Advocate for ageless sexuality, speaker on senior sex, author of award-winning books Sex After Grief and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex.
Woo hoo, I'm 78 today. Each ache or pain or limitation tells me I'm old. Do NOT tell me I look young - I don't aspire to being young. I own being old, and I'm grateful I got here (almost died at 35). I wouldn't trade my 78 yrs of experience for any reduction in years.
#LandOfOld
It's ok for seniors to enjoy kinky sex, vanilla sex, sex with a partner or multiple partners, solo sex. Don't let any of the mean, grumpy "you shouldn't...at your age" comments get to you. You do you. And don't yuck anyone else's yum if their idea of good sex differs from yours.
IMO "foreplay" is an outdated term based on the assumption that only PIV (penis-in-vagina) is "real" sex. Can we use the term "arousal" instead, which encompasses many different kinds of activities and makes no assumption about when/how orgasm happens?
OK ladies, it's your turn. If you are a woman who has sex with men, I wanna hear about your experiences with "foreplay".
#journorequest
What does foreplay mean to you? What's involved and if that's the "foreplay" what's the "play" (and what's "post-play" for that matter?! HMU
"Fat shaming is just bullying... While you're encouraging people to think about what goes into their mouths, think a little harder about what comes out of yours." Whatever your weight, please watch this.
There are many "coming of age" novels. But where are the "coming of aged" novels dealing with the transition to becoming an old person? If these novels exist, tell me title and author. Requirements: author is old, high quality writing, & sex is included b/c it's part of life.
Sex toy retailers who want me to link to you: we both know you want the attention of my older demographic, but if your website shows photos of young folks only, you're shutting us out and I'm not promoting you. Not enough to say, "But all are welcome!" Inclusivity includes age.
Don't let age hold you back. I started my 3rd career - writing and educating about senior sex - at 61. At almost 80 now, I still love my work. Keep learning, dreaming, going after your dreams. It’s never too late to learn something new, try something new, reach for something new.
You like porn? Watch it and enjoy. You don't like it? Don't watch it, do something you do enjoy. Your partner likes it and you don't? You don't need to do everything together. Once again, I fail to see the problem.
Seems simple: If you believe in monogamy, be monogamous. If you don't believe in abortion, don't have one. If you don't believe in gay marriage, don't marry a gay person. But stop telling other people with different needs & beliefs how to live their lives! Why is this so hard?
I was a teen in the 50s/early 60s. What were we up to? Secrecy, shame, fear of pregnancy, fear of being discovered, and no knowledge of the clitoris. I look forward to listening to this podcast with
@WhoresofYore
and
@HannahLC88
.
Today on
#BetwixtTheSheets
I am talking to the utterly marvellous & very knowledgeable
@HannahLC88
about her research on teen sex in the 50s and 60s. What were teens up too before Sex Ed & pornhub??
👇👇
I’m really about to turn 50 in 28 days. I spent my 49th rotation around the sun extending my professional network and building a solid foundation for the work I’m passionate about. I’ve stretched myself tremendously, stood on my boundaries, and experienced growth. And I’m still
If you've had a M-M-F threesome and you still respect and value yourself, raise your hand. I'll go first. (Hand waves wildly over smiling face.) The important issue is, how do we empower young women to kick the men out of bed who shame them?
With all the negative talk about what older women shouldn't wear in public (pretty much anything that affirms their confidence, pride, beauty, and sensuality), I've decided to go out in my new
@happyhannas
pajamas from now on. Being 80 has its advantages.
I hear women go into fear-of-aging crisis at age 40. I'm almost twice that! My last half of life (so far) has gifted me great growth and love in a process that couldn't have happened sooner or faster. Don't fear aging or you might miss the best parts. Embrace the journey!
If you know that sexual exclusivity doesn't work for you, don't make a monogamy agreement. Ethical/consensual non-monogamy is a valid relationship choice. A partner who disagrees is the wrong partner for you. Monogamy needn't be the default, nor cheating the solution.
As if this week wasn't already filled to the brim with excitement, today was a lingerie photo shoot at age 75 with
@PerryGallagher
! I'll be sharing soon....
Sex is more than hormones and genitals. Sex is pleasure, intimacy, excitement. For that to happen, we need to communicate what feels good, what would feel better, what we’re in the mood for this time (which might or might not be the same as last time). 1/2
Why indeed. I've lived 75 years, and I still don't understand why sex negativity rules, why sex ed and sexual pleasure (even solo!) are seen as dangerous, why seeing or even talking about genitals is forbidden.
More censorship - Accounts that post "sensitive media" (including adult content) may be permanently suspended if the majority their activity is that. So now we lost Twitter too? Why is "adult content" in the same category as "violent" and "hateful"? 😠
#fuckcensorship
When I was 19, I decided that I'd rather regret something I did, rather than regret something I didn't do. That's still one of my mottos. Now 80, I look back at past adventures without regret - I learned from all of them - & continue to live with zest. I wish the same for you.
Seeking woman of color or queer couple of color *over age 60* for explicit sex scene in Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex created by
@thejessicadrake
and
@JoanPrice
. Please respond ASAP to GTWScasting
@wickedpictures
.com. Learn more:
" I have wailed and keened and begged her to come back to me with the ferocity of a feral animal caught in a trap." Thank you,
@VABVOX
, for this powerful, moving story of your love and your grief. I know it was hard to write and to share. I'm grateful to you and to
@QueerForty
.
Just want to remind people,as I wrote in this piece, that marriage doesn't end when your spouse dies--the State has quite a lot to say about your life together. I hope you will read/RT this story which was hard to write.
On becoming a widow: A love story
What should old people wear? Whatever they want. How should old people behave? However they want. When should old people give up sexual pleasure? Never. (At what age do *you* plan to do that?) What do old people hate? Being shamed for their personal choices. Any questions?
I'm happy to see an 81-y-o woman modeling swimsuits with pride! To those who gripe that she's styled and photoshopped - so are young people on magazine covers! Her "this is what 81 looks like, get over it!" attitude matters more to me than whether her wrinkles display accurately.
I’m 79. 79 is not how I imagined it would look or feel, but that’s even more reason to own it. We’re redefining aging, and we can’t accomplish that by cringing from our actual age. I’m thankful that I got this far. With luck and good choices, I hope to keep aging.
So, I just did an essay for the upcoming issue of the Atlantic about how old we are in our heads.
I personally am obsessed with this question. If you ask someone “How old are you in your head?” they almost immediately grasp what you mean. 1/6
Why use the term "anti-aging" as a positive thing? The only true "anti-aging" is dying young! Let's celebrate aging instead. At 75, my life is full and happy. I'm engaged in multiple projects that could not have happened when I was 20, 30, or even 50. Yay, aging - bring it on!
Attn companies marketing to seniors: please hire people in this age group & listen to them! Aging is not youth minus quality of life. It's wisdom, experience, enhanced life appreciation, the perspective of 50-80% of a century of living. We've been your age-you haven't been ours.
Email I didn't read past the first sentence: "Nobody likes getting older." Ha! I love getting older, especially considering the alternative: dying. Why is ageism a marketing thing? How insulting.
I find it weird when people obsess about their partner's "body count." At 80, when I think back on the people I had sex with, I don't count them or often even remember their names. But I do remember how they made me feel & what our interaction taught me about them or myself. 1/2
Good first date advice, too. I've interjected, "Anything you want to know about me?" On one 1st (and last) date, I said, "Now I know a lot about you, and you know nothing about me. It tells me that it doesn't matter who's sitting across from you. Is that what you mean to convey?"
"Neither actress has any training on health issues or sexuality studies." Yet there are experts who can talk about porn and porn literacy: porn scholars, researchers, and people who work in this industry who should have been invited on the show.
@LynnComella
@thejessicadrake
I see it differently. Let's celebrate being old and not try to disguise our age to appear young. At 78, I'm not middle aged - I won't live to 156 - I'm OLD and happy to be. FYI "ancient" means "belonging to the very distant past and no longer in existence." (Attn
@thischairrocks
)
Learning to communicate our sexual needs and wishes can be the key to keeping sex satisfying as we age and our bodies change. Describing or showing how we’d like to be aroused and pleasured isn’t a demand on a partner — it’s a gift to a lover who wants to please us. 1/2
How are seniors experiencing/feeling about/ coping with sex during lockdown? Instead of this month's
@seniorplanet
Q&A, I compiled comments fr my newsletter subscribers. What they said might surprise you! .
h/t
@JustinLehmiller
,
@DoctorBuehler
,
@guardian
Older women also know how to tell or show a lover what they want. Let's give some credit to older men, too. They know how to slow down and pleasure a partner before going for their own satisfaction. Older folks also know that PIV doesn't need to be the goal.
If ethical nonmonogamy isn't right for you, don’t engage in it. But don't judge the many ENM couples who say it fits their belief system & enriches their lives. Do they have to work things out? Sure. They’d have to work out monogamy, too. Is it for everyone? Of course not?
I am giddy & delighted abt the attn this
#BetwixtTheSheets
episode is getting and your comments! If you liked
@k8_lister
's interview w me, I hope you'll follow my work at & subscribe to my "Senior Sex News & Views" newsletter at .
Today on
#BetwixtTheSheets
I am talking to the one & only, the absolutely INCREDIBLE
@JoanPrice
about her work, advocacy, & research into senior sex lives.
Honestly, you’re gonna love her.
Milk has an expiration date—sex does not. Milk goes sour but sex gets sweeter with age. We never lose our capacity for sexual pleasure. (I just took this out of an article I'm writing because it didn't quite fit, but I want you to know it.)
I'll say it again: Don't fear aging. The only way to avoid getting old is to die young. Stop the "anti-aging" sentiments and product marketing. Let's age creatively with zest, goals, and humor. So says this 78-year-old who almost died at 35, happy to be in the
#LandOfOld
.
Qs to the young (under 40?) folks here:
1. At what age do you plan to give up sex?
2. If your answer is "NEVER!" what Qs do you have abt how sex might change as you age?
3. What do you fear the most about how sex might change for you?
You didn't fail if a relationship ends that you thought was forever. Take what you learned, spend time alone to see who you are now, bring that into your next relationship. We grow & open, need different things. A partner we loved may no longer be right for us. Not a failure.
What dating/sexuality advice would you give to college students moving away from home for the first time/going away to college. What do you wish you knew. Looking to compile advice for my column. DMs open.
As strongly as I speak out against ageism, ppl still think it's a compliment to say I look/act younger. I am old. I own it! Nothing negative about it. It means I overcame my family history & my own injuries . I’m living a great life: joyful work, love, sex, healthy lifestyle.
To those of you who say, "Age is just a number" - no, it's far more than that. It's an accumulation of experiences, learning, decisions, challenges, questioning, setbacks, accomplishments, explorations, relationships, tears, laughter, dreams realized & unrealized. I could go on.
I’m often asked what I mean when I say that I review sex toys “from a senior perspective.” What’s a “senior perspective” and how do our senior needs differ from younger folks? See
Hmm, let me understand. Normalizing female orgasms is unnatural - why? If it's not natural to have orgasms, our bodies wouldn't create them. Oh, I see the problem: we're not grateful for orgasmless sex w partners who don't value our pleasure. I'd rather live in my world than his.
Learning to express our sexual requests is key to satisfying sex as we age & bodies change. Saying how we want to be pleasured isn’t a demand - it’s a *gift* to a lover who wants to please us. We’re never too old or too young to advocate for our needs in a loving, inviting way.
Celebrating our old bodies as sources of pleasure w/o shaming ourselves for the inevitable wrinkles & sags will do much to enrich our acceptance of aging overall. Everything about aging is brighter, more satisfying, less fearful if we love what our bodies can still do for us.
How did you regain your sexuality after death of partner? Have you counseled or dated someone in grief? I'm writing "Sex after Grief" and would love to involve you or those you know. More at . (Can you signal boost,
@fakedansavage
,
@JustinLehmiller
?)
Stop with the anti-aging messages. My value to myself and others has absolutely no correlation with the quantity or quality of my wrinkles. My visible signs of aging are my badges, not defects.
“Licking that dry kitty are ya???” “At 72, I still get the itch...but the thought of having sex w a 72-y-o is such a turn-off, I just forget it.” Whatever your age now, examine your own judgmental stereotypes abt sex + aging. How will they impact *you* as you age?
@QueerMajority
I thought I'd pretend to know how to twerk for my joyfriend (not a mistype) turning 80 today, but he said it looked like tremors. I guess I can let go of thinking I can accomplish everything.
Ageism rant: I hate wrinkle shaming in ads with closeups of perfectly normal faces, necks, arms. I value my wrinkles & scars: my badges of living. New ones seem to appear weekly. At first they startled me. Now I find them beautiful. They celebrate that I'm alive & thriving at 80.
One of the many reasons you might prefer older men is that they know there are many ways to please a lover. They don't assume that if something worked for one lover, it works for the next. They don't mind asking directions.
"'I want to know when men wear underwear/jockstraps, do they wear their dicks pointing up or down?' Growers up, showers down." Things I learn from
@fakedansavage
!
Many decades ago I taught high school. A group of boys were uncomfortable when a gay friend of mine visited. They came to my classrm later to tell me, "We're disgusted by gay sex." Me: "Easy solution: Don't have gay sex." Boys: "Oh, it's that simple!" They left w new perspective.
For me, becoming a sex educator grew out of society's "ick" factor about senior sex. I wanted seniors to celebrate their lifelong capacity for sexual pleasure. If they had problems, I wanted to help find solutions. 17+ yrs later, my work is appreciated & I'm both humble & proud.
I'm curious if there's a consensus among sex educators re: motivation. Was it due to your own personal interest in sex (if so, would you say your interest seemed greater than average?) or something else?
#sexeducation
#sexeducators
If you deny your partner porn-assisted fantasy autonomy, it says more about your insecurity than about your partner or porn itself. This whole thread from
@Girly_Juice
is worth reading with an open mind.
CN: anti-sex work discourse
There’s a thread on /r/AskWomen right now about whether you would be okay with your partner subscribing to an OnlyFans creator and I am SHOCKED by the number of women who claim to have a “no porn whatsoever” boundary in their relationships
Reporter asked me why I have such a positive attitude about aging. Partly because I almost died in 1979 in an auto accident days before turning 36. Every day, every step is a gift. I never forget that for a moment. For all of us, every day is a gift. I just happened to get proof.
I am thrilled. This feels like an enormous validation, acceptance, celebration of lifelong sexual pleasure. My gratitude to
@WickedPictures
, our brave and wonderful cast, the super crew, and especially the brilliant
@thejessicadrake
.
thank you SO MUCH
@avnawards
for all of our
@WickedPictures
wins- i am SO stoked to win Best Niche Production for “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex- Senior Sex” & i’m so happy to have partnered with the amazing
@JoanPrice
for the project. ❤️❤️❤️
#SexEd
#senior
Louder, sister. I turn down "offers" and "invitations" to write articles and give presentations for free with "This is my profession. I make my living with my words."
had to unfortunately send yet another "I'm a professional writer and don't work for free because 'exposure' can't pay for my rent or groceries" email today
please stop with this shit 😊 if you can't afford to pay writers, write the thing yourself 😊
Only 14 min before I turn 80! Help me celebrate by subscribing to my senior sex news & views monthly newsletter: . No spamming, no sharing your info - just interesting content abt sex & relationships at our age. If you're old or plan to be, you need this.
On a live UK radio broadcast last night, the interviewer told me, "I can't imagine my grandmother with a Magic Wand." My response: "I can't imagine your grandmother without one." Normalize sex toys for seniors, my friends. Getting older will be easier if you do!
I answered an email with this: "On the chance that yours is a serious request, I have some advice. Instead of asking sex therapists and sex educators for a masturbatory assist, hire a sex worker who would be delighted to provide the 'fetish contribution' you desire."
I get many qs about vaginal and vulvar pain. It’s a big problem. Rather, it’s many big problems, because genital pain can be caused by a variety of medical conditions. The type of pain, location, and what provokes it vary. More: h/t
@DrJenGunter
!
I thought aging would feel like the whole body slowing down. But instead, separate body parts ache or don't work at different times - an elbow last week, wrist & knees yesterday - then resurge with new energy, no pain, as if to say, "Hi, did you miss me? What are we doing today?"
"In the past as a term of judgment or derision, 'queer' was not reserved exclusively for LGBT people. Those with prudish attitudes used it to speak ill of women who enjoyed sex too much, people who had premarital sex, [non-monogamous] married couples.."
@RVeradonir
@QueerMajority
“How do I get my lover to take the hint?” So many relationship problems would be solved if we learned to use our words and say directly (& kindly) what we mean! Hinting, hoping someone will read our mind doesn’t work. To get your point, desire, request received, say it clearly.
This has bewildered me for the 14 yrs I've been in sex ed field: how to get people to stop judging others for sexual behavior/ beliefs/ identity? If we disagree with someone's sexual expression, then we just don't have sex w that person. Seems simple to me.
I'm listening to
@k8_lister
's hilarious, remarkable "A Curious History of Sex" on
@audible_com
, and I'm loving it! Fellow sex educators: you need to know this stuff! Happy to see that the book is available in all formats in the US as well as UK.
Serious question: If I said that I talk about "old people" sex, which way would you react?
* Intrigued
* Eager
* Amused
* Not interested
* Disgusted
* Dismayed
* Other _______
A sex toy gift is a great idea, but buy a gift certificate to an independent, progressive, inclusive sex toy retailer instead of choosing the product yourself. It's a personal choice. No matter how well you know your giftees & their genitals, you can't know what would feel good.
I'm aware of what you mean. I'm objecting to the ageist way you said it. Saying instead "not your 70s wand," would be clear, fun, and inclusive. I see "Not your grandmother's" in offensive ageist advertising for everything from bras to carrot salad (I'm serious!). Do better.
@JoanPrice
2/2: So when we say “not your grandma’s wand,” we mean that it’s not the wand folks have kept for decades. It’s way better, and everyone deserves a pleasure upgrade.
The lack of sex education in the US makes for some hilarious, misinformed tweets, and I, like you, succumb to the laughter. But you know and I know that the misinformation, lack of education, and sex negativity really cause deep, powerful, serious harm. Let's acknowledge that.
What do I need to do to make "old people sex" a lively, warm, sexy, endearing term instead of a derogatory term? If I said it enough, would it become accepted?
#OldPeopleSex
#OldPeopleSex
#OldPeopleSex
Seniors only: What's the best/smartest/sexiest tip you'd give other seniors to improve their sex lives, partnered or solo? By answering, you give me permission to use your tip in an upcoming article. Please include your age and state whether you want your name used. Thank you!
Does anyone else hate the "who'd recognize them now?" photos that shame celebrities who have gotten old? Bodies change, faces change (even plastic surgery doesn't save you from that), so why do we fight it so hard? If we're lucky, we get old.