Swansonian @swansonian Twitter profile

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

“Why don’t you go out for a wee walk? Might cheer you up.”

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@AstraPicar53154

@b1ack_whitee

@AnnaNetrebko

@chriispantoja

@Wakakhdkw

@Ash_Taylor_

@Manuel_deToro

@kynareth__

@amanoakira_ex

@pvrinz

@pengen_stw

@15kmnc

@PepperCrypto_

@NewMainQuest

@08c_connections

@jandakembangstw

@Julirmer

@MsMadHatx

@amer_a57452

@alexstubb

@GdbyJsus

@derverla

@rjebirding

@azuibri2

@kDc5yKKNIumKOT9

@DIELINKE_WSF

@lolaogunnaike

@Okay1017fm

@FolasayoJames

@Nekonanoooogi

@BilbaoSelm72197

@COLDCARDwallet

@WhiteAnimation

@KUAvriT4RkhcSFS

@ForbesUnder30

@UBFaLK8f1189973

Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

Jack Lemmon died on this date in 2001 and I’ve just remembered one of my favourite gravestones.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

I think about this capo placement far too much. This should have been the end of him.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 months

Americans assuming everyone else is talking wrong on purpose.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

The Telegraph

@Telegraph

2 years

⏰ Bear Grylls has renamed his alarm clock “an opportunity clock” to avoid negative connotations

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 years

The "Why is it always Oxford and Cambridge in the final of the boat race" joke is always funny and worth doing every year. When I worked in Picadilly Circus I would say "It's like Picadilly Circus out there!" for 10 years. I was very popular and did not leave "under a cloud."

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 years

“I grew up in the Hebrides and I don’t understand where they got all that wicker from” - My mum trying to ruin one of my favourite films.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

I knew who wrote Strange Fruit but didn’t know the rest. There’s a jaw-dropping moment about 5 minutes in.

CBS Mornings

@CBSMornings

3 years

"Strange Fruit," a protest song about lynching made famous by Billie Holiday, was written not by an African American activist, but by a Jewish high school teacher from New York. @CBSMMiller looks at the song's backstory. Warning, the photo that inspired the song is disturbing.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

I like that this now has more likes than people who complained.

Michael Spicer

@MrMichaelSpicer

4 years

man calls itv to complain about diversity blm routine

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 month

I think I had some wild misplaced optimism about Michael Mosley. Like he’d pull off some clever doctor trick and a year later we’d have him hosting one of his genial documentaries on how he survived. He was a good man who just wanted to help people. RIP

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

Yes, as a single, middle aged man I remain entirely unmoved by scenes of crying children and families. “As a parent” can do one.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

I genuinely thought the cat costume was great but Jared Leto being inside is like finding your Cadbury’s Cream Egg has mayonnaise in it.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

6 years

Jacob Rees Mogg looks like the first person you think did it in an Agatha Christie but it later turns out he has a good alibi and you've learned a lesson because you shouldn't judge by appearances but then in a twist it turns out he did do it and enjoyed it too.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

6 months

RIP David Soul.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

One of the saddest obituraries I've read in a while. By the end I wondered if perhaps Simon Fuller would be better in prison.

Paul Cattermole obituary

Member of the chart-topping pop band S Club 7 who enjoyed great success in the early 2000s

www.theguardian.com

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

Getting very bored of “boys have no role models now” Men and boys have plenty of great role models if they want to find them. Role models are a choice. No one is forcing you to admire a moron or a pimp.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

7 years

"Can you keep it for me? My name? Oh yes. It's Milo Yiannopoulos"

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 months

@Alistair_King Last year I saw a tweet asking why “British people talk in a phoney accent” Like we all talk like Americans normally but talk fancy if we think there might be an American in the room.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

Okay, I'm sorry. I couldn't resist playing with the Midjourney A.I. art generating app and I have to say I don't hate this. I typed in "War of the worlds by JMW Turner"

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Swansonian

@swansonian

9 months

I get so fucked off with this shit. None of this is true. I’m embarrassed to be the same generation as these twats.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

Looking for a good picture of Vivienne Westwood and I've never been more spoilt for choice. RIP.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 years

For no reason other than I love this photo. (I can't find the name of the photographer) Someone said it looks like what I want my drawings to look like but don't have the ability.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

Almost as if the climate has changed in some way.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 months

@drtoriaredfern I spent some time in Chicago many years ago and I remember being baffled by a very strong accented local telling me he was a fellow “Scotch”.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

Was just talking to someone about the greatest postcard of all time and an excellent example of minimalism in storytelling.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 months

I see Julian Clary is trending (he's not dead and he's not done anything awful) but I've never expressed out loud how great I think he is. First saw him live 35 years ago. He's as hard as nails and the greatest exponent of the innuendo since Kenneth Williams.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

I did my proper laugh at this bit. #Detectorists

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 months

@EddieRobson Yes and it’s easy to write “Haha” when dozens of people are calling you an idiot.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

“Can’t believe that woman who was wrongly imprisoned for 6 years is still a bit cross about it a week later. Honestly, some people”

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

“And such small portions”

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

I must say, I do like how Biden signs an executive order without holding it up like a four-year-old who's drawn a monster.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

10 months

Couldn’t sleep. I put this on. It was really quite melancholic but oh my word the Rik Mayall bit was upsetting.

Desert Island Discs - Adrian Edmondson, actor, writer - BBC Sounds

Adrian Edmondson, actor and writer, shares the soundtrack of his life with Lauren Laverne.

www.bbc.co.uk

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

Starting to think I’ll never have a job where someone says to me, “Sir? I think you’re going to want to see this.”

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

Cunk On Britain is on. “Queen Victoria, with a face on her like Alfred Hitchcock watching a dog drown”

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Swansonian

@swansonian

6 years

Kew Gardens is a horse just in case anyone thought something awful had happened in Kew Gardens.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

15 days

@redskyatnight When I saw your original tweet I thought “I bet someone well actuallys that” and like clockwork…

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 month

Jeanette Charles has died at 96. Her most famous appearance as the queen was probably in Naked Gun but I remember her constantly popping up long before that working with some of the greats in comedy. Eric Idle, Spike Milligan Sooty. RIP your majesty (lookalike)

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

Nothing has been so consistent in my life as my mum shouting “Loch!” at non-Scottish TV presenters.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 month

Kevin Spacey is acting like he’s been cancelled for controversial opinions rather than sexual assault.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

You think someone knows you and then they send you a Jonathan Pie video.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

RIP my granny, Nessie Swanson. She was the fantastic age of 96 and a brilliant granny. A proper kindly old lady like something from fairy story. Caithness is a little colder today x

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

It’s great that the BBC still provide excellent nature documentaries for Curry’s to demonstrate how good their TVs are.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 years

Couldn’t we just give Trump a pretend Nobel peace prize so he stops doing these failed summits?Get him one of those garish football trophies and write “Thanks for all the peace. 👍love The Earth” on it. He won’t know.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

That it’s not on iPlayer or even BritBox is madness.

Kath 💙🙀🇪🇺✊🏾

@KathyBurke

3 years

My showbiz pal, Roisin Conaty and I had a massive love up about Sean Lock yesterday. He was such a fantastic bloke. We’d love to see the absolutely brilliant 15 Storys High put on the @BBCiPlayer please. We’re not asking for much. ♥️

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

Just been reminded of one of favourite descriptions of anyone ever. From Philomena Cunk: “Queen Victoria, with a face on her like Alfred Hitchcock watching a dog drown”

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

Oh god. “Staycay” can’t be allowed to happen. It’s like we learned nothing from the Holibobs wars.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

@MetaFatigue Isn’t it. I always felt the secret with gravestones is not to overdo it.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

I’m kind of a The Best Of The Beatles level fan, to be honest but I can’t think of a man that looked better in knitting than Paul McCartney.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

6 years

I'm starting to think that correcting the grammar of fascists isn't having any effect.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

10 months

Leonard Rossiter in a jumper.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

If this isn't hundreds of people saying Dead Man's Shoes then what is wrong with people?

Taste of Cinema

@davidcinema

2 years

What is the best revenge movie you've ever seen?

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

Something I’ve always admired about Eddie Izzard is once he sets his mind to do something he does it. Whether or not you actually like what he achieves isn’t important. His will is massive. I think it’s only a question of time before he becomes an MP.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

9 months

I was sorry to hear about the death of legendary Private Eye and Punch cartoonist Tony Husband.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 years

People who thought the BBC’s Dracula was a bit silly and camp are going to blow their minds when they see absolutely any other version of Dracula.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

11 months

Every time I hear a story like this I wonder how studio bosses became studio bosses.

All The Right Movies

@ATRightMovies

11 months

Universal studio head Sid Sheinberg was not sold on the title of BACK TO THE FUTURE, and sent Steven Spielberg this memo with his very odd name change suggestion.

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@swansonian

1 year

@bloodyexhausted I was hearing that they were on about 35 grand at their peak which is under the circumstances is a complete piss take. Simon Fuller is worth close to half a billion.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

6 years

I keep thinking about something Hanna Gadsby said in her Nanette show. The reason we have Van Gogh's Sunflowers is not because he had mental health problems but because he had a brother that loved him.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

I hope my friend doesn’t mind me stealing this from her Instagram but I’m worried about the dinosaurs in Crystal Palace.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

Did...did a less attractive man write this?

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

Absolutely delighted to find out the head of the SAG-AFTRA actors union Fran Drescher is none other than Bobbi Flekman.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

I suspect what Grayson Perry has apparently said isn't as black and white as is being portrayed. The Daily Telegraph is getting quite good at winding people up over something that isn't true.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

RIP Misty. Thanks for introducing me to the joy of dogs. You were brilliant x

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

Oh the palaeontology!

Danny Deraney

@DannyDeraney

2 years

Happy 25th anniversary of the day Barney the Dinosaur exploded on live TV. #MacysThanksgivingParade #Macys

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 months

Just wanted to tweet my appreciation of Dorothy Atkinson, she’s a brilliant comic actor. I loved her in Mum. She’s also done a lot of Alan Ayckbourn, a big influence on those two. #InsideNo9

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

The last two paragraphs in particular really hit me. Armando Iannucci is absolutely furious and correct.

The Thick of It was fuelled by my anger at the Iraq war – and the way it left truth for dead |...

Tony Blair’s terrible decision inspired my tale of stupidity in the corridors of power – with a howl of frustration among the one-liners, says film and TV writer Armando Iannucci

www.theguardian.com

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Swansonian

@swansonian

6 years

Ah, the classic "I wasn't being an arsehole I was being a cunt" defence.

Press Gazette

@pressgazette

6 years

Katie Hopkins has won an IPSO complaint against the Mirror after it wrongly claimed she had been detained in South Africa over drug use. She was in fact being held for "spreading racial hatred". Full story to follow.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

Everything decorative owned by Robert Jenrick should be painted grey for the rest of his pathetic life.

Robert Jenrick has cartoon murals painted over at children’s asylum centre

Paintings were considered too welcoming at Kent centre for lone children arriving in UK

www.theguardian.com

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Swansonian

@swansonian

10 months

When you say “do you think this is legal?” do you mean using Chris Packham face without his permission to sell your dodgy shit?

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

I didn’t watch because I didn’t even look at the TV guide last night. Not heard of it until this review. I’m intrigued.

‘The anger of it will linger for years’ – is The British Miracle Meat the most disturbing TV satire...

This flawlessly executed programme is one of the most audaciously satirical spoofs ever aired in the UK. It’s a full-blooded roar of a show that deserves an immediate watch

www.theguardian.com

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Swansonian

@swansonian

8 years

Remember if you're left wing in any way you're a moaning old bore. However if you right wing you're a dragon riding truth warrior.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

11 months

It’s Gary Larson’s birthday today so I was thinking about my favourite one. I can’t choose but I love the ones where there’s a whole film in one panel.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

I made £30 from my artwork last week but he’s quite right. I’ve been living on easy street far too long.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

RIP Mick Rock. There will be a Mick Rock photograph you know and love. You might not know it’s by him but I promise it exists.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

Fascinated by the dreadfulness of this artist’s work.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

Some people really suit facemasks. They look properly stylish. I look like a middle-aged man whose life has spiralled out of control in a series of tragic but farcical events ending with me robbing a bank in a Coen brother's film.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

3 years

Sometimes I get a little down about my paintings, only about 3 people like them, but then someone said “They’re like if Goya worked for Clinton Cards”

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

@Teachesofpeach1 @OwensDamien I started reading David Copperfield for the first time last week. I'm still on p26. I'm finding it far too not-about-coronavirus-y to concentrate on.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

8 months

Can we start with the guy from Warner Brothers?

Dripped Out Trade Unionists

@UnionDrip

8 months

Now we're talking

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@swansonian

4 years

I adore every one of these photos.

On the set of classic Ealing comedy The Ladykillers – in pictures

The much-loved British caper starring Alec Guinness is being reissued, 65 years on, fully restored from the original negative. It was shot at Ealing Studios and around King’s Cross in London, where...

www.theguardian.com

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

I was wondering in last night's Inside No.9 if they let Lee Mack improvise a little or if everything he said was scripted because his banter with the contestants was very believably Lee Mack sounding.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

10 years

Still think this is Tim Vine's best joke http://t.co/vXz9nvABXN

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

@pipterino Sorry, I’ll just turn down my crying children mix I do my pilates to. What were you saying?

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@swansonian

5 years

Got called a wanker while out running. I called him a sack of cum. He said “Oh!” so I think that’s proof that “sack of cum” beats “wanker.” #runningtips

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 years

I’ve been watching the look of horror on the not-being-eaten pumpkin for about half an hour now.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 years

@msloobylou I will use the tiniest excuse to use this one.

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@swansonian

2 years

Every time I see Michael Fabricant I feel a sad frustration that even in death we'll probably never know the true story behind the hair. It deserves its own 3-part docu-drama series. Get Andy Serkis to play the hair. He's very versatile.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

If he’d retrained in writing computer code he might have both ears. Makes you think.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

As it’s Towel Day it’s an excuse to quote one of my favourite descriptive lines not just from Hitchhiker’s but from most things. “The ships hung in the sky in much the same as bricks don’t”.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

I was wondering why Sean Lock was trending and came across this tweet which I completely missed at the time. I feel a bit sad smile now. x

Bill Bailey

@BillBailey

3 years

Hello everyone hope you’re having a good day. Today I’m thinking about my old pal Sean Lock, and his family. And I’m sending out good thoughts to all those of you who are missing someone today.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

Some timeline synchronicity. Two men who died this week with very different views on Hillsborough. John Motson was there. Bernard Ingham was not.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

10 months

I think it's quite sweet that from all the tributes to David McCallum mentioning The Man From U.N.C.L.E and NCIS the true believers will pop up to remind everyone about Sapphire and Steel.

Scarred for Life

@ScarredForLife2

10 months

Ah, damn. RIP David McCallum. Famous for The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Colditz, and countless film and TV roles, he will forever be a Scarred For Life legend for his performance as the titular mysterious time agent in Sapphire and Steel.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 month

I have to say, Dr Who bringing back the 91 year old Gabriel Woolf to voice the same villain he played in 1975 was lovely touch.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

Got sent this by a friend in Glasgow. From all over Scotland I’m seeing sunsets that are a fine line between beautiful and apocalyptic.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

5 months

I’ve listened to your complaints about British people saying Superb Owl every year and I promise we’ll stop doing this just as soon as it stops being funny.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

2 years

@MooseAllain I think it was Buzz Aldren who pointed out that to fake the moon landings would require the silence of about 140,000 people.

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Swansonian

@swansonian

4 years

You shouldn't worry about why you get unfollowed. If I'm in a bad mood I can unfollow someone for the smallest of reasons. A friend once told me, "Oh I unfollowed that prick. He spelt 'ceiling' wrong."

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Swansonian

@swansonian

1 year

Wanted to retweet this but couldn’t.

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@swansonian

2 years

"Two nuns in a bath..."

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@swansonian

2 years

I was talking only yesterday on here about how expensive gigs are and 30 quid is pretty much all I can stretch to so this is brilliant.

BBC Breakfast

@BBCBreakfast

2 years

“I’m against greed in the industry” Paul Heaton & Jacqui Abbott are back with their fifth studio album. For their arena tour they’ve capped ticket prices at £30 to keep it affordable for fans. They tell us why on #BBCBreakfast ⬇️

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@swansonian

1 year

Absolutely cracking photo of Lily Savage by Paul Massey. I think it’s in the National Portrait gallery.

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