Did you know if you get your foot stung by a stingray they make you sit shamefully on the beach with your foot in a sack that says stingray and has stingrays on it
Imagine how embarrassing this take would be if the other creator of Seinfeld had made one of the funniest shows of all-time that had no worry about offending people and ended this literal month.
Jerry Seinfeld says TV comedy is being hurt by "the extreme left and P.C. crap, and people worrying so much about offending other people."
“It used to be, you would go home at the end of the day, most people would go, ‘Oh, “Cheers” is on. Oh, “MASH” is on. Oh, “Mary Tyler Moore”
A lot going on the world but everyone take a moment to look up the Chiefsaholic fan who funded his trips to games by robbing banks in the same mask he wore to games. I’ve never been prouder to root for the Chiefs.
Kawhi hits the wildest game winner I’ve ever seen and conducts a post game interview with the excitement of a man who just found a decent, not great parking spot near his apartment.
Paul Hollywood: We want you to bake one sugar cookie. Flavor is most important. You have 9 minutes
Great British Baking Show Contestant: I’m making a small replica of the Louvre with the room where they show the Mona Lisa. I am hoping to make a functional camera out of marzipan.
When this play happened I was telling everyone man that play looks just like the crucifixion by Andreas pavias don’t you all see it that’s that andreas pavias painting and well I told you so
Earthquake did last long enough for me to just sorta walk around my apartment and realize I don’t remember what to do if there’s an earthquake. I opened a window?
One time I was in an uber in New Orleans and the driver found out I am a comedian and he said "I don't have use for live comedy. When I want to laugh, I think of something that's made me laugh in the past, and I laugh at that thing I'm thinking."
I think about this every day.
I feel absolutely insane still trying to quarantine as best I can, and just seeing everyone go out to eat and go to parties and everything. Did we ignore the virus away? What a massive failure this country's response has been. That's it, that's the tweet. I just feel insane.
Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations.
Thank god our brave police force is here to protect us from this elderly man with a cane! The police are certainly not insecure fucking losers on a power trip! Our heroes!
Went to the game in person and when the Chargers scored w a minute and a half left there were two types of Chargers fans: ones cheering because they were winning, and ones who knew what was about to happen.
Citywide curfew moved up to 6p (from 8p) at 5:18p. Nothing about that seems like a way to harass people who can’t find a way home in 42 minutes! Especially not protestors who might have their phones off and be far from their vehicles!
This Kendrick / Drake beef. The breaking down of lyrics, the Easter egg madness, the “Wait who did that reference?!” energy. This is how Swifties feel all of the time. And we’ve really gotta give it up to them, they are right, it’s amazing.
In the middle of treatments for literal fucking brain surgery and my insurance just decided i don't have insurance anymore. no communication with me about it. now no longer eligible to pay for my surgery and followup treatments. what a fucking nightmare of a country.