"I feel traumatized but nothing bad happened to me" hey same girlie anyways how many anecdotes do you have that make rooms go completely silent cause I lost count of mine
Thrown out of the traumaqueer discord server for responding to "I want an evil woman who hates me" with "I can introduce you to someone who works for a defense contractor if you want"
@twinkdefcon
Yeah the degree to which ADHD and autism are disabling in an academic environment is profoundly underestimated. I have a severe case of ADHD + more mild autism and me being so close (10 pages left in dissertation) to finishing a PhD is nothing short of a goddamn miracle
Astute observers on discord will notice I often slip in a "we" instead of an "I." This is not because I am plural, but because I am something much more cringe inducing, an academic
mom kissing her kid goodnight: "Don't worry sweetie, BPD girls with attachment issues aren't real they can't hurt you"
From a burlap sack in a darkened corner: "Can I get tucked in too mom?"
Mom: "No honey, that kind of dependence isn't healthy also I like your sister more now"
We're done. This is the last year these fucking people are seeing me. Hopefully I will be gone by Easter.
I thought they were trying. Like they'd pretend to make an effort around me sometimes. I thought dad almost dying last year maybe changed things.
I'm so fucking stupid
This is so fucking funny to me because there's an entire group of fuckers that confuse cause and effect for why hyper-cerebral transwomen seem so common
The actual reason you see so many "genius transwomen" is because the ones who aren't clever get killed by the world
Ex-gifted kid discourse is out ex-retard discourse is in. I was blissfully unburdened with expectation of any kind until I cracked open a calc book in high school and inhaled the contents in two weeks whereupon I was instantly expelled from the garden of Eden
A truly staggering number of transwomen are sexually assaulted pretransition and the loose threads of a question teases at the edges of my brain
How the FUCK do they know what we are?
There is a haunting in my brain, it slams the cupboards in my mind, smashes the crockery of my thoughts.
Delicately arranged bowls of memory, narratives for self definition in the utensil drawer, all stolen away by the ghost of "There is something sick in you and everyone knows"
very political take, but tranfems should recognize that capitalism is good for us, and gives us with the ability to provide for ourselves and our community. We are very capable workers, and can create amazing things, and be fairly paid for our work. This is already the case.
@egregirls
Thinking about my ex-fiance and going "yep" to the first one. She moved across the country to escape abuse, I had just been disowned. All we had was each other and my fucking stipend.
my boomer-est opinion is that you have to force yourself to do things that are difficult and uncomfortable and you have to do it often, while you’re young and your brain is still flexible. yes, even if you are (functionally) mentally ill.
"need a woman to kidnap me and drive me to an undisclosed location and then torture me with sleep deprivation for weeks and an-"
Shhhhh the extremity and impossibility of your fantasies renders them trite, absurd, and banal - you are the BDSM equivalent of a superhero crossover
Imagine you're choking to death on the side of a highway and a bunch of mysterious and gangly creatures carrying unearthly lights ten times your size come upon you and then one slaps your ass until you are better
@egregirls
My favorite part is the actual most similar circles historically would use...the roman alphabet
The closest things using hebrew are things like the second image here
is it a hot take iunno I'm just kinda tired but hey maybe the reason folks can't find tops and dommes is because they assume anyone who is remotely confident in dress/mannerisms is down to beat on 'em and folks lookin are too busy playing up the uwu smol bean 🥺 dogshit angle
the USSR was 100% correct in making STEM students learn humanities subjects like philosophy as part of the mandatory syllabus its the one thing i like about eastern european education
You coward, you fool. tlThe valid reason to do anything is "I want to." Let us spit in the eye of death today and indulge in the whimsies of yesteryear. There is no god but the small joys in our life. Let chicken nuggets and hot pudding with a tiny spoon be its herald
@mascdonna
@twinkhoncreole
It's weird to me that people cut straight to ideas of artistic integrity when to me this is clearly part of how her brother is handling the grief of her passing and is almost certainly his way of giving a "proper goodbye" to a dear family member
Being able to phrase this in such a concrete way actually really helps me feel confident that I'm not jist acquiescing to partners when I say this lmfao
There is a haunting in my brain, it slams the cupboards in my mind, smashes the crockery of my thoughts.
Delicately arranged bowls of memory, narratives for self definition in the utensil drawer, all stolen away by the ghost of "There is something sick in you and everyone knows"
@PunishedGramsci
I mean like...I absolutely understand being upset your husband turned out to be an egg and stealing hormones is a massive violation but like they're clearly using having a husband as some kind of messed up status symbol that makes them more of a "real woman"
@angelrightsnow
Yeah exactly! A lot of baggage like "you're gonna see exactly what I'm lile underneath and you're gonna know I'm really a monster and you'll hate me and leave" is wrapped up in domming for me so even trying a little bit required really deep trust and chemistry for ages.
@witchof0x20
It's probably a bit of both tbh but I care far far more about plane_bullet_holes.jpg because I am sick of seeing queer people suffer. I am sick of having to be extraordinary just to survive
An odd tenderness in her voice, she tells me the pharmacy is charging me several hundred for my medication, she goes out of her way to find me coupons that reduce the total cost down to 75
I think nothing of it for a few weeks. I come in in person, swapping over to new insurance
@bloomfilters
It's incredibly irresponsible of journalists and academics to pretend reactionary political forces have some sort of point and that there's a meaningful middleground here instead of just power addicts throwing a temper tantrum
Being a cult survivor is kinda like being a blobfish
When brought to the safer for human areas the very mechanisms that allow me to function under obscene temperature and pressure pulp me into a hideous gelatinous mass that sucks dick while talking like a Peanuts character
Me five years ago: I wanna be in a big house and in a polycule where they run a train on me on my birthday
Me now: What if I go really nuts and get like a pet ferret after I get a job
Most of you aren't bottoms or subs you're just inexperienced and scared of taking initiative because you've been conditioned to abnegate your own desires. In this essay I-
Being multiply traumatized is really cool cause it means it get fawny and super enmeshed in romantic relationships and then I feel really sick and gross and overwhelmed about it meanwhile everyone else in my life thinks I am cold, harsh, and distant
If you use the words "porn addict" outside of extremely specific and unfortunate situations involving compulsive sexual behavior I literally never want to talk to you
A hint: if you are seeking something like this, be aware that in a healthy relationship this is something both partners will be doing for each other regularly. Next, consider the nature of inequity in emotional labor and sexual connection
I've said a few times that poly is a strategy and I can do mono or poly depending on the partner/s in question but really my hard limit actually comes down to the following: If you are my partner you can be monogamous or vanilla. Not both. It's not gonna work otherwise.
Does anyone want a mathematician who goes into heat for two weeks every couple of months and then when she comes down from the high of constant compulsive sexual behavior and interaction she cries and throws up for a couple of days and then turns into a grim workaholic again?
It's extremely to difficult to capture just how brutal social repression was in the 90s and 2000s. Conservative cultural domination was near total. The idea of "doing things just for attention" was a bizarre, suffocating blanket assumption for any odd behavior
@Ada_Catlace
@redrum_panda
The late 90s / early 2000s were a vicious time to be visibly queer. As well as anything else that was not straight, white, skinny, and traditionally attractive. Like, complete ostracizing from one's family for being a trans woman was very, very typical.
I think if you celebrate being able to cuddle with friends and someone in the chat starts complaining about not having friends and how it would SURE BE NICE TO HAVE FRIENDS TO CUDDLE you are legally allowed to beat them with a bag of their own teeth
We are at the genius detectives meetup, comparing autistic mind palaces. Eventually it becomes clear I am describing a seven-story gooncave shaped like a Klein bottle and I am forcibly removed from the function
I'm still here! I fucking beat you! After all the fucking damage and abuse I'm the one who survived! And you couldn't even make me into you like you wanted! I have a whole world to be me in and YOU AREN'T IN IT
I'd hope you're in hell, but honestly you'd fit right in there 🧡🐛
Your coward heart will never know the warmth that is it being set ablaze by the love for another. Your hand takes theirs timidly and your kisses are knock-kneed and stumbling things.
You could die in bed with your spouse and you'd pass into the underworld alone
Hey so I saw you across the bar and I wanted to know if you were interested in an intense relationship that moves too fast where as soon as enough things go wrong we suck the life out of each other till we are a stumbling thicket of bones wrapped in a sheaf of dust
Your entire political outlook is based on not liking it when things change. You are legitimately too immature to have serious political opinions and I strongly believe that people having to take your thoughts seriously is an insult to both life and the very concept of education
@egregirls
Two is also beat for beat the post-cult TPE relationship I was in. Including how it self-destructed when we realized we could no longer provide those things for each other.
Oh yes, right, this should help people. Typical abusive sadists are a bit easier to recognize than abusive masochists but here are some general red flags to look out for
Normal dating: Full disclosure, me and your best friend dated for a while
Traumaqueer dating: Full disclosure, I have stained my hands with the blood of others and will do so again if forced
@90plane
@cassiopia_73234
I will not punt my nephew, he'll have a hard enough time already just growing up in my family
Honestly I'm just sad I won't be able to be there for him
The fact that my father is a fascist carpenter whose only son turned out to in fact be a dyke mathematician seems like sort of divine punishment for us both
Making eye contact with someone in the Bay Area, they use the phrase "high agency." In the black sea of their pupils I see a school of calipers swimming lazily, glinting hungrily
@basedbinkie
Florida is more immediately inimical to mental health and physical safety but Ohio presents a corrosive, spiritual danger that is not to be underestimated
I don't WANNA date a meth dealer who drugs me and films us having sex and then my bipolar spouse finds it later during a manic episode and then my child has to spend a night standing in a doorway gripping a metal bat