everytime someone does anything that upsets me I’m like ok I can either send them an extremely confrontational essay or disappear from their lives abruptly there’s no in between
I think I want a husband but you can’t get everything from one man. You need one to bang you, one to cook, one to make you laugh, and one to build furniture for you. So maybe I don’t want a husband. I want a staff.
Female host prepping a guest for her podcast:
Do you need any snacks? Is there anything u don’t want to talk about or anything u do want to talk about? Please let me know if you like rose or need absolutely anything!!!! Can’t wait ❤️
Male host: podcast starts at 7 not sure where
Online dating is fun! For instance yesterday I went to meet a tinder date at a bar…spotted him and immediately clocked him as a “ghoulish creature” hid in the bathroom, unmatched him and waited until he left the premises to emerge from the ladies
I am currently rewatching sex and the city, reading a book about sex and the city, and listening to a podcast about sex and the city. I think it’s safe to say, I’m white!
When someone is mean to you for no reason you GOTTA kill them with kindness not just because it’s the right thing to do but because it’s such a diabolical mindfuck
some people are so sad on their Instagram with their hot pics and their cool friends. It’s like…I’ve met u and all these people and none of you are ever having fun lol
One time a guy on tinder told me that he wanted to “own my little holes” way to assume my holes are little?? Last time I checked they were gapin’, ancient cavern style, echo chamber energy, cave drawings afoot, are u still down to own my infinite holes?
Sometimes I pretend to be so wasted in boring conversations just so I can get out of them and hell yea the person thinks I’m an alcoholic but it’s worth it because I hate their story a lot
Catcaller: How u doing sexy?
Me: Not great thanks for asking. I recently had to switch therapists because I lost my insurance. My dad’s rly sick & I’m worried. And between u and me I have this weird cyst on my thigh that my doctor says is harmless but I’m not so sure. How are u?