A few things basketball Americans say (Explained):
“I’m an entrepreneur” - I sell drugs
“Free my boy *insert name*” - my friend committed a crime and got caught and i want him to get out of jail so we can commit more crimes
“Give me all your money now” - you’re being robbed
Wench I’ve been having amazing conversation with on Tinder has 3 million snap score. 3 MILLION! Is this worth pursuing from the good convo or is this just cooked
Off for the rest of the week, lil brother turns 21 at midnight. Watching Caleb Williams highlights getting horny thinking ab how good the bears will be this year. Thanks
Friendly reminder to not order DoorDash today in respect for our minorities that have the day off. They are busy committing crimes and conceiving more children. Thanks
Convinced that every guy fumbles one bad bitch that fucks them up & makes them numb towards every broad after. Then they eventually settle and get married anyways
Female is en route to Richard’s apartment. I’ve already yacked since leaving the pub. Going to be a sloppy whiskey dick hook up but im here for it. Wish me luck brothers
Gonna start a new experiment today. Saying offensive things to women out of my league on Hinge in hopes that they'll be pissed off enough to respond. Win's a win in my book
It’s Tuesday afternoon, just left work early, feeling like I’m going to get ungodly high tonight and watch my favorite episodes of Black Mirror until I feel like we’re all in a simulation
At this point I’m considering a career path where I track where SteveWillDoIt and MrBeast are at all times & hope they give me life changing amounts of money
Boy do I love living in a legal state. I just went to the dispensary at 9:17pm and grabbed a 91% granddaddy purp cartridge so i can melt into my bed and crank hog.
Have an odd feeling that I made a fool of myself while hammered this weekend. Ex wife won’t stop blowing up my phone. It might be a Xanax at work type of day
The best part about having my 2 weeks in at work is I can rip YouTube all day and nobody can do shit about it. What are you gonna do boss, fire me? I’d love another 2 weeks off before starting my new gig. I dare you
Must have mistaken my brothers 21st for my own, because I am hung cheddar. Need this pool to revive me so I can unlock my inner Bryson at my tee time later.
My fellow sports gamblers, we have officially entered the worst week of the year. No major sports games to bet on during MLB all star break. I am currently going through physical withdrawals (sweating, shaking) because of this. With that being said drop HR derby picks
Planning a new weekend game for next school year. Group chooses a college to visit for the weekend. No hotels booked, you must go home with a bird or you sleep in the car. Who’s in?
In a super big predicament right now, snagged an Italian beef from the break room that I assumed the company catered. Turns out it was pre ordered for people in a meeting and the Teams group chat is looking for who took it. Tossing the wrapper in my bag & praying
Threw 2 transfusions on my uncles tab at the clubhouse this afternoon. Also snuck in a couple shandys from mom’s fridge. Shot an 85, ready to hit the town. Thanks
If you thought your Monday was bad, I spent mine with an AXO broad, bought dinner and ended with a below average handy. You can only imagine the disgust I felt this morning
Just had to leave the function because I am pissing out of my asshole. Wrap I ate for lunch must have been poisoned by the far left. Don’t worry, big wave will make his way to the casino tonight. Wait 2 hours you will see!