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maria🦝

@mariamainmo

4,473
Followers
1,069
Following
2,808
Media
12,641
Statuses

writer, comedian, “weird” -my 5th grade teacher

atlanta
Joined September 2012
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
"What do your tattoos mean?" That I had $200 and no one stopped me
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
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@mariamainmo
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9 months
When your bestie is about to do something she’ll regret but it’s gonna be really funny
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
No drugs can even compare to this
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
Girls don't want boys. They want the covid vaccine and a nice apartment
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
This is what boys being boys should mean
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
They took the midnight snake goin anywhere
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
He’s in finance (derogatory)
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
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@mariamainmo
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1 year
My parents: you’ll get more conservative as you get older Me, older:
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@mariamainmo
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11 months
This is the ideal body type
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@mariamainmo
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8 months
I will stop using lol as punctuation as soon as they come up with a punctuation mark that conveys my need to be liked
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
No one: Musical theater girls taking a picture:
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
What if we kissed on the jhair
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@mariamainmo
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11 months
Male comedians after you tell them they can’t say a slur
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
A road less traveled: Robert Frost:
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
My fat ass thought these were glazed donuts
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@mariamainmo
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7 months
Neurodivergent ppl will be like “she saved my life” and it’s just a small spoon
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@mariamainmo
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1 year
Watching the writers strike
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Me at 13: oh my god that boy is soooo hot The boy:
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
“You haven’t done the right drugs” you haven’t played with the right parachute
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Kiss me on the jed
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Pls show me your tattoos I think they're all amazing
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Someone on Facebook tried to shave their cat and failed after the neck
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
Do you guys think they’re ready to make banana bread yet?
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
It started out as a bit how did it end up like this? It was only a bit 𝓲𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓪 𝓫𝓲𝓽
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Not girl summer
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
We have to go back
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
Many have said it but I’ll say it too: SHE’s in finance (extremely complimentary)
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Croc and ball torture
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
A group of men is called a menace
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
The feminine urge to grow gills and return to the sea
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
Yeah can I get uhhhhhhh basic human rights?
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
@KaufmanAudrey Apparently audacity is very expensive
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
Oh you're a writer? Show me your 56 untitled documents containing fragments of pieces that you've forgotten about
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
A road less traveled: Robert Frost:
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Excuse me its what now
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Now that's a good deal
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
Someone should write a musical about Alexander Hamilton
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Get on, babe. We're going to Applebee's
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@mariamainmo
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7 months
I got a job offer can we get a W in the chat
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@mariamainmo
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1 year
This is all girls want
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Watching the soup man ladle out my soup
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3 years
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
oh, you're a writer? Show me your 57 untitled blank documents that you really did have ideas for
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Yes this is the doll from Twilight
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
they really nailed it with the word phlegm. that's exactly what that stuff is
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Country girls make do
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
He's your accountant. Do you trust him?
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
Southwest Airlines trying to fix their tech
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
Hedge fund? I actually prefer hedge fun
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
You can't bodyshame me, I was on Tumblr in 2012
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
no drug will ever compare to the high of telling a drunk stranger to break up with her shitty boyfriend
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
I love you all
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
When my husband gets fries
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
@theglennisshow Somehow, it’s not just Netflix. I finished watching an animated comedy on Hulu and it immediately started playing a horror series from my list and I was like ??
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
Me and the girls on the way to hype each other up in the bathroom of the bar
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
Kiss me on the jed
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
This is a fetus 6 weeks after conception. Still think abortion is cool?
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Who up who getting married today (it's me I'm getting married today)
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
You know what's hot? Me
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Just reflecting on how good I looked for my wedding
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
The ability to listen leaving my body as someone explains a card game to me
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
Still waiting for the finance bros to find this
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@mariamainmo
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1 year
High rise jeans are getting out of control
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
No one: Musical theater girls taking a picture:
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Renegade Cullen going into Bella and Edward's room to ask for more people juice
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Ever have one of those days where you feel like a ps1 spyro character?
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@mariamainmo
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6 months
MY MOM IS CANCER FREE!!!!!
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Everyone tell me what a cute tattoo I got
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
New year, new me
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
My sister-in-law made outfits for her chicks
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
@Dobrenkz "I never said any of this"
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Call me Mrs 💍
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
is going to start tweeting like it's 2009 Facebook
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
"You were so fun back then" Me back then:
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Going for burgers anyone want anything?
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Me trying to fit into skinny jeans
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
I could fix him
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
Y'all... my fiance and I bought a fuckin home today. That's cool as heck
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8 months
The English language needs to evolve faster
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
When I say I live in Georgia this is what I mean
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@mariamainmo
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1 year
This is my Roman Empire
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Mistake? No, no:
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
“Cancel culture is ruining this country” regular culture already did that, babe
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
No one: Gift ideas for men:
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Going to hell anyone need anything?
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@mariamainmo
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2 years
Some of you need to remember it’s a joke not a spreadsheet don’t take it so seriously
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
My husband sent me this should I be concerned?
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@mariamainmo
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4 years
@Dobrenkz You mean he wouldn't like Musical Theater Rap™
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Would you hire him?
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
Is he hot or is he 6 raccoons in a trench coat
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
It's too hot to do anything outside and too covid to do anything inside and this is what living in the south is like
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@mariamainmo
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3 years
"I wanna be a nurse" -the least caring girl you've ever met
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