I'm super excited to announce the release of my new book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. It comes out July 10, but you can preorder now! Learn more here:
When it comes to sex fantasies about mythical creatures, women (esp. straight women) are pretty much just into vampires, whereas men are into a much wider range of creatures. Here's a look at
#Halloween
themed sex fantasies and the psychology behind them:
No--a million times, no. Using a condom is a sign that you care about the sexual health of both you and your partner(s). Condom use should be viewed as a sign of healthy sexuality, not sexual shame.
Just sat behind
@PeteButtigieg
on a flight from LAX to Detroit. While he sipped coffee and read every single word of the
@nytimes
AND a book, I drank whiskey, played Candy Crush, and watched The Devil Wears Prada. One of us might have a little more discipline on airplanes.
I'm working on a book chapter on non-monogamy in LGBTQ+ relationships and am struck by the fact that most studies I've come across on this topic have lumped infidelity and consensual non-monogamy into the same category. Repeat after me: These are NOT the same thing!
In Colorado, expanded access to low- or no-cost contraceptives and reproductive health care led to a 54% drop in teen pregnancies, a 63% drop in teen abortions, and a 14% drop in the number of women in their early 20s without a high school diploma.
For a long time, people (and the field of psychology) have equated "uncommon sexual interest" with "sexual disorder." However, just because an interest is uncommon doesn't mean it's unhealthy. We shouldn't judge sexual interests based on whether they're statistically common.
Sexual violence predates online porn. In fact, it was an even bigger problem before online porn came into existence. This isn't to say that porn has decreased sexual violence--but the pattern doesn't support the popular idea that porn causes violence.
Porn is often blamed as the reason a lot of young adults aren't having sex. However, the data show that porn users are actually more—not less—sexually active than non-users. So maybe porn isn't the real issue...
Conscientious people have a tendency to plan and schedule everything—including sex. While that might sound unsexy, it turns out that people high in conscientiousness have fewer sex problems, more satisfying sex, and maybe even more sex than other people.
66 years ago this week, the first media reports dropped on Alfred Kinsey’s book Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. They sent shockwaves around the world & the book was labeled “obscene” because it suggested women were more sexual than previously assumed.
Forced sex fantasies (also known as "ravishment fantasies") have a very rich psychology behind them and people may have these fantasies for wildly different reasons.
“The most consistent sex will be the love affair you have with yourself. Masturbation will get you through childhood, puberty, romance, marriage and divorce, and it will see you through old age.” RIP Betty--you will be missed!
Declining sexual interest in a long-term partner and being excited by variety is probably to be expected, rather than a sign that there’s something wrong with you or your relationship.
I’ve written and spoken a lot about cuckolding, but mostly from the perspective of the person watching. So it was fascinating to learn more about the perspective of the partner being watched, who is taking on the more performative, exhibitionistic role.
For straight men, alcohol consumption increases attraction to other men (but not to women). For straight women, alcohol consumption increases their attraction to both men and women.
@VICE
Scientists in Britain have created a machine that uses artificial intelligence to perform the "perfect" blow job. Based on 108 hours of nonstop blow job videos, the “Autoblow” device will sell for $249 and is customizable for men of different sizes.
In 19 US states, accessing online porn now requires a government ID. This growing war on porn could have global implications for the future of the internet, reaching far beyond access to porn. The war on porn was never just about porn.
Five years ago, the Fokken sisters (aged 77 at the time) gave me a tour of Amsterdam's Red Light District. They have been sex workers since their early 20s--and still see clients today. Here's what I learned from them:
The 'female condom' is now officially the 'single use internal condom,' finally reflecting the fact that it's a genderless device that can be used for both vaginal and anal sex.
Vasectomies are one of the most underutilized forms of birth control, in part, because many men worry that the procedure will negatively impact their sex lives. However, research suggests that vasectomies usually tend to improve men's sex lives.
When researchers showed different types of porn to homophobic and non-homophobic men, they found that only the homophobic men exhibited increased genital arousal in response to a video of two men having sex.
Research doesn't support the idea that porn users develop more extreme tastes over time. Instead, it appears that people who tend to be into kinkier or more “extreme” porn just have more diverse tastes and enjoy more variety in the porn they watch.
"Men are most inclined toward misogyny when they doubt their appeal to female partners. Unwanted celibacy - independent of incel identity - predicts misogyny. The misogyny pervading much of the incel community likely reflects their low sense of mate value"
Research on
#porn
actors and actresses is inconsistent with the so-called "damaged goods" hypothesis. Both male and female porn stars report enjoying their work and have high levels of self-esteem on average.
#infographics
#pornography
The idea that, when it comes to sex, men are "simple" and women are "complex" is a myth. The truth is that, regardless of gender, we're all complex sexual beings.
People's beliefs about porn and misogyny don't match up with what research says. RT
@DrDavidLey
: How male 'porn superfans' really view women. Hint: They’re more feminist than conservatives who oppose
#porn
. Actual Research vs moral assumptions
A common misconception is that casual sex is inherently casual. It’s not. There is often an important emotional connection that exists between partners in casual relationships, and intimate acts (like cuddling) frequently occur in addition to having sex.
Conservative Protestant women are 2X more likely to divorce due to husbands' porn use. This isn't because their husbands are looking at porn more than other men. They draw a hard line, which makes the consequences of porn for their relationships extreme.
Just listened to a talk on sexual consent at a sex research conference. Audience member asks: “Who’s funding research on consent today?” Two leasing researchers on the topic respond: “No one.” WTF? This is why we still don’t know so much about sex—grant funding is nonexistent.
Some of the most toxic behavior we see on social media appears to be driven by "moral grandstanding," or an attempt to seek social status by impressing others with one's public opinions on morality and politics. This behavior stems from narcissism.
Kissing was found present in less than half of the cultures analyzed (45.8%). In the remaining cultures (54.2%), there was no evidence of romantic kissing.
As women approach ovulation and the hormone estradiol rises, they tend to evaluate their partners more negatively. However, following ovulation--when progesterone rises and estradiol drops--partner evaluations become more positive.
In Denmark and the Netherlands, government healthcare systems subsidize visits with sex workers for persons with disabilities because sex is seen as good for people's health & well-being. Now a court is ruling on whether the same will happen in Australia.
This article basically argues that because
#polyamory
doesn't always live up to its ideals, it shouldn't be practiced. So since monogamy doesn't always live up to its ideals, it shouldn't be practiced either, right?
Just got an email from a journal saying that they read my paper on gay men's cuckolding fantasies and that, as an "eminent expert in gynecology," they want me to submit a paper. I'm pretty confident they don't know what gynecology actually is...
In a study of nearly 200 sex workers in Switzerland (a country where sex work is legal), the single most common reason/motivation for becoming a sex worker was liking the job.
"Trigger warnings countertherapeutically reinforce survivors' view of their trauma as central to their identity." MT
@paytonjjones
: We find no evidence that trigger warnings are helpful for trauma survivors, and some evidence of potential harms.
"There is little evidence that
#polygraph
tests can accurately detect lies...It basically measures how nervous you are...It’s a fear detector.”
#psychology
Many people don't recognize the scientific or academic value of sex research/education, even our own colleagues. For example, when I was teaching human sexuality at Harvard, another faculty member complained about my high enrollment because sex is "fluff"
When it comes to first-date sex, here's how American adults view it: 5% said it is always acceptable, 25% said it is sometimes acceptable, 27% said it is rarely acceptable, and 42% said it is never acceptable.
Fantasies about forced sex & BDSM share nothing in common with the atrocities that
#MeToo
is trying to eradicate.
#MeToo
is a movement against sexual victimization and shouldn’t be used as a politically convenient tool for attacking consensual desires.
This is Belle. She’s a monument to sex work in the heart of Amsterdam’s Red Light District. The plaque below her reads: “Respect sex workers all over the world.”
1 in 5 medical students and residents reported not receiving any sexual health education in their training--and most say they do not feel confident attending to sexual health concerns. We need better sex ed for doctors!
Are sex researchers more sexually active on average than the rest of the population? According to the research, no. If anything, they're may be a little less active and practice safe-sex more often.
"Sex addiction is a way to police sexual behavior & impose conventional morality through a seemingly scientific, trendy addiction model. It attempts to slot people into some mythical standard of normal sexuality defined by monogamy & devoid of fantasy."
When you zero in on the top four traits, three were the same across the sexes: both men and women said they want a partner who is intelligent, funny, and honest. Where they differed was that men put good looks and women put kindness in their top four.
After watching porn clips featuring the same actress over a period of several days, exposure to porn featuring a new actress was linked to men ejaculating faster and releasing more active sperm.
Teaching people that all of their sexual thoughts are “dirty” or “impure” has problematic consequences. This can lead to an obsession with those thoughts that ultimately harms one's mental health.
@VICE
Fascinating. "If the male is removed, the biggest female becomes male—in just 10 days. She changes her behaviour in minutes, her colour in hours. Her ovary becomes a testis and by 10 days it is making sperm."
Well, this is scary: only half of U.S. medical schools currently require formal instruction in sexuality. How can we expect physicians to meet patients' sexual health needs if our doctors aren't getting sex education?
There is usually an increase in sexual satisfaction during the first year of a relationship, especially in the latter half of that year. Following that, however, sexual satisfaction typically follows a slow decline.
Our sexual fantasies are in many ways therapeutic. They don’t just help us to experience sexual pleasure, but also to cope with the psychological needs that we have at any given moment.
@PsychToday
"We showed teenage girls an educational video on genital self-image. After the video, girls felt better about their genital appearance and could more accurately name anatomical structures than before." Impressive results for a 2-minute video!
The fact that we’re still debating whether the G-spot does or doesn’t exist 78 years after it was first named is a sign that female genital anatomy hasn’t received nearly enough scientific attention.
Ever hear the story about how vibrators were once used as therapeutic devices by physicians on women who had been diagnosed with hysteria? It's a fascinating story, but there's just one problem with it: it's not true.
Research finds that people who engage in more frequent sexual activity tend to have better performance on memory tests, suggesting that sex might very well be good for your brain. via
@PsychToday
"The more we let our partner know that we value and accept their sexuality as an intrinsic and beautiful part of them, it improves both their life, and our life together as a couple."
@DrDavidLey
@PsychToday
Fantasies about non-monogamy seem to vary over the lifespan. In my own research, I see that they're actually least common among young adults and peak among people in their 40s--and a similar pattern holds for both men and women.
In my research on sexual fantasies, I found that more than half of men and one-third of women say they've fantasized about their partner having sex with someone else. Here's a deep dive into the world of cuckolding:
"When SSRIs were launched, their initial labels stated that less than 5% of patients in clinical trials reported sexual dysfunction. However, in some unpublished trials of the drugs, more than 50% of healthy volunteers developed severe sexual problems."
For most of my career as a sex researcher, my work has largely escaped attacks in the press and on social media. But that all changed this year when a study I published on sexual fantasies blew up Twitter and made me a target of the alt-right.
In 2018, 51% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 said they did not have a steady romantic partner, according to data from the General Social Survey. In 2004, the number was just 33%. Adult singledom is now at a record high.
#livingsingle
#psychology
Contrary to popular belief, research doesn't support the idea of people building up a tolerance to porn that requires them to watch more and more extreme stuff over time.
My latest for
@PsychToday
looks at why women fantasize about dirty talk more often than men--and why dirty talk in general is an extraordinarily popular sexual turn-on.
Our ability to evaluate risks (both sexual and non-sexual) seems to change when we’re sexually aroused. This helps to explain why people often break their own sexual rules.
California is considering a bill that would expand the state's definition of sexual battery to include "stealthing"--the removal of a condom without a partner's consent. This would be the first such law in the nation.
"What a number of studies show is that by providing comprehensive sexuality education, young people actually delay the onset of sexual activity...And for kids who are sexually active, the research shows that they participate in much safer practices."
Our cultural understanding of men’s sex drive is simplistic & leans on old clichés: male libido is always sky-high, self-centered, & ready to go w/ practically anyone. These stereotypes harm relationships & prevent men and women from getting what they want
"Blum’s team found that boys suffered higher levels of physical violence, neglect and sexual abuse by adults than girls. And the more a boy was victimized, the more likely he was to do violence to others."
My latest in
@MensHealthMag
: Men high in attachment anxiety (i.e., fear of abandonment) show a drop in sexual desire over time, while securely attached men do not. Sexual desire appears to be impacted by attachment style more for men than it is for women.
Nearly half of college students think you can have oral sex with a partner and still be "abstinent" (as long as no orgasm occurs). More than 1 in 10 say the same thing about having anal sex.
4 years ago today, Tucker Carlson slammed my cuckolding study (co-authored w/
@fakedansavage
&
@DrDavidLey
) on his show as going against family values and healthy marriages. This week, he lamented the fact that the new M&Ms aren't sexy enough to take out for a drink.
While there is a commonly held belief that casual sex is damaging and unhealthy, research suggests that casual sex is one of those things that affects different people in different ways. And, for many, it actually improves their psychological well-being.
It's not easy being a sex researcher. RT
@vaughanbell
: Founder of NoFap online anti-masturbation community is suing a neuroscientist for claiming she has been harassed by NoFap users - because she said masturbation is harmless
If you're a reader of my books or blog, a listener of my podcast, or a social media follower, I'm thankful for YOU today! Thank you for your interest in sex science and all you do to support it. You're the reason I'm able to keep doing what I'm doing. Many, many thanks!
In the popular media, much has been said about the "oral sex gap," or the idea that women are far more likely than men to give
#oralsex
. However, research on the prevalence of oral sex practices doesn't match up w/ claims of a large & pervasive gap
People who use more
#emojis
have more sex--perhaps because those who use emojis tend to be more emotionally expressive in general and, as such, tend to have an easier time forming social connections.
@PsychToday
#emoji
#psychology
We need to rethink the concept of a “soulmate.” Your soulmate isn’t the person with whom everything works out easily—it’s the person who motivates you to work on and invest in your relationship.
People have different attitudes toward women who engage in different kinds of sex work. Webcamming is the most accepted because it's seen as offering more agency and causing less harm, whereas the direct sale of sexual services is the least accepted.
A colleague of mine who studied sexual fantasies in Europe didn't come across a single one about cuckolding, which is fascinating because it comes up all of the time in my US research! We discuss some of the potential reasons for this in my latest podcast:
Gay men tended to see bisexual men as being “secretly gay,” whereas lesbians tended to see bisexual women as “secretly straight.” In other words, both groups perceived bisexuals (regardless of their sex) as being more attracted to men than to women.
The fact that women typically say no to these requests for sex doesn’t tell us that women aren’t into casual sex—it simply tells us that women aren’t into casual sex with creepy strangers who proposition them on the street.
This is obviously controversial, but vampires were the predominant creature women reported fantasizing about. But let's be clear--this is NOT to say that all women fantasize about vampires or that vampires are the only creature women fantasize about.
"A penis is not a dildo, and should not be expected to act like one--getting and remaining erect on-demand as desired, for as long as needed. Regardless of how attracted one is to their partner, a penis will always have diverse and variable functioning."
A new study is out on women who buy sex. Buyers reported "transformative powers in pleasure as they gained skills and confidence to initiate, negotiate and control sexual activity." The results challenge the stereotype of female sexual passivity.
"Marijuana use is independently associated with increased sexual frequency...In fact, daily users across all demographic groups reported having 20% more sex than those who have never used cannabis."
“My biggest concern regarding the scientific study of porn is that a noticeable subset of researchers come at these issues with a focus on harm in their minds...The field needs more people who are willing to look at the data and leave aside their politics”