3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2 Twitter profile

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

5 years

Welcome to parenthood. You're a little person's bitch now.

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

2 years

My 2yo is considered functionally mute. He's getting a tablet to help him communicate. This morning he spoke is the best phrase I've ever heard. Every word crisp and clear. He said, "No sing, Mommy. Hush."

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

2 years

HBD to me! I think I can confidently say that 38 doesn't look awful.

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@wildrainbow2

1 year

My 2yo is having surgery today. Thoughts, prayers etc are appreciated.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

I dont trust parents who don't cuss. There's no way you can have kids and not let out a flying fuck or two.

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

4 years

After 33 days in the NICU, baby is finally home!! It's so wonderful to see my whole family together!

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

3 years

My 2yo can wear a mask without pitching a fit, which is more than I can say for a lot of you.

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

3 years

Mommy, how come your eyes don't sparkle? My teacher said mine sparkle. But yours look dead. -My 3yo reminding me that kids take everything away .

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

He's here! Baby boy was born via C Section today at 7:13 am CST, weighing 5lb2oz and 17 3/4 inches. He is in NICU now, but is doing well. I just made it my room. I'm tired and in some pain, but I'm happy.

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@wildrainbow2

7 months

Took myself out on date. So far it's been the best one I've ever been on.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

4yo: I'm gonna put on a Grinch costume and steal Christmas. Me: Why? 4yo: Chaos.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Baby has been off oxygen for 24hrs!! He got moved from critical care to the step down unit, and they are slowly trying to get him in an open air crib!!

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

90% of parenting is making up rules. 10% is trying to remember them.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Me: Just because you don't have school doesn't mean you can go without pants. 5yo: I'm just gonna wear these invisible pants.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Me: What do you want with your PB&J? 3yo: Steak.

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@wildrainbow2

9 months

I got a phone call today that my 3yo used offensive language towards another kid. Apparently, he called them a stupid ass, and church daycares really frown on that y'all.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

My husband just walked into the room, mooned me, then walked out. So yeah, him being home is going great.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Finally got a chance to get my hair done! Thank you my sweet sister for making me feel gorgeous!!

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

2 years

Sorry I'm late. My 3yo decided he could tie his own shoes.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

4yo: I need $60. Me: Why?! 4yo: Don't worry about that.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Oh, good, my coffee is already cold. -a parenting memoir

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

My 19mo is having surgery today. Send me all good Vibes, prayers, etc. This mama is nervous and excited that this is finally happening.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Reason number 25827644 to pat your toddler down before putting in the car.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Twitter is wild. You can watch a whole grown ass adult act worse than a three year old given the wrong color cup.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

NICU moms be like I got to hear my baby cry today and it was amazing!!

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

My 2yo had zero sounds at a year old, only just started vocalizing the last 6mo. Thanks to intensive speech therapy, he said Mommy for the first time this week. My heart is full.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Day 1 and only 2 hours in of H working from home. He has texted his boss to see if working from home is mandatory. Apparently, he can't "concentrate in this chaotic environment." Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitch. Only the strong survive here.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

My 2yo is going around pretending to call everyone. When he got to his brother, my 5yo didn't even look up from playing, responding, "I can't talk now, my phone is dead. Bye."

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Everyone talks about the Terrible 2's, no one mentions the Asshole 3's or the Fuck off 4's.

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@wildrainbow2

9 months

My 3yo has pneumonia and now we're being transferred to the children's hospital. This isn't what I wanted for Christmas

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

My kids are 85% the reason I drink. My husband is the other 15%.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

It's happening!! Room-in tonight!! I'm so excited!!

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

5yo: Geology is the study of rocks. Me: Yes. 5yo: It's a stupid science, Mommy. Who wants to look at rocks all day?!

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

3yo: When are you getting your hair done again? Me: When I have time, why? 3yo: Make time, Mommy, it look bad.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

I just watched my last fuck fly out the window along with the rest of my sanity.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Me: Yes, can you add whiskey to my coffee this morning? It's already been a day. Barista: Ma'am, this is Starbucks.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Sorry I'm late, my 2yo decided he could buckle his own carseat.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Current me is pissed at past me for making plans today.

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

3 years

Today I am taking the 1yo to the hospital for testing to determine why his lungs are partially collapsed. Please send me all the good vibes, happy pics, etc. I need it all.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

2 is having an MRI on his brain today, so thoughts, good Vibes, prayers, etc are appreciated.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Like some sort of idiot, I started folding clothes with 2 toddlers who decided to "help".

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

5 years

Had a scare today and ended having to go in to the doctor and having an ultrasound. All is well, thank God, and I got to walk away with this pretty pic! 😍😍

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

4 years

I don't want to brag or anything, but Baby is 2 weeks old today and is still off O² and working so hard on being to come home. He's definitely my hero!

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

2 years

Just heard my 3yo yell Jesus fuck it! So.... do I pick up my mom of the year trophy or is it shipped?

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

3 years

At the tender age of 37, I have decided to start a new career. Yesterday, I accomplished part one of that goal, and finished all my classes and passed my final! Next stop, clinicals then my board exam!

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

5 years

My husband asked what I wanted for Christmas. Apparently, a vacation from all of you wasn't the correct answer, and now he won't talk to me. I'm treating the silence as an early Christmas present.

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

2 years

Dear new neighbor across the street, I am sorry that your first impression of my family was of my 2yo and 3yo streaking across the front yard.

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

2 years

I'm sorry I'm late, my 3yo decided his shirt was too blue.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Yesterday, I tested positive for covid and started my period, so, yes, the universe really is out to get me.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Got my hair did today.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Woke up late and still got me and 3 kids out of the house on time. So is someone going to present me my award or do I need to pick it up?

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Nothing like having a child puke on your face at 3 am to make you feel alive.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Whoever said going from 2 to 3 kids was easier than 1 to 2 is a straight up liar.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Hubs is now sick, and per the Man Cold Code, he is convinced he's dying and unable to get out of bed.

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

5 years

3yo: Mommy, are you making coffee? Me: Yes, sir. 3yo: I've never had coffee in any of my lives, Mommy. Me: How many lives have you had?! 3yo: *solemnly* Lots, Mommy.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Why Tuesday gotta be more Monday than Monday?

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Dads, what's it like to shower and use the bathroom uninterrupted?

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2

4 years

Baby has to go to the children's hospital for a neurological eval for development. Mainly they are checking for cerebral palsy. Please send all the warm fuzziness, prayers, good vibes, etc. My mommy heart is beyond anxious.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

My 6yo started 1st grade today. So naturally my 3yo is pissed because he can't start 1st grade.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Hey, Optimists, how's 2020 workin' for ya?

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

I want the confidence of my 5yo who has never skated in his life, and just instantly knows he will be good at it.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

If you love being woke up by a face millimeters from your own, parenting may be for you.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

I'm not saying I have my life together, but I did put a roast in the crockpot.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

90% of parenting is spent telling your kids to stop yelling.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

I think the reason it's cloudy is because the sun wanted to sleep longer. -my 4yo, the meteorologist.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

My 5yo is still in the stage where he tells me he loves me spontaneously, and I may cry when that's over.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Today, I had the best visit ever! Baby is doing great. He's off his bili lights and the CPAP. He's gone to a high flow cannula. Also, I got to hold him!! I'm not crying, you are!

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

I got myself and 3 kids ready and out the door in 45 minutes. That's it, that's the tweet.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Home with 3 sick kids today. If you need me I will be in the closet drinking and crying.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Parenting is just a pyramid scheme.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Exchanged numbers with a fellow mom at my kid's preschool. Now I'm freaking out because I don't know what the protocol is. Do I text her, does she text me, WHY IS MAKING FRIENDS SO HARD?!

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Bittersweet day. I am getting discharged after 6 days in the hopspital. Going home without baby sucks.

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@wildrainbow2

4 years

Baby is up to 5lb4oz, 2 oz over his birth weight. We breastfed for the first time yeaterday, and he did great! He's still having issues doing all of his feeds by mouth, but he is getting better every day!

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

You haven't lived until you've wrestled an alligator* *dressed a toddler

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

After almost 10yrs of marriage my husband put the toilet paper on wrong. How do you spell irreconcilable differences? I need to make sure I get these divorce papers just right.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

My kids ate the dinner I prepared WITHOUT complaining!! That's it. That's the tweet.

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@wildrainbow2

5 years

Appointment today to see if baby has a heartbeat. Send me all the good vibes, prayer, Christmas wishes, etc. I'm super, super nervous.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Today I was told I was a terrible mother. Luckily I don't put much stock in other's opinions, especially a 3yo who's biggest problem is having to wear shoes.

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@wildrainbow2

5 years

Me: What do you want to name the baby? Do you want a brother or a sister? 4yo: I want a baby brother named Snickers! Me: What if it's a baby sister? 4yo: A baby sister named Snickers is fine too, Mommy.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

My 3yo threatened to kick me out of the car and drive off without me in case you were curious who really ran the show.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

My kids are playing in their play room and this what I hear: "Goddammit! You can't do shit!"

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Month. This month, I am going to tell my story, and fair warning, it's ugly, and awful, but it's mine, so that makes it's beautiful THREAD

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

3yo: Mommy, why don't you have a penis like Daddy, me, and my brothers? Me: *adds whiskey to my coffee* We should save that question for Daddy.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

6yo: I think the Tooth Fairy will bring me $200. -my 6yo thinking the tooth fairy isn't broke AF

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

I don't need to turn the water off. -my husband fixing the kitchen sink.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Sorry I'm late, my 2yo decided today he was going to do it all by himself. So, I just sat in a corner and cried.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

As a parent, I didn't realize how important the flavor of my kids' toothpaste was. I do now.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

You can't scare me, you're not my toddler walking around with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

My 2yo got admitted to the hospital. I forgot I could fall asleep standing up.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is caress my coffee maker and whisper hey sexy.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

Mommy, you look beautiful today, but you shouldn't wear house shoes to drop me off, that's lazy. -my 3yo really nailing the backhanded compliments

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

My 3yo has a man cold. It has such symptoms as sore eyebrows, the inability to move, and continuous whining. Meanwhile, I've already started drinking.

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@wildrainbow2

2 years

My 6yo has started playing minecraft. He gave me a tour of his house. I think I blacked out. If he asks, it's awesome.

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

2yo: Mommy! I have Nutella on my penis! Me: How did you...never mind I don't wanna know. 5yo: *from other room* I wanna see! Me: *pours whiskey in my coffee*

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@wildrainbow2

3 years

Help! I'm stuck under a sleeping kid and I have to pee! - the title of my parenting book

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3 Wild Rainbows

@wildrainbow2