(1) The Borat video is a complete fabrication. I was tucking in my shirt after taking off the recording equipment.
At no time before, during, or after the interview was I ever inappropriate. If Sacha Baron Cohen implies otherwise he is a stone-cold liar.
I'm a comedian who has benefitted from simply being male and white. I've not always noticed the level to which female comedians are harassed and what the comedy world is like for them. I will do more to support women comics. Fuck you, creeps.
Crossing border from Canada to US guard asks me what I do.
Me: “I’m an actor”
Him: “What would I know you from?”
Me: (guess) “I was on ‘The Office’ a few times.”
Long pause.
Me: “I briefly stole Michael’s girlfriend Holly. I was AJ”. Long pause. Him: “You can enter the USA”
Sometimes I think about that day I spotted Keanu pulled over on his motorcycle, checking his texts and smiling to himself and I realize that might have been the best day of my life
Dear White House Press Correspondents, (
@whca
)
Thank you for the very difficult job you do every day.
I understand Trump is having another press conference today.
Here's my new short video to prepare.
#InterruptTrump
#InterruptTrump
I asked my daughter who is 2 and likes the book GOODNIGHT MOON if the moon was a part of mars and she said “don’t be a fucking idiot only an asshole would think that”.
I enjoy texting old friends this time of year to ask for their address. They think they're getting a card but I'm just looking on Zillow to see how much they paid for their home
McGrath: We need to hold Big Pharma accountable—he’s incapable of doing that b/c he took more $ from them than anyone else. And we must protect the ACA so ppl can get treatment.
Moderator: Sen McConnell would you like to respond?
Mitch: Nah—let’s move on.
Moderator: OK then...
When I was a kid our home phone number was close to Honey Baked Ham’s number and my brothers and I would often take orders instead of telling them it was the wrong number and I’m sure I ruined a lot of Holiday dinners and I’m not sure how to make this right.
This feels better than that time I got attacked by that fucking shark and I shoved an oxygen tank into its mouth and shot it and it exploded and I killed it and then we swam back to shore and the whole town wanted to have sex with me.