Heather Anne Campbell @heathercampbell Twitter profile

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

7 years

the implication here is that the face breathes which means it has lungs and blood

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Last Seen Profiles

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

Biden: Voted against gay marriage in 1996 Bernie: Voted for gay marriage in 1996 Buttigeg: Endorses Biden

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

sperm has DNA. DNA is when life begins. every sperm is a potential human being. so, no more masturbating, gentlemen, unless you want to be convicted of a felony. carrying a cellphone in your pocket damages your sperm, so no cellphones either. skirts only for men, to protect sperm

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

If men knew how to accept “no,” she’d be alive and you’d still have your job.

Bill O'Reilly

@BillOReilly

6 years

Mollie Tibbetts would be alive today if America enforced federal immigration law.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

106 years ago today.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

7 months

he was everywhere

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

they asked for a reason I said “Elon Musk’s Twitter”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

imagine being in a country with limited or no access to the vaccine, watching the hospitals fill to capacity in America where you can get the shot at the fucking drug store for free

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

if I was President I would eliminate Daylight Savings and institute “chaos hours” which would shift the clock at random intervals every few days, announced via emergency broadcast system

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

Now that Cosby has been found guilty, I’d like @hannibalburess to tell some jokes about the people behind the 2008 financial collapse.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

Age: 0-3 “Young Woman” 4-8 “Young Woman” 9-13 “Young Woman” 14-18 “Young Woman” 19-24 “Slut” 25-39 “Old Woman” 40-49 “Grandmother” 50-X “Does Not Exist”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

I can not get enough of the middle-aged dudes discovering that Rage Against the Machine is Overtly Leftist/Anarchist Political Music and suddenly hating their old favorite band

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

I just learned from Reddit that the framing for Luke Skywalker’s highest point of doubt/fear in Return of the Jedi is the exact same framing in The Last Jedi when he realizes his failure with Ben Solo. TLJ keeps giving.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

Two years ago, The Boston Globe published this parody front page — suggesting what the world would look like if Trump won the election. Look at that date and look at ALL those headlines.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

whoa this is a dystopia I hadn’t even considered before. zoom cashiers who work in another country for less money than a local hire.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

god can you imagine a world where libraries didn’t exist, and a democrat pitched libraries *now*? oh man the think pieces “who really needs books” “why should i pay for someone else to read” “historically, libraries have all burned down” “yes but who chooses the books”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

1 month

me in the Barnes and Noble manga section

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

1 year

the game boy, famous for being plugged into a wall

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

he begins this magnificent sequence by throwing away his cigarette and ends this sublime, extraordinary scene by having it suddenly appear in his mouth again

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

we are all going to be traumatized when this is over, the way people from the Great Depression were weird about specific stuff

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

- “how did you get so much political power? are you from some dynasty?” - “no, I’m from nowhere; just a bartender from the Bronx. Anybody can be in poli-” “WRONG,” says the ex-President as he rises from the grave “AOC, you are a NIXON”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

this image is real and the more you look at it the less real it looks

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

7 years

My first real disillusionment when I moved to Hollywood was when my plumber asked me if I knew who Crash Bandicoot was, and I said yes, and he said, “I play him in the commercials.” And I was confused because he wasn’t rich.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

this is the most aesthetically pleasing game box art of all time

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

every human being I have ever walked behind has absolutely no where to be

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

men must sit down in special chairs with a hole in them, allowing the genitalia to dangle below, to protect the sperm-sacks. no alcohol for men; it’s bad for your potential babies. no sports, it endangers the sperm.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

So, I've always wanted a Pizza Hut lamp. The problem is that when they show up on eBay, they cost thousands of dollars. I needed to think outside the pizza box on this one.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

If you smoke pot, gentlemen, you will be convicted of patricide. Laptops? Not near your lap, or your babies will have damaged DNA. No hot showers. Only room temperature water for your testicles. No stress, so no movies or high-impact narratives. No video-games. Keep sperm safe.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 months

Now we’re here

Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

so this was the beer hall putsch, right?

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

whoa this really blew up check out this picture of a dog

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

Finished the Harry Potter Fuck Dungeon

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

“How could this have happened” asks Fox News, moments after telling people this must happen

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

Shorthand: Economic rights are the core of human rights. Class rights are the core of equality.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

Nothing; they are reading about the paintings in the room on the museum app, for greater context on the art they’ve been viewing. I’m tired of people vilifying smart phones; they contain the collected knowledge of all human beings. They’re the library of Alexandria.

bettemidler

@BetteMidler

5 years

What’s wrong with this picture?

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

last time he did this, he killed herman cain

Mark Knoller

@markknoller

4 years

Social distancing not in effect for seats set up for Pres Trump's convention speech tonight on the South Lawn.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

10 months

1988: holy shit I can’t believe they got these two companies to agree to IP sharing 2023: typical Fortnite drop

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

the last jedi is the kid in class who does so well they ruin the curve for everyone else

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

the same people who think they’d run into a mass shooting are the ones afraid of getting a tiny needle in the arm

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

@jk_rowling Weird way to tell me to unfollow you.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

@WSJ “Millenials destroying the housing market by constantly eating avocados” or “Baby Boomers surprised that destructive economics of the 1980’s and 90’s have long-term ramifications on today’s market” or “Millennials have taste; uninterested in ugly homes”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

lol pushing to privatize the usps -- right before mail-in-voting needs to happen -- is pretty transparent

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

I feel like my point is valid God gave us the right to bear swords America won’t let us carry them Why is America against the Bible

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

if you told boys in the 1980’s that she-ra was for guys, they would have laughed at you if you tell men in 2018 that she-ra is for girls, they scream about it on the internet

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

US: sees south korea and china doing economically decent, after massive covid-19 testing and 8 week lockdowns US: i want that MD'S: then do testing and 8 week mandatory lockdown US: no MD's: then you-- US: why am I sick, i want economy MD's: you have to-- US: stores open

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

by our powers combined, we are now fiancés love Mary with my whole heart.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

1 year

@Lib_Development This is a weird reply to a tweet about a show I filmed without scripts, that had to shoot in LA.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

i was once given the note in a show to “make the improv seem more difficult”—to look less sure of myself because my confidence on stage came off as “cocky” and put off the senior members. that theater was the groundlings. what a terrible thing to tell a young woman in comedy.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 months

lol Disney pulled the Willow TV show off their streaming service because of the cost of hosting an already-finished project, but whatever lol

Variety

@Variety

2 months

Robert Downey Jr. is making "significantly more" than $80 million to play Doctor Doom in two "Avengers" movies, sources say. Downey's deal is also filled with perks that include private jet travel, dedicated security and a whole “trailer encampment.”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

Snyder: Batman is mean, take him seriously!! Guys he kills ppl Marvel: here’s a crying raccoon. thank you for the 250 million domestic opening weekend

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

7 years

Twitter, the website where every sentence might win you the chance to talk to 1000 nazis

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

RRR is so good, come on

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

Today, I received two brand-new Pizza Hut lamp shades direct from China. I'm going to hang them in my office. Project: PH LAMP complete!

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

weird that republicans are convinced that January 6 was done by antifa but they don’t want to investigate it

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

President can say pussy Comedian can’t say cunt Got it

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

me: “I want to believe” poster on my wall 60 minutes: ufos are real me: no they fucking arent, fuck you

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

7 years

Hypernormalization

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

while there is nothing in production, networks should show all of the pilots they didn’t pick up, and the audience should determine which one gets a season

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

this is the beginning of a marketing arc that ends with the rock in Fast 10

Variety

@Variety

3 years

Dwayne Johnson has publicly declined #FastAndFurious series star Vin Diesel’s request to rejoin the action franchise for its upcoming 10th mainline entry

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

sony announces the PS5 will be unprecedented, directly providing games to the urethra, with “390 degree entertainment” and “wall-to-wall 4-D audio” via a long needle that slides into the urethra for “the ultimate go anywhere gaming experience” in your urethra

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

If the GOP wins, my right to get married is on the chopping block. Which could affect my access to healthcare. My ability to adopt a child. My life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. But they’re worried about the dictionary.

The Serfs

@theserfstv

4 years

"If Joe Biden wins they'll take over all our cultural institutions and put insane definitions in our dictionaries. They'll come after your parents" ~Tim Pool

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

well, I did it

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 months

Absolutely incredible. Such a joy and an honor. Wowwwwwwwwww

HIDEO_KOJIMA

@HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN

3 months

With Heather Anne Campbell.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

it’s my whole life here I love it so much

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

a lot of these movies I totally don’t remember

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

now that i have the tablecloth, i guess i should get the cups. i didn't expect to cosplay my entire workspace but here we are

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

the United States: ten to fifteen airplanes are crashing every day, killing all on board, and the public is demanding to get back on airplanes instead of asking the government to build some railroads

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

im having a weird year but it’s a good one

Deadline

@DEADLINE

5 years

Fox Buys Workplace Comedy From Heather Anne Campbell & SideCar

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

it’s gonna be really funny that spider man isn’t gonna care about tony stark all of the sudden

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

Let’s Go Bernie. #Bernie2020

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

So, at my appointment with my doctor today, they told me that many cancer surgeries are being pushed back 3-4 months because of the number of general Covid cases.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

the date

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

11 months

lol i did it again

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

Billionaire Lex Luthor becomes President and deports the “illegal immigrant” Superman, and declares “war” on the undocumented immigration crisis, so Superman isn’t allowed to enter American airspace — a rule he follows because he believes in the American way. So...

Forbes

@Forbes

5 years

DC Films still doesn’t know what to do with Superman, the studio reportedly is unsure how to make the character “relevant to modern audiences”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

It wasn’t “fans” that harassed Tran off Instagram. It was men. Stop un-gendering these problems and blaming “people” — a term which includes women. It’s not women. Something is happening to men.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

so it’s okay for Wall Street to gamble the entire world away in 2008, but it’s not okay for a few Reddit people to play a couple of stocks for two days

Investing.com

@Investingcom

4 years

*NASDAQ PRESIDENT ADENA FRIEDMAN SAYS WE MONITOR SOCIAL MEDIA CHATTER AND WILL HALT STOCK IF WE MATCH CHATTER WITH UNUSUAL ACTIVITY IN STOCKS - CNBC $GME $AMC $BB $NOK

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

There's a guy in the lead. People are passionate about that guy. If you are thinking, "What can we do to stop the guy in the lead!?" Maybe instead wonder, "Why do people connect with this guy in the lead? And can that lead among us translate into a way to defeat the Big Bad Guy?"

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

achievement unlocked

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

this is dystopia we made it to the nightmares of the 1980’s congratulations america, we did it

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

Imagine you are sleeping at home. Someone smashes down your door. And you are shot to death in your bed. Wouldn’t you expect that the people who shot you would be charged with a crime? Yeah. That’s how a society should work. Arrest the cops who killed #BreonnaTaylor

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

over my lunch break I connected my @analogue Pocket and Dock to a capture card to accomplish one goal: Game Boy Camera Live Webcam

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

8 years

:leans in: what if I told you :pulls off mask: ima wario, ima gonna win :stabs you in stomach: :whispers: ima. gonna. win.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

holy shit

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

This is a REAL EDIT that had to happen on the New York Times today. America is collapsing.

Editing TheGrayLady

@nyt_diff

2 years

Change in Abstract

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

1 year

nah, I’m not gonna force myself to empathize with a man who was responsible for damaging the makeup of the Supreme Court. sure he’s had a medical event on camera, but there’s an uncountable number of women forced into destructive medical events because of him. fuck that guy

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

what the fuck is happening

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

crazy that China doesn’t know about tienemen square, says the country that never taught the kids about black Wall Street

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

3 years

never forget

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

4 years

my “ghost of Steve Jobs” account was permanently deleted by Twitter because I was “falsely impersonating a ghost” this dude just tried to overthrow the United States and he gets 12 hours

NBC News

@NBCNews

4 years

BREAKING: Twitter says 3 tweets today from President Trump have been removed, and his account "will be locked for 12 hours following the removal of these Tweets. If the Tweets are not removed, the account will remain locked."

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

and here it is installed and lit. 🍕 💡

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

Hi. Doctor says they got all the cancer. I will not being doing chemo, and I am still in awe of the strength of people who do. I have a little more recovery ahead, but it will be easier…

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

my girlfriend mary wrote tonight’s episode of succession so fuck off

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

Gore - Centrist Kerry - Centrist Hillary - Centrist All these candidates lost their elections to absolutely terrible, unqualified competitors. Those names represent 12 years of George W. Bush and Donald Trump. Running centrists doesn’t win elections. And Biden is a centrist.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

@grendel715 Kicking a vending machine when you can’t get a snickers

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

2 years

@powerbottomdad1 lol for free

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

6 years

Apparently the Clintons are so devious they planted information in a therapist’s notebook six years before they conspired to lose the election to Trump so that he would nominate the man they were seeking to destroy. They sacrificed the White House to take down some kid from Yale.

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

5 years

CNN: “We literally can’t see who is in first place. There’s a name there but we can’t bring ourselves to read it. Therefore, there’s nobody in first.”

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Heather Anne Campbell

@heathercampbell

7 months

cloud only exists because of Toriyama

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