Girl I went to college with dm'd me on LinkedIn to see what I was up to and ask if I was still around the area we went to school and if "I wanted to get coffee". I deferred the invite for "indefinite" but pondered why she dm'd me
I remembered later I asked her out junior(?) year
flew a little too close to the “egirl with offline boyfriend” fantasy sun and found myself on a very quiet date w a man in his 30s who has never had a social media account or smartphone
how did we meet, you ask? he recently started using bumble dot com for desktop
just watched a man literally flip a coin on a moving train and unblock a contact labeled "ABSOLUTELY NOT" and text them "hey" with a slutty amount of Ys
regret to inform u all that not only did the elderly couple in line behind us at veselka asked if they could take some photos of us bc we look so sweet together, the waitress then informed us our personal photographer was the peter of peter paul and mary
my friend kaly’s brother is dating a formerly amish girl (she only left the community like 3 years ago) and one time kaly was asking if she has any comfort foods or favorite meals that make her feel good and she just went “oh, you mean milk soup!”
speaking of tortured poets, today seems like as good a day as any to read, really sit with, and (crucially) be inspired to action by the work of palestinian writers, who are being executed, imprisoned, starved, displaced, and *literally* tortured
is kamala brat? is taylor swift my community? is my bank a democrat? is that corporation my friend? how am i driving? how does an engine work? how could a loving god cause such agony
do retvrn to office freaks know that when you work from home you can have a slice of warm buttered toast whenever you want? do they know that you can have a slice of warm buttered toast maybe even with jam and you can eat it on the couch while it’s still warm
whenever i tell normal people i just dropped our of grad school their response is like “awww it’s okay you’ll get back on the horse someday”
but when i tell people who went to grad school??? they pick me up on their shoulders and carry me around the room chanting my name
speaking of lifespan, can we ask him the secrets of why the average life expectancy graph for cambodia looks like this? maybe at some sort of war crimes tribunal?
Henry Kissinger turns 100 years old tomorrow and his son reflects on the secrets of his longevity. Hint: It's not the diet heavy on bratwurst and Wiener schnitzel.
Like what's the thought process here? "Hey guy who I was friends with years back, and asked me out that one time (that I shut down hard). I see you have a reasonably well-paying career, want to meet up?". I didn't even remember that until hours later, but now I'm just offended
those 5 minutes when a man is shaving and all that’s left is the mustache and he’s walking around saying “maybe i’ll keep it” are the most terrifying 5 minutes of a woman’s life
when i got jury duty i rlly rlly wanted to be on a jury
during voir dire i tried to answer everything SUPER thoughtfully so when they asked if i could be objective about a certain issue, i said “i do, to the extent that objectivity exists”
they kicked me out IMMEDIATELY
But tonight he is alive and in the north field with his mother. It is a perfect summer evening: the moon rising over the orchard, the wind in the grass. And as he stares into the sky, there are twice as many Steve Harveys as usual.
delighted by this person who seems to have had a town crier-like reaction to loving the new charli album and desperately needed to inform the public about it the only way they could think to
hi um does anyone have advice for dealing with heartbreak when no one did anything wrong? i’ve never not been mad before and it turns out that this feels Worse
i hope the girl who makes those tiktoks where she narrates her hijabi kitten named sister minnie’s bad behavior in rhyming couplets is having a particularly blessed ramadan
if i were dishonest woman perjuring myself for likes i would make a post “this car is soo brat coded “ but because i cannot help but Speak the truth i will tweet : shrek coded. look at the Ears
called 311 to report my building not installing mailbox locks for 6+ months and now making tenants pick up all mail at the post office a mile away and when i told the operator the name of the management company he literally sighed and said “of course it’s wavecrest. OF COURSE!”
i will reveal what book this is in the next tweet but before you look please tell me what book it would most piss you off for this to be the epigraph of
like it actually seems like there hasn’t been any illegal shit (tho i didn’t actually go in and calculate all the percentages) but now i can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to pay $400 a month instead of five times that
this one woman on love is blind is constantly like “i’m 36 i thought it was too late for me to find love” which is WILD and then at her bridal fitting her mom is like “i thought i’d never see you walk down the aisle… this is a LONG time coming” and i’m like oh i see now lol
suddenly remembered my high school production of hamlet where the drama teacher decided that the only actor with the gravitas to play claudius was…. himself
the cast was 15 teenagers and a man in his 40s with a highlighted pompadour, dark wash denim, and a silver skull ring
can’t stop thinking about bowen yang revealing jeremy strong wandered over to a neighboring set and asked where the bathroom was and then later a succession crew member came to explain it’s part of his “method” and he had an upcoming scene where kendall asks where the bathroom is
at this point it’s not even worth remarking on the irony of columbia’s student reporters being forced back into fucking PULITZER hall to keep them from reporting on police brutality elsewhere on campus
i will say he’s a very good texter, i had no idea! many of u should worry less about upgrading to the latest iphone and more about updating the girl you’re talking to on what time you’re available
to the cool girl at the coffee shop i’m sorry for calling your scruffy schnauzer mix “an interesting little grinch” i intended it as the highest possible praise
just watched a guy at the fancy new bakery hug his employee friend (who came out to greet him, skipped him to the front of the line, leant his group a tray and big kitchen knife to take outside and cut their sandwiches) and then make a point to select the lowest tip percentage
in college i was one of about a dozen students expelled the week before graduation for a peaceful protest against a white supremacist the school paid thousands of $ to come speak
the school downgraded the expulsions to suspensions ONLY bc faculty voted to boycott commencement
I would hope that Columbia Faculty see their admin arresting their own students for peaceful protest as a red line. These students are in our care. Our primary responsibility as academics is to nurture their minds and protect them from oppression. Faculty must walk out now.
can’t say how i but i recently came into 50k in cash. what do you think i should spent it on? and don’t say a floral shoe box, it already came with one
wait i just found out that in the family therapy episode of succession when you see these marks on logan’s back they’re meant to be scars from childhood abuse?? this whole time i thought it meant he was dicking marcia DOWN
all i’ll say is that i dropped out of columbia social work school last year in no small part because your median social worker in training turns out to be a 22 y/o named emily who thinks that morningside heights is a dangerous neighborhood
White woman who gave up her career as a SOCIAL WORKER to be an influencer gallivants around on some Eat Pray Love bullshit and has the gall to come back to Canada and start bitching about how strangers who are clearly in the throes of mental health crises make her feel “unsafe”
this is picking up & spreading outside NYC so context:
the saddest part is that though i pay $2k/month (rent stabilized 1bed) it’s still considered a really good deal!
the CHEAPEST apartment currently available for rent on streateasy in my neighborhood is a studio for $2,400
“Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother's fate.”