Slaughter house guy @DanielJPerafan Twitter profile

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

5 months

I think I'm just gonna play sociopaths from now on

Dexerto

@Dexerto

5 months

Bro interviewed a Batman villain

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

@writtenbyirene Holy shit

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

I grew up in a house where if I mentioned being depressed my mom would say "DEPRESSED?!! HOW ARE YOU DEPRESSED?! ,I WORK 60 HOURS A WEEK. I SHOULD BE DEPRESSED. YOU DON'T DO SHIT"

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

8 years

PORN HUB IS MAKING AUDIO PORN FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES TO MASTERBATE TO. PORN HUB IS MORE PROGRESSIVE THAN THE MAJORITY OF CONGRESS

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

The jerk store called, I got the job!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

👏cities 👏don't 👏die 👏they 👏become👏 accessible 👏to 👏the 👏local 👏working 👏class 👏

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@lilsmichelle omg your family probably hired my family!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

You're not a libertarian, you're a racist with a bachelors degree

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

5 months

This clip has millions of views on multiple platforms, and I literally wrote this on the fly.

internet hall of fame

@InternetH0F

5 months

i wish he never asked this guy

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

@Wowagain2 @rachelmillman @mustachetoilet It's fucking real

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

The girl I lost my virginity to and I are still friends, even after all these weeks

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

When you ignore blatant red flags

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

7 years

Hey girl is your name ukulele? Cuz you're being used by a douchebag

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@KelgoreTrout this would be nice but wouldn't work in the hood 😟 when we were undocumented LL were super scum bags, its like common knowledge among us that you just dont call the super for nothing cuz if you annoy them too much they call immigration

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

@pogasic1977 @catcmckinney @Hmarie332 Lol

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

@lmaoaiyanna @writtenbyirene For ref:

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I know my ex didn't love me cuz after we broke up she kept her hairstyle

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

People without immigrant moms, who calls you fat????

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

"I saved this idiots life and he still won't propose"

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

Jesus: " most rich people will literally burn in hell for eternity, it would literally be easier to shove a camel through a fucking doorway". Rich Christians: "that part of the Bible is figurative"

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

NY pause will keep going til June 13th. Nice! a NYC summer in a one bedroom apt!!! Gonna sweat the fat I gained off

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

White people wrote this

UberFacts

@UberFacts

3 years

Eating spicy food can make you more aggressive

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

the worst part of gaining weight has to be that at any moment any ex can see you and think they've won

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I've been sober for 120 days and all I have to show for it is this stupid new lease on life

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

The U.S. would've invaded the U.S. by now right?

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

I don't know man he makes a point

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

I went to a pumpkin patch

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

5 months

35+million collective views

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

@TheMotherOfMoss @FRAXlNUS @JustKoritsi @korndiddy They saw their target audience and went all in

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

5 months

To clarify the original sketch had @KittenReynolds and JC mendoza!!!! @JamesPontillo77 produced, edited and voice over!!! This is the original sketch!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@UberFacts to anyone reading this 1st degree murder - planned out, or like he wanted to do it- death penalty or life 2nd- like it just happened, not necessarily wanted but it happened- life 3rd- manslaughter- like it happend because of your negligence or accident - max 25 years in MN

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

90%of stand up is spent convincing other comics they didn't bomb

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@WellStockdLardr @JFNYC1 @NYPDBklynNorth lol " this murderer has someone elses blood on him, CLEARLY innocent"

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

Tall guys just aren't funny.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@TianBai12 @JordenRevels she pretty crazy

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Great job on twitter today everyone. very funny.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Me every second of my life : I want sex so bad Me having sex : what do trees eat?

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Suicide is never the answer Unless the question is: what will cancel all my debt ?

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

Sorry but MEN HAVE TO BE MEN!! We gotta burp, watch football, avoid therapy, eat nachos, ruminate on past mistakes, watch porn!! contemplate suicide, make thinly veiled cries for help online, fix cars! run the engine in an ventilated garage! MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

my childhood died the second I stopped doing little fashion shows when I got new clothes

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@Toastedfox @samvazza @CarlaBr81299374 @pleasuresystems @MarlowNYC come on Carla we are rooting 4 u!!!!!!!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

When you see it.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

There are so many hot people at AA. Forget hitting tinder, hit bottom

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

having bad luck dating? here's a tip : lie to them

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I hate that women think all men think about is sex. Do you know how many bank robberies I envision a day?????

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Wes Anderson movies are what white people think life is like without minorities

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

if anyone on my timeline is considering suicide PLEASE let me borrow money. Come one man you not gonna need it

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I cant believe I'm single I'm an alcoholic and I'm mentally ill. like what more could someone want in guy you wanna fix??

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I wanna get a TV credit so people will be fake nice to me.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

I got to meet Shaquille o'neal!!!!!!!!!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

@UberFacts

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

doctor told me I had runners knee then emphasized that it was just a name.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

your ex doesn't think about you

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

thanks @AOC

Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Congressperson @AOC . Im a constituent in your district and im worried you wont take a selfie with me so i can brag to my friends @votejgr . Took a selfie with me and im voting for her. I demand a selfie

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

it's my birthday, you have to like this tweet, right?

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

my cousin molested me as a kid, then the dude showed up at the hospital when I was like 19 and he was being all chill like " oh man whats up ? how are you?" my man you made me sit on your dick, we're not gonna be chatty.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

oh no we hurt the NAZIs feelings #WalkofShame

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

rainy day in? let me unenthusiastically eat 400,000 calories.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

5 years

That podcast ? Launch it That blog ? Start it That book ? Write it That rent check ? Let it bounce That overdraft fee? Dont pay it That eviction notice? Move out That bus stop ? That's your home

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@dcexaminer @WhiteHouse you know i was just saying the US had too many educated workers

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

My favorite bible verse is when the 4000 ppl were hungry & Jesus told them to get jobs.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I have literally never laughed at anything a tall man has ever said

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what,guess what guesswhat, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what,guess what, guess what, guesswhat, go ahead guessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

He isn't "fun to be around" he's just 6'3".

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

I keep seeing comics with Late night credits at open mics. This career is a nightmare.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

Add context anytime you see a stolen tweet !!!! There are soooo many Roch comedian jokes thieves. Not even famous guys just regular nyc comics some of whom are verified and just pick up jokes. Add context, add context, add context, add context!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

so that's where white people come from

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

70 years ago today Paul Rudd turned 30

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I just paid 10 bucks to DM a comic on only fans, so I could ask to do her show.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

wanna hear a dad joke ? me too but he left when I was 5!! LOOOL!!!!!!!!! .......so this is bottom

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

@gavinthomas2015 Fuck

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. Well, at least when they're with me they do.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

Osama Bin Laden was 44 before he knocked down the towers. Never stop hustling.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Life is like a bag of olives. I hate olives

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Bring back standup. Where else will 47 year olds without property be able to date 20 year olds ??

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

I was emotionally, verbally abused & physically assaulted by a cast member of MAJOR tv show. & when I told comics about it they played blind deaf & dumb some of the same mfers that tweeting about Amber Heard too. these mfrs don't give a fuck they doing it for likes.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

I knew the shooter wasn't white since the news kept calling the shooter an 18 year old "man".

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

Wow it's so crazy coincidental that most comics that make it are either rich or have families that are rich or have family in the industry. . Like what are the odds these are the best comedians??!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

6 years

the girl I lost my virginity to and I are still friends even after all these weeks

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

My 92 year old grandma just passed the oral exam and is now officially a US citizen. She studied every day for months, and even surprised the proctor. Don't ever let em tell you you can't.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

My grandmother now 88 and this photo is from when she was 17 years old at the south pole

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

white people LOVE cinnamon.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Oh I might have a tiny dick but at least I have huge tits.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

Rip Gilbert Gottfried, Gottfried was more than a guy that died, he inspired me. In fact the whole reason I'm a 26 year old standup comic is because of him. I was at Caroline's comedy club he was walking out & I went up to him & asked for advice !! he said "lie about your age!"RIP

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Porno 🤝 Standup "How long can you last?"

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Photographer captures response of man after they're told that 5'.7" isn't that short.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

My gf has a good job and pays for everything. So whenever she vents, I listen the fuck outta her. I am agreeing with her, making eye contact, bad mouthing people her friends with her, the works.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

The phrase"you're so funny you should do standup" has ruined lives.

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

" do you know what I hate??" - stand-up comic with Alzheimer

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I JUST GOT FIRED FROM MY JOB !! JUST BECAUSE OF MY RACE!-ist REMARKS!!!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

Call my dick the office cuz all my friends have seen it

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

Wadup my haters I got some bad news I got passed at the world famous Comic strip live. Sorry

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 months

I made @knowyourmeme !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!!!

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

will someone finally fucking make a movie about WW2???

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 months

Fake New Yorkers : saying they love New York Real New Yorkers : showing it

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

2 years

So I go to this comedy venue to say wassup, comics have food on the table. This BOOKER comes over drunk & shouts "watch the food on the table Perafans gonna eat it!"Everybody uncomfortable laughs. I didn't even get a spot. Love this business

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

@MyFavesBeDead @cheesymitescrol lol the light house one got me

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

I'm socially liberal but fiscally live off my mom

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

4 years

I want to be able to burst into my funeral and shout "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated!"

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Slaughter house guy

@DanielJPerafan

3 years

May you be so happy you never start a podcast

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