Last day of work and I’m logging in a cold mountain thunderstorm
Mount Joy at red rocks tonight and don’t give a fuck if it’s white girl music, I earned it
Cheers.
Just met a beautiful blonde Irish lassie by the name of Grace
(not fucking joking)
Planing to marry her
-She doesn't seem very interested but her dad likes me, maybe we can make a deal
Bringing out the Connor "Dooble Champ" impression soon
Wish me luck, will send updates
To all you boys abroad
@ me with a bunch of American beers tomorrow and tell those bastards who runs the world (other than Jews)
It’s fucking us
Happy 4th
Every time the love of my life (girl I thought about asking out in high school) posts on Instagram with what is clearly a gay best friend I naturally begin plotting to kill him
Things I showed them
-Getting kicked out of multiple Ubers
-Speaking to Arabian Uber driver in (perfect) Spanish
-Throwing up in said Uber
-losing multiple articles of clothing
-texting ex lady pals
-WAKING UP HUNGOVER AND CLIMBING 2 14ers CAUSE THE FUNKS DONT STAY DOWN
Last night, I dreamt that I fell in love with a blonde and was happy
Then she died
Funk never tangles with blondes
Is it a prophecy? A warning? I’m horny?
Last night me and pops had a whiskey tasting (unspoken drink off)
Right now it’s 4:38 am and we’re driving to bag double 14ers
Momma is laughing at our racist comments
Funks don’t play
It’s Thursday and tonight could go two ways
1. “Yousa heard of Jar Jar Binks, but yousa never meet da Barred Bar Drinks”
(In Jar Jar Voice)
Or
2. Making citizens arrest on people (my friends) for underage drinking
Idk who needs to hear this but you should be ashamed to be on vacation for the summer not working
(Except for beautiful women who should never work)
“Get a job lil nigga”
The only men who don’t like sluts are low iq, poor, midwestern blue collar men. Wealthy men crave a beautiful worldly slut with a large vocabulary who is a little schizophrenic. A fertile hip to waist ratio and you could get away with almost any past.
Zach Bryan is a pioneer for dudes to try to sing like chicks
It’s not how high his voice is, see Robert Plant or Tyler Childers
It’s that he exaggerates how emotional every fucking line is like he’s shooting estrogen
(One of my coworkers is singing outside rn, might kms)
My Father drank many beers last night and then leaned into
@SethMaldonado16
and said something I'll never forget
"Pussies can't be heros"
he then helped me steal several handles of woodford and may or may not have thrown ass at my mother to shakira
Imagine having a couple and getting behind the reigns of this bad boy
Maybe run away from some wolves or dark spirits
Definitely throw tomatoes at the town witch (or immigrants) on a drive by