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hart the phoenix

@puheenix

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self-transmogrifying firebirb || singer, pianist, songwriter, voice teacher

NYC
Joined February 2016
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 months
🚨 i'm launching an ambitious new project: a research collective that gets you paid for your knowledge work i know a ton of underemployed people with massive brains and hearts, so i'm forming a group that amplifies your abilities and puts your brilliance to great use 🧵
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
10 months
there’s a disconcerting thing that happens with some dudes where you befriend them (as a fellow dude) and feel like they’re respectable, compassionate, real then you find out from a female friend that they’re totally fucking different with women — manipulative, creepy, lewd
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
where are the elders? i very often meet people in their 70s & 80s and listen to their stories, concerns, and opinions though i’m a charitable listener, nobody seems more childish than these folks — emotionally reactive, fixated on their egos, and needing approval from strangers
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
28 days
just had a dream where i gave the best explanation for a psychic self-defense move i learned in customer service: never use an apology where a thank-you will suffice
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
10 months
as a man it’s hard to spot because this side of them surfaces only when they’re one-on-one with a woman, not in mixed company. ie they’re not likely to subject me to creepy vibes so i don’t know what to look for in a man that would clue me in on this
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
9 months
work is punishment for being too dumb to find a lazy way out
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
@__frye you need to be befriending gigantic subterranean insectoid empaths to save your city. you need to sail around the flood wreckage with your magical goldfish girlfriend helping the townsfolk repair their lives. you should be taking the night bus
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
10 months
— but i want to keep a healthy distance. i feel grossed out about close connection with two-faced people generally but especially with dudes who creep out women i respect
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
10 months
tbf there are women who equate “he’s subtly uncomfortable w his own sexuality” = “he’s a creep” but this is not that. i can befriend awkward horny dudes in recovery the instances i’m thinking of were un-subtly manipulative, self-serving, objectifying, or overtly disrespectful
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
—but they don’t have 7 decades of experience; they have 1 year of experience 70 times, by refusing to accept responsibility for the results and i think, please don’t let me get stuck like this. i’ve got to keep taking responsibility for my outcomes & going beyond myself
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
10 months
such dudes seem to know their behavior is shameful enough to hide from those they’re not interested in fucking so mb one solution is to include respectful men in the whisper network, for their own good & the network’s would you tell me if i was too cozy with a creepy dude?
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
it’s astonishing to watch a 75 year-old struggle and fail to make social connections due to skill issues i overcame in my early 20s i think, ‘how do 7 decades of experience not teach you this lesson?’
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
though i don’t often seek advice from elderly people anymore, i used to — and the counsel they gave was terrible: rife with blind assumptions, ignorant of the changing world, fraught with self-coercion and fear of the unconscious mind (the latter may be the crux of it)
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
retirees i meet aren’t using their spare time uplifting their fellows — they’re accruing debt, neglecting their bodies, and indulging in socially acceptable forms of hedonism their idea of citizenship is to complain against those who fail to make their lives more comfortable
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
the male virgin/whore dichotomy is the gentleman/barbarian to be attractive, men are supposed to be civilized, polished and refined, and at the same time, unleashed demons of raw fury and power
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
is it a generational thing? will elders in 20 years be any better? or has our culture stopped producing wisdom from experience? if we’ve stopped, how do we start again? & where do i find the exceptional people who have actually grown as they’ve aged? how do i befriend them?
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
@zebharadon @_hellochrissy shorten this to ‘lil phantom lens’ and it sounds pretty cool better than my ‘lil constipation’
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
8 months
start saying yes to your deepest desires & watch the magic happen yesterday morning i journaled, “i haven’t performed live in over 8 months. i wanna give a house show in the common area, & jam with friends. casual vibes, for my friends to listen & socialize” and 8 hours later—
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
i don’t want to be cynical about the elderly — i realize that in my current job (entertainment & luxury travel), i meet a disproportionate number of people in these failure modes but the general picture i get from friends’ parents and social media isn’t any brighter
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
10 months
twitter strangers have now adopted this thread into their arsenals of judgment and condemnation, which i see as stupid schoolyard bullying men i refer to as "creepy" above are not bad people, i just don't trust them. it's a strategic act, not a virtuous stand muting you all now
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
28 days
but why not say sorry? it’s nice! because ‘sorry’ takes responsibility for something that isn’t fucking yours. doing so adds to your psychic burden; your unconscious adopts just a little more urgency to fix a problem you can’t change. cue gradual descent into pointless worry.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
there are three flavors of attractive person: beautiful, cute, and hot people can be 0-3 of these
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
5 months
after much trial and error, i've figured out how to reliably get myself to grow & learn as an adult not just "i finished the course" but actually "i can now do stuff i couldn't do before" let me show you:
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
touched a nerve & i'm so mad rn let me journal about this for another couple weeks and then bring it up softly in a conversation maybe once we've all moved on from it
@RichDecibels
Richard D. Bartlett
11 months
I just need to get my shit together before I ask for help
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
day 4 of a break from cannabis that i’m planning to continue for the rest of the year. i love how it supports divergent thinking & engaging at the level of bodily sensation, but imposes three major costs i need rest from:
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
7 months
dude, plants are incredible. look how pretty and precise. it's like a garden and a fortress. sometimes nature just makes me all moony eyed and swoony
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
28 days
but why “thank you”? isn’t that insincere? it’s a jedi mind trick — it brings out their best side by acknowledging it’s there and rewarding it if you say “thanks for telling me,” you assume positive intent (that they’re trying to help), which convinces them they mean to help
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
28 days
e.g. someone complains to you about shit that’s not your problem, acting like it is if you say “i’m sorry” and they stay angry, you obligate yourself to accept their blame you don’t have to give them that power. just say “thanks for telling me”
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
30 days
i think learning to love my own personality and looks increased my attractiveness 2-3 points (out of 10), i highly recommend
@Aella_Girl
Aella
1 month
I think plastic surgery and microblading increased my attractiveness 0.5-1 points (out of 10), I highly recommend
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
9 months
need to make a [taps sign] post about the Portable Jung cause this comes up often Jung’s writing is some of the densest prose i’ve ever forced myself to read — and possibly *the* most helpful but there’s no way i could have understood him without Joseph Campbell’s editing
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
tpot is a collective dream shared by socially intelligent people, and trends toward higher collective intelligence a thread about why this is exciting to me (it implies our growing capacity to realize the dream of IRL community)
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
like alan watts said, “If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen.”
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
28 days
“thanks for telling me” isn’t a sensible wording for every situation, but you can adapt this method the basic move is: 1) ignore blame that isn’t yours 2) assume positive intent, which invites them into it
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
8 months
🧵 something that’s come up in several voice lessons lately that i want to nail down as a principle: 🪄singing is empathic spellcasting✨
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 months
women cannot fathom just how many nonstandard body types are hot as hell
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
how many rounds of brainstorming you think it took before they crossed “twink dongs” off the whiteboard and just went with “mashups”
@OneEyedAlpaca
oneeyedalpaca
11 months
i... i have to get a box, right?
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
4 months
a recent finding from some light slutty experimentation: i'm straight (?!)
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
28 days
which is true — there’s a part of their internal family system that wants to help people, even while they’re complaining by thanking that part, you’re strengthening it — signaling them that the considerate part of them deserves praise. that part will often step up & take charge.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
somebody wanna clue me in on how to fucking let the fuck go
@algekalipso
Captain Pleasure, Andrés Gómez Emilsson
11 months
The grasping and clinging shall continue until we have permanently attained the object of our desire.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
@nomanautomata @ellegist she’s shitfaced half the week, always the drunkest one at the party, and bulldozing through social boundaries left and right if it was just social lubricant, she wouldn’t be straining friendships & disrespecting her fiancé in service of a substance. it all points to addiction
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
once you discover shame living in your body that you no longer believe in, how do you metabolize it and move on?
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
this would take insanely long to explain to anyone who didn't laugh
@jicapal
jicapal
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
dear friends: i just tried this out with a friend and it works. my heart feels much better and clearer. if you ever need a friend to just hear you out while you vent feelings of shame, offer reflections if you desire, or just send you love, please reach out
@triciapickren
Tricia Pickren
11 months
@puheenix i think shame needs a witness to move, specifically another person hearing your shame with compassion. there’s something about the energy of shame that needs to be seen out in the open to metabolize
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 years
@Aella_Girl having walked away from high-paying jobs because they began to demand unethical behavior, no. the market isn’t pure competition between value creators — it’s complicated by rent seeking, nepotism, path dependency, corruption, and ordinary ambition. the rich aren’t all one way.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
two nights running, i've woken up at 4am with this charge in my body evoking memories of early childhood trauma years ago, i'd have considered it a problem. "what's wrong with me? why am i sleeping wrong?" now i recognize the gift. "what a perfect time to relearn that i'm safe"
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
if nominative determinism is real, brie larson should be shoplifting cheese
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
did a second round of mdma therapy yesterday (first round was ~6wks ago) and used toning and metta meditation to support the process. it was *super effective* my intentions were to heal childhood trauma & shame, anchor into deeper self-acceptance, and open up more to life
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 months
just took an offer to get bumped to a flight 7 hours later for $800 read/work in an airport for 115 bucks an hour? hell yes i can
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
7 months
@nolemonnomelon bury my face in her neck and draw the best breath of my day
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
this is as complicated and contradictory as the virgin/whore, with social stigma attached to both sides but integration of these opposites is undeniably sexier than either side in isolation
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
the pure gentleman has nice guy syndrome — overdeveloped intellect and repressed desire, trying to bargain for social and sexual connection through surface empathy (but he can’t deeply empathize bc he’s cut off from his own inner animal, so his empathy is rly objectification)
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
6 months
i've heard TWO stories this week about people being called tone-deaf and being scarred by it each story was unprompted -- it just bubbled up from the person describing their relationship to singing, which i like to ask about first, calling a person tone-deaf is wrong af, stoppp
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
the first is distraction. my focus becomes so disruptable that i can’t compose the inspiration i receive into a usable form — my attention gets sidetracked by the next fleeting idea & continuity is lost. now that i’m working on something long form, i need consistency.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
when a connection doesn't go the way you wanted: nobody did anything wrong. nobody failed to connect, to see each other, to do the right thing, or want the right stuff you simply got a different thing than you wanted. and that's often the recipe for the best possible thing.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
9 months
i’m disturbed by those in biotech trying to bring an end to death i find this crusade perverse in the extreme
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
ever since i did mdma therapy about 2 weeks ago, i’ve been happy-crying really easily cried 3 times watching “a star is born” on an airplane, i think i’m on a new type of flight list sang at a friend’s wedding & was a soggy mess the whole time tldr: crying is great go do it
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
the second is social anxiety. it’s low-grade and sometimes barely noticeable, but it does subtly make me less available to connection or trust. it even sticks around when the high wears off, like i’ve worn down my resilience.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
the third is raw drive. when i’m habituated to thc, i feel less motivation or belief in my goals & accept too many compromises with my time and attention.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
having the hardest hour of my year rn please send cures for heartache
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
aesthetically indistinguishable from the hunger games capital citizens the Spirit of the Age is not on display here. this is the shambling soulless husk of whatever abhors its expression
@WhitlockJason
Jason Whitlock
3 months
The Olympic Opening Ceremony is trash.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
lucid dreamers, try this. it's fucking wild once you become lucid, reach into your own mind and find the dial for sensory vividness. crank it to 11
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
@powerbottomdad1 to be fair he was tutored by fucking aristotle but I agree with your point
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
5 months
i did not leave the apartment today. i did not shower. i did not even put on a shirt i wrote music the entire day
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
@cahouser yeah i’d expect that lifelong entrepreneurs keep growing and learning since they’re perpetually facing risk and novelty i think the lesson is, gotta keep hurling yourself into the unknown if you wanna grow
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
idk which one of my IFS parts needs to hear this but, trust your vibe check. trust your gut. trust your ick report. trust your vague sense of knowing. trust your uncanny recollection of the unwelcome familiar. trust your read of the room. trust your intuition. trust your grok.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
integrating the two is a laborious emotional and intellectual undertaking. whichever side dominates (for most moderns, the gentleman) has to let go of its fear of the other, acknowledge the gifts of the side it’s been repressing, and invite compromise. and that’s just step 1
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 months
it begins as a research course that becomes a professional group through its coordinated efforts. applications open Monday, Aug 26 – see the course overview for a more detailed vision, and join the email list within to be reminded when you can apply:
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
8 months
i think about this tweet almost every day changed the way i warm up, the way i perform, and the way i teach singing even changed the way i feel about my body: it has something to say that i haven't heard yet
@soundrotator
Reb
3 years
psst beautiful singing is relaxed singing and relaxed singing is pitched sighing
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
@ellegist i agree there should be sacrifice, but if you’re proposing marriage then you’re also spending *her* future savings. why not sacrifice in a way that doesn’t cost her so much? like spending time and care on something
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
the unchecked barbarian is a slave to his drives and status, afraid of any impulse that threatens to weaken or feminize him. his terror of the unknown is as vast as his ignorance, and his desperation for approval demands he never show that he wants approval
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
8 months
i'm irrationally angry when i don't have a private practice space. if there's anyone in earshot, i can't write music or enjoy practice. i just stay mad no matter who it is, i resent them *so fucking much* weirdly, i love performing but hate writing/practicing around people? why
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
7 months
have you ever significantly leveled up your game on speaking uncomfortable truths? ie it wasn't naturally easy for you to deliver bad news / rejection / constructive criticism, but you did something to git gud? how'd you do it?
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
@TylerAlterman i got an awful job at a call center selling servers. i had never even seen a server. i learned you could just ask for stuff – like an appointment with the boss. so went into an insurance office on my way home and asked for an appointment with the boss. talked him into hiring me.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
whoa fuck, i'm SO glad i kept putting off that one task
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
i quit smoking weed about three weeks ago & i've started getting a body high from meditation that lasts over an hour after i sit. it's rad
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
@ThanksThoth @BenRatkaj most of them don’t know they’re flirting until the uhaul arrives
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
the trick to having the best vibecamp is taking responsibility for your vibe
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
me making art like *makes a brush stroke* shit! wait that was fine *makes a brush stroke* shit! wait that was fine *makes a brush stroke* shit! wait that was fine *makes a brush stroke* shit! wait that was fine *makes a brush stroke* shit! wait that was fine *makes a brush-
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
@chaosprime before enlightenment, occasionally chop wood, sometimes carry water. after enlightenment, chop the goddamn wood, carry the goddamn water goddammit
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
8 months
“what if you sacrifice this job but you free your ____ for life” is a gambit i’ve made three times rescued three important pieces of my psyche this way and have no regrets there are always other jobs. there’s never another you.
@simon_ohler
Simon 🌳 : )
8 months
@Jarsen I mean yeah, I made it pretty clear that talking to your boss about it obviously can have relevant consequences. but so can just letting the crush subside. it's really a matter of prioritizing. what if you sacrifice this job one time but you free your eros for life? worth it?
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
the aspects of psyche and shadow are like a rubik’s cube, where moving one face rearranges several others if you’re launching into an integrative process, be ready to meet and mingle a lot of new sides of yourself
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
4 months
i used to feel my orientation as 20-30% gay, but that's proven v untrue for the last year – i feel like a full hetero plenty of makeouts with both sexes lately. to varying degrees, each girl made my heart pound and hormones surge. kissing boys was fun, but my body said nah
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
4 months
i didn't get any ick from gay smooches, just felt like tasting food when you're not hungry. some pleasant sensations but zero want for more – and a wee hint of a "let's stop before i make myself sick" gut response the fellas were physically gorgeous, too, but desire was nil
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
4 months
idk if it's related, but i also feel peak gender euphoria in the last year or so. boy things feel super fun. masculinity fits like a glove. aggression rocks. there's still ample room for my feminine side & i cherish it, but i feel better than ever about being a man
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
11 months
i've said many times, "i don't do circling with strangers anymore." i hadn't circled for about 8 years but yesterday i was invited to a circling practice & i went holy fuck have i *grown*
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
tfw you realize you’ve been living the good life for three solid years and it’s still getting better makes me wanna take a tour through time, visit all my past selves and be like, ‘seriously it gets so much better, hang in there’ but it’s okay, they already did ❤️
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
do you ever feel like you're stuck in a strange mood and sending out weird vibes? what do you do?
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
4 months
otoh i *love* a femme woman with a masculine streak. & having a woman accept my feminine side is an absolute must. i'm a sweetheart with a deep well of tender emotions; they're gonna show. treat me accordingly bt also i'm gonna grab you by the hair and throw you around some ❤️‍🔥
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
2 years
@powerbottomdad1 imo the value of a private tutor is having a learned person learn your mental model & skill tree, then skill you up in bespoke ways, plus give direct feedback YouTube algos make for a shitty tutoring relationship — biased toward entertainment, misinformation, & reward hijack
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
officially announcing my candidacy as your voice teacher & creativity-unblocking coach! a thread below on how i've come by this set of skills & what you can hope to gain from working with me. short version: singing with confidence, sounding like yourself, & enjoying performance
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
one thing you just stop noticing at vibecamp bc it’s so blessedly common is all the guy on guy marathon hugging
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
4 months
do you chronically interrupt yourself, anon? do you speak, sing, or move through social space in a faltering way? there's a cure. it's simple, gradual, & gentle. it not only cures hesitancy, but clears a bunch of other emotional blocks too. and it's pretty fun doro has found it
@DoroisDoro
🤍✨Doro ✨🖤
4 months
oh damn i’m doing it again and it works even when i don’t even have relaxation of my body as a conscious goal in mind or touching any muscles …i just sing, my voice “feels” the blocks and *does* something
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
5 months
there are 3 main reasons people fail to get what they want from a teacher, course, or practice. the work either feels: - too boring - too hard - irrelevant we're used to ignoring these signals because schooling trains us to accept them and "power through" but that's bullshit
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
recently i had a writing breakthrough (with the help of thc) that gave me something really worth working on. now that i have that vision, i’m happy to switch modes and do the work.
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
6 months
dear frens send hugs thanks ily
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
8 months
many novice performers think the neurotic introvert’s projected social rules apply: - don’t be big - don’t have strong opinions - don’t think highly of yourself - don’t go off script - don’t enjoy your own voice/body these rules are bullshit everywhere, but *especially onstage*
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
1 year
i wanna live in a world where i can wake up in the morning, pop down to a local shop, and run into 3 or 4 of you getting coffee and talking meta about the latest discourse
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
god gives his horniest thoughts to his sluttiest soldiers ❤️
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@puheenix
hart the phoenix
3 months
my new digs for the next 3 weeks basically a floating retirement home, but it’s comfy af & i’m getting paid to play and sing
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