Kyle Ayers @kyleayers Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@story51239

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@ysni_pub

@Hertha249151

Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 months

The world will tira miss you

Visegrád 24

@visegrad24

3 months

The world has lost a great man Roberto “Loli” Linguanotto, the man who invented Tiramisu, has passed away at the age of 81 Rest in Peace

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

"Things Would Get Better If People Cared About Other People"

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 months

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

Did you know if you get your foot stung by a stingray they make you sit shamefully on the beach with your foot in a sack that says stingray and has stingrays on it

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 months

Imagine how embarrassing this take would be if the other creator of Seinfeld had made one of the funniest shows of all-time that had no worry about offending people and ended this literal month.

Variety

@Variety

6 months

Jerry Seinfeld says TV comedy is being hurt by "the extreme left and P.C. crap, and people worrying so much about offending other people." “It used to be, you would go home at the end of the day, most people would go, ‘Oh, “Cheers” is on. Oh, “MASH” is on. Oh, “Mary Tyler Moore”

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

A lot going on the world but everyone take a moment to look up the Chiefsaholic fan who funded his trips to games by robbing banks in the same mask he wore to games. I’ve never been prouder to root for the Chiefs.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

9 years

Arby's meeting: "So it's fish?" "Legally? No"

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

I can’t stop laughing at how hilariously stupid the name Proud Boys is.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

Scottie Pippen lives in the Bluth model home from Arrested Development.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@anicacihla Is there a Black Mirror but for good things

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

Buffalo Wild Wings is about to claim they accidentally ate some boneless ambien.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 years

a new foster friend for the end of the world

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 years

Kawhi hits the wildest game winner I’ve ever seen and conducts a post game interview with the excitement of a man who just found a decent, not great parking spot near his apartment.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

if you dump this course early in the semester you will become part of the curriculum

The Hill

@thehill

3 years

NYU offering Taylor Swift course in spring semester

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

1 year

Pretty insane episode of Succession tonight

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 months

@GordonBom_bay right it's an embarrassing take from jerry and i think "the obvious example that proves me wrong doesn't count" is also embarrassing

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

. @realDonaldTrump you look as depressed as we feel.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

honestly i'd say this is the worst thing religious extremists have ever done with a plane

Fifty Shades of Whey

@davenewworld_2

3 years

Imagine you get on a plane and you have to listen to this

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 years

Tim Ryan looks like if you gave me 4 minutes to try and draw Bill de Blasio.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@nypost i hate when this happens to me

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

I’m boycotting any company that has a commercial with the phrase “Now, more than ever...” in it.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

@pattymo They filled it w pee but apparently that part of it was a lifeguard initiation prank

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

7 years

Kaepernick obviously not in the NFL because the quality of play at QB is so deep with stars like Hoyer, Bortles, McCown, Hogan, Cutler, Bris

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

lol

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

Paul Hollywood: We want you to bake one sugar cookie. Flavor is most important. You have 9 minutes Great British Baking Show Contestant: I’m making a small replica of the Louvre with the room where they show the Mona Lisa. I am hoping to make a functional camera out of marzipan.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

@Phil_Lewis_ damn

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@JasonKelce @newheightshow Jason and Travis sitting down w Chiefsaholic

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@Giannis_An34 Giannis Antetoshoenmpo

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@RealSkipBayless Skip we don't fucking know why would you ask us

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

9 months

When this play happened I was telling everyone man that play looks just like the crucifixion by Andreas pavias don’t you all see it that’s that andreas pavias painting and well I told you so

ArtButMakeItSports

@ArtButSports

9 months

The Crucifixion, by Andreas Pavias, late 15th century, 📸 by Kyle Rivas

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"Are we getting pizza or what? I don't mean to change the subject but are we?" -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 years

Earthquake did last long enough for me to just sorta walk around my apartment and realize I don’t remember what to do if there’s an earthquake. I opened a window?

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

a lot of people here and in my DMs seem to feel real attacked by a tweet that basically says “be kind to others”

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

Can't microwave a fork. Can't put a fork in the toaster. How the hell am I supposed to quickly get one hot fork

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 months

I hope covid doesn't sap all of Biden's energy

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

7 years

One time I was in an uber in New Orleans and the driver found out I am a comedian and he said "I don't have use for live comedy. When I want to laugh, I think of something that's made me laugh in the past, and I laugh at that thing I'm thinking." I think about this every day.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"He's just sitting on his fucking phone he doesn't care (talking about me). Answer my question." -girl (hahahahahahaha) #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

. @realDonaldTrump seriously this looks like the villain in a Wes Anderson movie signing paperwork to defund a summer camp.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

I feel absolutely insane still trying to quarantine as best I can, and just seeing everyone go out to eat and go to parties and everything. Did we ignore the virus away? What a massive failure this country's response has been. That's it, that's the tweet. I just feel insane.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

@RacismDog you must be exhausted these days, you are a good dog

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

The monarchy continuing after the Queen dies is going to feel like The Office after Steve Carell left.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

Wow y’all really screwed the pooch on this one.

PETA

@peta

6 years

Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@AlphaMasculini1 My wife left me for a horse and now the horse is raising my son it is so humiliating

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"I'm not talking about love on a roof in Brooklyn." -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

Sadly it appears as though there are two separate bank robbing wolves. The super fan was simply funding trips by robbing banks

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

Thank god our brave police force is here to protect us from this elderly man with a cane! The police are certainly not insecure fucking losers on a power trip! Our heroes!

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@lisa_curry Sandler took him offstage less than two minutes into Rob’s bernie sanders impression. It was incredible to see

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

Went to the game in person and when the Chargers scored w a minute and a half left there were two types of Chargers fans: ones cheering because they were winning, and ones who knew what was about to happen.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

Shoulda just been called The Pelican

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

A couple is breaking up on my roof right now. I was just trying to enjoy the view. Now I will live tweet the breakup. #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

Every time another rich celebrity endorses Rick Caruso I start to wonder if these million/billionaire celebs don’t have my best interests in mind.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"Why don't you get pizza with 'someone from work texts?'" -girl (holy shit good burn right there) #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

Now a THIRD dose of the vaccine?? What's next, continuing to monitor and work on my health throughout my whole life?!

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"I don't think we need to talk about this up here with some random guy over there." -guy (uh oh, I'm that guy over here) #roofbreak

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 years

@ChaseMit i am so fascinated by this. is he just a fan of organization?

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

@CNBC @CNBCMakeIt i spent only $20 on internet this month thanks to these bad boys

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 years

Sugar. Water.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

@oldmanweldon @HearThemPray_ wow

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

7 years

An experiment where you talk to someone who has a Dont Tread on Me flag and see how long it takes for them to bring up Boondock Saints.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

@ZackBornstein It’s almost on the level of when they rigged it for Hillary to lose

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

1 year

Most horrifying part of turning 35, so far

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"I can't think in terms of like, time and shit, Rachel." -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

I’ve never watched Frasier. I’m a real Grammer Notsee.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@RSherman_25

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"Just tell me what you want but don't make it something fucking gay" -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

Spoiler free 'Us' reaction: Don't care how drunk he was, Adelaide's dad was REAL bad at whack-a-mole.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

America is like a kid who takes one philosphy class freshman year of college and then lectures their entire family at Thanksgiving dinner.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 years

As a casual hockey fan, every time I watch the goalie move behind the net I think “this is the single biggest mistake of this guy’s entire life.”

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

Do you think Goku paid taxes?

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

1 year

But then I would have the cancer

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

@FChellios

If 80% of Americans Wore Masks, COVID-19 Infections Would Plummet, New Study Says

There’s compelling evidence that Japan, Hong Kong, and other East Asian locales are doing it right and we should really, truly mask up—fast.

www.vanityfair.com

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

"This next question comes to us from Facebook. Do you want some Oakleys for $14.95? It's a one day sale, only." #debate

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

this is the hardest i've laughed at standup in a decade

baber

@bakerbakerbaker

2 years

i cant breath

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

Dang Larry King died? Who’s next, the rest of us eventually?!

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

Wow a few more slip ups and I might start thinking the host of Celebrity Apprentice isn't the best choice for President of the United States

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

Ok look I know everyone has been talking a lot about the election but I have a REAL opinion here. Listen up. I think that everyone (1/735)

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

Looks like everything is done here. Thanks for following along #roofbreakup .

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"Yeah but what is, like, living together? Like what's an apartment mean? You know what I'm saying?" -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

This guy is four cigs deep right now. #roofbreakup #teamrachel

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

4 years

Citywide curfew moved up to 6p (from 8p) at 5:18p. Nothing about that seems like a way to harass people who can’t find a way home in 42 minutes! Especially not protestors who might have their phones off and be far from their vehicles!

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"Do you love me?" -girl (OH BOY HERE WE GO, PEOPLE) #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

2 years

@AlphaMasculini1 wow i wasn't trying to stirrup any trouble

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

Big swing and a miss not doing this Rent thing at the first of the month.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

Shark Tank needs to have one poor shark, like it’s just me on there with my last $64 to invest in something, so there’s stakes on both sides.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 months

This Kendrick / Drake beef. The breaking down of lyrics, the Easter egg madness, the “Wait who did that reference?!” energy. This is how Swifties feel all of the time. And we’ve really gotta give it up to them, they are right, it’s amazing.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

5 months

Imagine how guilty you have to be to have eleven Americans agree on something.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"Say something else about my fucking wardrobe" -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

For everyone asking, Rachel was quite pretty. If I were guy, even after all of that, I would have chased after her. #roofbreakup

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@kyleayers

11 years

"Stop shivering." -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

I used to HATE first responders but that ad changed my mind.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

@CNBC @CNBCMakeIt is "donations" another word for "the rest of rent"?

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

@kobebryant How am I out here emotional about a two year old tweet I’m from Kansas City we don’t even have a basketball team

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

The new Independence Day movie is just the aliens arriving to earth to see we've all already shot each other to death.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"You think I'm immature? Calling people immature is immature!" -guy #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

"My roommates are always like 'wheres your boyfriend?' And I'm like 'hmm' and stuff." -girl #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

3 years

In the middle of treatments for literal fucking brain surgery and my insurance just decided i don't have insurance anymore. no communication with me about it. now no longer eligible to pay for my surgery and followup treatments. what a fucking nightmare of a country.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

11 years

RACHEL IS WALKING AWAY #roofbreakup

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

8 years

Very sad to hear that the rest of the KKK wasn't in the river w/ Frank Ancona. Thoughts & prayers are w/ the possibility of that happening.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

6 years

Daylight Savings is tomorrow. Don’t forget to do nothing and your phone will automatically do it for you but your stove will be wrong for 6 months.

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Kyle Ayers

@kyleayers

10 months

I’ve done standup comedy for over a decade and never seen or met anyone who needs attention the way Aaron Rodgers does.

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