From
@futuristguy
:
“If the leadership or entire congregation refuses their responsibility toward those damaged by their actions and inactions…. This is not a church, it is a social club designed for those who benefit from the good will of others who are being used.”
If you are feeling sad about Easter today, missing the church community you once had or just sad things are different now…
We see you. You are not alone.
Several church leaders were among the anonymous 9 members who made loans to the church for the new building in 2018. (~$500k in total). Is this why they are hiding the GRACE report?
@reachjulieroys
@wartwatch
@DefendTheSheep
This is very similar to what happened to people pushed out from Chapel Hill Bible Church staff. Their coworkers and friends were told “they need space right now” which isolated them further from their support system at a time they needed it most.
1/5
Being fired was traumatic.
But my world fell apart at 4pm.
I sat out in my yard thinking "surely, someone will call and ask me what happened." Then it became "why hasn't a single co-worker reached out?"
It was because Dane told them to "give me space" or however he phrased it.
It’s Vocab Wednesday!
Not Slander: A *TRUE* statement
Ex: Chapel Hill Bible Church has not released the GRACE report about the harmful church culture to “protect the staff”
🎶On the sixth day of Christmas, CHBC gave to me…
Six (?) NDAs 🚩
🎵$5.7 MILLION IN DEBT!!!!!!🎵
Four elder resignations
Three abuse investigations
Two useless governing boards
…and another email asking for money🎶
🎄💰🎄
This has been our experience, some amazing Christian friends and family that supported us, but EVERY non-religious person responded with kindness and care. Wonder how the religious folks response with Paul hanging around warning about wolves? He really should have just forgiven…
More
#VocabWednesday
:
Apology: a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure.
Real apology "I am sorry I hurt you when I ________."
Fake apology "I am sorry you felt hurt."
Helpful advice for church leaders:
When God speaks of working through “Broken Vessels” in the Bible, He is not asking you to actually break the vessels yourself.
A true pastor will always be a shepherd. They don’t need the title or pulpit or salary. They will lead & care for others by convictions of their heart + the example of their lives. You will always know a good shepherd. Appreciate them.
#ShepherdAppreciationMonth
The GRACE report is the 2nd report (that we know of) that has been paid for by the congregation and hidden from them. The 1st was the report about Exec Pastor Eric McKiddie’s abusive behavior. It was SO BAD, he had to resign within the week (with a pile of 💰 of course).
It always has to be, "Some woman spitefully took me out of context and can't you ladies ever take a joke??" and never "I can see that what I said was inappropriate, cruel, and contributes to an environment that harms women and I'm sorry."
Elder and Deacons of Chapel Hill Bible Church could only read the GRACE report on church campus under supervision. No notes or pics could be taken out of the building.
#WhatAreTheyHiding
?
#ReleaseTheGraceReport
This story is so familiar…
Meetings that lead nowhere
Church leadership ghosting member bringing concerns
Refusing to follow church policies
Obscuring leaders contact info so members can’t reach them
Bringing unrelated individuals to meetings to intimidate members
1/3
Policies are important, but they only work to the extent that people care to abide by them, which is why it is critical to check in with your clergy and see if they are engaged and how. 1/X
More
#VocabWednesday
:
Sin Leveling: claiming everyone sins so everyone should quickly forgive and forget
This disregards differing impact of various sins and incorrectly conflates “forgiveness” with ignoring wrongdoing and resulting consequences
Your pastor is not Paul and he is certainly not Jesus. Him experiencing the consequences of his harmful choices is not persecution from worldly cultural relativism.
It is the millstone Jesus promises in Matthew 18.
1/2 Being a lawyer, successful business person ,doctor, or any other profession, is not a qualification for elder in your church. Churches run as businesses will however appoint such people, even if spirituality unqualified.
If a financially unstable institution receives a report that summarizes abuse that has occurred, should leaders who are financially dependent on the institution determine how that report is handled? Asking for a friend.
“Doesn’t help anyone” 🙄 🚩
Translation: “you are making me uncomfortable by asking me to face the way I harmed people or allowed others to be harmed.”
🧵
1/6
Heartbreaking.
PCA elder recently told my friend, while talking about our
#pcaga
#pcatoo
abuse story, “I would plead w/ you not dredge up issues that don‘t help anyone to reopen.” Unshockingly like Chapell & Kooistra et al & easy for them to say. Survivors don’t have that luxury
Jay Thomas’ Very Genuine Apology is included in the recent
@reachjulieroys
article, even though the Chapel Hill Bible Church tried hide it. Notice who is centered, what is actually said and what is left out.
(comments in red)
Everything will work out eventually
I think you misunderstood
You/they have a vendetta
You/they will never be satisfied
You/they just say this because you experienced abuse before
….and their double platinum award winning record:
BUT DID YOU MATTHEW 18?
🫠🫠🫠
6/6
Last week’s sermon topic at Chapel Hill Bible Church was about the authority of Elders so let’s talk about the role of Elders at CHBC!
Another example of
#CHBCRedFlags
is the dissonance between the stated role of elders and their actual function at CHBC.
1/12
On This Day in History:
GRACE sent CHBC the survey for the congregation Dec 1, 2021.
The leadership sat on it for 5 weeks (despite objections from several members) so we could “focus on Advent.”
How is Advent 2022 going?
🧐🎄
Official announcement from
@CHBConfidential
Leadership:
We will no longer refer or respond to the group that identifies as “Elders”. We will, of course, continue to engage with any individual that wishes to meet with us. 😉
“When there’s a crisis, decision makers must choose one of two paths; to adopt truth telling and transparency, regardless of the impact on one’s legitimacy, status, or image…”
1/20
This is an excellent, thorough rundown on what church leadership should and should not do when responding to a scandal or crisis. Note: You can listen or read the transcript.
We’ll unpack the main points today with some more
#ExpositoryTweeting
@reachjulieroys
@wademullen
The audacity of leaders claiming the member was making them feel unsafe by continuing to ask questions (DARVO)..
And finally inviting the member to leave the church instead of just dealing with the problem.
2/3
If your pastor cannot apologize publicly, sincerely, and appropriately, he is disqualified from his job. Lay leaders who do not hold him accountable are there to serve him, not you.
Let’s talk about families and
#SpiritualAbuse
a little bit. 🧵
When a leader is accused of abusive behaviors, those around him will ask:
“How will this affect his family?!”
1/9
Once you see it, you can't unsee, even tho you might wish you could. Bc you also see what happens to people like Robin who don't follow proper protocol, who say things about the fabric of the PCA that are supposed to remain unsaid.
And you're scared. You're one of many who..
1/X
CHBC members should be wary of the claim that a parish system or new policies will solve their problems.
The problem isn’t just structural. Leaders in these churches are at best weak and at worst wicked.
3/3
“They have a passive aggressive nature, and never deal
with conflict in a healthy direct manner.”
“they can seem like the most sensitive people in the world. Only to realize they are only sensitive
and caring when it comes to themselves.”
Real repair in these cases must include repentance from church leaders and earnest reconciliation attempts with everyone who was harmed.
Including the families.
9/9
Just stick to the Gospel.
I’m praying for you.
We need to preserve unity.
You seem bitter.
I’m sure the leaders know what they are doing.
You just don’t know all the (secret) info.
Be patient
That’s confidential
But he is gifted!
3/6
Church leaders have feelings too. That’s why we’re created a template letter for churchgoers (or GivingUnits™) to respond when they have offended their leaders by being honest.
The leadership at CHBC had many off-ramp opportunities before it came to this. For years, members have warned of the serious impact of the harm to minorities, women and other vulnerable people in the community. They have chosen darkness over light.
This is such a heartbreaking story.
A poignant reminder that Diversity is easy. Equity & Inclusion however take real work - and it’s impossible to achieve without our white brothers & sisters denying themselves - including their political preferences.
@oldboundaries
“Don’t gossip about the abuser to protect his family.”
They define gossip as uncomfortable truth telling. Also they don’t caution people not to gossip about those who were harmed.
#CHBCRedFlags
5. Release the Eric McKiddie investigation report. The congregation should know how much harm he caused and how little their leaders (pastors, elders, and deacons) did to protect the staff and church members when they asked repeatedly for help.
Why are you so angry?
Why are you so sad?
Give it to Jesus
Trust the process
Just tell ______leader about it
Explain it again, I forget what you told me
That’s not what I heard
His supervisors will deal with this
We’re working on it
Why didn’t you just _______?
5/6
Notice the assumption that accused leader's family is more important than their victims. But families of those harmed by spiritual abuse are also part of the collateral damage.
2/9
Ah yes…Jay told us “Satan is having heyday” because people within the church were advocating for those who were being mistreated.
Later he told us that “Satan is battling for my call” but “prophets” (including his wife?) assured him that he was called to be here.
You/they are too sensitive
You should have told me/us earlier
You should have told me/us Later
You should have told me/us with a different “tone”
You should have told _______ leader
This isn’t your business
You are too close to the situation to objective
You seem emotional
4/6
This is good advice and also helps us understand why Chapel Hill Bible Church leadership changed their employment policies to REQUIRE employees be members.
It’s easier to keep employees quiet about concerns or mistreatment when they might risk their jobs AND entire social life.
In a church setting, the family is often isolated with the primary victim. They find themselves suddenly outside of their social circle, estranged from people they thought were friends. This is particularly disorienting to kids.
4/9
Jay Thomas’ Very Genuine Apology is included in the recent
@reachjulieroys
article, even though the Chapel Hill Bible Church tried hide it. Notice who is centered, what is actually said and what is left out.
(comments in red)
Yes. And many of those “friends” say privately they didn’t even like or respect the leaders. Yet they choose to support the leadership (or stay quiet) even at the expense of their own friends. 😞
In their gut, those that remained knew they’d been lied to. Yet the stayed despite the harm they knew their friends had endured. They chose to support lies over the character of the friends they had done life with. Therein lies the betrayal. The second wound.
In a church, Unity should never come at the expense of the most vulnerable. If sacrifices need to be made, they should come from those in charge—especially if the leaders have been harming those in their care.
So the church planting movement is just:
Step 1: guy wants to be a pastor
Step 2: Guy wants to live in X place and be a lead pastor there
Step 3: Guy declares God has called him to start a church in X place
Are we missing anything?
Another Greatest Hit from the people who brought us:
Let’s move on.
I/he/she/they already apologized.
I don’t remember that.
They didn’t mean it.
They just lack people skills.
They are introverted.
They (abusers) are having hard time.
But look at all the good we are doing!
2/6
1. Let’s end the wait for the GRACE report. It’s long past time to be honest with the congregation about what has been really going on at Chapel Hill Bible Church.
#ReleaseTheGRACEReport
#CHBCEnds
“When a church tries to keep people in the dark, shuts down questions, avoids direct answers, or subtly (or not so subtly) undermines others...it’s not a healthy place. It’s a dangerous place.” —Craig French
As their parent or spouse desperately tries to placate the bully or advocate for themselves, they lose countless hours to meetings, phone calls, and emails that go nowhere.
They lose sleep, they are distracted at home, and it's harder to engage with their loved ones.
5/9
Still more
#CHBCFAQ
:
WHEN IS THE NEXT ELDER LISTENING MEETING?
Unfortunately, our Lead Pastor got his feelings hurt at the last Listening Meeting, so we feel it’s best to protect him from future authentic congregation interactions by cancelling all future Listening Meetings.
Another submission for
#CHBCFAQ
IS THERE AN UPDATE FROM THE TRUE NORTH WORKING GROUP?
We are workshopping this one…What do you think?
“Chapel Hill Bible Church, where the Ends justify the means”
#CHBCMission
They may be bound to secrecy if there is an NDA or to protect what remains of their loved one's reputation.
Yet, the harm to these "secondary victims" is invisible to most people in the church community, which just compounds the hurt.
7/9
We have been the people in this thread and we have experienced their actions (or inaction) now that we are on the outside.
“And while you offer empty assurances, "wait, just wait", the bodies of marginalised members keep getting crushed under the wheels.”
🧵
Once you see it, you can't unsee, even tho you might wish you could. Bc you also see what happens to people like Robin who don't follow proper protocol, who say things about the fabric of the PCA that are supposed to remain unsaid.
And you're scared. You're one of many who..
1/X
When family members of those harmed by
#SpiritualAbuse
encounter former church friends around town who ignore them, act awkwardly, or (worse) act like nothing at all has happened…..the reverberation of harm goes on-sometimes for years.
8/9
This one’s for the Elders—especially those who recently left the elder board.
Begin repenting publicly for your passive or active part in the dysfunctions and coverups at CHBC.
Work to make things right with those who have been harmed. It’s not too late.
#CHBCBegins
Because church plants are about the ego of the church planter. They don’t want to be a lowly assistant pastor and they want a church made in their image. Bonus if they are backed by orgs with a lot of $$ to keep them living in comfort while they cultivate a donor base.
@joyklaprade
I’ve always wondered why people think neighborhoods with multiple established churches need a church plant. Why not start a movement where people plus up the neighborhood churches rather than compete against them for resources?
“The right to insert sexuality into a discourse, and to speak of sex from your own perspective, is a way of demonstrating power. Men and women in church do not share this right. Men have the right to speak about sex from their perspective and set the priorities. Women don't.”
This restructuring (deliberately) made it very difficult for members to know who was really in charge, who were making decisions, and who to approach with questions/concerns.
3/11
And the first pastor falls…Matt Smith announced his resignation this week. This is unsurprising since the church recently hired a woman to do his job (for much less money) and no one ever sees Matt really do much. What can we learn from this?
1/9
Let’s review the latest at Chapel Hill Bible Church. After 2 yrs of a series of scandals, the leadership finally admits that donations and membership are sharply declining.
1/8
Best part of the CHBC approved “summary” of the hidden GRACE report?
“GRACE recommends that CHBC make this report available to the congregation in full.”
🤦🏻♂️
The leader who resigned today said that CHBC’s published summary is not accurate and severely downplays the content in the full report (yet the whitewashed report is still pretty bad)
#ReleaseTheGRACEReport
@wartwatch
@reachjulieroys
So it’s next to impossible for Chapel Hill Bible Church members or anyone else to rent space in the big empty building but somehow this church plant can use it?
What in the
#9marks
is going on here?
@ThouArtTheMan
FYI, next interest meeting for our Chapel Hill church plant!
When: Saturday 2/3, 10am
Where: Chapel Hill Bible Church (in the chapel)
See flyer, and please spread the word. DM me or email tbcplant
@gmail
.com for info. Many thanks!
Those in the congregation who have spoken out for themselves or others are perfectly clear about the Gospel and the purpose of the church. THIS IS WHY THEY ARE SPEAKING OUT.
7/7
@oldboundaries
“This is a conflict between a brother and sister in Christ. Matthew 18 says….”
Nope! This is leader bullying people on purpose and causing them and their families real harm.
#CHBCRedFlags
What is most telling in this announcement is that leaders are not accepting any responsibility for getting CHBC into this mess. The members faithfully tithed & served while the leaders served themselves & used the money to abuse people & cover up their mistakes and sins.
5/6
Wow. This appears to be a much more genuine apology. Notice who is centered, how it is broadcasted widely (instead of hidden). They even provide a transcript!
This church might actually have elders who want to care for the congregation AND the leaders.
Warwick de Jersey, assoc. pastor at
@FellowshipDubai
, has apologized for years-long pattern of spiritual abuse & resigned
He confessed to “words & actions (that) have too often been intimidating & demeaning” & thanked God for courage of those who spoke up
Elder Chair Steven King explaining why church leadership won’t release the GRACE report:
“…we expect personal details and interviews about various situations. If we released all of those details to 1200 people, this would no longer be a place anyone would want to work”
👀👀👀
🎶On the ninth day of Christmas, CHBC gave to me…
9 shady member loans
8 Bylaw changes
7 Failed Church Plants
6 (?) NDAs 🚩
🎵$5.7 MILLION IN DEBT!!!!!!🎵
4 elder resignations
3 abuse investigations
2 useless governing boards
…and another email asking for money🎶
🎄💰🎄
Spouses and kids absorb the
"secondary abuse" as they watch someone they love respond to the degrading treatment from the bully.
They see the stress, confusion, humiliation, and loneliness brought on by the mistreatment but are often powerless to help.
3/9
8. End the name dropping & potshots from the stage. Associating yourself with more famous/accomplished/likeable people doesn’t actually make you look any better. Thinly veiled, public insults of members or former members who challenged you reveals an insecure bully.
#CHBCEnds
7. End the minimizing and invalidating of people’s pain & suffering by comparing it to the “ultimate sacrifice of Jesus.”
This is gross and manipulative (especially if leaders caused the pain) plus it is antithetical to the message of the Gospel.
#CHBCEnds
3. End the GroupThink and code of silence of the Chapel Hill Bible Church Elders (past and present). Remember you are supposed to care for the congregation, not just the pastors.
Confess where you have failed and stop keeping secrets.
#CHBCEnds
On this day in history 2022, four CHBC elders resigned in unprecedented open letters to the congregation. They cited concerns about dysfunctional leadership & called for the forthcoming GRACE report to be shared fully with the congregation.
@wartwatch
Refusing to share the full engagement letter of the scope of a church investigation is a sure sign that “Image Management” (spin) is happening. It’s a clear indication the leadership is moving further AWAY from truth and transparency, while pretending the opposite.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Um…what? It’s “unprecedented” to share “key paragraphs” of a letter of engagement publicly??
@ihopkc
: the entire engagement agreement between the Southern Baptist Convention and their third party investigator is right here:
#IHOPKCtoo
Some of these area churches have people who were hurt by CHBC leadership or witnessed others who were hurt. These people do not expect nor want to encounter the leaders responsible for problems at Chapel Hill Bible Church at their new place or worship.
2/6
For those in the Chapel Hill Bible Church community:
Remember how CHBC leadership hired a law firm in 2021 to investigate a situation with a children’s ministry volunteer who confessed to sex crimes against a minor (not on church campus)?
1/2
In contrast to many law firms or for-profit investigation agencies, GRACE is firmly dedicated to the pursuit of truth, meaningful independence, and the facilitation of healing in a manner that is trauma-informed and consistent with Christian values.