Brian Kimmel @IAmTheKimmel Twitter profile

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

I guess I’m being insulted?

Freelance Podiatrist

@TalezDa

3 years

@Billybobwalter1 hot wife married to a soyboy alert

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Last Seen Profiles

@girl_sub2024

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

10 months

@HealthyFairy86 So take care of the kids, homemaker AND also work full time?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@ask_aubry Is “Go Fuck Yourself” an inappropriate response? I think so, but I’m not fully up to date on wedding invite etiquette these days.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@mlstrat Because she’ll want to take a picture of her hand with the ring…took me a minute there lol. It looks like she’s going to be taking pictures late - or with no manicure. Is she a heavy sleeper? Can he give her a manicure in her sleep?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@StruggleDisplay My wife once wanted to change something on HER bank account and they asked to speak to me to get my permission. I couldn’t help but say, “It’s her account. She’s not 5 years old. Why the F are you asking me?” I’m not 100. This was post-2010. People never cease to amaze me.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@StruggleDisplay What did the next dermatologist say? (Because I assume you walked out of that one’s office).

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@StruggleDisplay Exactly. It was even more than that. The person was like “Your wife called us because she wants to make a change to her account so I just wanted to speak to you…” as if my 5 year old daughter called the bank trying to make changes and they needed to discuss it with her adult.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

I disagree with @RepLizCheney on a lot of issues. She’s hardcore pro life and voted with Trump almost all of the time. But she brings one thing we desperately need in Congress right now …INTEGRITY. And with it, the willingness to put country before party.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

5 months

@MissyAndrist 11???!!! Not that it would be okay if you were 16, 17. But 11?!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

6 days

@Tobi_Is_Fab If you’re living in 1997 like me, it goes back in the CD case. But I suspect it’s a philosophical question and he’s operating on a level I can’t even begin to understand.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

29 days

@adgirlMM This is a more mature approach. I was kinda hoping she would go with the My Cousin approach and start by saying, “Everything that guy says is bullshit.”

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

11 months

@kenzianidiot “We are expecting guests so please be on best behavior” is the best part 😂🤣😂 The implication being that they need the reminder in order to behave. I couldn’t live this more.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@clhubes @msbeyers19 Wait, I’m new here. Is Matt the husband? He’s still alive?!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

6 months

@sewistwrites I cannot for the life of me figure out how I did this. I don’t remember using the bouncer. Is it possible I put him in the crib to go to the bathroom? Or wheeled his high chair closer so he could still see me? Or left him on the floor he couldn’t fall off of? I can’t remember.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@nathaliejacoby1 SHOCKED. He should have been suspended for the entire season for what he pulled. Not honoured with any award. Let alone the freakin' MVP.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@clhubes I just had a conversation with my 9 year old about this and how in movies, if you don’t have money at the end of the meal, they make you do the dishes but I couldn’t answer him if that’s a thing in real life. It had to be somewhere sometime, right?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

11 months

@LauraRiggaro Are they selling tickets to watch the deposition? If so, I’m so in.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@chloebolts I hope you wished them a Happy First Anniversary on his post and noted very publicly you guys were still together at the time. It really is the polite thing to do.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 month

@dandelionmama This in 2024? I once had another lawyer tell me that maybe one day I’ll be a real lawyer. This is somehow worse. The condescension.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

8 months

@TheJohnFeal9117 @realDonaldTrump No. On 9/11, he called in to a news station to brag that The Trump Building was now the tallest building in Downtown Manhattan. Which, incidentally, was completely false because the AIG Building (70 Pine Street) was still taller.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@CatIsFamous @ProRoMo @shylawhittney She has to worry. There has to be a misunderstanding to get us to the proposal.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@Kaylan_TX You don’t post pictures of anyone else’s kid. Ever.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

4 months

@deutschemomma @FSure4 Wait a second, someone that oversensitive is a guy? Ohmygod, I would text him every day asking if he’s still a little bitch or grew a sack. But I’m not as nice as you.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@AdamKinzinger Losing you from the House is one of the biggest tragedies of modern politics. Looking forward to your next chapter. You’re awesome!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@JoJoFromJerz I so hope this is aired live in Prime Time so I can break out the popcorn. And not Orville Redenbacker — a special occasion like this requires going to a movie theatre, buying real movie theatre popcorn and covering it in that oh so unhealthy and delicious “butter!”

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@RepMTG But Congress had a Covid mandate. So I guess you — oh wait, no committee assignments, no need for attendance.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@kay_529 @JoJoFromJerz I second this. How dare they. And at the risk of sounding sexist, doubly so because you’re a woman. They should be that much more attentive.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@LizerReal Is this real? Cause it looks very real, he looks very professional and serious and it looks like he’s going to take out a pen and paper and take notes…

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@Sgtmilligan1 @antifaoperative @ElginCharles This sounds like an early Christmas present. But if they don’t show up, they’ll get held in contempt of Congress, it will be referred to the DOJ and then sadly, I suspect, nothing will happen.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@its_jessi_grace That’s wonderful. Also, it isn’t the point of the story, but I can’t believe how good he is that he’s getting all of the dirt in the toy truck.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@ellabellajo @mlstrat Lol. You think this is my thinking? I learned this from having a toddler who didn’t like his nails being cut and a crazy wife who snuck into his room like a ninja and cut his nails when he was asleep without waking him up. And only 13 years. So still time to learn…

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

4 months

@Dr_JGreenn Wait, you’re not leaving us?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@LissaJoStewart A Judge in Tennessee followed the law and did the right thing? BOO YAH!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

4 years

@RepMattGaetz I’m patticularly interested in your opinions on the great comebacks of Trump Plaza, Trump Marina and Trump Taj Mahal...

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@IsabellaMDeLuca I’ll stand with a woman who gets naked to support herself before a woman who bullies and tries to shame her for it every day and twice on Sundays.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@Madiii03 My mom and I were once leaving a restaurant and the waiter came over and asked if everything was okay, what he could’ve done differently, etc. And she realized — she paid with a credit card and was going to leave the tip in cash and she was still holding it. Good he asked though.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

18 days

@Andie00471 @ArtCandee 😂🤣😂 about using his contact info Also note, the max seating capacity there is like 16,000. And I know for certain events they put up screens and block off a seating section.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@iowajustin @mlstrat Note — for the record — women are laughing at me and men are confused. This is funny on multiple levels.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@NicoletteFuller @Walmart I hope he’s still working, not because he has to, but because it gives him a sense of purpose. He may love waking up every day with something to do and a chance to engage with people.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

7 months

@whimsywordstwo @MarshaWarfield Fun related story: a friend’s son who was 4 said he wanted to marry his best friend (boy) when he grows up. Friend turns to me and says, “He can marry whoever he wants. Except that kid. I really don’t like that kid.”

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@nathaliejacoby1 I’m actually still in shock from this — kudos to Chris Rock for maintaining his composure and calming things down. That could have gone another direction.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@kiwijennyc Long hair, short hair, you look like a Goddess.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 months

@BronnyLovesYou My god is it morning already? Well, then have a good one, I guess. It’s 2:33 a.m. but when I see your good morning tweet, I know I should already be asleep. Grr.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@AnnieForTruth Memes are fun but I need to get actual court transcripts. I love evidence to throw in people’s faces. I think Fox News also pled in court papers that they’re not a news station, they’re “news entertainment” & no one could take them seriously. I want those to share with friends.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

8 months

@DoomScroling Well, wait a minute. One victim of a horrific rape made a choice to have the baby conceived by sexual assault — so that proves you wrong. At least Lila thinks so. I do like the irony that it actually shows the importance of choice. This woman got to choose for herself.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

14 days

We’re having an argument. What do you call a Male Karen? I thought it was a Kyle. The Kid thinks it’s a Chad. Wife thinks we’re both crazy.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@ASoftstar Nothing. It’s his house now. I’m out.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 months

@BronnyLovesYou Good morning, B!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@JoeMcKi17283069 @FeistyLibLady This isn’t true. It is widely reported that she did report it. You’re repeating a talking point that isn’t true.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@ASoftstar I failed, didn’t I? I’m supposed to give him a chance because my daughter is happy, aren’t I? But if she’s my daughter, I have to consider the possibility she’s playing a prank on me, don’t I?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

8 months

@JamieC611 @DoomScroling @LilaGraceRose Her doctors told her that unborn fetus had absolutely no chance of survival but continuing her pregnancy could endanger her chances of ever having another healthy child and her life. She has 2 children. She sacrificed for them. This is exactly what a mother is.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@ASoftstar Toss up between “get the f—- out of my house” and “are you the rich one?”

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@clhubes I get full shows. With the toys as the actors. It took a long time to realize he just wants to perform the show, he could care less if I listen or not. So I listened. Intently.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

30 days

@emilykmay Ohmygod, it’s kindergarten. They’re treating all of you like kindergartners. Revolt.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@ladyindrak If that’s an eighth, I have an 18 inch penis. But that gram never killed anyone.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@primnimproper_ I’ve seen the videos. That cat is already home. What do the original adopters have to do with this?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 months

@freelancelawmom Gasp. It’s also unrealistic. If the person is getting divorced, they’ll now have to contribute to 2 houses and pay a lawyer. They need a raise, not a decrease.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

4 months

@DoomScroling This isn’t even the sickest part of the discussion following this tweet. See Michael’s responses defending the father. I have been trying to come up with an innocent explanation for this and I simply cannot given the daughter didn’t want him there.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@Parkerlawyer No. No. No. TJ Maxx is hit or miss. You can’t leave something on that shelf. You want it, you have to grab it. Immediately. Can we blame you for not teaching her sooner? 😂🤣😂

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

4 years

@RepMattGaetz Wow. Choose your words carefully on this one. Think about why the military has to protect — not occupy — Washington, D.C. The who and the why...

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

7 months

@candice_counsel They’re insecure because they assume you make more money than they do. So they’re anticipatorily (possibly not a real word until this moment) trying to both save face and still maintain some form of dominance. Men suck. Dating sucks. Yes. Post screenshots.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

9 months

There have been days I’ve walked out of court thinking I’m the worst lawyer in New York. But thanks to Alina Habba, I’ll never have that thought again…

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@glh1701 There’s a certain badass power to holding someone in an arm lock when you could punch their lights out. It says “I can do whatever I want to and choose not to for my own reasons.”

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 months

@JenC222 @Talyn777 These people live amongst us. I’d rather live amongst vampires and werewolves. At least I know what they’re capable of.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

11 months

@AngelVGravity Did you notice it’s a picture of her with her dog who passed away? I don’t know what convent you’re from but that ain’t sexualization of a minor.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@RepMTG “...should one ever suggest that requiring people to wear masks—for their and others’ safety!—is the same as sending them to concentration camps and gassing them alive. Is it completely insane that anyone needs to be reminded of that? Yes!”...

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

10 months

@TmacSeatac @roastmalone_ I saw that bonsai/cherry blossom set. It’s so cool.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

5 months

@Parkerlawyer This is the greatest tweet ever.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 month

@sewistwrites For what it’s worth, at least he doesn’t go with the knees first jump on you. That was my nephew’s go to and every once in a while his knees hit the right spot on my back to make my scream in pain and him squeal in delight.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 months

@thebreannabrown Just clap? I’m not saying this. I’ve read your tweets for the past couple of years and somewhat put the story together. You deserve nothing less than an extremely long standing ovation. The fact you’re also entertaining and funny in spite of it all is the biggest win.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@ask_aubry People get mad at me when I say someone — male of female — should have to pass a test before having a child. They have a child together for God sakes!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@bamagirl_4_eva Sending prayers and healing vibes. Can’t wait to see your first post-surgery post to know you’re on the mend.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

@sewistwrites The real question is how Bandit (or any father, really) could keep them out of the bathroom for that “supposed private moment”?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@ASoftstar Oh Dear God, please tell me this isn’t real.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

4 months

@ask_aubry This is the creepiest paragraph I ever read in my entire life.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

The kid thinks I’ll go viral if I post his art work. So he drew this for you. A pencil sketch.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

5 months

@LadyOaklandFan My unsolicited advice that you didn’t ask for is to not care at all what she thinks and share as many of these comments with us as possible. She is so blatantly obnoxious for no reason to the point of comical and the only positive is you can make my day repeatedly.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

5 months

On May 17, 1978, just twenty-six years ago (just go with it), a star was born. Me! It’s been one hell of a ride so far and I only expect it to get better and crazier.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 months

Genius.

Vic ❤️

@CheekyVic

3 months

🤣🤣🤣

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

9 months

@ThePolySolution @Iewoose @DoomScroling And no punishment for the guy because only she was wrong, right? Love it! Also, great analogy. We have insurance for cars 🚗 in case we get in an accident to pay for the damages. Just as a girl who gets pregnant and doesn’t want to be can get an abortion. Insurance. Brilliant.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@nathaliejacoby1 Congratulations on 95,000! 363. I’m a rock star! Happy Sunday!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

7 months

@samueltweed @AnneUndone1 @UnicornsRockUK *You’re

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

7 months

@mindys4Biden I would have actually liked to see that. I hope she sues him again.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 months

@Parkerlawyer Funny story. There are very few, if any, pictures of me with a cigarette in my hand. As much as I loved smoking, it was like I didn’t want anyone to see. But yeah, it did taste that good.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 month

20 years ago, today, I went on a date with a girl who didn’t even call it a date — and it changed my world. Thanks, Blondie, for giving me a life.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

6 months

It scares me a little that 15 years ago, I was 30. It terrifies me that 15 years from now, I’ll be 60. How?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

6 months

Four years ago, today, I enjoyed my last cigarette. And I truly enjoyed it. I never quit. I tell myself every day I can have one tomorrow. It’s the only thing that gets me through each day. It’s supposedly healthier. My eyes still go back in my head every time I smell one.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@JenJJams I think about this every day and get sick over it all over again.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

10 months

@AmyNoMiddleNam3 Oh no. I came back to read the thread and it’s gone. Gone. I assume it’s tons of people commenting that their woke kids abandoned them because they support Trump.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@nathaliejacoby1 She paved paradise and put up a parking lot (credit Joni Mitchell).

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@TJ_onfire @RealPrichard When I say separation, you say state, When I say Pritchard, you say hate. Separation, state. Pritchard, hate.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@RepMTG “Moving on, as a secondary rule to not equating genocide with anything other than actual genocide, it should probably be written down somewhere, like on a sticky note in Greene’s office, that at no time...

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

21 days

@DoomScroling Isn’t this the jerk who’s kid dropped his ice cream cone and not only would he not buy him another one but the person who worked there offered a replacement on the house and he said no, he has to learn a lesson?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

Given way more time than any award recipient I’ve ever seen, time to cry, thank, apologize and joke about being invited back to the Academy Awards, Best Actor Winner Will Smith had every opportunity to publicly apologize to Chris Rock for his despicable behavior and fails…

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

4 years

@RepMattGaetz Rep. Matt Gaetz is truly the guy on the deck of the Titanic boasting of what a strong and powerful ship she is, the biggest and the best ever built, unsinkable — while she’s sinking...

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@BenOxlade1 Just to be clear…is he in 3-6 months clothes yet?

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 year

@ellabellajo @mlstrat Ok. I see the problem. You didn’t know my original comment was a joke. No, I was not seriously suggesting he give her a manicure while she slept. If you’re suggesting I’m clueless about women, I can’t argue. Not sure where the animosity comes from though. I don’t even know you.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

1 month

@alittleleader This happened to me, too, and I was so confused. You’ve been making me do this for 20 years, at least put up a sign announcing this drastic policy change.

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

2 years

@kamala_joe @ask_aubry @chloe_16_22 THIS is a guy who selected the just be friends option?!

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Brian Kimmel

@IAmTheKimmel

3 years

@nathaliejacoby1 He can dress up as Goofy at Disney World.

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