Since the Shiny Happy People doc came out quite a few of you started following me here. Hi there! You seem nice. Here’s a bit about me, a current pastor who not so long ago told God the church was a terrible idea, and how I ended up in the doc. This is a long one: [thread]
It’s been obvious for awhile now that large swaths of Christianity have a massive sexual abuse problem. The question is why?
Here are some of the common causes, as well as some of the solutions, I’ve seen in my time as a journalist & a pastor 🧵
"Shiny Happy People" did a great job linking the Duggar family to the Industrial Gothard Complex, but you can't unpack everything about that world in 4 eps. I'm still haunted by one specific aspect of IBLP I covered in my reporting that got briefly mentioned in the doc [thread]:
A thing I worry about w/
#ShinyHappyPeople
(& other similar docs) is that we Christians will think “oh wow, look at those weird people over there can you believe it?!” Because let’s be honest, some of that toxic theology was in the churches we grew up in. And often still is.🧵
Over the past few years I’ve found myself increasingly at odds w/ the religious world I came from. I’ve been accused of hurting the church, being a heretic, or worst of all, liberal.
What’s genuinely sad about this is I feel like I’m being who they raised me to be🧵
And then there’s this toxic grab bag of theology: women are designed by God to submit, men are in charge of everything except their own sex drives, which women have to control, sex is shameful, etc
All this creates cultures incapable of or unwilling to protect the defenseless.
A piece of feedback I’ve gotten is how Shiny Happy People made all Christians look bad.
I have SO MUCH to say about this but for now:
We preach sin has consequences, then we covered up & denied horrible evil.
Did we think that wouldn’t apply to us?
I used to believe the extremely common mantra in evangelicalism: “the local church is the hope of the world.” It took a conversation with
@DianeLangberg
to realize the narcissism of this statement.
The church IS NOT the hope of the world, Jesus is, & those aren’t the same.
Traditionally, churches have been irresponsibly naive. Until recently (the last 20ish years) the majority had no volunteer background checks, allowed adults to be alone with kids, & no established abuse response policies. This was a flashing “welcome” sign for sexual predators.
Anywhere there are insular cultures w/ powerful leaders—education, businesses, entertainment, religion, & most commonly in families—abuse runs rampant.
This is the starting point reality for a serious conversation about abuse. And it helps frames a big problem in churches.
Add on that a worldview that says “we are the hope of the world & under attack from an Evil World Out There.”
This creates either cognitive dissonance (we can’t be the bad guys) or arrogance (we’re too big to fail). Both foster cultures that ignore/repress stories of abuse.
Pastors either wanted to be experts on everything, or felt the pressure to be, leading to guys who sat in classrooms learning Ancient Greek thinking they could serve the role of trauma informed therapists & failing spectacularly.
First, it’s worth remembering that around 1 in 4 women & 1 in 6-9 men will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18. Those stats aren’t about religious cultures: that’s the CDC’s survey of the US as a whole. Point being: the problem is EVERYWHERE.
We also can’t blame women for men’s objectification of their bodies , &/or treat sex as embarrassing & shameful. Both these are rooted not in the Bible, but in the wounds/traumas of people deeply ashamed of their own sexuality, projecting that shame on others.
The rest are thornier, b/c they run deep.
We have to get rid of us/them theology, where churches are good & under attack by the world. In the Bible God’s people are consistently more the problem than the solution.
Which … I guess IS why I ended up on the documentary. Because I wanted others to know someone inside the Christian faith is raging pissed too, & trying to do something about it. So I guess this IS about the doc after all. Who knew? [end of thread]
(Gonna get pastory here for a sec) A guy named St. Irenaeus once said "the glory of God is man, fully alive." In other words: God takes joy in human thriving. God's desire is health. Wholeness. Completeness. That's true relationally, sexually, emotionally, mentally, & spiritually
During COVID my family lost our entire income stream almost overnight. It was Christmas & we couldn't afford gifts for our kids. Then we discovered something a local church was doing called the Christmas Store.
What we experienced made me believe in the local church again. 🧵
Even in my most angry, betrayed, burnitalltotheground moments, I never stopped being a Christian, b/c Christianity was about following Jesus & I loved Jesus. If anything, it was BECAUSE of Jesus that I was raging against the horrible things done in his name. It was personal.
So what can we do?
The easiest step is the one most commonly implemented: posted policies regarding volunteer background checks & responses to abuse allegations. This is clear, concrete, & something any marginally healthy church would agree to.
There should be a deep humility that marks our church communities, & wariness around hyper-charismatic leaders who make us feel good by getting to be close to them.
We would do well to remember why Israel wanted a king, & what came of that.
Collapsed nervous systems. Systemic health issues. Infertility. One woman died early of cancer and the doctors attributed it in part to the extreme trauma she endured.
What IBLP did to people was more than religious and sexual abuse: it dissolved peoples' personhood.
And while “men are the leaders” churches aren’t by default abusive, we’re fooling ourselves to think this doesn’t lessen the odds of women’s voices being heard. Empowering men & women to equally lead doesn’t eliminate abuse, but it creates a better chance for healthier cultures.
The church’s failure, I would argue, is we absorbed into our systems a craving for power that never belonged there.
The way of Jesus rejects them all (Philippians 2). If we do too, we can become a refugee from trauma, not the source of it. [end]
It turned out that so many churches near me were doing the hard, faithful work of loving people who were hurting. It was just anonymous and quiet and that’s probably why it stayed good, b/c it wasn’t attention seeking. It wasn’t grasping for power.
And I realized that local churches, passionately committed to Jesus, still did exist. I was like Elijah in that one story where he thinks he’s the only faithful servant of God and God’s like, “dude, love you, eat a snack, take a nap and oh yeah, there’s 1000s of others like you.”
What IBLP did was dissolve peoples' personhood, violate it and abuse it to where nothing was left but a husk. God wants people fully alive. IBLP systematically worked to do the opposite. It is evil. To use a Christian term: it is antichrist.
And in all of this the answer is to take seriously the way of Jesus, who advocated for the least & marginalized, was hostile to religious power structures that were “too big to fail”, & empowered women beyond cultural norms.
Kids were trapped in an insular world with no way to escape, a public phone to call your parents was the only lifeline to the outside world. They were worked grueling hours, seven days a week, overseen by peers. It was like Lord of the Flies meets 1984 meets The Scarlet Letter.
When I was in sixth grade I was abused by a counselor at an SBC-run retreat center. That's not easy to share. I feel a part of my soul shrinking away from the computer screen as I type it.
But right now the SBC is deciding how much stories like mine matter. See Robert's post:
🧵🧵Today Southern Baptists will choose between two presidential candidates with drastically different views on the SBC's sexual abuse crisis, among other things. But it actually goes much deeper than that. Allow me to explain:
#SBC23
And so I began inching my way back. In my 30s I was so smart and knew everything. Now I’m in my 40s and know so little. I have never been less certain about more things than I am now. But I believe that Jesus is the hope of the world. And that the church can be a beautiful thing.
We were taught women were responsible for men’s sexual urges, & that our sexuality was bad bad bad until suddenly it was The Most Best Thing Ever on your wedding night. And we never talked about how many of these marriages spent years trying to untangle sex from shame.
IBLP told kids to give up their lives to them, & tried to annihilate them in return.
Jesus said give up your life to him and you'll actually find ABUNDANT life in return. Jesus's one seems better. So if you're doing this Christian thing, choose his path. [end]
You know what makes Christianity look bad? Covering up sexual, mental, physical, & emotional abuse.
No one outside the church is shocked evil happened in a Xian institution, just apparently some of us.
SHP didn’t reveal a problem, it gave voice to a story we refused to tell.
And to those of you hurt so deeply by people who claimed Jesus’ name … I am so, so very sorry. It wasn’t okay. And I know we might disagree about this whole Christianity thing, but I’ll do my best in my small end of the world to insist we do better.
I heard stories from Russia, Indianapolis, the middle of TX, but they all went the same: "I tried so hard to serve the Lord, but it was never enough, & it broke me, body/mind/soul."
Several people I talked to were years removed, but still suffering the physical effects.
For so many of us we've seen versions of this in religious settings, where to be good, righteous, holy means some form of self-mutilation. And I want to say this: you will know you have found a truly Christian community of faith when what you are experiencing is life, not death.
We have a long way to go in figuring this out & I’m untangling my own upbringing too much to point the way. But a starting point is listening to the work of people like
@sheilagregoire
who is helping point out the damage of purity culture.
This is infuriating & horrifying no matter what your beliefs, it's just as someone trying to take this Jesus thing seriously, there's a specific kind of rage I feel. As I understand it, God created humanity body/mind/soul & called us good. We are stamped in God's image AS HUMANS.
The damage done at IBLP campuses is unlike anything I've personally encountered. Working at a campus was an honor, & many well-meaning parents shipped their kids off to these training centers thinking it was an amazing opportunity. The carnage was catastrophic.
But then I watched as these same people, literally the very same ones who had pitchforks out for Clinton, called Trump “king David” & told us to forgive a man who sneered at the idea he’d need to be forgiven for anything.
And so I suppose this thread are to those of you who fell in love with a beautiful faith only to have it trampled on by the people who taught you it.
You’re not crazy.
That Jesus you met was & is real.
And that faith you found once upon a time is worth fighting for.
I guess it’s just that when I was tired and broken and about to give up on this whole Christianity thing, I found that I wasn’t alone and it brought me back. I figure there might be a few of you out there who feel the same way. And if you’ve made it this far … you aren’t alone.
But I was basically done with the church, b/c everywhere I turned I saw QAnon enabling, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic evil who seemed to think that in the story of the woman about to be stoned for adultery, the people w/ stones were the good guys. And then … COVID:
A criticism I get from non-religious followers is that religion itself is the problem, that abuse is baked into the cake of Christianity.
I would argue instead that the problem with abuse tolerating churches isn’t that they’re too religious, but not religious enough.
In a healthy Christian community we WILL be invited deeper up and deeper in to the mystery of following Jesus, totally and completely. It's just that as we do that, we'll find ourselves MORE ourselves, not less, like the outline of us is being filled w/ vibrant colors.
No church is perfect. It's led by imperfect people [raises hand], & will be messy like ALL of life. But: a community centered on Jesus will be a place where over time you feel MORE whole. More alive. More like a loving God's masterpiece, not a sadistic God's chew toy.
It was from taking the Bible seriously i saw how one of the great temptations of God’s people is to side w/ powerful empires at the expense of the powerless.
I started writing about sexual abuse in evangelical/fundamentalist settings while trying to process my own story. I was sexually abused by a Christian camp counselor when I was in 6th grade, but didn’t have words for what happened (or understand it as abuse) until my early 30s.
I was seeing first hand something I’d only heard about: how badly many Christians/Xian institutions handle sexual abuse. While these moments hurt, my biggest response was curiosity. Why are we so bad at this? What went wrong? What is our deal?
Maybe instead of saying “not all Christians!” let’s instead say “I’m so sorry, I see what we’ve done, & we will try so hard to make sure it never happens again.”
Let’s listen to survivors’ stories w/o defensiveness. Let’s be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.
But I found an editor at the Washington Post who expressed interest. The AMAZING
@R_Denhollander
had made national news as a survivor of abuse. Her story merged w/ data & experts in the field to issue a warning: things were about to get real bad. And they did.
Every week a new institution was exposed: some from my Moral Majority, culture warrior, early 90s past. Some from my megachurch present. Meanwhile it was 2016 & that one guy was running for president w/ 81% white evan support. This was when I told God “the church: it no good!”
I lost all my sources of income. Like, all of them. I had a wife and two young kids and we didn’t know how we would survive. Two things kept us afloat: govt safety net programs, & local churches. Food banks. Christmas presents. Rent assistance.
When I told some people close to me, the responses were bizarre. The worst: someone close to me said if I’d come forward then, my abuser could have been held accountable, but b/c I didn’t the consequence was he’d go free. Not … not great! Not an ideal response!
It’s still so hard. I still am very angry about so much of what is done in Jesus’ name. But I’ve found a community willing to follow Jesus into the unknown, imperfectly, but genuinely. I’m not trying to convince you of anything in all this, by the way. Seriously. It’s just …
To my fellow progressive leaning Christian friends:
There’s talk recently about “Christians” calling Jesus’ teachings too woke or feminine & we are rightly appalled.
But are we sure we aren’t teetering on the edge of the exact same problem?
I was taught life is all about Jesus so I started taking the teachings of Jesus seriously, & realizing that meekness & gentleness & peacemaking are the very character of God at work in us, & wondered how those were now called weak & (almost as bad as liberal) *FEMININE* traits.
If you are one of the wonderful, beautiful non-religious people following me this isn't a sales pitch. Just know I really like you. I'm writing to those who are either IN one of these communities now, or deeply burned by them and wondering if anyone else sees. I do. I get it.
[deep breath, count to three, Notworkinghereitcomes]
YOUR DENOMINATION IS FLOODED WITH SEXUAL ABUSE CLAIMS & COVERUPS & YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE TIME TO WRITE CRAP LIKE THIS ABOUT ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE W/ ANY INTEGRITY IN YOUR DUMPSTER FIRE OF A ... A ...
[screams into pillow]
I started worrying quite a bit about what I saw. It’s not that huge swaths of American Christianity have chosen being an American over following Jesus, it’s that they don’t seem to know there’s supposed to be a difference! Which, I fear, is far worse.
What’s weird is these people didn’t realize what they were saying. They really didn’t. It was like these bizarre, intuitive, horribly hurtful responses tumbled out of their mouths as a defense mechanism. These are people who otherwise would have (& have) done anything for me.
I’ve been guilty of treating IBLP as separate from my upbringing, calling them the weird cousins at the family reunion. But my own metaphor sells me out: there IS a family resemblance:
Like, we didn’t use an umbrella, but we learned to submit to all authority (except democrats)
But I also began looking around & questioning why so many religious people seemed to be very angry about not having enough power in this, the most powerful of empires. I started wondering how we were so often on the wrong side of racism & sexism & xenophobia.
IBLP hurt people with these beliefs in graphic, sensational, cult-like ways. In our world, it was often quieter. Harder to see. Happened slowly. But make no mistake: we hurt so many. So, so many. The theology is toxic, whether it’s turned to a “5” or an “11.”
Let’s become the kind of place where even non-religious people say “listen, I think what the believe is some crazytown nonsense but there’s no denying the way they love each person they meet & advocate for justice seems a lot like that Jesus guy.”
I found very little. But there were snippets of hard data here and there, combined with an avalanche of personal anecdotes. I ended up pitching an article to a Christian publication I regularly wrote for. They … were not interested. Accused me of overstating the problem.
Why were so many pastors yelling & proud & arrogant & why was their vision of masculinity so violent when Jesus came to break the weapons of war (Isaiah 2).
And why, in God’s name, did we punish the victimized & defender the abuser? What were we doing?!?
This was also when I wrote an article for The New Republic about Gothard & IBLP, which years later led the (wonderful) Shiny Happy People crew to me. But that’s not what this story is actually about. This is really a story about how I became a pastor again.
At the time I had left my job at a church in LA and was a freelance writer, writing very boring articles about very boring things. This was when the Weinstein me too movement had hit Hollywood and I had a hunch that evangelicalism was next. So I went looking for data.
Noticed there’s a tweet kinda/sorta making the rounds from Bill Gothard, the man who founded IBLP & was accused of repeated sexual harassment & abuse.
My humble advice: ignore it & him. He’s an old man, sitting alone in his house, who desperately wants to be heard.
I grew up during the Clinton presidency where people said that you can’t separate a president’s moral behavior from their policy. I believed, & still do, that Clinton is a serial sexual abuser who was never held accountable. They were right!
I saw some places where the church was getting this right & loving those in need: food banks & foster programs & benevolence funds. Seriously, a lot of people sleep on how much vital and good things local churches do.
I was taught that the Bible was the word of God, & thinking deeply about it was vitally important.
I still believe that! I have never been more awed by and passionate about the Bible than I am now.
It’s just that as I read it, I found it challenging what I saw.
The Pearls’ parenting philosophy is horrifying, but many of us were raised in a less extreme version of the same principle: that little kids (including babies) are inherently sinful & have to have that stubborn, selfish will broken.
Why were people a part of my actual church (at that time) on national news red-in-the-face yelling about their right not to wear masks?
Why did we always seem to be the loudest & most hateful voices yelling at an LGBT community we left to die in the 1980s?
To be clear, I am not saying most conservative Christianity was AS BAD as Gothard’s world, there’s an evil to IBLP I still find hard to wrap my head around, but we Christians need to be real careful we’re not slowing down to check out the car wreck then driving on.
If you grew up in the 90s none of that culture war, “send our best and brightest into the halls of power to take back our country for Jesus” was even the slightest bit surprising. We had worldview classes saying the same thing. I interned in DC in college b/c of that stuff!
And you’re SO not alone. The loudest voices get the most attention, but there are so many people from so many different points of view who all take Jesus seriously & are fighting for something better.
Our faith isn’t a house of cards where if, say, you believe spanking is harmful to a kid’s early childhood development suddenly every copy of the Nicene Creed turns to ashes.
And we can find a better way to talk about sex w/o shaming women & enabling predatory men.
I’m not saying all churches were this way, I know good ones doing the beautiful & quiet work of loving Jesus well, but many weren’t & when I pointed out these inconsistencies was told I had changed. But I don’t think I did. I just followed what I was taught to logical conclusions
Because there’s an opportunity here, if we can humble ourselves and listen. We can still take following Jesus very seriously, hold to the Christian faith tightly, while purging stuff we inherited from our past we now see as harmful.
When I became a pastor again, one of the first things I knew we'd do was launch our own Christmas Store, & this is our second year running it. Last year we were able to help 150 families provide 326 kids w/ two gifts each. Our goal this year: 400 kids, 800 gifts, $20k total
I still sincerely believe the best thing anyone can do is give their life to Jesus and follow him wherever he leads. In a very real, mystical, powerful, & difficult way, I believe that road leads to life! I was taught that in Sunday school growing up & teach it today.
@ofccadjust
@TheBrodyFile
@CBSNews
@realDonaldTrump
[checks eye] Nope! I have not had multiple affairs and I have not colluded with a genocidal dictator. Okay.
Trump is bad and any evangelical publicly supporting him is ignoring God’s kingdom in favor of political power.
Evangelical support of Trump is not a bizarre anomaly, it’s the natural progression of 40 years of culture warriors listening to Limbaugh, and Colson, and Dobson.
Which means the solution isn’t cosmetic, but systemic.
The evangelical rot is in the foundation of the house.
And we can apologize. Own where we got it wrong. This won’t make it all better, but in my experience it means a lot to people when we say it.
And there are still those out there looking for churches who have purged this stuff, & are learning to live out something better.
Below is the just-released trailer for a new documentary about Gothard & IBLP. Except, it's not really about them. It's about the survivors of that world. It's about the long road of healing. It's about the cost of speaking out.
Also, if you’re interested in this topic,
@rickpidcock
kept all the receipts and went scorched earth tying IBLP ideas to current, influential church leaders:
I don't like promoting stuff on social media, but our church is small & this goal is big & I want everyone to be part of this SO if you'd like to donate to the Christmas Store you can scan the QR code below or go to . Every cent given goes to the store.
I’m convinced a lot of people still are intrigued by Jesus, they just don’t want to attend those weird family reunions we keep insisting on.
So, for their sake AND ours, let’s stop going.
The Christians I admire most on here are the ones with enough humility to publicly own their mistakes & make them right.
And the people I’ve seen model this the best are often the ones getting yelled at the most by angry dudes w/ “husband, pastor, father” in their bios.
One of the worst aspects of the new right is its "no apologies" ethos. That's not just unchristian, it's fundamentally anti-Christian.
We all fall. We all make mistakes. Repentance isn't optional. It's a necessary part of life.
We are to be people of justice. We speak truth to power. We rage against evil. We speak for the defenseless.
And also … we are humble. Gentle. Peaceful. Meek. Slow to anger. Quick to listen. Kind. MERCIFUL.
We remember that those are Jesus’ way too, right?
GOD: I’m like a shepherd. I’ll guide you to what you need. I’ll keep you safe. I’m always looking out for you.
US: sHePHerDs BreAk sHeEP’s LeGS tO tEaCh thEm to OBEEEEEEYYYYY!
SHEPHERDS: no we don’t, you weirdos.