@shadows_control
This is why I gradually gave up all my hobbies and interests during my marriage. It just wasn’t worth the insults, teasing, cold shouldering, and anger. I did what he wanted instead. It took me years to “find myself” again after my divorce.
@LissaJoStewart
My attorney and her paralegal had no end of fun with my ex husband’s attempts at legal documents. He insulted my attorney too, because she was a woman. So she played the “dumb girl” with him and got him to reveal all kinds of stuff.
@W_Asherah
Even if someone says “tell me what you want me to do”, that still puts the mental burden of delegating on the other person. Look around and take some initiative. Dishes in the sink? Wash them. Don’t wait for her to ask/tell you. That isn’t really all that helpful.
@theheatherhogan
My 11 year old son wanted to ride our local train for his birthday, but I’ve never taken the train and couldn’t figure out the schedule and stops from the website. Asked the local facebook group and got step by step instructions with train numbers, times, etc. my son had a blast.
@Frances_Larina
@the_tweedy
I once took my car in and explained that I was 99% sure the problem was that the purge valve was stuck open (car kept stalling). They kept it three days and then called and said “we finally figured out what it was. The purge valve was stuck open”. I wanted to scream.
@ElyKreimendahl
My son’s school made masks optional about two weeks ago. He and I both have Covid now. I made it two years without getting sick. I’m vaccinated (and still wear a mask everywhere), and I still got it and feel absolutely terrible. This is the second time my son has had Covid.
@ask_aubry
So he’s psychologically torturing her. There should be a way to make this a criminal offense. I hope she has family or friends that can help get her out of this.
@NYTvows
I gifted my bridesmaids with their dresses (I sewed them myself) and jewelry and had someone do their hair for free. I only asked them to buy their shoes ($25 at Target). Who asks their friends to spend $8K????
@W_Asherah
Funny, I still had to make all the decisions in my house even when I ALSO had a full time job. I’m a technical writer which definitely uses brain power. I’m a single mom now and still make all the decisions. But at least no one criticizes me for them now. Somehow it’s easier.
@drrdwellington
@habibiting
She says “I asked my kids what they wanted for breakfast and the said cereal…so I got started right away”. Of COURSE (normal) parents have food ready in advance for their kids. That is not what is purportedly what is going on here.
@ask_aubry
Good for her. She should absolutely leave. I was basically paralyzed from my husband’s affair for about two years, and wanted to make things work. But once I started healing, I was completely done with him. His affair partner dumped him and he reached out. But no. Not a chance.
@Frances_Larina
@the_tweedy
Admittedly this shop truly sucked, so it’s not universal. I had to threaten the owner with court before he’d admit he double charged my card and refund my money.
@BunAndLeggings
My son (9) likes me to play sock puppets. He makes up the plots and I act them out. One of the sock puppets is now on her 7th husband (all brothers) because he keeps having me kill them off. Two died by lightning strikes. One drowned. Car accidents. Illness. Like, what?
@wildrainbow2
Lol. One of the first things my autistic son said when he finally started speaking was “mommy, stop” when I was singing. Poor kid. He’d been annoyed for years and couldn’t tell me.
@W_Asherah
That was me in my marriage. My ex was abusive. He let/made me make all the decisions and then turned around and criticized me for them or got angry and blamed me when things didn’t work out the way he wanted. 1/2
@ask_aubry
My husband said I should do most of the housework because I was a SAHM. When I went to work part time he still expected me to do most (read: all) of it. Guess whose contributions didn’t increase when I started working 60 hours a week? Yeah. He’s my ex now.
@ask_aubry
I was married to a guy like this. She needs to get out. Now. Divorce. Get child support and alimony. I feel so bad for her. It’s horrible to have a “partner” like this. She will be better off alone (keep the nanny).
@SzMarsupial
I really only eat fruit when it’s in season. It’s so often a disappointment otherwise. I’d rather wait six months than eat January strawberries that look pretty but taste of nothing but sadness.
@ask_aubry
I was very into my (now ex) husband until he started verbally abusing me and insulting me and constantly criticizing me and saying I was ugly. But he never understood the connection between his treatment of me and my lack of sexual desire. Not even when I told him directly.
@purple_grackle
@circemoskowitz
Yes, and we have some English words like “verdant” that retain the Latin root. I was a Latin major and also studied French and Spanish. “Vermillion” has never evoked anything but red for me, however.
@PayAlleria
@ask_aubry
Because many are likely abusive and enjoy nothing more than breaking an independent woman down. There’s no thrill or conquest with a trad woman. And they probably are also afraid the trad woman might start to question the patriarchy too.
@DavidWoycechow2
@leah_hat
A postpartum woman does NOT need to be giving her husband BJs. JFC. Let the woman rest. From experience EVERYTHING hurts, we are exhausted, we feel gross, we have a baby clinging most of the day and night, healing wounds. (And GIVING a woman oral during this time is dangerous
@chopchopcda_
@brent_waggoner
I was homeschooled K-12 by my very religious, very conservative parents, and guess what? I’m bisexual. It’s almost like a specific curriculum won’t change your child’s sexuality.
@zillowgonewild
It’s $430,000 because there is absolutely nothing to do in Dubuque, Iowa. Trust me, I know. I lived there for a year. (That dining room is exquisite though.)
@W_Asherah
Or he’d ask me to decide on, say, a restaurant, and then sulk because he wanted to eat somewhere else. So I started having trouble making decisions. Then he’d yell and say “why are you so indecisive?” So yeah. Ex.
@StructuredSucc
Putting fairy lights in my bedroom was one of the best decisions ever. The warm soft glow is perfect. I changed out every bulb in my apartment from the cold while to warm white. My apartment is always 75 degrees F.
@sushiitraash
@simsimmaaz
Sweetie, you deserve better. You deserve a happy life where you feel secure. Please don’t settle. I loved my husband. I thought I’d never be happy without him. But I am so much happier now. My health is better. I don’t suffer from anxiety. And it’s rarely ONLY emotional.
@ChemistryKit
There was a pharmacy near where I used to live who used a stock photo of a mortar and pestle for their window film, which is fine, I guess … except it was full of parsley, coriander seed, and peppercorns.
@ask_aubry
I’m ex IBLP/ATI. The doc isn’t exaggerating anything. That’s how it was. Thankfully I didn’t experience SA, but I wasn’t at all shocked by anything that was said in the series. It’s the perfect environment for abusers.
@ask_aubry
Someone doesn’t know about post partum lochia where you basically get 9 months worth of periods in 10 days, pass big clots, and basically need an adult diaper or those giant hospital pads.
@oldenoughtosay
Everyone told me how painful labor was, and honestly? Even on pitocin (which meant piggybacking contractions) with no pain relief, it wasn’t as bad as the cramps had as a teenager. And you get BREAKS between contractions. My cramps would last for hours, so bad I couldn’t walk.
@vinn_ayy
I wear Wellington boots when I take care of my chickens. Aside from the poop, they have sharp beaks and claws, especially if you have a rooster. And they aren’t allowed in the garden. They would decimate it.
@cdevers20
@LMDemro
Me neither! I didn’t realize how big a financial drain he was til he was gone. My expenses are higher than when I was married, but my bank account has never looked better.
@ask_aubry
Eph. 6:10-12 is the “put on the full armor of god” passage. These folks are likely Pentecostals (speaking in tongues) but I did catch “sword of the spirit” amidst the babbling. (Unfortunately I was raised very religious and knew that passage w/o even looking it up.)
@wildrainbow2
He was about 3 when he started talking. He’s ten now and never stops talking. He has an impressive vocabulary and is an absolute delight. He still hates when I sing (though he sings all the time and is really quite good).
@vdmval
@nominalnaomi
@emethias
Wtf do you think triggers lactation in the first place? (okay, okay, I’ll tell you - in any woman, cis or trans, that would be HORMONES). “Hormone contamination”. JFC
@reecepiecey
@JessPected
Sorry you can’t connect to your kids. I’m not taking anything away from women. I’m a mom. But girls ARE socialized to be carers more than boys. That’s a fact. To me the “women are naturally more nurturing” is just used as an excuse to make her do the majority of the childcare.
@shadows_control
It’s also so slow and subtle, especially at first. You don’t even realize it’s happening. Eventually, I WAS afraid of him, but he didn’t get physical until after years of this type of psychological abuse. I blamed myself for his bad behavior because he’d convinced me I was awful.
@Alwaysbehelpful
@icryaboutallof
See, this attitude is why women don’t want you. You can’t be a decent human being if there isn’t something (sex) in it for you. What makes you an appealing partner?
@sivori
Because a prenup covers the couple’s assets, not child custody. Child support is based on an income vs. custody days calculator and usually can’t be waived. And OBVIOUSLY in shared custody you have to discuss things about the kids. Why is this guy you know surprised about that?
@RnmiSanders
@eve_ettinger
Alas, my (ex)husband spent too much of our money for me to ever be able to afford one of these, but EVERYTHING in my post-divorce kitchen is this color. Including the walls. It’s lovely. Toaster. Coffee maker. All of it.
@Little_Vegemite
@ask_aubry
In the Middle Ages they did think a woman had to orgasm to conceive, so men were expected to take care of their women. The downside was that if a woman got pregnant from rape, they assumed she enjoyed herself.
@ask_aubry
A whole lot of single mothers had sex *inside* of marriage. I didn’t expect the man I’d been with for 9 years to just up and leave.
I have decided not to date. It’s not worth it. I’m doing great on my own and there are too many men who feel this way about single moms.
@purple_grackle
@circemoskowitz
It makes a certain amount of sense, but vermillion comes from the Latin for “worm” (vermis), due to the fact that a red dye was extracted from the cochineal bug, which I guess is vaguely wormlike (in the larva stage?).
@christabel60
My ex husband, towards the end, was always accusing me of using him for his money and I was like, dude, if I’d wanted to use someone for their money, I’d have chosen someone who had money. He was a penniless 27 year old waiter when I started dating him.
@ambernoelle
Same. I wouldn’t trade my son for anything, but my 4th degree tear permanently affects my daily life. I chose not to have more children because I could have ended up with irreversible bowel incontinence. As it is, I required extensive PT to regain some degree of normal function.
@n__nwachukwu
My ex husband ridiculed, belittled, and shamed me for my hobbies and said I should devote my time to helping him with his career. So I did. He later dumped me for being “boring” and when I said I’d have nothing left if he was gone, he laughed and said, “that’s your own fault”.
@drrdwellington
@habibiting
Also, your tweet I was replying to was literally “have food already prepared”. Like, how are you arguing your OWN point with me, lol.
@terfnurse
@hollowearthterf
My ex snored to wake the dead, thrashed like a dying fish, and got up 5 times a night to pee, but if I so much as readjusted my pillow he would scream at me for interrupting his sleep. I would stay in uncomfortable positions all night and barely sleep for fear of upsetting him.
@AmiEverAfter
@Hey_Its_LauraNY
Yes. I was the recovery zone parent. My son would be a sullen, angry mess every time he came back from his dad’s house. I essentially lost every first day with my son because I was just soothing his anxiety and helping him regulate.
@moniza_hossain
I got to see a Maxfield Parrish painting in person once and I think I stared at it for half an hour. No print or photograph can capture the luminescence of his artwork that you see in person, created by layers and layers of glazes and oils. It wasn’t even one of his best works.
@ufocatholic
@iamAtheistGirl
@Christi44154396
I LOVE being alone with my cats. It’s heaven. (Besides, OP didn’t say she doesn’t believe in romantic relationships, just not legal marriage. Having been married and having had to pay for a divorce, I agree. I’ll never get married again.)
@itsaliblack
@AutisticCallum_
I’m not monotone, but I certainly am generally low key. I HATE faking a certain tone to make sure people don’t misread me. Like, I do that with my kid and it’s fine because you always over-emote with kids, but I shouldn’t have to do that with grown ass adults.
@ask_aubry
Divorce/dump him now. Don’t waste more time with someone who doesn’t care about you and make the same mistake that I did. Being a single mom is so much easier than trying to parent with a “partner” like this.
@KadyMuhammad1
@habibiting
Your question is irrelevant to my point about how unrealistic it is to make homemade cereal the day your kids want to eat it in a fancy dress while having zero interruptions by toddlers. Also, I don’t base my parenting off the Middle Ages just because I enjoy studying history.
@wards_66
@SWENGDAD
I just do not understand how a grown ass man can be jealous of his KIDS because their needs are being prioritized. They are KIDS. You know who is putting their needs last? The mom. Men need to take some responsibility for themselves. Don’t be another child for your wife to tend.
@rolexdaddy17
@ghost_purr
@JessPected
Why do you want to teach her? That’s gross. If you have find a child bride so you can mold her to see the world your way, you are weak, not a leader.
@FloozieBaer
@AngryBlackLady
So now they consider it “ran through” if you’re monogamous too? WTF? They really do see sex as inherently degrading to women, even with a long term romantic partner.
@ask_aubry
Why does she keep touching her mouth while she’s cooking??? Eew.
And someone teach her how to use a knife. My got. Pressing straight down on an onion.
Also, I find getting a paycheck VERY satisfying.
@TheLadyLeighton
@ask_aubry
At this point in my life, if a boyfriend/husband said I’m “not allowed” to do something, he’d be an *ex* really quickly. F that.
@dustychipura
Working from home. We did it for two years during Covid. It was so much nicer and I got MORE done. But upper management wanted everyone in the office, so I’m back.