Maria @mlstrat Twitter profile | Pikagi

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Maria

@mlstrat

3,691

Followers

1,230

Following

1,758

Media

8,962

Statuses

law person/ex- @commercedems ; love: sports (basketball, f1, pga, tennis, football), the south, birds, adventure, and butter; all views mine; she/her

washington, d.c.

Joined May 2022

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

one time when i was in law school i made a cake and brought it to school and everyone asked me why and i didn’t have the heart to tell them it was my stress coping mechanism so i looked up what celebrity was born that day and just said it was for laura dern’s birthday

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

work bestie wanted to propose to his gf but couldn’t figure out how to subtly tell her to get her nails done, so i told him to pay her friend and have the friend pretend she got a gift card to the salon that was soon to expire. absolute fail. the gf declined to join… twice

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@mlstrat

Maria

3 months

always distressing when i want the clothing designed for baby children. i, an adult woman, also want to enjoy the whimsy of the banana pockets

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 month

boyfriend just referred to gwyneth paltrow as the aaron rodgers of women. his mind

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 month

whoever you are, never stop. never change. never apologize.

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@mlstrat

Maria

7 months

today at therapy tuesday, my therapist told me that on long car drives, she sits!! in silence!!! with her thoughts!!!! and just!!!!! thinks!!!!!! i am, obviously, floored

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 days

i graduated law school in 2021 and like, less than half of what i learned in con law or admin is on point anymore lmao

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

really thought i’d Houdinied her

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

@IAmTheKimmel Oh. Brian

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

why can’t we just be honest and call this work week a wash

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

here she was. my first attempt at making the milkbar birthday cake

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

@Justice314Lady this is my coworker so this isn’t really an option i feel comfortable proposing but points for creativity!

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

(upon discovery that it was laura dern’s birthday, it was also for laura dern’s birthday)

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

@EHenak yes! procrastibaking is also a preferred term 😂

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@mlstrat

Maria

7 days

can’t stop thinking about the mom in the richmond airport who pointed at me from within ten feet and said to her children “look, girls, that woman is traveling alone”

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@mlstrat

Maria

4 months

Antitrust is so back baby

@RobertFreundLaw

Rob Freund

@RobertFreundLaw

4 months

You can't just walk into Hermès and buy a Birkin bag. Instead, you need to have a history of buying other Hermès items. In a class action lawsuit filed today, California consumers say that policy—tying the sale of Birkins to other products—is illegal.

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 months

lmao

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

spotted in a free bin on the street LOL

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@mlstrat

Maria

8 months

I am begging someone to be brave enough to open an Indian restaurant here named Naanpartisan

@PoPville

PoPville

8 months

Yo!! Naan Stop Indian Kitchen coming to Logan Circle

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

@cfcisnvil unfortunately given where we work and our industry this was the less far fetched option 😂

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

everyone liking these tweets is rly hot and sweet 😭🥰 love my anxiety angels

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

on occasion i think about the guest lecturer who spoke to my 1L civ pro class and stated, offhand, casually, that her dog was named 12(b)(6)

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

It is my sad duty to report to you all that I just completed a task that I have left lingering on my to do list since July 2022. It took me four minutes to do. I will learn nothing from this.

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

and i’d do it again

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@BiggestttHater

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@BiggestttHater

1 year

what is y’all most liked tweet?

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

anyone else’s family promise them they’ll make a quiet, productive space for them while they WFH, then proceed to do the exact opposite lmao

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 days

@FenixAmmunition I actually went to law school for free 😘

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

devastated to report i have to circle back with someone today

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

as a newer attorney, the number of times per day i feel like a dog carrying its own leash in its mouth in desperate search of its human or some source of directing authority is… honestly pretty staggering

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@mlstrat

Maria

9 months

Oh… oh my god. This is the only city where this sort of advertising would fly

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 months

is it too much to want to own a home without being in a relationship or having generational wealth

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@mlstrat

Maria

4 months

new add to the email-from-a-partner hall of fame

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

real ones know compliments from paralegals are better than compliments from partners

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

just saw my law school nemesis from across the intersection and she looked awful. this day is already a W

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@mlstrat

Maria

6 months

I am in the stage of my life where I am craving the community that comes with being a regular at a bar

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 months

it’s hard work being the funniest person at my law firm but someone has to do it

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

as a transactional lawyer, 50% of my time is spent wondering how my job is titularly identical to that of people who spend their days litigating in court

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

ok does anyone else sometimes walk away from a conversation and think “well, that wasn’t my finest work”

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 days

@oklajoujou nor did i, but can you understand my point that the amount and scale of change in a period of just three years is remarkable?

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

my mother sent me a poster for my wall because she is worried about me not having a window 😂😂😂😂

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@mlstrat

Maria

4 months

eating my fourth mayo-based salad in two days at my sister’s fourth bridal shower in tennessee

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

favorite coworker: “maria, in your first week here, you emailed a partner and senior associate that someone had ‘girlbossed a bit too close to the sun,’ and that’s when i realized you weren’t really trying to hide your personality at work.”

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 month

my coffee shop gave me my drink for free and they’re bumping al green. the farmer’s market was busy but not crowded and they had perfectly ripe strawberries. the bagel place had no wait. there’s a mom and son laughing and hugging next to me. it is 70 degrees. i am so lucky

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 months

I need you all to understand I would commit serious crimes to be sitting at a mid Mexican restaurant with my law school friends slurping margaritas the size of our heads

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@mlstrat

Maria

7 months

i will never forget that first sleep after my first semester 1L finals - the one after i got back home to tennessee. i slept fifteen straight hours. here’s hoping all the exam takers are getting their rest now.

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@mlstrat

Maria

6 months

freaking jumpscare in my apartment building trash room, great googly moogly

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

occurred to me this morning someone is in-house counsel at buc-ee’s. someone has that job. sounds phenomenal tbh

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@mlstrat

Maria

21 days

well, personally, i was desperately trying to flirt with boys at model un conferences. but game respects game

@santanaxleigh

s 🫧

23 days

why tf was we 17 years old dipping our blunts in codiene

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@mlstrat

Maria

6 months

my brother in christ…

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@cheetah

Ty Hill

6 months

boy no the heck we didn’t so don’t put that in the air !!! We are happily married and gone stay that way

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 months

my only law school advice is to be generous with others and yourself. share your outlines, notes, and mnemonics; treat yourself routinely; practice empathy. the dividends are cumulative

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

Every time I find myself getting annoyed or frustrated and it’s the summer I just have to ask myself “ok is this real or am i just too warm” and it is with devastation that I must admit 65% of the time it is because I am simply too warm

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 month

@spicy_bagz his plans are measured in derbies

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

my biggest red flag is that i love secured transactions

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@mlstrat

Maria

7 months

no music. no podcast. just alone with her thoughts. obviously as a therapist you’d hope she’s mentally healthy but like if ever there was proof positive…

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

my mother, an icon.

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@mlstrat

Maria

5 months

ordered a dress final sale from a favorite retailer and they sent me the wrong one… but it’s in my size, and it’s… $800 more than the one i ordered. so that’s just gonna stay with me

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

my endorsement of the spanx leather leggings is as follows: i just slipped down my icy driveway walking the dog and the skin on my knee under my leggings is scraped, but there is zero damage to the leggings. a quality product.

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

my comfort level with driving at night dropped alarmingly - alarmingly - quickly in my late 20s

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@mlstrat

Maria

6 months

one of my bosses doesn’t like that i say “yes, sir” to him so i have reverted to the more neutral honorific of “yes chef”

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

Told this girl at the bar last night how much I loved her dress and she gave me a FAKE DESIGNER NAME and now the sole mission of my life is to buy this dress and wear it because that was just so mean!!!

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

over thirty years old and still reminding myself that every interaction is not an opportunity to attempt comedy

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

i can’t wait until everyone on twitter is suddenly a contracts termination and remedies expert

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

my big pro bono trial is tomorrow and i sure would appreciate some kind thoughts ❤️

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

I get to a point with my burnout sometimes where I feel entitled to lavish rewards for simply showing up in the office

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

i am so glad i spent all that time learning about why the sierra club didn’t have a case because their members didn’t go walk through that wilderness they wanted to protect or whatever the hell it was. just so thrilled all these good causes lost on justiciability grounds for this

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@mlstrat

Maria

7 days

there’s simply no way that was actually remarkable!

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 month

didn’t answer a single work email while in turks and caicos 🫡

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@mlstrat

Maria

27 days

Laid on the floor contemplating my existence and its futility (.4)

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 months

a crush is just a lack of information. a crush is just a lack of information. a crush is just a lack of information. a crush is just a lack of information. a crush is just a lack of information. a crush is just a lack of information. a crush is just a lack of information. a crush

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

I may be 31 years old or I may be 91 years old but no matter how old I am, I am going to love taking my dessert home from the restaurant and eating it in the comfort of my bed

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@mlstrat

Maria

4 months

basketball teams are making their mid-court logos bigger so announcers can scream “from the logo” more

@MNateShyamalan

soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 months

what’s the lowest stakes conspiracy theory you have? i think airplane mode is a hoax because they don’t want you texting your friends and telling them you’re not having fun on the plane

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

sigh

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 days

@TYMdriver @oklajoujou again, i am remarking on the degree and speed of changing precedent. i did not reference any one particular case. but it’s disingenuous to say learning chevron deference - a 40-year-old doctrine - evidences a poor educator.

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@mlstrat

Maria

3 months

goodbye to the woman i used to be

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

saying my usual prayer for all the eldest daughters this weekend. i hope you know that even if it’s not vocalized, or demonstrated, to the extent you need - i appreciate how much you give to (and give up for) your family

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@mlstrat

Maria

9 months

I forgot this was a 1920s theme costume party. I wore a hot dog costume.

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 days

@winninghype @FenixAmmunition stay mad 😘

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@mlstrat

Maria

3 months

another day of wondering how i haven’t been fired yet

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

in a major endorsement for vyvanse and a shocking plot twist for my high school teachers: my annual review partners unanimously graded my time management skills as “superior”

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@mlstrat

Maria

10 months

I did it 🫡🥹

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@mlstrat

Maria

6 months

chief legal officer of allstate getting to do the coin toss is pretty legit … new in-house bargaining chip just dropped

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

i can’t believe i used to go out on friday nights (e.g., before i graduated from law school). friday nights post-law school are a sacred time exclusively for turning my phone off and creating an air gap between myself and the outside world, preferably on my couch

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

sometimes you just need to close the office door and lay on the floor for a second

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

i love my favorite partner but he declines my calendar invites that tell him i’m going to be out of office because he thinks it’s funny. and it is funny, at least up until two days before i leave and he realizes he’s forgotten i’m going on vacation

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

the sink in my hotel bathroom is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

what’s something you think is under regulated? for me, it’s nonstick coating material. what’s in that shit and is it healthy for us

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@mlstrat

Maria

6 months

A five foot two super jacked Russian guy just hung all my art with meticulous detail in 54 minutes flat and left. Perfect interaction.

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@mlstrat

Maria

11 days

@HaythamKenway99 where did i say i can’t adjust

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@mlstrat

Maria

7 months

I have completed my annual count of the number of sticks of butter in my mother’s fridge. We finished at 38 plus these two butter sculptures in the shape of turkeys. 😂🫡🧈

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@mlstrat

Maria

6 months

went on a date tonight and the guy told me i reminded him of connie britton in friday night lights. 12/10 compliment

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

@HannahVH i’ve truly been singing this all day. iykyk.

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

i've been freaking out thinking things are bedbugs and then they just turn out to be sesame seeds from everything bagels that i ate in bed

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

my primary adulthood goal thus far has been to find the least invasive, addictive, or dangerous way possible to effectively force quit my brain when needed

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@mlstrat

Maria

7 months

@TBloomeh I literally said “it’s good you’re a therapist because otherwise I’d think you’re a serial killer”

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@mlstrat

Maria

8 months

I don’t deserve to date

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

y’all pls send good vibes for my pilgrimage to the passport agency tomorrow. my appointment is at 8 and my flight leaves at 1:30. no i will not be elaborating on how or why this happened

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@mlstrat

Maria

2 years

boyfriend just called model un “government improv” 🫠

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

if you grew up in an environment that had high expectations of you, how did you learn to celebrate your accomplishments, rather than to view them as tasks fulfilled?

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@mlstrat

Maria

1 year

hey uh has anyone found a way to heal their burnout that didn’t require them to change any of their behaviors? silly q i know lol it’s for a friend……

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@mlstrat

Maria

9 months

I’ve acquired so many weird delightful things I have never used and will never get rid of. I’ve never used this chip and dip dish set. But do you want to stand in front of me and God’s Internet and tell me you’d get rid of it?

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@mlstrat

Maria

8 months

what if, instead of thanksgiving turkey: red wine braised short ribs

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