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@sweetabolition

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public defender. curmudgeon. lover of pizza and assembling flat pack furniture. tweets are not legal advice as I am clearly a porpoise.

The Dirty South
Joined September 2019
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
11 months
It’s really confusing to work a job you care deeply about, one that motivates you to go above and beyond, not to impress anyone but because you enjoy and care about the work… while also being the type of person who thinks working on the weekend is exploitation and wage theft.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 month
we really need to quit giving 25-year-olds who’ve never had a real job and barely scraped through law school the power to put people in prison
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
I want to host a murder mystery party where the rules of criminal procedure are strictly enforced.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
I PASSED THE MOTHERFUCKIN BAR EXAM
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
4 months
Public Defender thoughts: Honestly, y’all, I had no idea that this many people had machetes.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@eri_bgeez @acechhh “This is a lot of fear-mongering,” she says to someone who’s sister is currently experiencing a health crisis without a second thought.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
11 months
NOW I’M A MOTHERFUCKIN LAWYER
@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
I PASSED THE MOTHERFUCKIN BAR EXAM
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
@RaxKingIsDead If I were named Neodore I’d lie about it too
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
can we just circle back to the worst mnemonic I’ve ever seen
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
Oh, you want me to study for the bar exam? You want me to study for the bar exam on the day @MaintenancePod drops an episode about RFK Jr and the anti-vaxx movement?!?!
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@TaylorOSoule “Dave’s roommate never cooperated with police. Why not?” BECAUSE NO ONE SHOULD, KAREN.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
3 months
Fellow public defenders: if you’re going to watch bodycam at volume 105, close your goddamn office door.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@StarbucksCare @misamericana @Starbucks so this is a bridge too far, but union busting is right in line with your mission and values, huh?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
Just accepted a PD job! 😭😭😭😭
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
6 months
First trial ✅ Two word verdict ✅
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
9 months
@DraculaActual @offbeatorbit Gillian Anderson
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
“Looking for a gym buddy/adventure partner. I prefer natural women so don’t bother if you paint your face like a clown every day. Don’t match with me if you don’t plan to meet up. Please have something more interesting to say than, ‘hey.’ You should weigh less than me.”
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@WaqarVick this and the fact that there’s no keyboard shortcut for § on a windows machine
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
Staring as a public defender* tomorrow. Forgot to eat dinner tonight. Everything is fine. *pending licensure
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
planned to do a mini practice exam today - 1.5 hours/1 MPT; 1.5 hours/3 essays; 3 hours/100 MBEs… but the crippling anxiety made it impossible to start, and now it’s almost 2 pm, and all I’ve done is sit here and feel bad. 🙃
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
The Sixth Circuit bravely held this year that a person is seized within the meaning of the Fourth Amendment when an officer fires eight shots into their residence. It was not a unanimous opinion.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@laurenhtexas Agreed. And it is never gonna be me.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@RottenInDenmark what is a “harder listener”
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 month
Don’t talk to cops.
@EM_RESUS
Sam Ghali, M.D.
@EM_RESUS
1 month
What’s something LIFE-SAVING from your specialty that everyone should know?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@writeclimbrun Your honor, counsel for the plaintiff would like to reserve three minutes at the end of this proceeding for side-eye.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
Job interview with a PD tomorrow! Send immaculate vibes.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@RottenInDenmark They sound like Trump stans.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
8 months
Dear bar preppers: 1. Fuck your prep course if you don’t feel like it’s helping. 2. Prioritize reviewing your weakest MBE subjects. 3. You know more than you think, AND you don’t need to know as much as you think. 4. If any of the above makes you feel worse, toss it and do you.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
the best way to secure an invite to this cool party would be to offer me a PD job
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
6 months
Law folks who wear heels - do you have a go-to brand? I am looking for block heel pumps that are as comfortable as pumps can possibly be.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
y’all think I could pass the bar without learning a single thing about contract damages?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
22 days
Our only appellate defender (and resident office brain) asked for my opinion on a legal question yesterday, and tbh I’ll be riding that ego boost for the rest of the week.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
5 years
anyone else going to law school as part of a long con to become a future guest host of @Undisclosedpod or just me
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 months
maladaptive daydreaming about practicing in a state where there are mental health resources for indigent clients
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
5 years
@ResIpsaLoco big breaks with no refreshments and nothing to focus on. y’all have to take a million pictures? Fine. Just give me a few nibbles, some nice music, and a glass of wine.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
Bar exam results come out in three days and you want me,,, to — do my job?!?!!!!!???!!
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
lol that guy who wants you to wear AirPods to court and let an app feed you lines like you’re a nerd with no game on a blind date in a sitcom is back
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
today I caught myself thinking about how grateful I am that I get to see my tiny cat every day, so I thought I’d share with the class
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 month
and, you’ll be a much better attorney if you get a little life experience first
@slothanova
sarah
@slothanova
1 month
if you’re just graduating college I would advise against law school. go do something else that you think you could be good at first. law school will always always be there but making an exit from the legal profession is way harder than people say!
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
FL ST BAR Rule 4-8.4 A lawyer shall not: (c) engage in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit, or misrepresentation
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
imagining a blissful future where I practice law for 30+ years and never learn what “of counsel” means
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
@am_yers I wanted to quote RT playing into the satire but I’m scared people will dox you 😂😂😂
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
the way prosecutors in 2023 are not embarrassed to drag a man in chains before the court for marijuana possession
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
11 months
several wolves live inside of me and at least two of them are fighting over this
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@420AttyChicago @kamaratoffolo @princessclerkTO lol I worked for 10+ years before law school & got my B.A. in 2010. Career Services insists I keep my resume to one page AND include undergrad extracurriculars. Like how is the fact that I did opera during Obama's first term more relevant than 90% of my work experience?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
me, watching 800-1000 cops walk off the job in Chicago tomorrow
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
after reading the fact pattern: “wow sounds like that guy could sure use some legal advice”
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
3 months
note to self: do not [nervous] laugh in client’s face if they ask you on a date, no matter how much you didn’t see it coming
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
stop ☠️ talking ☠️ about ☠️ doing ☠️ illegal ☠️ shit ☠️ on ☠️ social ☠️ media ☠️ and for the love of god do not post film or photos from a protest online
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@ingloriousgigi Omg I’ve got things to do - I can’t spend the next hour trying to find this on TikTok but duty calls I guess
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
sometimes I forget that most people don’t use “raw-doggin it” as an everyday and perfectly polite term for doing *any* activity without a common assistive or protective tool
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
3 months
I know Trump is the real existential threat here, but can I just say - I am really not looking forward to this “I’m a prosecutor; he’s a felon; I know what to do with criminals” shit for the next four months from the Harris campaign.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@FlorenceHRScott I gotta say - I hate that you’re getting shit. You don’t deserve it. But, I am enjoying the hell outta your responses.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
This Barbie arrived in her bar exam city four hours too early to check into her hotel.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
3 months
I found out an old friend committed suicide over the weekend, the world at large is on fire right now, and tomorrow I have to put on a pantsuit and help stupid and/or callous prosecutors put addicts on the slow boat to prison. I’m fucking tired.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
can't believe I'm going mildly viral while I have this dumb name
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
if I hadn't slept, eaten, or had one single moment of enjoyment for the last 10 weeks I probably could have memorized all of the law
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
abolition forever but Andrew Tate going down over poor pizza op sec is hilarious
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
@Justice_Blinded so what I’m hearing is y’all could take them
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
you guys ever think about LLCs?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
5 months
I’m tired of being gaslit into believing that being punctual is important when I have NEVER, never EVER, seen a judge take the bench on time. A judge that’s 20 minutes late is shockingly early.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
The appellate lawyers are here now. I may have to start using punctuation.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
so hard to live my life post bar with all of these half-learned civ pro rules falling out of my head and onto the floor every day
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@FlorenceHRScott I saw those photos but I can’t figure out if they’re actually dating! Maybe I’m just being willfully obtuse, since the two of them coupling up significantly decreases the likelihood I’ll get to date either one…
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
sometimes the tv needs to sit 1.5 inches higher so your 70-year-old dad makes little wooden feet for it
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
I’m not a natural invite to a Super Bowl party because you can look at me and tell I won’t even know who’s playing. This is the great tragedy of my life because I LOVE chips and dip. Any kind of dip. I cannot remember a dip I’ve ever regretted.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
petition to remove the phrase “you’ve got this” from the English language
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
4 months
@not_chasebank This is the type of response that keeps me on this godforsaken app
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
retweeting for the truth of the matter
@lawbaebee
𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝐁𝐚𝐞, JD
@lawbaebee
1 year
This Barbie is going to pass the July 2023 Bar Exam
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@inreGray this thread is entirely too overwhelming to look at but I desperately need these tips too lol
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
The issue is whether the couple’s marriage fell apart b/c they moved to Florida. At common law, moving to Florida was considered a smart move for a young couple. However, the modern approach is to stay away from the state because weird shit happens in Florida. In the instant case
@BarExamTutor
Sean Silverman: Silverman Bar Exam & LSAT Tutoring
@BarExamTutor
1 year
Florida Family Law essays: always more scandalous than, say, Secured Transactions:
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
saying “it’s not gonna matter after Tuesday” to friends and loved ones like I’m headed to the front lines
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
so if you pull up to a prospective apartment and see the wind uproot a tree and drop it on somebody’s car that’s probably a bad omen huh
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
6 months
people who manage to do this work without that fact smacking them in the face every goddamn day are a little scary to me
@TheWildJohn
𝐉.𝐏.𝐒.
@TheWildJohn
6 months
Periodically the public defender community needs to be reminded that we are absolutely complicit in the carceral machine’s violence
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@fodderyfodder Honestly, I’ve been a huge fan since the episode where we rode along with the people that stole your car.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
everybody wants to talk about bail reform but nobody (the Supreme Court) wants to talk about whether an initial appearance where bail is set is a critical stage requiring the presence of counsel
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
scared to ask women out? try this one weird trick to fool us into feeling safe
@jzux
trash jones
@jzux
2 years
guys freaking out about how “you can’t approach women in public anymore,” here is one tip. whatever you’re going to say, precede it with “i’m so sorry if this is weird but ____.” displaying even baseline self awareness makes us feel 75% safer
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
Is Themis down for anyone else?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
this is called dating a dude in a band
@Komaniecki_R
Robert Komaniecki
@Komaniecki_R
2 years
Imagine if "not separating the art from the artist" worked in both directions, like "granted, Greg's music sucks but I listen to it anyway because he's a nice guy"
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 month
@VisBitchy YEP
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
I have to study for the bar, I can’t pay attention to what SCOTUS is do- oh, they changed one of the subjects on the exam? Just fully changed it?And they made it racist? Great.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
..and by "all odds" we mean cancer victims and grieving families.
@AmericanLawyer
The American Lawyer
@AmericanLawyer
2 years
Litigator of the Year: Skadden's Allison Brown Achieves Success Against All Odds
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
Me, delusional, applying for public defender jobs: “Once I’m done with the bar exam and finally working as a lawyer, everything will get easier.”
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
how many of y’all who are PDs or who work with PDs read this headline and immediately thought of that one prosecutor in your jurisdiction who would absolutely pursue this
@NPR
NPR
@NPR
2 years
A 6-year-old child shot his teacher at a Virginia elementary school on Friday, police say. Now authorities face an uncomfortable question: How should they prosecute a crime committed by a first-grader?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
how am I doing after the bar exam? well I just cried at a video of a dog who loves puddles playing in the ocean for the first time so
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
law school DEI committee (formed in the summer of 2020)
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
8 months
man the Sunday scaries really hit different when how well I talk in court on Monday can determine if someone goes to prison or not
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
When your cat gets sick for the first time you really don’t expect it to be something *neurological* and a complete mystery to the vet.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
read all the books I intended to read in the last five years in the next three weeks before my job starts challenge
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
what is the hardest part of cleaning your house and why is it finding the right podcast
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
absolutely devastated to report that writing things down really does help you remember them
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
Anyway, she means more to me than most people, so if you have some healing energy or prayers or anything like that, we’d appreciate it.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
gods little gift to me is shark week on the hotel tv between the MEE and the MBE
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
@am_yers honestly uncle is so real for that
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
we’re all just going to keep calling it Twitter and tweets right? like we just need to keep it moving I’m pretty sure
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
Regular movement is so important for health. That is why I am LIVID that society & people in my life tried to shame me into doing it for 30 years. Shame is not conducive to long-term commitment. Associating exercise purely with guilt and weight loss hurts everyone.
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
2 years
@rothschildmd Is IRS a euphemism for FBI so they can speak in code? Or is there a rabbit hole at the end of which people believe the IRS is actually going to physically attack them?
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@sweetabolition
habeas porpoise🐬
@sweetabolition
1 year
at age 35 "I don't do hookups" means I require an in-unit washer/dryer combo
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