t @tukei_ Twitter profile

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@EkoBoy_

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@linxxx63412278

@KaZei0

@HashiConf

@ksk_bbn

@CoachHoover9

@teamsynergy_qc

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@tukei_

2 years

mambo ni mawili : either uoe mama yako ama uwache kutafuta mama yako kwa kila msichana unapatana na yeye

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@TonyOCH_

2 years

For us men who've been raised by hardworking,smart,focused,respectful and discipline mothers is hard to find love in our current generation of girls.If she's respectful then she's unambitious and lazy ,if she's hardworking and ambitious then she's a drunkard. Tutafanyaje haha

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@tukei_

6 years

I’ve just received news that I passed my examinations and I can now become a member of the distinguished Chartered Institute of Arbitrators. Thank you Lord 😄🙏🏿

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@tukei_

3 months

there’re killing us in rongai

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@tukei_

3 years

uyu aliniitisha loan ya capital ya kufanya biashara. nunueni pombe nilipwe ama i auction her.

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@tukei_

3 years

today, i graduate with a masters in law with a bias in constitutional law, governance and democracy. i thought I’d be over the moon but I’m not. i crave for so much more it’s scary. as i relish today, i know the real work is about to start. heavens please, 2022- PhD 🤞🏿

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@tukei_

2 years

as long as nyi wote mko hapo na mnaonana na mko in good health itakuwa fiti usiwahi tense. dishi chapo na chai na kalife kasonge. i promise you next december itakuwa different.

ChapoBenz🍪

@ongubo_

2 years

Kusota tumesota as a family sioni tukicelebrate anything.

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@tukei_

4 years

my mother and father are enjoying their first Christmas in an incredibly beautiful house that my siblings and I built for them. i couldn’t be there with them tonight but I’m sure they’re having the time of their lives.

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@tukei_

5 years

emaciated and in dire need of a new set of clothing

èdu

@Edu__N

5 years

what do those twitter bullies look like in person?

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@tukei_

7 years

Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before - 1 Thessalonians 4:11

Sheila

@SheilaLMaina

7 years

Tweet your account balance 😂😂😂😂😂

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@tukei_

6 years

why do people ruin friendships by borrowing money and start playing games when its time to pay up?

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@tukei_

5 years

girls are only attracted to you if you’re in a relationship. ukiwa single wanakuonanga ukikaa nugu.

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@tukei_

6 years

please please please. when you break up with someone, kindly keep all the embarrassing secrets about them to yourself. no point of telling everyone privileged information that you only got to know about courtesy of the relationship.

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@tukei_

4 years

NMG response should be: The above subject matter refers. The Nation Media Group is in receipt of your demand dated 1st July 2020 whose contents we have noted. Please, by all means, do your worst. Yours faithfully Group CEO

Robert ALAI, HSC

@RobertAlai

4 years

Babu Owino vs Nation Media Group over the DJ Evolve piece.

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@tukei_

5 years

new trend is girls with kids riding on this dead beat dads tragedy to swindle everyone. “aki give me 3k for diapers and cereals. baba ya mtoto ametuneglect kabisa.” na saa hiyo baby daddy amelipa rent, amefanya a month’s shopping na mtoto ako kwa medical cover. tunawajua

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@tukei_

6 years

i think guys dislike kikuyu women because they’re strong and courageous. they take no bullshit and can raise kids alone. and the sons will proudly have their mother’s name as surnames. respect. lol

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@tukei_

4 years

unatembea mahali unaona nyumba ilianza kujengwa alafu ikastall 5 years ago kuchunguza kumbe mtu alinyuria na familia yake haijui alikuwa na project. ufala tupu. mali yako ni ya bibi yako na watoto wako. ka huamini bibi yako mbona basi uko na yeye. si umuache.

Padre Kabetes

@e_odeo

4 years

Don't let your wife know your worth and your asset then siku unakufa, Lawyers na Trustees wanasherekea pesa yako kuliko watoto wako 😂😂😂😂.

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@tukei_

4 years

I’ve cried all the way from work to home because i can’t accept what life has handed us. the hurt that I’ve felt since yesterday will never go away. losing Armu in such a brutal way and planning for his burial was never part of the plan. this will take time to overcome. 😭😢

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@tukei_

5 years

until you ask her who is that guy in the office who is always bringing her lunch and suddenly she doesn’t know shit.

Mutinda

@brianmutinda_

5 years

Women know everything.

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@tukei_

5 years

ukikaa dakika mbili bila kutweet kuhusu sex hautakufa.

UnpRAWvoked

@karigoh

5 years

Imagine MTU wako akue ananyesha this weekend na unajua very very well hupendi period sex 😂😂😂 na hupendi drugs na huezi hepa juu ya kuhesabiwa na hupendi kuwank 😂😂😂😂😂 Siutadedi aki All the best.

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@tukei_

4 years

if you are diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety; you are rich enough to pay ya hospital bills.

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@tukei_

4 years

utterly ridiculous (and hilarious) that whenever the protocols are about to be reviewed, the country faces an upsurge of positive case. so bloody predictable this 😂

NTV Kenya

@ntvkenya

4 years

UPDATE: Kenya recorded 713 new Covid-19 cases in past 24 hours, the highest number of infections since last year, CS Kagwe says.

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@tukei_

6 years

dear Kenyan entrepreneurs: we all want to buy and support your goods and services but for the love of God, please stop overpricing your shit. we are all struggling to make ends meet 😭😫

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@tukei_

3 years

keep kids out of your bs man. there’s got to be some boundaries.

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@tukei_

10 months

@Wafunya unataka mgani? blondie254, antana joan, petra nzula, lady mattie aka bubu kittie, nova nora, chantell muli? sema uskike 😆😆😆

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@tukei_

5 years

afadhali wewe alikuwa anakupatia conversation za maana. mimi aliona tu anisimamishe na bibi yangu atuambie vile bibi yake alikufa so amebaki single father akafanya bibi yangu aanze kulia bure mbele ya watu. smh

RaMaverick 💯%

@RamzZy_

5 years

Ngaruthi tulipatana 5aside akanishow ukiona ndulama kwa TL na hauna facts ama backstory usipick sides based on your own emotions alafu uruke hapo juu utakaa mjinga baadae. Sijawaisahau 🙃

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@tukei_

3 years

might as well shag your bros, bro. since their opinion is important to you.

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@tukei_

4 years

you did not post that video because the guy was drunk or because you felt some high moral duty. deep down you know it too

Everyone on X

@Murakariuki

4 years

I hailed an Uber this morning. KCU968W @Ma3Route @uber_kenya

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@tukei_

6 years

you expect someone who has failed an interview to stay around the office building?

Flour Girl✊🏾🧁🥳🇰🇪🇿🇦

@SyataLinda

6 years

I told some guy, I couldn't date him because he has a family already. Pengine tuwe marafiki tu, hivyo ndio nilikula blueticks,it's been 3 weeks 😅😅😅

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@tukei_

6 years

a colleague was recently blessed with a baby and i've just asked him tutaenda kumuona lini and he answered, "wa nini? kwani ako na pembe?" was that rudeness necessary ? 😑😭

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@tukei_

6 years

i am with my husband because of the children

Aku🇰🇪

@Kamah__

6 years

Kuvumilia na english ni??

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@tukei_

6 years

can't remember a rhino backbiting me.

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@tukei_

11 years

KOT help me find a lady by the name EUNICE NJERI of St Georges class of 07.In the drama fest of 06 she went away with my heart.RT widely.

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@tukei_

7 years

nikipata shida ya ugonjwa na nikuombe msaada, please nisaidie. lakini nikikuomba pesa ya harusi ama dowry, nipige kofi nipate akili

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@tukei_

2 years

they always quoted 215bob plus for a litre minus the subsidy. now with the subsidy gone, the actual price is 179 bob. who has been taking us fi idiet?

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@tukei_

6 years

no detective asked you that son. lmao 😂

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@tukei_

4 years

kids will humble you. i always sneered when i saw a kid throwing tantrums in the super market because they want something. i always said “why are they allowing the kid to behave this way.” terrible upbringing, I thought. today it was me. I was the one being judged.

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@tukei_

6 years

today I was standing behind a middle aged gentleman (30 maybe) at the ATM queue and my prying eyes saw the balance he was checking. it was 40,389,545. my whole life came to a standstill. I’ve hated myself all day. kuna watu walisalimia Mungu na mkono.

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@tukei_

5 years

July 2nd 2017 is a day I’ll never forget. after staying 4 nights at the Intercon, I went to check out only to be slapped with a separate bill of 18k after drinking everything available in the fridge. it took a while to recover. I learnt the hard way 😭😂

Kelitu Kaseo

@DjEynie

5 years

Kumbe them drinks wanakuanga wameweka kwa hotel rooms fridge aren't free 😂😂 unakunywa not knowing then you are billed

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@tukei_

9 years

Obama danced to Sauti Sol all night. Usitusumbue nani

RealTalkWithMJ

@ItsMJ254

9 years

Alicia Keys dancing to Wizkid just means Nigerians are untouchable from here on out. Good Luck Kenyans. ✌

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@tukei_

2 years

preceded is the word you’re looking for

Owich

@PiocheBrio

2 years

Pictures that presidented unfortunate events

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@tukei_

3 years

YA ALLAH! elated to have successfully defended my masters in law thesis with no corrections. my reader was so impressed i’m lost for words. looking forward to the next chapter of my career - PhD. TAKBIR!

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@tukei_

4 years

this lady is one of the biggest bullies on twitter. rowdy, immature and always spoiling for a fight. so unlady like. someone has to say it.

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@tukei_

3 years

wenye mko #KOT5Aside promotini huyu. naskia familia yake wako karibu kulala njaa.

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@tukei_

7 years

ukiona mwanaume amefika point ya kukubali ni ukweli niko na shida flani na ninataka msaada, ujue hapo amefika breaking point. amejaribu kila kitu akashindwa.

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@tukei_

7 years

someone just texted me to lend them 5k and all i can do is thank God someone out there believes in me more than i believe in myself. Lmao

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@tukei_

3 years

i shudder at the thought of a rowdy, juvenile and trigger happy MP with a pending attempted murder case and not so subtle links to money laundering criminal gangs has the effrontery to pick up his phone and threaten a journalist who is doing his job. the confidence

Babu Owino

@HEBabuOwino

3 years

@murayakariuki Yes I called you na utawacha ujinga ’s both a professional misconduct and unprofessional conduct using your position to influence and air negative news against Baba.

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@tukei_

5 years

wezi wengine huwa wajinga. Ni kama msee wa ngeta mwenye anakuibia na bado anakudunga kisu. si uwache niende nitafute zingine za wewe kuiba. hahaha!

Mzee Kasri

@JoyceSabali

5 years

Sasa ukifanya watu wapoteze kazi, uta con nani pesa ? 😭😭😭😭

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@tukei_

1 year

today is the last day at my small business premise. it’s been so tough it became unsustainable and i felt it was time i got a breather. most difficult decision ever. will defo cry as i’m packing up but i’m already looking forward to my next challenge. we make it or die trying.

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@tukei_

6 years

we’re not sexualising kids and their actions in 2019. tnx.

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@tukei_

5 years

everyone is talking like my mans took an L but that's a massive W. he'll look back and appreciate this moment. haha!

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@tukei_

6 years

how is my urgent need for 100k the obligation of my friends?

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@tukei_

10 months

finally i have the confirmation that my concept has been accepted and i can now undertake my PhD in the UoN, dept of political science & public admin. nothing i’ve ever wanted more than doctoral qualification and finally i can realise this dream. TAKBIR! 🥳

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@tukei_

5 years

Mabwana huwa hawatangazi wameoa. Lakini mabibi hawawezi maliza dakika mbili bila kuambia kila mtu wako na bwana. first of all, nani amekuuliza ? 😂

That's Madam To You. 🎀

@NthenyaKiilu

5 years

Mnaonanga tukipost upuzi huku na tukicheka cheka na nyinyi mnafikiria we are serious mnatufuata kwa DM'S. Lol. We are people's wives. Hamjui jokes?😂😂😂😂😂

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@tukei_

2 years

hata wewe tunakupea less than miezi sita utakuwa unaimba kama tarumbeta. tulikuwa tu hapa 2017 ukitusi odinga breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner.

Ohta Ryota 🇸🇬

@Ohta_Ryota

2 years

Junet na Wandayi karibu wapigie Ruto magoti...they are licking ass more than UDA guys....it be your own people...

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@tukei_

4 years

the internet does not need to know about each and every of your struggles.

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@tukei_

6 years

and when you keep growing older, you’ll realize that indeed, dating your friend’s ex is a terrible idea and it’s something you should never have considered in the first place.

Kerubo

@slyrie

6 years

As you grow up, you realize there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating your friend's ex.

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@tukei_

7 years

thick ni mdem mjinga. thicc ni mdemu mnono. thique ni mdemu mnono mjinga.

Carlsemiro.

@KarlitOH_

7 years

What's the difference between Thick, Thiccc and Thique?

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@tukei_

5 years

Muslim wanapakua kuliko biryani ya Kilimanjaro

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@tukei_

3 years

truth is the likes of nyakundi don’t just talk from thin air. we know, since corona started, data has been manipulated. government paying influencers to push a certain narrative is not farfetched.

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@tukei_

8 months

when women set out to humiliate you, they put aside all rules. they do it so passionately and relentlessly forgetting who they can hurt in the pursuit of their pound of flesh. wicked creatures.

Lager-tha

@TreasonousBabe

8 months

Mike Mondo posts about shiko nguru ALL the time on IG. Whew. #Family This will either end as a true love story or in the PREMIUMEST of tears

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@tukei_

7 years

it is possible for a man to get a child in one month by impregnating 9 women.

JILL 😊

@JILLKUI

7 years

What did Caroline Mutoko say?

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@tukei_

6 years

all my girlfriend ever writes to me is a shopping list. 😭

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@tukei_

6 years

there are people who have perfected the art of making you feel inadequate. they are at workplaces, families, relationships, friendships. basically everywhere. the trick is don't allow them get to you. just do your thing.

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@tukei_

2 years

i know you don’t want to hear it but fact this fella started from the deepest of pits. born in abject poverty and now president, that is a big deal. a fuvking big one. it’s not something that happens everyday more so in the context of our politics.

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@tukei_

8 months

i always tell men who care to listen that speaking about your problems especially to a woman is like painting pigs. all you will get is mockery and humiliation. kwanza if she’s a feminist, the dosage is double. wanaume mjipende 😆😆

Jay 5.0 😘😘 Julz

@julleberry

8 months

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 that thread of married men whining is hilarious 🤭🤭🤭🤭 a whole man that cannot get out of a small fix?? What kind of men are these yawa????

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@tukei_

3 years

I’ll be dead before I give anyone my car ati namsaidia. fuel i take you where you want ama enda car hire. let me ruin the thing myself.

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@tukei_

10 years

I'm genuinely excited. It will be massive if we get LvG. He's an experienced blocke,no nonsense and his teams play nice football.

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@tukei_

6 years

winking at him too.

Kalasinga

@Kalasinga_

6 years

He winks at your girl. What you doing?

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@tukei_

6 years

you’ve never lived in Karen, and it’s showing.

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@tukei_

6 years

wanaume wengine wanataka BMW wewe unataka bbw. for shame.

Andy

@AndyKe_

6 years

I want me a Bbw

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@tukei_

6 years

nilikuwa na wine nilinunua South Africa last year a few rands na nikasema nitaifungua kitu poa ikinifanyikia. juzi mtoto aliigonga ikaanguka ikavunjika. nataka kumpeana bure. 😑

Shosho Light

@carolinespencer

6 years

Nini inasumbua roho yako

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@tukei_

5 years

izo vitu sita ni 18k bana 😭🥵

Egor

@Eddu_G

5 years

Hizi huwa Nini wajuaji?

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@tukei_

5 years

scam everyone you want but please, don’t lie with : 1. A sick parent / child / spouse. 2. A dead relative. from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. you’re basically wishing them illness or death. not cool. stick to sina rent or sina food or fare ya interview.Regards

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@tukei_

6 years

people who remain friendly with their exes think they’re better and mature than everyone else who doesn’t entertain that kind of thing. Lol

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@tukei_

10 months

a war criminal dying at 100 years is proof enough that good shall never overcome evil.

red.

@redstreamnet

10 months

Henry Kissinger, one of the world’s most notorious war criminals, has finally died. Let’s take a look back and remember him for all the things he did: 🧵👇

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@tukei_

6 years

someone has posted in a forum i'm in they need an intern and on further enquiry regarding qualifications, he told me they want someone who has cleared university and preferably KSL and the salary is 7k. my heart aches

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@tukei_

7 years

sauti sol receiving all sorts of abuse because they made a fair and true comment. most of you are dead inside. for real. you can’t be saved

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@tukei_

6 years

i know it’s been said before but I’ll repeat it just for the sake of it: ali kiba > diamond

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@tukei_

6 years

@EarnestChege @pmusesya @ClanSewe how many times have you given birth, chege?

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