Shadows of Control @shadows_control Twitter profile

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

24 days

My abusive husband never told me what I should wear, but I ended up avoiding the clothes he didn’t like anyway 😣This is how coercive control works… One day, I came to the kitchen wearing a black blouse My husband screwed up his face and asked me why I was wearing black (he

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24 days

@FromHerOwnAshes Yes, exactly. People would ask me 'Were you afraid of him?', 'Why didn't you just say no?'. It is so hard to get across the complexities of how it happens. For me, it wasn't a fear of being physically harmed, it was the exhausting and demoralizing psychological onslaught.

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Shadows of Control

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23 days

@outtahereBYE Exactly that!

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19 days

During my abusive marriage, my husband broke his ankle. While he was on crutches, he spent almost every day on the sofa watching TV and playing video games. He would yell out to me asking for water, or his phone, or snacks, or a meal, and I would go running 🏃‍♀️. Six months

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24 days

@SaraBernier5 Exactly! I was not even aware how much I was changing myself to suit him. It wasn't until I left him that I realized that I had lost my entire sense of self. I didn't even know what I liked or what I believed anymore! I had to rebuild from scratch.

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Shadows of Control

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17 days

My husband never hit me, but he smashed a glass near me and came thumping at the door of the bathroom, where I locked myself. My husband never hit me, but he told me he would tell the police I’d kidnapped our child unless I came home immediately after I took our baby for a drive

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23 days

@barbiedoll6717 Love this! 😅

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23 days

@michellmybell1 Yes, this was another way he used to control me, the most heartbreaking of all. If I didn't comply with his demands, he'd threaten to say hurtful things about me to our child.

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@shadows_control

23 days

@WHITEHORSEOFTH3 No he didn't. But I know plenty of men from broken homes who are not abusers.

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23 days

@CindyMac1996931 I'm sorry to hear what your daughter is going through. Unfortunately, abusers don't give up control when their partner leaves them. I am 2.5 years out and the abuse has just moved into a new phase - stalking, manipulating our child, financial abuse, blackmail. It's a long

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@shadows_control

23 days

@OnlyFredAstaire @persevere_after That's what keeps so many trapped - the feeling that the consequences of leaving for both you and your children, will be worse than the consequences of staying. I am so glad you are free of it now.

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23 days

@achrisvee It must be very hard to witness your best friend changing like this. But have hope. My best friend saw me being controlled and very gently shared her worries. I reacted defensively at first, but eventually came to see it for myself. Her support made all the difference.

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

23 days

@jkuca14 @FromHerOwnAshes Thank you Rafi, I am glad it helps. It is sad to see how many people on here can relate 😪

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@shadows_control

2 months

During my abusive marriage, my husband broke his ankle. While he was on crutches, he spent almost every day on the sofa watching TV and playing video games. He would yell out to me asking for water, or his phone, or snacks, or a meal, and I would go running 🏃‍♀️. Six months later,

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

23 days

Abusers can't stand it when you get angry. #coercivecontrol #domesticabuse #narcissists #toxicrelationship (*applies to women too)

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23 days

@seanrua1 Children are so perceptive! They take it all in. My son, at age 5, taught our dog how to sit. Then he turned to me and said proudly, "Look mummy, now I can control the dog like daddy controls you." 😩

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23 days

@lynseythomaidis That's horrific. I feel so angry for you. 😪

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19 days

@pmrodden Yes, and the effects can be a lot longer lasting. It takes a long time to recover because we have to unravel and understand everything that has taken place on a psychological level, and that is not an easy task.

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24 days

@LucisLuvChild I'm sorry you experienced it too 😪

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23 days

@Kim_Wolfe63 Yes, sadly they don't just give up attempts to control you after you leave 😪 I am so happy to hear you are now in a loving, healthy relationship.

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23 days

@Liberalibrarian I am so very sorry, that is heartbreaking 💔

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23 days

@booniquee Yes exactly. The full realization didn't hit until after I left him and I came to see that I didn't even know who I was anymore.

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20 days

Controlling abusers always aim to isolate their partner from family and friends so that their life will revolve entirely around them and their needs. But they don’t always do this overtly. Sometimes, they behave so badly or in such an embarrassing way that it is the victim that

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23 days

@peopleareatrip1 Yes, there is very little understanding about manipulation and psychological abuse and how it works.

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23 days

@GSostakas Yes. And this is just one example. Very often, it would be insults, belittling, intimidation, threats, blackmail...

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23 days

@laurelaltman1 Eventually I did. But the difficulty in doing that should never be underestimated and it comes with enormous consequences.

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23 days

@bchoward123 Thank you. I left him 2.5 years ago, but I am just navigating a new phase of abuse - stalking, financial abuse, manipulating our child, blackmail. It's not over yet, but at least I am free.

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

13 days

Many women don’t recognize they are in abusive relationships because the perception of abuse is often limited to physical assaults. Here are some things readers shared, which they didn't initially know was abuse.

Readers’ Voices: “I Didn’t Know I Was Being Abused”

Uncover the hidden signs of abuse in relationships. Learn how some victims fail to recognize abusive behaviors until it's too late.

shadowsofcontrol.com

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23 days

@TheContrActorLA I'm sorry to hear you experienced it too. It's a lose-lose situation. When you hold your ground, it also comes with consequences. 😪

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23 days

@dragonthoughts @SaraBernier5 I haven't had to navigate that yet as I have been single since I left him. I imagine it must be very hard to learn to trust again, and to let go of the feeling that you will receive the same responses or be treated the same way.

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23 days

@JaneenStout Absolutely!

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23 days

@marichardson721 @michellmybell1 Mothers in this situation are placed in a double bind. If they stay, they can be accused of 'failure to protect' and may lose custody. If they leave, and keep their child from the abusive parent, they are accused of 'parental alienation' and can lose custody. 😩

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3 months

@HarmfulOpinion @iamAtheistGirl Statistically, men are 167 times more likely to kill someone than a bear. On top of that, they might also rape, assault, beat, strangle, or kidnap. It's not rocket science why women would choose the bear.

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23 days

@Cephas535 I am sorry to hear you also experienced this 😪 It took me 11 years too!

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23 days

Abusers manipulate you until you break, then act like they're the victim and accuse you of being out of control. 🤯 #emotionalabuse #manipulation

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22 days

#domesticabuseawareness #intimatepartnerabuse #abusiverelationship

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23 days

@lindseystrand4 No, I left 2.5 years ago but he is still abusive and exhausting.

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23 days

@sarah_b1999 @ZFigueroaPerez Thank you. I left him 😊

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23 days

Protect your peace and happiness fiercely like they are treasures to be guarded. ✨

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23 days

@fergusrabbit My friend tried to get me to see it too. I reacted defensively at first, but I eventually came to recognize it myself. Have hope.

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24 days

The signs of coercive control can be hard to spot. People who use coercive control to get what they want can be good at hiding it from others, and their abuse can be subtle and targeted. #coercivecontrol

Understanding and Recognizing Coercive Control

Learn about the insidious nature of coercive control and its devastating impact. Understand the tactics used and the challenges faced in recognizing and addressing this form of abuse.

shadowsofcontrol.com

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

20 days

Ownership, entitlement, control! #abusiverelationships #coercivecontrol #toxicrelationships

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22 days

Abusers relentlessly push your buttons until you break, then act bewildered and label you as unstable when you finally react 😤 #reactiveabuse #abusiverelationship

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

1 month

@karenmitchell__ After I left my abusive husband, he actively worked to sabotage my relationship with my child. I went to a psychologist who was a 'parental alienation expert' for advice. He told me with a smirk on his face, "just wait, in one month from now, you will come back to me and tell me

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

14 days

Couples therapy aims to address mutual issues in a relationship, but abuse is NOT mutual mistreatment. Couples counselling can end up empowering abusers and escalate the abuse further.

The Hidden Dangers of Couples Therapy in Abusive Relationships

Discover why couples therapy may not be effective or safe in abusive relationships. Learn about the dangers and inadequacies highlighted by experts.

shadowsofcontrol.com

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

20 days

@karenmitchell__ My ex-husband is so convincing to friends, colleagues, other parents... He would always start with grooming - extravagant gifts, grand gestures, dropping comments about his degrees, hobbies, charitable work. They would think is is amazing. But his mask would come off eventually.

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23 days

@AdvocateTwo3 100%

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7 days

The moment I stopped falling for my husband's gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional abuse, and stopped prioritizing HIS needs in every moment, he would tell me how selfish I was. But I didn't become selfish, I just became harder to manipulate. #manipulation #healingjourney

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23 days

#selflove #selfworth #loveyourself

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1 month

One of the worst betrayals for me was when my husband took our most intimate conversations - personal things I had shared from my life - and later used them to emotionally blackmail me. Particularly in the case of a #narcissist , they will take anything you share with them, such

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

15 days

Abusers will belittle your achievements to make themselves feel superior. Celebrate your successes without them. #EmotionalAbuse 💔

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22 days

Abusers shift the focus to be all about them. #abusiverelationship #coercivecontrol #redflags 🚩

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23 days

@violetwidow131 @FromHerOwnAshes You live purely in 'survival mode'. It is not until you are out that you can see it all clearly.

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8 days

Sometimes we repeat patterns many times before we truly learn from them. I've fallen under coercive control three times - in one teen relationship, one cult, and one marriage. After the final time, I faced it head on and did the healing work. There's no way in hell I will ever

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21 days

Abusers will bait you into reacting and then use your response to paint you as the irrational one. 😠 #toxicrelationships #gaslighting

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19 days

@karenmitchell__ It is awful to be character assassinated like that, especially when you are spreading such vital information. I find it helps to just not even respond to malicious comments and block the individual straight away, which removes the comment and stops them coming back.

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9 days

@karenwhybro Perhaps they realize it is easier to manage the problem of crossbows than it is to manage the problem of abusive men 😩

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

23 days

@Benjenkins2543 SOME men do this type of control and SOME women do this type of control also. Whether male or female, they are abusers.

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23 days

@h_geldenhuys That is horrific, and so very sad 😪

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18 days

@mastersd363 Thank you Daniel, but I share in the hope that it may help others share too and that more voices are heard. I am sorry to hear you have experienced it too.

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20 days

@karenmitchell__ Oh yes for sure a pattern of behaviours, exactly the same ones I have seen in a cult leader - cunning, manipulative, no empathy, false persona, adapting his personality according to who he is with, taking pleasure out of others' suffering, controlling, sense of superiority etc.

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

14 days

"If you wear that dress, you might attract the wrong attention," "Don't go to meet your parents, they'll only criticize your choices," "If you take that job, we'll never have quality time together." Beware of control disguised as concern. #emotionalabuse #coercivecontrol

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23 days

@Rougewench I do 😊

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18 days

They may not recognize your worth, but you were always good enough #narcissist #emotionalabuse #selflove

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@shadows_control

22 days

Abusers often show fake remorse to manipulate their partner into staying in the relationship. They may apologize profusely and promise to change, only to revert to their abusive behavior once they regain control. #cycleofabuse #coercivecontrol

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24 days

@LucisLuvChild Yes, it is very clear to see why the underreporting happens a lot more with men. There needs to be a lot more awareness raised about it.

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16 days

Responding to an angry outburst from my husband was a lose-lose situation. If I reacted with anger, no matter how mildly, he would tell me I was crazy, insane, or unbalanced. If I tried to stay calm and not react at all, he would say, "Look at you acting all self-righteous and

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11 days

Abusers often publicly humiliate their partners, embarrassing them in front of others to assert dominance and control. 😡 #coercivecontrol #emotionalabuse #manipulation

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23 days

@adkravetz Yes, in hindsight, there were a lot of red flags. It started with his 'love bombing' of me, extravagant gifts and gestures, fast moving relationship, isolating me from friends and family, imposing rules I had to follow. But it all happened so gradually, it took long to see it.

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9 days

My ex-husband controlled all our finances. He controlled how my father's inheritance money would be spent and he spent lavishly and relentlessly on himself. At the same time, he asked me to cut my spending on food bills. When I told him I wanted access to all our bank accounts,

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18 days

@MustaMustikka There were red flags from early on, but I didn't see them at the time. It escalated massively when our child was born and then again during covid. After that I left.

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23 days

@MrSybaritic1 Yes, his father was a misogynist, he is a misogynist, and he is trying to teach our son how to be a misogynist. But I am breaking the cycle.

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Shadows of Control

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9 days

One day, my son, who was 5 at the time, was teaching our dog how to sit. As the dog refused to listen, his little voice became louder and stronger and angrier. He pointed his finger right in the dog’s face like a reprimanding teacher and shouted, “Sit!”. The dog sat. He beamed

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23 days

@kyberknave @karenmitchell__ Thank you, yes I have been following her for some time already. Her posts are extremely informative and helpful.

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@shadows_control

24 days

You should never have to beg to be valued. #toxicrelationship #abusiverelationship #relationships

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23 days

@HutNews Both

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13 days

Abusers are highly manipulative and even their so-called kind gestures are often made with expectations of what they will get in return. #coercivecontrol #toxicrelationship #emotionalabuse #redflags 🚩

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Shadows of Control

@shadows_control

14 days

Healing includes forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made when you were in survival mode. ❤️🌸

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25 days

When you see them unmasked, that's who they really are. #narcissist #abusiverelationship #toxicbehavior #abuseisnotlove

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14 days

When toxic people can't control you, they try to control how others view you. #Manipulation 🐍

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21 days

#abusiverelationship #toxicrelationship #abuseisnotlove

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13 days

Abusive relationships frequently involve insults and name-calling, which are tactics used to undermine the victim’s self-esteem. By consistently demeaning their partner, the abuser maintains control and dominance in the relationship. 🗣 🚩 #verbalabuse #coercivecontrol

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2 months

@lovewins11011 If I asked for my voice to be heard - selfish. If I asserted myself - aggressive. If I expressed anger - crazy. If I didn't react to his abuse - self-righteous. If I expressed any emotion at all - weak. When I called him out on his abuse and walked away - mentally unstable.

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2 months

@karenmitchell__ This is my current situation. My narcissist ex-husband hacked into my phone, has tracked my car with GPS, hired a private investigator, has referred to knowing things that I have only mentioned in the privacy of my own home, and wears glasses with a hidden video recorder.

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20 days

@BABS5683 I hear you! It's not a fast process. We have to gradually rebuild and reclaim the person we once were.

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12 days

#relationships #toxicrelationship #emotionalabuse

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18 days

@BrendaJ69492764 I left about a year after that.

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17 days

Repeated criticisms and insults that are designed to attack who you are as a person is abuse. #emotionalabuse #coercivecontrol #verbalabuse

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23 days

@lusizhao260 Yes, he used our child as a means to control me. And 2.5 years after I left him, he still does.

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24 days

Self-forgiveness is a key part of the #healingjourney after experiencing domestic abuse. Be gentle with yourself. 💞

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23 days

Well-meaning comments from friends, family, or colleagues can sometimes deepen the wounds after leaving an abusive relationship and add to feelings of grief, guilt, and anger. #abusiverelationship #domesticabuserecovery

10 Things Never To Say To Someone That Has Left an Abusive Marriage

Well-meaning comments from friends and family after leaving an abusive relationship can sometimes deepen wounds and add to feelings of grief, guilt, and anger.

shadowsofcontrol.com

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9 days

Gaslighting is a severe form of mental and emotional abuse. When someone gaslights you, it creates a fog of uncertainty and self-doubt, gradually wearing down your self-confidence. Learn to spot the signs! #gaslighting #emotionalabuse #redflags 🚩🚩🚩

Signs of Gaslighting: 15 Red Flags to Watch Out For

Recognize the signs of gaslighting and protect yourself from manipulation and control. Learn how to identify this tactic and regain your power.

shadowsofcontrol.com

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23 days

@achrisvee Ah that's great. You are a special friend to her then. I hope she will come to see it eventually ❤️

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11 days

Whether you’ve spent 2 years in an abusive relationship or 20, your story isn't over; it is the beginning of a new chapter. It’s never too late to live your life for YOU 🌱

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23 days

@cricket90210 @FromHerOwnAshes Yes. The reason why people stay is because they feel that the consequences of leaving will be worse than the consequences of staying... and sometimes they are right.

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12 days

Toxic people believe their needs are more important than yours. 🚩

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23 days

@clara_bow @FromHerOwnAshes No, there is no winning! Mine was the same. He'd complain if I needed to go out and he'd have to mind our child, but then when I spent too much time at home, he'd say I had nothing in my life and criticize me for having no hobbies!

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21 days

Stalking is a real concern for people who have left an abusive relationship. It reveals the abuser sees you as a possession and that they are unwilling to ‘let go’. It is also a sign of escalation. My ex-husband has: tracked me in my car, hacked into my phone, read my private

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@lovewins11011 The two sides are - perpetrator and victim, simple as that!

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