cunt eatswood @nova_Corpse Twitter profile

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 months

it's not a Twitter account, it's a historical record of how insane I am

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

What's something you can say during sex and during a quarantine?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

sure sex is great but have you ever slept the whole night without waking up in the middle

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

tired: veganism is the only ethical consumption under capitalism wired: grandpa, eating ass is the only ethical consumption under capitalism greatly desired: tuberculosis is the only ethical consumption under capitalism

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

@AdReadPodcast @abbygov because she's thriving while you're out here writing tweets

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

will i understand WW III if i haven't seen WW I and WW II

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

men: I love women with a sense of humour women: *exist and are hilarious* men: oh no not like that at all i meant able to laugh at all my dumb jokes, not make jokes of their own, that's ridiculous what are you a lesbian

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

Don't delete your drunk tweets, they're a mark of character.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

Never respect me so much that you can't fuck me properly.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

are you living or are you dying slowly?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

7 months

unconditional love is a myth, isn't it?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

"stop hating yourself!" I yell, immediately curing years of insecurities, anxiety and depression

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

funny how we NEVER internalise the good we hear about ourselves

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

sure, sex is great, but have you ever been subtweeted by someone you like?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

1 year

don't forget, someone somewhere hates you with a vengeance

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

divorcees fuck the wildest

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

betray yourself by typing out "I'm horny for..." and let autocorrect reveal your kinks

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

you always attract the weird if you are the weird

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

there's plenty of trash in the sea

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

Has anyone ever gotten laid by saying "Yes ma'am"? Asking for a friend.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

"you're a lucky man" is a nice way of saying you'd bang their wife

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

I regret to inform you that during my break from Twitter, I've been flirting with Reddit. They have better nudes.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

I think the single scariest thing about the human race is how quickly we can become accustomed to the horrific if it happens regularly

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

I love it when people take time to find the perfect GIF to reply with.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

How do you know a zombie is vegan? It will tell you.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

I don't care about your dick pic, send me your survival plan for the zombie apocalypse.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

repeat after me: mental health is intrinsically linked with getting a good night's sleep

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

advice for amateur blow jobs: if at first you don't suck seed, try and try again

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

if books could cuddle me, I'd give up on people forever

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

3 years

My superpower is misreading between the lines.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

I don't know who needs to hear this but ... regardless of how much you hate your own body, take heart in the fact that there's ALWAYS someone out there who wants your nudes

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

If she uses asterisks to censor "fuck", she won't do that thing you like.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

You ever get the feeling you missed the window for exploring your full potential and now you're stuck in an endless rut of mediocrity?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

Do cool shit with your life. Nobody else will.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

might fuck around and treat people with empathy and respect

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

@claricetudor_ why did you make me cry about the water cycle I hate you you're the best

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

a little less conversation, a little more destroying of the ring, please - elvish presley

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

Okay but real talk how many dates should I go on before I decide if I want to kill him or not?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

3 years

Who called it "pulling off her panties" and not "debriefing"?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

3 years

Like this tweet and I'll write you a custom made bio.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

You ever get the feeling that the best joke you'll ever make is your entire life?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

Self awareness is sexy.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

Takes a lot of courage to keep tweeting, especially when everyone is funnier, hotter or more accomplished.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

forgot the word "sommelier" so I just called them "wine pimps"

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

Eating pussy is zero calories so that's the new weight loss program I've been advocating everyone.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

medusa: turns people to stone ac/dc : turns people to rock

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

I'm actually three trenchcoats dressed as a raccoon.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

let's get wasted on each other

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

why make an effort when you can make a scene?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

the more you give without boundaries, the more they take

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

@alanna @theimmortalgoat I basically hate you for reminding me that i don't own a hamburger phone

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

I'm not the grammar police, I'm the grammar CIA, I'm just watching you make mistakes and taking careful note and building a syntax profile and putting you on lists.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

fuck it, this is a tits and cake appreciation account now

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

have you tried turning the world on and off again?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

"can you explain this gap in your resume?" "yes that was when Jesus carried me"

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

imagine being loved lol

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

existence is pain send memes

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

At that phase in my twitter life where if I see a Canadian flag in your handle I just follow you blindly

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

if you go deep enough down someone's timeline, you can see the exact point at which twitter got them by the neck

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

You say potato, I say vodka. Let's call the whole thing off.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

long distance relationships are just edging but with more geography

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

send nudes, but of your mind

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

can't spell extra without a t-rex

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

I don't need a sugar daddy, I need a trauma momma.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

You ever been destroyed by the crushing realisation that you only have so much time on this planet to make a difference and you spend a third of it sleeping and another third binge watching Netflix?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

@2Saddington why shouldn't I keep it, after all, I've earned

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

you ever feel guilty for saying no and then you're apologising for saying no even though you had perfectly justifiable reasons?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

I still can't decide which is worse: unsolicited dick pics or unsolicited advice

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

Twitter's version of witness protection is when you change your handle, your avi and your bio.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

If my body is a temple, then it's the kind in which Indiana Jones runs from snakes and rocks.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

I just realised my constant tweeting is like a heartbeat to let you know I'm not dead, just dead inside.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

3 years

It's Twitter, everyone you think of as a friend is actually three raccoons in a trenchcoat.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

When I'm out drinking with certain guys I have to order a gin and platonic, so they don't get the wrong idea.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

4 years

I am definitely feeling at least four of the seven dwarves right now.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

love how all the reply guys disappear when you talk about pegging

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

get in, losers, we're going to learn some empathy

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

I don't show off my rack because I have low shelf esteem.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

Are your DMs down or are you just unpopular?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

If someone reminds you of you, and you still want to fuck them, is that incest or extreme narcissistic personality ?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

Reply to this tweet and I will tell you what musical artists your tweeting style is most like.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

ok I want a genuine answer if you're past the age of consent, why are you on twitter (only wrong answers)

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

I double dare you to be honest with yourself

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

interesting - me, ending a conversation

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

you ever wonder why the venn diagram of people who are regularly naked on here, and the people nobody wants to see naked, is an exact circle?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

[me doing math] math: okay not like that math: that's weird please stop math: WRONG HOLE

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

2 years

am I the only person who thought a short king was a kind of bed

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

3 years

ABBA can reunite after four decades but you can't even get a text back.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

I can't believe I just spent 4 hours on Twitter - me every four hours.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

1 year

I'm so glad I can use my bad mental health to get four likes on twitter

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

The delay between you liking my tweet and you replying to it tells me how long you struggled with saying the first inappropriate thing that rolled into your mind

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

I swear some people treat the retweet button like it was the clit and the reply button as if it was the arsehole. They act like they can't find the one, but come in guns blazing no warning for the second.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

be the kind of person who makes me talk in run-on sentences while blushing and completely disregarding punctuation and grammar and generally my dignity and self-respect

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

You ever feel like you're dying at a pace that you weren't prepared for, and it still isn't fast enough?

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

not everyone attractive wants to be fucked in their behind by a strap on but oh well peggers can't be choosers

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

big clit energy is not faking a single orgasm so that they learn what to do and what not, that's not just helping you, it's helping whoever they might sleep with next, that's one for the sisterhood

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

pain is temporary, that nickname you earned in school is forever

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

6 years

I wanted to do a WCW but honestly all the women I follow are fantastic and I have tiny crushes on all of them, so yeah, suck on that.

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

me, screaming into the void: THIS IS NICE

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

5 years

antiwaxer moms like their bush au naturel because they read some very convincing articles on the facebook

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cunt eatswood

@nova_Corpse

3 years

The loneliest girl in a man's world is the one who knows her worth.

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