There’s a generation of kids between the age of 4-10 right now that will be queueing up Justin Jefferson youtube highlights hammered at 3am when they’re in college and that just warms my heart
@ttysrox
@NBAPR
I was a huge wolves fan before all of this. Once he said those curse words and celebrated with fans I was done! I refuse to root for a team that enjoys things and swears!
“So our armies are pretty spent after that whole battle against the NK and the army of the dead. The dragons could probably use a break too. Cersei’s got a buncha troops healthy as hell. We should prolly just take a break for a little whi-“
Daenerys:
@LaVelleNeal
Here’s the Twins spraying champagne after clinching a spot in a play in game. Keep going tho haha seems like people are loving these tweets!
Massive beast on my flight to Dallas wearing a Tennessee Titans Vince Young jersey and an Indian Pacers flat bill. Guy put that fit on at 6am that’s unreal
@_MLFootball
@TheAthletic
“It was weirdo fat guys on the team, doing weirdo fat guy shit”
Seems like a vague statement but this paints such a vivid picture for anyone that played competitive ball (or those well versed in weird fat guy shit)
Picture this: it’s 2007 and all the boys are sharing their best handjob stories at the lunch table. It’s your turn but you’ve never gotten one. You tell them you got one from a girl who goes to a different school and she doesn’t have a Facebook. They buy it. All is well
Try and tell me this guy isn’t going to be good. Fucking look at the sock/tape combo with the dark visor and headband exhaust pipes out the back
#d
#r
#i
#p
Waking up the day after the Vikings make an 11 point comeback with 6 minutes left and also Kirk’s 1st game-winning drive with less than 2 minutes left in a Vikings uniform against the 4-7 Panthers to get the Vikes to 5-6
Hierarchy of beasts 4th of July workplace edition:
1. Biggest beast: took this week off and either end of last week/beginning of next
2. Huge beast: took this week off
3. Beast: took Wednesday off
4. Semi-beast: took off no days, has Friday off
5. Idiot: only has thurs off
There was like a 4 month period back in 2016 where I drank nothing but peach Karkov and keystones and I’m honestly surprised I’ve gotten this far in life after doing that
Having a kid is pretty much just making a create-a-player with a really bad OVR and then you have to spend your actual time and money to upgrade their ratings
After tonight:
Dalvin Cook is GOOD AT FOOTBALL
Anthony Harris is GOOD AT FOOTBALL
Xavier Rhodes is
Stefon Diggs is GOOD AT FOOTBALL
Anthony Barr is GOOD AT FOOTBALL
Twitter should make two (2) separate timelines. One where people can scream their political views and real life issues at each other and one where I can see tweets about wanting to get hit by a car and self-destructive decision making but also memes and dogs
Power rankings of wife qualities:
1. Likes medium/large dogs
2. Strong twitter presence
3. Is at least 2x smarter than me
4. Talks to guys at the bar just to get free drinks
5. Has exquisite taste in cereal
6. Likes making funny jokes
Call me crazy but I think cops should stop murdering people. That really should not be too much to ask, much less something that should even be asked in the first place
My dog Bert got into a bunch of bread on Friday night when he was home alone and after 2.5 days of not shitting he went outside today and unleashed about 5 dumps in 10 minutes and now he’s gassed
Social media trends I hate:
1. Reposting all your happy birthday posts from your friends. Literally screams “look at all my friends”
2. People on twitter acting like everything October is great and calling everything “spooky”
Between 15,000-27,000 cows. As of 2017 there were 31.2 million beef cattle in the US. So at most about .1% of the beef cattle in the US.
In 2017 there were 17,284 murders and over 45,000 suicides in the US. But yes, let’s worry about the cows
The Vikings had the 29th ranked defense last season and have the 25th ranked defense thru 12 weeks this season. In my article, I’ll explain why Kirk Cousins is solely responsible for every game the Vikings have lost since 2018 and destroyed the franchise.
Yesterday I found out the Vikings play “It’s a Long Way to the Top” after they win. If I’ve learned one thing in the past few years, it’s that you don’t fuck with a team that has a song (especially if it’s a sick song)
Why don’t we just start launching our garbage into the sun? Actually serious. Like worst case scenario the aliens intercept it and fire it back but at that point the garbage wouldn’t even be the biggest problem. Hmu
@NASA
New Burger King chicken sammie fucks. I wouldn’t openly admit eating something from Burger King on this website if it was just ok. Those things actually go dumb hard
What Lebron is doing is impressive, but let’s not forget that Daunte Culpepper put up 5,000+ total yards, 41 total TDs and won a playoff game with a team that had Onterrio Smith as its leading rusher and Nate Burleson as its leading receiver
@stoolpresidente
@Barstool_Quotes
Not a leak. Florida Laws make law enforcement records “public records” unless it’s exempt as active criminal intelligence information. That’s why “Florida Man” headlines happen in Florida and not other places. Read a book
One time when I was 12 I was like 3rd row at a Wolves game in a pretty empty arena and chirped the shit out of Gilbert Arenas. Called him Agent 0 rings a bunch. Buddy shot me a death glare in the 4th Q and like 2 years later we all found out he was bringing the strap to games
Put myself down for 6’8” on my license so when I commit crimes and such they’ll be looking for a much taller man, but if I’m ever kidnapped they’ll also be looking for a much taller man. It’s a double edged sword, but I’ll take the upside risk.
We should just do biannual one month quarantines even after this whole corona deal has been dealt with. I’ve gotten mildly drunk in my house every day this week (and prolly will continue to do so) and it has been wonderful