My heart is really hurting. A lot. Seeing the news of Grayson Murray’s passing hits hard. I understand the pain his family is feeling, and I’ve experience the hopeless darkness that Grayson felt. People always say “just ask for help”. But it isn’t that simple…
A thread:
Jordan Spieth, Hole 11, Round 2,
@JohnDeere
Classic. Jordan pulled his tee-shot left into the hazard. His window out was tight as he yelled back to Greller whom stood over his ball. They opted to take nearest relief, dropping on the cart-path, still made bogey.
Suicide won’t define his legacy, because suicide is not who he was. It was a symptom of a violent invisible pain. He was more of a man than most, because he talked about it. We ALL must talk about our pain, and learn to hear other’s stories of suffering. We MUST learn to listen
Depression can actually be so hard that hopelessness takes the lives of thousands every. single. day. But even in that darkness, Grayson Murray was still a light. He was kind, generous, a joy to work with, and openly vulnerable with his mental and physical struggles.
When the struggle is as real as it was for Grayson, there is no one person that can help. It takes an army. When you seek help and can’t find it, you have to keep seeking. And maybe someone will be able to help a little, but then you need to find another person to help more.
One of the most discouraging elements of my decades-long battle with severe depression is that most people didn’t know how to help. Even the professionals hadn’t experienced the abuse, trauma, and darkness that I had. No one could relate to me. Or so I thought…
Depression is a silent killer because even those suffering the most appear fine on the outside. “He seemed great the last time I saw him”. It is our responsibility to talk to each other more about real life, & less about our golf scores & upcoming bro trips. Lives depend on it.
You go deeper. Over and over. The struggle may never completely go away. And honestly, it may get a whole lot harder first, but it WILL get better. A LOT BETTER. You must keep fighting, never settling until you find yourself in a good place, and even then, you continue to find.
I turned to writing openly in 2016 to get my thoughts out. I started posting them on “secretlifeofdad” on IG as a way to publicly express my journey. I call it ‘kilt-lifting’. It was embarrassing, humiliating, and healing. I learned how to be vulnerable in my wild brokenness.
If someone says they are “doing good”, ask more pointed questions. Everyone is going through something. Let’s actually talk to each other. What I discovered was just how cathartic it was for me to publicly express the war that was waging within.
If we can’t be vulnerable w/ a friend, we can’t be vulnerable w/ Jesus, our ultimate healer. If we can’t be vulnerable w/ Jesus, we can’t be vulnerable with those who want to help.
The ONLY way we can find true healing is being vulnerable enough to ALLOW ourselves to be healed.
We know the saying, “hurting people hurt people”. But I’ve realized that “even in my hurt, I can help people, which in turn, heals me”.
Here I am now on the other side of what we all thought was a hopeless war that I kept losing. I actually did find healing.
I was able to articulate just how gnarly things were. The radical thing was the vulnerable messages I started receiving from folks that thought they were alone in their fight, but upon reading my story, felt empowered and befriended.
It was in Jesus, but through a thousand different people. Even still, I’m continuing to pull back layers of the complex onion of my story. Still finding broken places and scar tissue that needs attention. Many scars won’t go away until I am face to face with Jesus.
I’m ok with that, because I know I’m in a better place, and am now finding purpose in all that pain by sharing my story with anyone that’ll listen until I know I’m making a difference. Even Jesus had scars.
Starting “restoration_club” on IG was part of that. To create a safe space in the golf world to build real and lasting relationships through local communities. This isn’t about me, it’s how my story relates to what many of us are feeling.
I personally don’t want to know a single detail of Tiger’s crash. It’s none of my business, has no affect on my life, and I would be just as private as he if I were in his seat. Can’t we ask him anything else?? Or do we just need provocative drama cause we are that bored?
A day of days
@Old_Barnwell
to kick of our first ever visit to The Masters. Perfect course and playing conditions, incredible caddies, all-world staff. Truly a one-of-a-kind golf experience with my boy and his grandpa.
Just booked my 40th at Sand Valley last week, and the day I am *supposed* to check out is the check-in day for the
@GolfersJournal
event. *Asks to extend stay*
“GOLF is art.” Creating an annual photo-journal of my golf work, to honor the game, architects, turf crews and all the good people in golf. Been dreaming of this project for 4 years, and so stoked to see it becoming a reality. Pre-order:
Tacoma Country and Golf Club looking insanely good right now. Tree removal and an entirely new irrigation system, as well as the fantastic leader ship of at
@tacomaturf
has the club looking as good as it ever been in our lifetime
I was asked to grab a photo of Grayson's locker Monday. Some players were unpacking, changing, chatting. I said why I was in there & they jumped in to help me find it. Once found, we stood there, frozen in time and emotion, wanting desperately for him to walk around the corner.
My favorite swing sequence I’ve ever shot. Klem dropping a ball for one last swing on Bandon Preserve during an epic February sunset.
•
@bandondunesgolf
My boy Indie, 7, made his first career eagle today, at our “home” course,
@ChambersBayGolf
, on the par-5 4th. What’s even crazier was that the ball rolled over the hole, nearly making albatross. Also, the hole before, he nearly aced 🤯
Last night’s playoff at the US Women’s Am was all-time. All week has been fantastic. Tune in to NBC and catch some this week, and I’ll continue posting a ton of images on IG stories this week. Another fantastic event at
@ChambersBayGolf
The final photo I will have in 2023, the wildest and most incredible year of my 14-year career. So grateful for all who gave me the opportunity to sling some cameras and get a trillion steps in this year.
Went back to the scene of the Spieth photo today. Making-of video coming soon. I am standing where Spieth was crouched - photo was taken from the grass where the circle is.
Thread…
While you might think that kids on my bus routes would be excited for Christmas and a holiday break from school, that’s not the reality.
As the past week progressed I noticed my kids being more and more on edge. And even the older kids were less animated.
@markschlereth
The whole thing is disappointing. Bunch of grown adults - athletes, “journalists”, every Seattle sports writer and radio host who, to be relevant, needed him all those years - the whole globe bullying a guy like we are in 6th grade. Regardless of RW’ behavior, it’s embarrassing
@benrector
@LouStagner
I caddied on tour, been around the game decades, shoot pro golf full-time, I currently sit at a 4.2, and hardly have a grasp on how handicaps work