Jordan Emmons @joremmons Twitter profile | Pikagi

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Jordan Emmons

@joremmons

1,066

Followers

1,599

Following

1,880

Media

26,702

Statuses

Writer, Artist, Creator, Thinker. She/Her. 🩷💜🩵 Expect tweets (this is still Twitter) about my job, church trauma, and anxiety. We compensate with cat photos.

https://t.co/bQCGljEI6R

Joined September 2010

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

Trying to ignore that I hit 1K followers, but since I did you get a new bio: 💼 no vocation, working to survive 😻 cat mom 💍 wife to @GlenC0coa 🏳️‍🌈 newly-out bisexual 🧀 cheese connoisseur ⛪ stubborn Christian 😶‍🌫️ high anxiety, espresso depresso Hello! Don't perceive me 😅

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

"My husband is a faithful Christian so my gown must portray modesty" says bride who wore 4 additional dresses at a multi-day wedding that cost multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars

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@Sachinettiyil

Sachin Jose

3 months

Former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo is facing backlash for wearing a modest wedding gown at her marriage ceremony with American football star Christian McCaffrey, who is an outspoken Christian, stating in a later interview with Vogue that she “didn’t want it to exude sex in any

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

Guys. I've done wedding planning for 11 years. Today was a rehearsal for a wedding I had on my calendar as being tomorrow. After the rehearsal as we left, everyone said "see you Sunday!" I HAVE HAD THEIR WEDDING ON THE WRONG DAY IN MY CALENDAR SINCE THEY HIRED ME.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

10 months

Last night I came home from a 10 hour work day to a fully decorated tree and house bc on Thursday I spent the night crying over how sad I was that the house looked so bad, and my husband spent all day cleaning and decorating to make me happy 😭❤️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

My mom downloaded Uber and ordered a ride for the first time. She's 66, she's never done it, and I'm proud of her! I was less proud to learn that in the process she accidentally signed up to become an Uber driver. 💀💀💀

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

My brain literally said "weddings are Saturdays!" and just scheduled it for Saturday. All my paperwork and contracts say the 16th. It's always been the 16th. I just thought the 16th had to be a Saturday 🙃 At least I would have showed up a day early, not late 🤪🤦‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

To be clear - I don't care about either of these people. All her gowns are stunning. It's a beautiful wedding, the pictures are delightful. I just need us to see the irony of slapping a Christian label on this. Please, see it with me.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

Like, my brothers in Christ, this is not what a modest wedding looks like 😂

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

K y'all have to stop giving this attention, I'm still mortified

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

Anyway, eat the rich ✌️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@SteelyDanMxmlst Okay, it's petty. It's a hot take on a celebrity wedding. It's all nonsense and none of it matters. We good?

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@faeriesector Read the Bible and you'll find out

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@robertbenda Yeah, I'm definitely going to have to start double checking and putting the day of the week on my contracts haha. I'm taking solace in the fact that this has only happened this one time! And that if I'd shown up when I thought it was, I'd be a day early instead of late lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@Aaron_____Davis Nope! Nonreligious ceremony.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@queercheerio 💯💯💯 Exactly. As someone who works in the wedding industry, if that wedding cost less than $500K I'd be shocked. And the "modest" dress is custom Dolce & Gabbana 💰💰💰. Do I love looking at it? Sure. But I'm not going to pretend it falls under any Christian standards.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

8 months

Is there a way to politely say to someone who has invited you to a game night (who regularly invites you to many game nights) that you want to spend time with the group but if you have to play one more game with them you'll have no choice but to walk into the sea?

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

* before someone yells at me, I think the black dress might be Mom, not Olivia. Point still stands.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 years

Fellow adults, do you have a method for keeping your house clean? Cuz right now my method is Let-It-Get-So-Bad-You-Would-Be-Mortified-If-Anyone-Came-Over-Then-Clean-Everything-At-Once-Over-Two-Days-Till-Your-Back-Hurts

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@queercheerio YES! I see this a lot, though - covered up for a church ceremony, then full skin at the reception. I guess because they're married so he's allowed to see her sexually after the ceremony?? I don't know 🤦‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

Instead of saying "let's check if your parents are here" to my kiddos, I usually say "your people" because some kids get picked up by grandmas, nannies, etc. Today a girl responded with "my people? You mean Italians?" as if the entire nation of Italy was coming to get her. 😂

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

8 years

@crehage @jackiejoyce2122 Darn those pesky direct quotes - they'll getcha every time!

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

8 months

@ghoulandboys My dad had cancer when I was in college and one of my prof's was an acquaintance of his, and at the very beginning of the first day he said "oh, your dad is Tim, I heard he was sick, how is he doing?" He's dying, thanks so much for asking in front of this room of strangers 🤦‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

Husband: "You know that I love you. And I know you're so cozy and that's wonderful. But this is the least attractive you've ever looked." Me:

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

@AliNahdee A kid I knew went by Lunchbox, to the point where he wrote it on his papers, teachers called him Lunchbox, and many of his classmates didn't know his given name until graduation. If no one thought Lunchbox was wrong in '06, calling people *real names* in '23 is difficult...why?

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@BeccaLizz Yeah, I get that's what she believes is her intent. I feel the "covered up for the ceremony, full skin for the reception" concept doesn't track 🤷‍♀️ and it's not who she is as a person overall, so it's performative intent at best. But it's all beautiful, and none of it matters lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@keelymbc I corrected this at the end of the thread 👍

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@MsRobinScott Truly!

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@rcross126 Agreed 100%

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

@taylorsschumann Lol she is the most anxious driver ever, she would HATE being an Uber driver so much 😅

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@natlawyerchic Given that biblical modesty is about money, not clothing, they do actually.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

Muting this! Y'all are unhinged 😅 haha have fun tearing each other apart in here ✌️❤️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

I'm still thinking about the old man we saw at church today who was wearing the largest white bow tie ever and who casually pulled out A TAMBOURINE to play along with worship. I want to be very clear that this man was not on the worship team. I just have so many questions.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@teixido_heather What Bible are you reading, lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

My dress had a low plunge, low back, and was covered in beads. That says nothing about my commitment to my vows, my spouse, or my God. I tried on high-coverage dresses. There isn't anything wrong with high-coverage dresses. We DO NOT need to virtue signal high-coverage dresses.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

@emilykmay YES several families I sat for did this and I absolutely hated it. My parents would drop me off and the dads would drive me home - it was SO UNCOMFY

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

Can someone who is a Swiftie explain this to me like I'm 5 - why are people mad that a woman who has only every dated men is straight?

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

10 months

I'm glad this very sweet gesture is getting some love 🥰 I didn't tag him before, but compliments go to @GlenC0coa for the tree.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

@fatfabfeminist @carmied Ha! Well I was today years old learning that a copper IUD could be used for emergency contraception, AND that Plan B only works for 155 🤦‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

Update: she couldn't figure out how to get out of being a driver, so she just deleted the app from her phone and ordered a Lyft instead 😆

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

@bebookled People will be attracted to me no matter what I wear because I'm attractive 💃 In all love: Arms still exist with or without sleeves, and if arms cause you to stumble that's your issue. I'm gonna stay cool in the summertime. ✌️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@kathrrak @robertbenda Oh yes, everyone definitely has the right date except for me 😆🤦‍♀️ ...and technically, I was given the correct date too, I just mentally decided it was on a different date 🙃

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 years

@Ryan_Ken_Acts

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@JillianChantal Oh for sure! *I* got married on a Sunday hahahaha

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@SusanKipper This is social media, I don't have to lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

If you're ok with this flag 🇺🇲 representing the pride you take in your identity but you're not ok with this flag 🏳️‍🌈 representing the pride someone takes in their identity maybe the sin of pride or not putting one's identity in Christ isn't actually what's bothering you.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

7 months

@slyyzo @WomnOfValor If they have to be worried about appearing creepy, their approach is probably creepy and they shouldn't approach women. 🤷‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

@Guiness_Pig Lol I'm visiting her today - we'll see if she figured out how to NOT be a driver or if she needs my help 😅

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

@defnot3owls Oh my husband would totally do that. Now when people ask us if we're planning on having kids, he says "no, we're just practicing" and I DIE

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@89WarBaby @natlawyerchic I don't think they do. They say they do. That's the point.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@teacher_erie Nah, believing no one should have enough money to be able to spend $500K + on a wedding makes people react this way.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@HolliLoki She does look amazing! She can have her day. She brought modesty messaging into the conversation, which opens her up to critique. Also, two of her gowns were D&G...I think they were fine before Olivia came along.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

Does anyone else's spouse ask about changing their phone background in a way that sounds like they're about to ask for a divorce, or is it just mine? It has to be just mine. (To be clear, Tonks is our cat.)

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

@joshua_boe This is great news, as I have no kids and have given up on tidying already 😅

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@MainLineMaven She used vendors with celebrity clientele, who are doing fine without her - we don't need to act like this wedding was a philanthropic good deed. Also, he kicks a ball for a living, so "earned their money" is an interesting take.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

(do not get mad at my husband for this, I love him dearly and he is 100% correct)

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@TeeMBrown LOL I don't have a dad so that actually hadn't occurred to me. A nice gift to the bride's dad, I suppose!

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

Like...friends. Last time I saw @TessaViolet was in 2012, singing about space crustaceans. 11 years later I'll be seeing her in the same venue singing about orgasms. You wanna talk about artistic growth...Taylor could never. 🤷‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@keelymbc Thank you - 4 total dresses instead of 5 doesn't exactly absolve her lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@Martin_mut_07

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 years

Can we have fewer coming-of-age movies and more wading-waist-deep-into-your-30s movies

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

8 months

All of you who resonate with this are invited to my house and we won't play a single game together and it will be beautiful

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 years

@KSPrior My favorite is when people link a media article to their post on how there's no media coverage. 🤦‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

@NfiniteJustice @AriDrennen A trans man is a man. A trans woman is a woman. Already so simple!

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@Terranen I did...now I do not 🤦‍♀️ (it was family stuff and easy to get out of, though - could have been worse)

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

@exfundiediary So weird how when your husband treats you like a human being you don't have to "submit" to him

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

Today was my first Sunday "out" at church. I was hugged by more people today than I have been in years. And not weird Christian side hugs - full, "you are loved," long hugs. Folks I don't regularly talk to went out of their way to encourage and thank me.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

Also WOW, didn't know this would be the one to do numbers 😂 thanks for bonding with me over my cute boomer mom lol. I love her the most!!

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

27 days

Sent pictures of my ring set to a friend who is proposing soon, and guys I love my set SO MUCH 😅 Truly, don't let society bully you into thinking you have to get something basic, and find a partner who sees your personality and cares what you like and want 🥰

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

🏳️‍🌈 Happy Coming Out Day to Me! 🏳️‍🌈 On this app I've been out for some time, but I'm officially out everywhere. It's been a long and difficult month of conversation, and I'm glad I get to spend the last 10 days of Pride in celebration 😊

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@CleoBabezz @BeccaLizz I wrote 4 tweets lol - I had no intention on expending *any* energy past my op. But I'm going to defend myself when people jump down my throat about it 🤷‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@DianaRuggOnTV Yes - congrats to her and her already-wealthy vendors who work celebrity weddings. We don't have to pretend this makes her a philanthropist lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

🥹😭

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 year

@jakethesnakeoh @NBCSWhiteSox

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

10 months

@KSlowley What a weird response

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 months

@Im_Chelsea_Lea I actually got married on a Sunday myself, so I don't know why it threw me at all 😆

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

11 months

@joshua_boe In 10 years of wedding planning I think I've only been tipped 3 times, but yes, it's always the low-budget clients who tip. Some clients have asked about whether I require tips, and I always say it's appreciated but not expected. The ones that ask never actually tip 🤦‍♀️

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

7 months

@slyyzo @WomnOfValor I feel like you maybe haven't dealt with a ton of creepy men in your life...kindness is viewed as an invitation for more interaction, no matter what is said.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 years

@NatePyle79 I would tend to argue that photos of what is happening without yourself in them should be excluded from this. Documenting history isn't inherently virtue signaling.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 years

@Coop_DeVille89 @Acosta Pritzker literally smuggled in PPE from overseas for our state when Trump wouldn't give us funding. IL will forever be on Trump's naughty list and we are proud of it.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

7 years

@VOMBAND @MatthewDicks @realDonaldTrump The 👏 presidential 👏 election 👏 is 👏 over 👏 stop 👏 using 👏 it 👏 as 👏 your 👏 only 👏 talking 👏 point 👏

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

7 months

Lol looking thru old church photos - this was taken about 10 years ago, and MY GOD how did no one clock me as queer?! Not *one single soul* looked at me and was like 🤔🤨🧐

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

8 months

An old man from my old church posted this, and I had to see it so now you do, too

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@verticalcheddar @teixido_heather Ah. Well, Jesus, who came to fulfill all the old testament law, had lots to say about wealth. Give him a read sometime.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

The sheriff in my county and the county I grew up in aren't enforcing the new law. Sheriffs state-wide are refusing to check if gun-owners are registering their weapons. I'm sick of guns and I'm sick of this.

@QasimRashid

Qasim Rashid, Esq.

2 years

As MAGA sheriffs in IL refuse to enforce IL’s new gun safety law—a reminder that it's "state's rights" when it comes to banning abortion, immigration, books, lgbtq, & 'woke' businesses—but it's magically not state's rights when passing proven gun safety laws.😑 Absurd hypocrisy.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 years

@theeashleyray Had the biggest crush on Charlie from Numb3rs as a teen and let me tell you, it was MIND BLOWING realizing Charlie and Bernard were the same person 🤯

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

4 years

@malachiobrien @realDonaldTrump Please explain (with cited sources) what specific policies Joe Biden intends to put forth that will dismantle Christianity as a religion and the religious liberties for all religions in the country. I'll wait.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@queercheerio Agreed, there is absolutely no logic lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

7 years

@derek_beamer @realDonaldTrump You should feel ashamed. Feel it. Understand it. Use it as your guide in 2018.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@MikeCosper @PageauJonathan So...your take is that if we accept the opening ceremonies as simply irreverent and weird, the consequence is that we accept a sports injury in a sport that's known for injuries, and therefore we all hate women and children? Am I getting that right?

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@NFinTX Never said she couldn't, not the point of the post

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@NeonTailzz Lol, I don't know if it's the biggest but it is...one. lol

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

1 month

So all my stories today were about being bi/bi visibility month or healing after leaving a toxic church situation. My ex-pastor's wife logged onto FB for the first time in YEARS and viewed allll of them 💀 If I get put on a queer deconstructionist watchlist, I'll let y'all know

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

CW: Married Sex Life @GlenC0coa proposed sex. I jokingly said "I don't know, I wouldn't want to cause you to stumble." He responded "stumble onto these nuts." We didn't have sex.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

2 years

@greta This is Tonks!

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 years

@PastPerfectAndi @LaurenGolden__ Yep! I got a bill last month for a January 2021 test. $270 and some change. The clinic claimed my insurance wouldn't cover it, called insurance and they said they did cover it, but my primary care doctor didn't approve it or something - doesn't matter, I'm not paying it.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 months

@Heaving__Seas She can totally wear what she wants. She looks lovely! And I agree, I doubt many, if any, people actually complained about it. That's my primary issue - grifting modesty to earn brownie points with conservatives is gross, particularly at a completely non-modest event.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

3 years

@AshDunston I'm almost 29 and I am only just this second learning about the "plunge right in, lose your sin" lyric 😬 we didn't sing that one at my church!!

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

6 years

@gwm1959 @JerryFalwellJr @realDonaldTrump In fairness, Sr. wasn't exactly a voice of moderacy either - Jr.'s beliefs didn't happen in a vacuum.

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@joremmons

Jordan Emmons

18 days

Since coming out at church I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, because there's no way it could go THAT well and be smooth sailing. The shoe might have dropped last night, and I have some processing and ongoing conversations to pursue. For now...I'm just tired.

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