

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@AynRandy

6 years

On a Venn diagram, 'people who bought Elons flame thrower' and 'people who jacked off to Kari from Mythbusters in her fart suit' forms a perfect circle

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@AynRandy

7 years

LIFEHACK: you don't need to be shitting to sit on the toilet at work. they're not checking

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@AynRandy