Star Lure @starlarbu Twitter profile

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

5 months

me texting my roommate after bringing a new pet home from my yellowstone trip

Ricky Knuckles

@TheRickDoofus

5 months

Keep laughing at this imagining that Buffalo is some sort of secret utopia that no one has ever heard of

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Last Seen Profiles

@tehseenp

@Sanctemify

@thirdvalentine

@ErinHazen335599

@napmonr

@RadioFreeTom

@yuujimillo

@astisemie

@KButter_22

@kicochan_milk

@tiapussy

@CeciliaCopeland

@Dirono

@Sadik0707

@bubblebratz

@m1sfitbiscuit

@hyunlixfolder

@abuhammam111

@SwilliumSama

@TimeTwilla

@Akky_on

@BinorRaja

@Gobacktomybed

@DanyBlueDragon

@xz_iiou

@sershus

@NgLabour

@TAMANE_MGMSLT

@saddityybrat

@BSEIndia

@QSCHVA

@FresnoStateFB

@chococlatea

@bhumipednekar

@LouiBaxter

@ramanshivicpl1

Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 months

I do not like the seoul plastic surgery clinic's lobby jawbone shard tower

solioli 🍉

@SoliSolstice

2 months

does anyone have any pictures that will instantly and irrevocably make my life worse

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@RatsLizPhair2 some parents are so terrible at getting their kids arrested. not me tho. i got all my kids in jail. my 8 month old is charged with vehicular manslaughter

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@fineanddanya from now on I'm closing emails with "Your Well Fucked Friend,"

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@pheenoh We apologize for letting you down, but we are dedicated to making things right. Attached, you will find a voucher which can be redeemed at any time for DoorDash credit:

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@CruzKayne I am not sure I understand/believe this impersonation stuff. But I do think your wife has a point. About the devices/roblox. It has been a challenging year. Love, Your Boss (from work)

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@hexprax the tiktok girl was unable to save the rat but her valiant efforts did not go unnoticed. the rats have awarded her the key to the sewers and she is a highly sought guest at all the finest sewer banquets

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@fox_sheldon @wsvn shameful! I'm a police officer and raise my 6 yo son to respect authority. we watched this segment together and it affected my son so deeply that he won't stop saying he wants to grow up to be a fire fighter

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@hexprax a tesla can actually sense whether the entity it is barreling toward has a soul. the feature won't stop the car from running it over but the car will comprehend what it has done

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

8 months

@GoodReddit me texting my cat after he ate the leaves off my succulent

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@ReactiveRich women are generally hairless, cold blooded reptiles. if you feel endothermic body heat emanating from a a woman, it is likely not a woman but a disguised seraphim

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@iilovegrapes wow. the titanic. all the ill fated ship's passengers praying for rescue as they sink into the sea. like a doomed load's sperm praying for eggs as they drip down the interior of the car. what sadness!

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@hotpukeyoga @hexprax ok but are you going to put the people sleeping on the streets in a little cardboard box so they can spend the night on your coffee table before you take them to the vet to be euthanized

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@AstuteCFO what's incredible about this scene is it was actually totally improvised. dobby unexpectedly started to die on set and they simply kept filming and captured daniel radcliffe's genuine unrehearsed reaction

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@reachrachelkahn tenant hasn't paid rent for 18 months, used their rent money to buy the property and now they're the landlord and I'm the tenant??

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@KetracelBlack god gave us hands so we could pet their creations

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@depthsofwiki many times have I stopped my dog from digging up the yard but one day I will have the courage to join him. we will cast away the fake truths of civilization, permits and codes and we will find the real truths deep in the ground

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@soupinhercan we mocked the giant baby. we belittled and rejected him. but when we need him most, the giant baby will not hesitate to save us. for he is giant with the goodness and humility we lack

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@helen 7. Your dog has never said "I love you"

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@DerpSwan fire actually doesn't burn bisexuals bc it doesn't believe they're real. when the age of renewal comes only bisexuals will be spared from joining the towering mountain of human ash that replenishes the earth's soil for whatever comes next

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@watanagashi1983 I always get bored a few minutes into watching fireworks so the humongous terror explosion that rips the fabric of reality is the ideal fireworks show for me

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

7 months

@Liv_Agar miss you were the first person in a long time to look at me like I'm a good and decent person so I am making this craigslist post to demonstrate to you that I am not

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@sick2sexi Oh no, los elotes están escapando

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@dagger_actual "wow the new Venom movie rocks! i'm going to see it 125 more times" - every human being on earth

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@SamuelSaulsbury school sucks, but it ends. I guess that's a good lesson, y'know? if something sucks, just take it easy and it'll end, right? school sucks, life sucks, the world sucks. but it all ends, I guess. haha. I think this is the end of this speech. anyone wanna go to taco bell after this?

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@AmazingPosts_ if I thought I was in the middle of a shooting and then this guy walked in I dont think I would be any less scared

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@JimothyBurg1ary in retrospect it's probably smart not to name kids after characters in series that haven't even ended yet. you can imagine how upset I was when I saw Revenge of the Sith with my son Anakin

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

7 months

@twinkophrenia hate to generalize but if you open a youtube tutorial and hear an indian accent you know it's straight to the point. you hear an american accent and it's "hey gang it's your boy Windon here in sunny LA. sorry I haven't uploaded a new video recently but my dog got a new job and-"

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@silvergelpen last season of parks and rec was pretty bad. much of the charm of the show was seeing people find meaning and happiness in modest, overlooked places but then they hard veered to "and everyone's wildest dreams came true!! :)"

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@steinkobbe the reality of it isn't even that tesla is genuinely strained by musk's twitter based absence, but that its stock price was hugely inflated from the public image of musk as an irreplaceable maverick genius. an image which his twitter adventures have done well to destroy lol

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@OkButStill [elon] There's something epic about beer in a clean glass. Alas, if I can get past the taste its intoxicating effect creates a beast that can only be tamed with cuddles 😩 and maybe..smex? 😳🤣 [blue check reply guy] Like this tweet if you think Elon should cure my son's lymphoma

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@EthnicSteve i just dragged a dead body out of a lake and it made me think of you

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 months

@oldfriend99 2/5 stars pros: great selection+decent prices cons: I'm trapped+afraid

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 years

@jusdaydreamin cute as dickens but I wanted to see the Starbucks employee see the duck and hand over the strawberry ice water. I want to see her jOy

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 months

@Srirachachau sometimes I think about how lovingly homer says "and who could forget dear ratboy" and start to cry

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@tinywienerbabe wow lol referring to a white american who immigrated from an african country as "african american." how has no one thought of that. how have people not made that joke millions of times for as long as the term african american has been in use, every time thinking they are clever!!

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@mattlieb we can solve the lack of access problem that is the root of the mental health crisis in america by signing every american with the la dodgers

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

6 months

@BKWelles got caught stealing bread for my starving sister and her family because when I palmed the goods some lady yelled "BE GAY DO CRIMES" at me alerting police and stopping me dead in my tracks in stunned confusion as to what about my bread stealing apparently looked so gay

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 years

@ElyKreimendahl another battle in the neverending war between queer kids and horrible drunk uncles

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@masculinesoul hope this doesn't come across as too forward/weird but dude I want to dissect your brain I gotta know how it is physically possible to misunderstand themes so thoroughly

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@oldwitchsring inside therapist's head: "...wait... is it weird that I have a uterus? do other people have uteruses??"

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@BrotiGupta when this thing is being fussy with her kibble we have to slowly creep over to her bowl and menacingly reach for it like we're gonna steal it. the only way to protect her precious kibble from thieves and vagabonds is by eating it

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@FalconryFinance parrots are like horrible little scientists. they realize that certain words seem to provoke interesting responses from their subjects and after further testing confirms their hypothesis they decide to keep provoking forever because it's funny

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@catsuptonogood preheat the oven we doin this shit but for real

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@ItsDanSheehan know how you feel brother. my son is a big nasty bully and I'm sick of school closures making me his only target

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

7 months

@alzandahh children love kermit so it tends to be hard for them to learn that even in the mildest action scenes he uses a stunt double

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@punished_cait sylvia plath changed my views on relationships, life and sex when she spoke about "fucking the text man for texts"

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@melliemacker the sea of dads is treacherous but there is wisdom found in braving its tides

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@juul_survivor you can't have joy without sorrow. you can't have two cute dogs and not have a dead rabbit and songbird

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@bocxtop i just moved into my first apartment where doordash can do no contact drop off and i am the happiest little pig on the block. i'm sure the delivery guy can hear me oinking and squealing as i sprint to the door for my fresh slop

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@sonyashea3 reminds me how I met my wife. we were both in the same dumpster and got into a growling and hissing match over an especially cheesy old pizza box and it blossomed from there

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 months

I didn't even need to think for a second for this prompt. the bone shard towers left a shadow on my heart

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@RaxKingIsDead [bursts into pizza hut while divorced] just get me a personal pan pizza. cheese only. I dont want any of that fancy roni rooney shroomey bs!

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@maculvein cbs sitcoms broadcast at the edge of human perception. the stars of the shows have never heard of them. all of us will eventually star in a cbs sitcom, but none will recall anything beyond vague feelings.. and strange shapes. like a dream that fades the moment you wake

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@pictureofagun Ohio doesn't have native species. nothing is native to Ohio except despair

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@HIGHIQRETARED the sad songs these snails sing are of a delicate and exquisite beauty. so we deceived them. what difference should it make to us that they sing of tragedies that never were? their misplaced sorrow resonates just as beautifully

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@Chinchillazllla bringing my wife and children to pride and getting irate that all the gays are sleeping

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@YoNipplesSoft columbine's shooter boys

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@IdahoBones lol this should be eyerollingly trite but the dominant media narrative has been so anti-palestinian for so long that it actually rules

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@abbygov my cat self medicates with liquor and cocaine

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@T8GR8 classic

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 years

@eeberquist @Chinchillazllla Blake says he grieved the squirrel but I have photos proving he was partying at clubs just days after the squirrel's death

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@NattytheBratty

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@kungfukenny2000 compulsory education is a blessing that increases living standards, reduces inequality, and provides opportunity for the poor and oppressed. it also fukcing sucks!!

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@InsaneLetterbox he wasn't supposed to know what was going down but he's got such a blatant "aw man I'm in the twin towers on 9/11" expression

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

11 months

@GoodReddit that old lady is going to use this anecdote to internally explain why young people are unable to buy homes. they don't respect quarters

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@thesunismygirl @ultrasylveon havin to shout through masks+germ shields really makes convos with service workers all business. when they ask how I'm doin it's just not worth the strain to tell em birds keep attacking my head or whatever's goin on that day

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@fembojj ok he said it but he didn't mean it 🥺

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@Category_Fury went to some parties in college with social anxiety vibes so I know how to fix this: get these dogs some jungle juice

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@punishedgarage you really gonna talk shit about the bird online? where the bird can see it??

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@fembojj after my accident the red cross turned down my request to only receieve transfusions of gay blood. even after I tried handing them a lil baggie of coke

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@punished_cait when that wolf milk got me ready to commit fratricide

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

7 months

@KeatonPatti it's true starbucks will give your family free coffee if you die in one of their stores but the catch is it can't be by suicide. it has to be a genuine serendipitous death so you kinda just have to hang out at starbucks a whole lot

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@freshhel relationship goals

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@horrible_bug why is there an "A" in your burrito? you ask the wrong question, child. the real question is: where are the rest of the letters? that which we cherish most will spell out our destinies. it seems you've found the the beginning of yours

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@paleoteny one time I was walking down the street and this guy in a pup play mask pointed to his bf and asked me "isn't he a pretty and toppable pup?" but I couldn't understand him through the mask and had to make him repeat himself 3 times and I was like "hehe ya." sorry I made it weird

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@freshhel were each of us a nacho chip there would be a mouth for us no matter how plain or shattered we may be

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 years

@djarinculture "heh that was pretty clever of me. I'm a clever clara and I deserve these likes 😊"

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@misssoniarao Delta management must've been shivering like an anxious chihuahua when they saw the name given to the most virulent covid variant

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@LolOverruled can't say I trust the ethics of this guy! my human bone collection is pretty small but at least I know my bones are ethically sourced (I grew them myself)

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@deankissick we all have times where a light stabbing + hazard pay sounds better than work. get yours queen

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@brennasaid were the gay penguins on display to all aquarium guests or was this like a backstage VIP thing

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@DuckAlertsNOW WAIT!! [in suit and tie frantically running after departing bus while clutching reefcase]

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@selontheweb there's a subset of cute baby animal videos that are so overproduced and unnatural that I suspect the baby animals were bred only to star in them and the second the camera stops rolling the little darlings are thrown in a sausage grinder

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 years

@SheRatesDogs Hahaha oh wow that last message was one of my coach friends playing a classic coach prank please ignore it don't share with anyone please

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

5 months

ai art looks bad but with all the bad looking possibilities it grants "Tom and Jerry Fans" sure is fixated on Tom being visited by Jerry in a hospital bed

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@muddaub @fox_sheldon @wsvn impossible. I have the boy tested to confirm he's still mine every time he takes his monthly drug test to confirm he's keeping his nose clean in kindergarten

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

10 months

@studiolemaine guys responding to the pics I sent them

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@PincheAndrew i always feel awkward asking to share the husband corner but the other husbands are usually happy to. i've made some good buddies in the corner and gotten a lot of useful tips on grilling and lovemaking

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@cathetercutie yeah

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 months

@AnAngryOpossum the ai slop on facebook is genuinely unsettling not in and of itself so much as it seems designed to prey on the misplaced kindness of elderly folks with dementia

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

1 year

@punished_cait so too shall we be cleansed of the cruelties of man and nature at eternity's gates

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

2 years

@PinkRangerLB frowning slug monster is a treasured member of the queer community

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@CaseyBriggs many of you claim to love the tiny cow from comfort of home. but what hardship, what danger have you endured for her? you admire her beauty but you do not love her!!

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@hasanthehun on the bright side this is great to affix to the end of onlyfans videos and such

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

3 years

@kenklippenstein why on earth is tucker even mad?? it's not confrontational or remotely unusual for a journalist to be interested in whether the nsa has been monitoring a f̶e̶l̶l̶o̶w̶ ̶j̶o̶u̶r̶n̶a̶l̶i̶s̶t̶ news-adjacent tv yell man

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

11 months

@b1g_damage it's good for a man's character to have a period where he lives in a scary room

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 months

@s4m31p4n keemstar having a panic attack because he realized he's out of beer

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

4 years

@peachcrisis cheating others isn't what I'd normally call king behavior. and yet... king

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Star Lure

@starlarbu

8 months

@westernunion2k once again shifting my consciousness to another reality where I work afternoon shift at a tampa wendy's and it is absolutely beating me down

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