Jenn Wyer (he/him) @JennWyer Twitter profile

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

guys really live in bedrooms like this and don't see any issue

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Last Seen Profiles

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@_90si_

Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@CamSXDAA @sludge_worm

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@chaoticclubvids This him?

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@DefectivePigg

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@GWillikers2 @kirawontmiss Do… do you think Billy Joel is English?

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@sapphicdyad @itsnotjess123 "Pack your fucking knives, get out, you're off the show." "Sorry, Chef." "Because… you should be working in the finest restaurant in the world." "Thank you, Chef." "Just not any world that I live in." "Sorry, Chef."

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@GoodReddit Among the many reasons I pity circumcised guys is that they have one fewer place to keep spare change.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@punished_cait

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@emrazz

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@jakeformers @afrofatalism

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@eollh @punishedpope Hoo boy.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@TamingMyImpala I was so afraid of this scenario that I deliberately avoided getting succ until the ripe old age of thirty-four, when I finally met a fellatrix with whom I was sufficiently comfortable.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@WHOGOTPIE1 @briantheruller On the contrary, MAKING MIRRORS went double platinum in the U.S. and triple platinum in Australia and won the Grammy for Best Alternative Music Album. I still bump "Giving Me a Chance" on the regular.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@BipolarHaver I landed a therapist on my first try. At the end of our first session, he unconvincingly faked closing a drawer on his hand when he sensed I was about to attempt to shake it. "I have an owie," he said. "I can't shake. Because of my owie." We did not have a second session.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@yoidunno @FunnySupply I couldn't enjoy the video either. It takes place on Earth, site of all bad things to ever happen.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@SpartanVTyranny @looks_last It's the cats for me.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@imeanimtrying @latergatorhater ?? I'm five-eight and my wang is trash.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@allisonoconor Not everyone can be as lucky as yours truly.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@IksarCleric @ReagansTweets I love this for you. Get that bag.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@lisakrstin @kelly_carlin @RBlooms2021

David C Bell

@MovieHooligan

2 years

I don’t blame anyone for not knowing if I’m being sarcastic or not. There’s too many dipshits out there that would say this exact thing with a straight face.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@comedywriterguy @UberFacts STOP THE COUNT

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@pattyroddy @taylorgarron @MaraWilson I love that for her.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@DK_VA @Teacher_Teezus @normalguycaruso when you ain't a killa but they pushed you

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@ObamaEraCons Mine.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@eeyoreinpain @perfectsweeties @desukidesu In third grade I played rock paper scissors with a second-grader who held up his playing hand with the fingers angled down, then lowered it slowly as he wiggled the fingers. "Wait, what's that?" I asked. "Rain. It beats everything." I thought: "This kid is not one to watch."

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@chloellene @1followernodad

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@rudy_betrayed @bIondiewasabi "People who aren't celebrities are narcissists" is quite a take.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@ImSmilingRn

Posters Of Naked Women Fail To Draw Real Naked Women To Dorm Room

BRAMP, KS—A trio of posters depicting scantily clad women, hung recently in a Bramp State University dorm room, have been found to have “little to no effect” in facilitating the presence of actual...

theonion.com

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@FranziaMom People either hate her or devote their life to her. As a casual fan who likes about a third of each album, I feel alone.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@MilesKlee It's still up!

Monterey Bay Aquarium

@MontereyAq

6 years

Abby is a thicc girl What an absolute unit She c h o n k Look at the size of this lady OH LAWD SHE COMIN Another Internetism !

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@JeremyLeaton @jodieegrace

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@catladylol17 @WebMD It's 2021. Let's normalize intestine models having big ol' taters. Representation matters.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@bonerhitler "Often, landlords request a deposit equal to the first month's rent. This is known as 'asshole money.'"

Amputee Inspires Others Not To Lose Limbs

EAGLE POINT, OR—Though local man Bret Kurtsin has had to overcome many personal obstacles since having his legs amputated seven years ago, it has been said that his greatest achievement may lie in...

theonion.com

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@PrinceCoochie It's the "t" for me.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@CartoonsHateHer This him?

Area Man Has Naked-Lady Fetish

ST. JOHNSBURY, VT–Looking at Warren Geary, you’d never suspect. A respected business owner and devoted family man, the 41-year-old Geary, by all outward indications, would appear to be just like...

theonion.com

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

The Donut Incident: Screenshots 1–4 of 8

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@toast_the_guy @aavenb In this context, nothing. "Deadass" is an adverb meaning "really," "absolutely," or "seriously."

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@CuboneUnknown

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@TiredinBrooklyn

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@IksarCleric There IS such a thing as a free lunch. We stan a secretkeeping moneysaving eggrollmunching legend.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@notkristiane A few weeks ago I tweeted that smoking was gross and someone replied, "So the only thing that helps with my disabilities is gross?!!" and added a bunch of gross photos of herself smoking.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@foursixsix @DiscussingFilm It took me two seconds to think of a Black actor in a Scorsese movie.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@goldengateblond

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@kaiismisery @SelenaBROmez321 One time in my parents' bathroom I saw that the previous occupant had clogged the john with TP. I pulled out the obstructing paper with my bare right hand, then successfully flushed with my left, then noticed that my right was covered in semen that could only have been my dad's.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@wurmsforbrains @TamingMyImpala I'm afraid so. In the words of Eddie Cornelius, it's too late to turn back now.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@twothickscoops Honorable mention to this take-no-prisoners Guinness slogan I encountered in Kilkenny. Irish ad agencies don't feck around.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@akita_c @singingflesh omg someone feed him

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@BoshMinaj @JiggAlmighty @TemptressTeelia @JrocTheGod Mind your business and let geezers nut, damn.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@bethbourdon

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@NJDG @SydneyBattle You can't just ask people why they're white!

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@chaiconsumer Sweet! I'm in.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@Gresham2x @bigguccicraigy When y'all been fuckin raw all semester and you were about to confess your love...but he fuck with girls now

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@MadelineHorwat1 The unbothered dog walker is a nice touch.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@mu2h0000

Woman Masturbates To Concept Of Commitment

PORTAGE, MI–Soaking in her bathtub Tuesday, area resident Linda Marston, 32, pleasured herself over the thought of a long-term committed relationship. "Mmmm… oh, yeah, baby… I want to settle down...

theonion.com

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@thetsas @TheWellDrinker It's 2022. Let's normalize grandmas having big ol' taters. Representation matters.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@bocxtop The shop where I work was out of business from March 17 through May 27 of last year, during which time I would occasionally let myself in and liberate toilet paper for my less anally fortunate neighbors, for I am what the young people call a real one.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@jurndan

I'm Sorry, But I Only Date Men My Friends Are Afraid Might Kill Me

Listen, Doug, you seem like a really nice guy. You’re even kind of cute, in a well-adjusted sort of way. All in all, you seem really harmless, and that’s the problem. I’m looking for someone with...

theonion.com

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@Crimsonshade98 @kaiismisery @SelenaBROmez321 My money's on my dad's penis.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@NyvzStyle @BipolarHaver This was in 2009. I don't remember his name. But yes, I should've reported him. The owie incident was just the tip of the unprofessionalism iceberg.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@BatkingFinalMix @badgirIkiki

Horribly Awkward First Sexual Encounter 'Worth The Wait' For Christian Newlyweds

CHARLESTON, SC—John and Linda McCue, joined in holy matrimony Sunday before friends, family and their Lord at Holy Christ Almighty Lutheran Church, said the incredibly awkward wedding-night consumm...

www.theonion.com

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@NyvzStyle @BipolarHaver 4. He said he would follow up with me by phone. I asked that he call only my cell, never my workplace. Two days later my boss handed me the work phone, saying, "Here, it's your therapist."

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@musicstruggles1

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@NyvzStyle @BipolarHaver Four more chunks of the iceberg: 1. He told me that by definition, a person who hadn't recently cried couldn't be clinically depressed. 2. He heavily implied I was a rich kid faking symptoms for attention (wrong on both counts).

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@badgirIkiki

Amputee Inspires Others Not To Lose Limbs

EAGLE POINT, OR—Though local man Bret Kurtsin has had to overcome many personal obstacles since having his legs amputated seven years ago, it has been said that his greatest achievement may lie in...

theonion.com

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@OrphanShow @ColumboScreens Yes, except for the talking part.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@slizagna

Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

Please don't get your penises from breeders. There are so many rescue penises in need of forever homes.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

The Donut Incident: Screenshots 5–8 of 8

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

8 months

@grace_roso I never tire of sharing this screenshot:

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@zenjagten @prpIestattic oi. i've done a spunk on your phiz, then, 'aven't i. ah diddums

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@NyvzStyle @BipolarHaver 3. Toward the end of our session, I was to fill out a questionnaire evaluating his performance. He read me the prompts and filled in my answers himself. He said he would "appreciate all 10s."

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@attilathehoneyb @oureric @RachelPolish1 People don't think Anna Kendrick be up in the air like she is, but she do.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@perfectsweeties Dudes rock.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@terxme Thread!

Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

The Donut Incident: Screenshots 1–4 of 8

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@JaspersWonk @wurmsforbrains @TamingMyImpala I also wrote an epigram with "Parthian" in the title. So it goes when you're the Vocab Prince of San Francisco.

Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

Parthian Shot to a Bartender You say that I can't read the room. Not only can I read it, I read it. You wrote it gloomy as a tomb, you lonely man. It needed an edit.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@prestovision One time I trod on this good boy's paw and he hit a soprano note not heard by me before or since. I'm so sorry, Bear.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@_booliet_ @thetsas @TheWellDrinker Help with what? Appreciating a Brobdingnagian set of sweater pups? No assistance needed, thanks!

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@ambernoelle

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

Please don't get your penises from breeders. There are so many rescue penises in need of forever homes.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

6 months

@Eve6 When Rush Limbaugh died, one of my uncles said, "I'm going to leave a bottle of fine imported whiskey on his grave. But first I'm going to strain it through my kidneys."

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@musicstruggles1 "Flying with Ronan." Jesus.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

8 months

@DrankyDranks @jasebyjason @DemolitionSm4sh Yes.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@bocxtop Flee into the woods and start a new life.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

6 months

@jenny_briar What does it mean?

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@xxxH0L1CX @PrinceCoochie Use your words.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

1 year

@ClubPhotos_ This him?

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

5 months

@warpling The red didn't fade at all for me. Like Magic Eye puzzles, this is a scam.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@saggiesplinters

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@bylandee Having not heard of any of these artists, I am unable to make fun of you at this time. My apologies for any inconvenience.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@psychodelixate Can confirm. I lost my virginity thanks to my fame as the founder of a Facebook group that ultimately had over 30,000 members. "I can't believe I won the group," said my fellatrix just after she made me toss eighty-two hours' worth of tadpole sauce. Oh, to be thirty-four again!

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

8 months

@ThatShitTay93 @kvo2021 @saokodomi Why would he try again to prove the point he just proved?

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

3 years

@whiskeydances @firagawalkwthme The driver saw the sign.

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

@JaspersWonk @wurmsforbrains @TamingMyImpala Speaking of epigrams and oral sex, here's a poem for The Ladies™:

Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

4 years

Colonel Angus She asked me to hold her. I said, "I'm on top of it. But first, my tall cool drink of gin, a moment, please, to drink you in." Suddenly bolder, she said, "Do the opposite."

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Jenn Wyer (he/him)

@JennWyer

2 years

@LocalDingus