A word of advice: never ask someone with Virgo or Scorpio placements why they’re mad at someone you love if you aren’t ready to have your opinion of them change. You will not accomplish your goal of defending them; you will have your illusions of their character shattered.
HAPPY VIRGO SEASON! START WAKING UP AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY! FIND JOY IN ROUTINES! CONFRONT YOUR ROOMMATE ABOUT THE DISHES! BUY SPECIFIC KINKWARE! DO YOGA! MAKE YOUR NERDY ASS NICHE JOKES! HONOR YOUR COMMITMENTS! INVEST IN PRESENTABLE LEISURE CLOTHING! READ A FUCKIN BOOK!
placements that make me truly smile when i see them in a chart:
- taurus moon
- cancer rising
- leo rising
- scorpio venus
- gemini mercury
- libra suns
I just think it’s funny how Geminis, Leos, and Scorpios get the most shit of the zodiac and then when people start asking “best sex you’ve ever had?” the answers start changing...
🗣️IT'S GEMINI SEASON PEOPLE 🗣️
TIME TO
- spark a meaningless, but strangely heated debate
- text back "sorry just saw this" 24 hours later
- get distracted by something you read online and take another 40 min to leave the house for the grocery store
- use memes instead of words
air sign culture is submitting work between the hours of 3-6 am because if literally anyone is awake i WILL get distracted, want to talk to someone, and accomplish nothing
HOW GEMINI SEES THE SIGNS (pt 1)
♈ so what reckless decision are we making today bb??
♉ can u stop slandering me pls
♊ a fellow cold bitch <3
♋ i wasn't TRYING to hurt your feelings
♌ u fun bitch ! go off !
♍ so what are we bitching about in intense detail today??
HOW GEMINI SEES THE SIGNS (pt 2)
♎ soulmate status
♏ chill on the couch n talk shit friend
♐ ur me.... but louder
♑ stop budgeting my adventures dad!!!
♒ smarty pants bff that makes u laugh ur ass off
♓ omg it was a j o k e i cant deal w ur sensitivity
HAPPY SAGITTARIUS SEASON! TIME TO:
✨dance to britney
✨read a fucking book
✨spend a gratuitous amount of time yearning on airbnb
✨pick up a new hobby
✨drop your old hobbies
✨pick up a new hobby again
✨insult your uncle and cackle
✨wink at a stranger
✨irish goodbye
HAPPY SCORPIO SZN Y'ALL!!
TIME TO:
😈 read into a text!
😈 glare at people without explanation!
😈 stalk your ex's new SO's little sister's twitter!
😈 choose one person to form a really intense bond with, and then call everyone else you know fake!
😌 be a really good friend :~)
HAPPY PISCES SEASON LIL FISHIES!! ♓️🐟
Time to:
- take long epsom salt baths
- cancel plans to hang with yourself
- learn how to read tarot
- stay in bed til 3pm
- be extra mushy with ur luvr
- tell people about your dreams whether they care or not
- do a bob ross painting
you know what dua lipa is right. i bet it IS exhausting being a leo. having to dress well and learn how to do eyebrows and come up with stories and cheer people up all the time just to get called extra and annoying for doing the very things that delight us all.
Words I see associated w/ the signs daily that have become meaningless to me
Aries: passion
Taurus: reliable
Gemini: wit
Cancer: nurture
Leo: magnetism
Virgo: analytical
Scorpio: devotion
Sagittarius: adventure
Capricorn: ambition
Aquarius: detached
Pisces: feelings
MAD LIBS TIME!
Fill in the sentence: I am a [SUN], but in my heart I feel like [MOON]. On a first impression, you might assume I’m [RISING]. I speak [MERCURY], and in love I [VENUS]. I have been described as having [MARS] energy.
one time a cancer commented some mean bullshit on my account and i replied, verbatim, "hey shut up" and they sent me a DM that was 4 paragraphs long about how their dad died and i have no right to pick on them and ask my followers to attack them (after receiving a single comment)
CANCER: y’all think water signs are soft?? Check out this shell and these pincers, bitch!! 🦀
SCORPIO: water signs? Soft?? Have you seen this big ass stinger for my big ass rage?? 🦂
PISCES: guys wtf where’s my bodily weapon 🐠
geminis are virgos who like attention and hate schedules
virgos are geminis who can actually show up on time to the appointments on their equally diverse and crammed calendars
is the world ready to talk about this????
Simultaneously wanting people to laugh at all of your jokes, while not treating YOU like a joke and having everyone think you’re smart, is Gemini culture (CC: Sagittarius, Leo)
Every single thing i say is a joke i have never beens serious in my life... when I sleep I say jk....and when i wake up i say lol. i pee applause and none of my relationships are real and i am resigned to be a jester for hot people my entire life...
Virgo rising anecdote: someone once asked me to stop telling them why I had problems with people in my life bc they couldn’t handle seeing the world through my misanthropic, judgmental, accurate eyes
"I thought this account was only for Geminis"
"Do you know an account that's exclusively about Leos?"
"Where can I find an IG that only posts my sign?"
1. I don't know, I don't care
2. Please learn to care about a single other person in your life
what's your mercury sign and what are your favorite words?
i'm a gemini mercury and some of mine are:
- obtuse
- fervent
- meticulous
- ridiculous
- extremely
- insane
- bitch
- lovebug
- snuggle
If your relatives ask "What do you want to do with your life?" at any point today, feel free to say one of the following:
- Sea witch
- Town elder
- Ancient god
- Oracle whose prophecies no one ever believes, ultimately leading to much death and destruction
weird adult brags:
- taking advanced classes when you were a child
- SAT score
- interesting birth stories (ex. born w/ umbilical cord around neck)
- being born in nyc/abroad
- how early you smoked weed
- anyways i was born with my umbilical cord around my neck
Might stop memeing cancers altogether tbh I’m sick of y’all telling me I don’t get you!!! I know!! I’m only including you to be nice!! I don’t need the whining and bitching!!! If I pick another sign to leave out, I could fit 10 signs in one post....
i just turned 27 and the idea of spending time with someone who i'd have to buy the alcohol for because she is *checks notes* NINETEEN?? is unfathomable to me