( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°) @rare_cryptid Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@trinbelle

@Tom_Winter

@Happyla63452602

@MucajFlorjan

@Akaraien

@sevvalkrcm

@Timbitijnr

@EstaFallin37806

@shimotsukiBlue

@bokeplokalmalam

@UnbePKM

@queerdomrv

@zerroarea

@DiaperDazeComic

@ProspectMeadows

@UnakaBasketball

@GetukEmpuk

@Torchlight4Chan

@Wits_REALCentre

@TheBillyDuffy

@SpiderPhanton

@PedroSebastinG2

@IntelliHoodlum1

@dariganaisha

@Mebs_Gemini

@taissirbw

@HowellRubi79910

@jackironsmusic

@amyfyoung

@AengTeng

@tansleyjames

@redoceanofficia

@_albzzz

@randy_fbi

@ZerotoKun_

@siemathe

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

[Sobbing] if you only knew how sleepy I was you would NEVER make me get up

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

If smoking weed makes you paranoid and anxious that's because you approached the joint with impure thoughts and a heavy karmic debt.

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@rare_cryptid

4 months

We shared the same bed every night for years and now I'll never see her again

Food Porn

@FoodPornPhotos

4 months

What’s your first thought when you see this pizza?

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

When a homie posts a selfie.

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@rare_cryptid

5 months

This is why they're banning tiktok

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@rare_cryptid

8 months

20 minutes and a third cocktail into "girls night" at a place where the cheapest appetizer is $45, one of them says, "you can't be our waiter, you're young enough to be my son" and says "he's young enough for something" and they both howl and a hand finds its way onto your ass

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@rare_cryptid

25 days

These are all the miceoplastics I removed from an American baby I delivered this morning.

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@rare_cryptid

2 months

I swallowed the bear to eat the dog, I swallowed the dog to eat the worm, I swallowed the worm to feel him squirm

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

This police officer accidentally ingested a teaspoon of seed oil.

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

Jordan Peterson losing a debate to a vulgarian and then falling into a Victorian spiral of psychological torment, painkiller addiction, bizarre diets and traveling to a foreign land to die in a hospital bed of a wasting disease seems way too on the nose.

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@rare_cryptid

7 months

@JaneOst_ It's so funny how many complaints about tabletop rpgs just boil down to "we have an asshole friend"

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

In Sims 5 we MUST see hole

SIMOTION

@simotional

1 year

Controversial but with Sims 5, adult players need to be prioritised - not kids. We’re the ones with disposable income to actually invest in the franchise. Don’t make it overly childish or cute, we can handle some drama, tragedy and scandal #Sims5 #TheSims #ProjectRene

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

This is going to piss off the MCU heads, but to me, the biggest super power is being a mom.

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

Hi, it's Bernie. I fucked up again. I just need $27 and I can get my life back together. I know I asked last month, I'm so fucking sorry and fucked up, but if I get that $27 I can take a bus to New Mexico and then I'll be out of your hair, I promise man. I'm really really sorry.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

In what world is an invading force running foot patrols through appalachia.

krus🪖

@krus_chiki

2 years

POV: You’re a UN/Russian/Chinese soldier on patrol in Appalachia and you’re about to discover why the saying “Paddle faster I hear banjo music” exists

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@rare_cryptid

15 days

My man gonna be incredible foie gras.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

We will play this at their funeral, thank you Doug

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

Sometimes I feel so much loathing for Americans it's hard to take

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

My dad used to take a shit and then sit there and smoke half a pack of cigarettes. The room stank like hell, but that man was free.

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

None of these fucking things have a coherent sense of space. The rim of the bowl is weird, the top half of the sandwich doesn't make sense, especially compared to the bottom half. But this is the sort of thing you'd expect from notoriously bad painter Adolf Hitler.

Noah Verrier

@NoahVerrier

3 years

My oil painting of a Grilled Cheese & Tomato Soup

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

We gotta do something about this Hitler guy. Sick of guys like this.

En förvirrad björn i en ofrivärld🍠🏴

@aPebbleInTheSky

2 years

Hitler being a pedo is not discussed enough imo. Virtually everyone he dated was a teenager. Eva Braun was 17 years old. Geli Raubal was also around 17. Maria Reiter was around 16 as well. All known sexual relationships Hitler had started with teenagers whilst he was in his

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

Most Americans would call this "gross" and "rotten" but for a ghoul, this is a delicious treat. Just a matter of perspective.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

He had it planned down to the minute. Chilling.

Doug Mastriano

@dougmastriano

2 years

21 years ago

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

Tapeworm. Pretty cool life. Some things about it are perhaps not so good, but what can you do? It's like that everywhere.

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@rare_cryptid

6 months

[dapping up a guy I vaguely know] hey man how's it going [him] oh you know. 666. Number of the Beast. [me] oh man, you know that's right

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@rare_cryptid

11 months

Me, when my older brother or sister bring a friend over.

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

Credit where credit is due: While not a good game, Assassin's Creed Valhalla has absolutely captured the pinnacle of "Anglo-Saxon Man"

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@rare_cryptid

7 months

Crazy to think this used to be a person

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

[My wife and children, sobbing and crying, begging me to come back, but I walk into the Science Center] I have become totally scientific. I dont believe in love, only data.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

[Guy who has never seen a saber toother tiger] 😏 Probably scariest thing me ever see is fire

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

I have entered incognito mode. Everyone at the CIA are freaking out, alarms are going off, "we lost him! We lost him!"

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@rare_cryptid

10 months

She's letting me do this on my birthday

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@rare_cryptid

2 months

[Duolingo bird] Most people stop learning Japanese after learning this phrase!

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@rare_cryptid

9 months

@normcharlatan A geek may never touch my wife

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

Placing my hand on your forehead, our flesh ripples, the microplastics in each drawn to the other, desperate, the skin bulges, tears. I was once the lid of a cottage cheese container. You were once the container itself.

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

"When Mario eats the mushroom, it is not that he becomes larger, but, as the mushroom opens his true senses to the perversity of the world, it is the world which becomes smaller than Mario." - Shigeru Miyomoto

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

Trip Report: just tried taking what they give Kamala every morning

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@rare_cryptid

6 months

The Viet Cong were trying to steal the Constitution

President Biden

@POTUS

6 months

On National Vietnam War Veterans Day, I salute all those who served and defended our Constitution during the Vietnam War. They sacrificed, as did their families, on behalf of our nation – we'll always remember those we lost, honor those who came home, and recommit to bringing

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

OK, breaaaathe in and out, in and out. Great. You've just breathed in thousands of my spores.

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

This looks stupid, tedious and awful [Checking nexus mod to see if there's a new, sexy shopping gf mod for 5he Walmart metaverse yet] yeah it looks like crap, nobody wants this [Googling "Walmart metaverse can you touch her boobs"] absolute neoliberal hellworld

Homo Digitalis

@DigitalisHomo

3 years

This is how Walmart envisions Shopping in the #Metaverse . Thoughts? 💭

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

@tybuddhaboy Much more common along the Carolinas and coastal regions of Georgia, this type of evolution in the conservative woman typically requires access to "coronas" and warm beaches. Very rare in Idaho, let alone Alaska. May be an attempt at the "Boebert" neotype. More study necessary.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

One time a guy I lived with had diarrhea so bad he would bang on the wall of the bathroom and ask me to bring him a book, more water, etc.

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

Explaining to the cop that I got Jesus in my heart, the good book in the glove compartment and there ain't no way I'm stopping for Satan's stop signs. I'm out of the car and telling the cop that we only got one life and its the life eternal as his service pistol barks in my hand

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

David Mirren

@davidmcgeoch9

3 years

What's the first thing that comes into your head when you think of Scotland? 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

When I was 16 my girlfriends mom got really drunk, flopped down on the sofa next to me, put her feet in my lap, wiggled her toes and said, "so?" I tickled the bottoms of her feet and ran away as soon as she started laughing. This was the only possible response.

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@rare_cryptid

11 months

Ask your barber for "The Duplicitous Friar"

Patrick Doran

@lunch_enjoyer

11 months

Saturn Haircut Most Popular Haircut In Bushwick ✈️

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

There has got to be a third option

Manda Skeptically 🦾🥦🏳️‍🌈

@ShutUpAmanda

2 years

Raise your kids to be like David Hogg, NOT Kyle Rittenhouse.

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

A Honda Civic Type-R with purple underglows and tinted windows blasts its horn, your teenage daughter runs out to meet the driver and he looks like this:

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

@d33jx [Screwing up my face] a hiking trail... well, I reckon we had one of those up by the microbrewery. hahaha yeah, I imagine one of the [pepperoni flatbreads] they serve is exactly the sort of thing that might get the Angry Dog to stop defending the Sewer Entrance.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

When my child tries to speak to me in lower than flac quality audio.

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@rare_cryptid

8 months

@KolGunnar

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

@Hegelbon the internal negotiation that led to "hassled", which is the only way you could make this with a straight face, really does perfectly characterize what seemed to happen in every liberal/progressive brain at that point.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

A corpse in a wood, swelling and bubonic. Ask me questions and massage an answer up from my bulging belly, up through my throat, press your ear to my lips. Yes, the priest eats an unholy provender from his graveyard; yes, the burgers wife dallies with the goats. Yes, yes, yes.

Anna Komnene ☩❤️‍🔥

@Baezantium

2 years

What would your job be in the trad kingdom?

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

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@rare_cryptid

11 months

>doing a genocide >it's not going great >suggest using our nuclear weapons to speed things up >forgot we're supposed to pretend we don't have nuclear weapons Phone says I have a 3 minute voicemail from my boss

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@rare_cryptid

7 months

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

This used to be what most Europeans looked like.

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

Would be interesting to find out what the people who run these accounts do for a living.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

Aristotle has been banned from Twitch

Nrken19

@nrken19

2 years

Reconstruction of Greek philosopher Aristotle based on his bust.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

The Conversation (1974)

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

[Looking at glitter art in the 1st grade art show] you know that this is all sponsored by the CIA to undercut solidarity with the labor movement right? [A woman trying to be nice] oh? Which one did your child do? [Smugly] oh no, I don't belive in having kids I'm here to educate

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@rare_cryptid

8 months

Weird how some of those words are bold

JD Vance

@JDVance

8 months

Maybe the internet was a mistake

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

Your dad while your mom chews you out after you forgot to wipe the family computer's browser history.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

All of them. It's how I get home.

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@rare_cryptid

9 months

I'm the guy with horrible deformities and a hunchback that climbs out of a black hole in the earth and brings you all the magic ore that powers your machines and you give me food to bring back to the rat men miners who call me "Father" and dream of sunlight and freedom.

🎃 Spooky Eco 🎃🌿🍉

@_ComradeSolar_

9 months

What is your task in the solarpunk commune?

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

When you're being mean to me, this is who you're being mean to

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

When I was a kid I played in a d&d game at the community college and the dungeon master, an adult, told us a vagina felt like a "soft, wet glove". He postponed a game bc he was "about to get laid" and then I saw him at the gamestop and he told me to smell his "stink finger"

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Discovered a new type of guy tonight: jacked adult man who brags to teens at the Magic: The Gathering event about all the pussy he crushes

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@rare_cryptid

6 months

@tybuddhaboy

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

“Screenwriters” are losing their mind about this page

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

Spending hours locked in a writer's room with David Cross should be considered time served. Let him walk.

FBI

@FBI

4 years

The #FBI is still seeking information on people who took part in the violence at the U.S. Capitol on January 6. If you know this individual, visit . Refer to photo 247 in your tip.

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

⏯️ 0:45 8:52 AM Hi, this is Donna in HR. Just noticed that you might have used your work Office 365 login to access a site called "Bing Image Creator" and generate over three hundred images of "Dianne Feinstein Marfan Syndrome" during work hours and wanted confirm this was you

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46

707

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

When she asks if I practice santeria or have a crystal ball

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103

677

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

Hanging off my tall, beautiful girlfriend's leg like a sloth.

1

31

676

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

Bro

TODAY

@TODAYshow

2 years

Queen Elizabeth II makes her first appearance at the #PlatinumJubilee with her cousin Prince Edward, Duke of Kent.

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615

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

Boss just sent me this. Something is happening. Spend more time with your loved ones today.

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25

624

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

The cow is weeping because he has become aware of the impermanence of life and, like a sudden unfurling of a flower, an intimate knowledge of the golden land of the buddha has unfolded within his heart

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54

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@rare_cryptid

2 months

Tucker must be humiliated to have taken this picture now

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17

629

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

Dog...

Arthur Bloom

@j_arthur_bloom

2 years

THE PHYSIOGNOMY THEORY OF REVOLUTIONARY HISTORY: I have a theory that any 5 year old can be given a better understanding of the history of revolutions than your average college student, and all you have to show them is pictures.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

Dog what is going on here

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12

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

This is what it's like to be a father

Got CTE from playing Peek-a-Boo

@doulbedoink

3 years

Me and my best friend when we go to the robot abuse factory

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@rare_cryptid

9 months

[driving home in silence] [my mother] is it because your father is dead? Is that why you would cum in your pants and humiliate the family like this? Why you would cum in your pants at the twerking contest?

0

28

587

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@rare_cryptid

10 months

Leave it to SF tech guys to see a car and a human being and think "the car is the more real, important thing here"

Louis Anthony Loftus

@louisafloftus

10 months

These people are so stupid and evil it’s unbelievable

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@rare_cryptid

5 months

Slime

Naomi 🐇

@BUNNYEXPLODER

5 months

question for guys: what are u supposed to call dudes when ur flirting with them ? “prettyboy” feels too feminine and “cutie” sounds infantilizing but “handsome” sounds stupid

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

The seasons may change, the years may pass, but one thing will never change

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@rare_cryptid

7 months

All day: Going to bed by 9 tonight 9:26pm : I'm going to eat a crunchwrap supreme tonight

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34

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@rare_cryptid

6 months

The Papa John's by your mother's house is unusually busy.

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

"They exaggerated how bad it was but also they did it and, also we're looking into it." If a child told you this, you know what you'd think.

The Spectator Index

@spectatorindex

1 year

BREAKING: 🇮🇱 IDF spokesman says an investigation has been opened into the bombing of Al-Ahli Baptist Hospital, adding that Islamic Jihad is responsible and death tolls were exaggerated.

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

This country is such a nightmare.

Joe Biden

@JoeBiden

4 years

With just over 20 days until Inauguration Day, there’s never been a better time to stock up on @BidenInaugural gear. Head to to find everything you need.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

I eat a huge bowl of these for breakfast every morning

jim rose circus

@jimrosecircus1

2 years

The smallest bird in the world is the Zunzunito, also know as the bee bird.

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

👇nasty little freak wants pics

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25

449

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@rare_cryptid

5 months

Something beautiful about the way people treat cops in this country and then someone just sneaks up on a sniper.

Margaret Menge

@togdali

5 months

Sniper on the roof of the Indiana Memorial Union at #IU . Gun pointed down at peaceful Gaza protesters in Dunn Meadow. This is 4 hours after the arrest of 22 students and 2 professors in the meadow. Have never seen anything like this on this campus.

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@rare_cryptid

2 years

"Did you know that butterflies can live even if you remove their wings?"

Matthew Yglesias

@mattyglesias

2 years

For all its very real problems, one shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that the contemporary United States of America is one of the best places to live in all of human history and there’s a reason tons of people of all kinds from all around the world clamor to move here.

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@rare_cryptid

5 years

Nixon: ... what are those, Ds? Kissinger: These? [rustling sound] I wear an E cup. Nixon: An E? My god! The girls must go crazy over you. Kissinger: [chuckling] I can't complain. Nixon: girls love a guy with an accent and... just the biggest set of jugs I've ever seen

7

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454

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

Pratik Desai

@chheplo

1 year

Start regularly recording your parents, elders and loved ones. With enough transcript data, new voice synthesis and video models, there is a 100% chance that they will live with you forever after leaving physical body. This should be even possible by end of the year.

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@rare_cryptid

1 month

1

15

477

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@rare_cryptid

1 year

Oblivion.rtf 🇵🇸

@oblivion_rtf

1 year

Well now, a pretty little Wood Elf. You're a little far from the forest, huh? Looks like your days of woodland frolicking have come to a tragic end.

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22

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@rare_cryptid

4 years

Imagine if the attacker had huge boobs and they kept getting in the way when they tried to swing the knife.

Mehdi Hasan

@mehdirhasan

4 years

Imagine if today's Capitol attacker had gotten out of his car not with a knife but with an AR-15. Imagine the police death toll. Just imagine. #guncontrol

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@rare_cryptid

3 years

Very into the person who sits through a whole lord of the rings movie and is like, "this is some weird shit. Very bizarre."

Bob Hardt

@bobhardt

3 years

In a scathing interview, former Cuomo ally Christine Quinn says she feels "duped" by the governor. "This was like 'Lord of the Rings.' It was bizarre." @NY1

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