A @granolalawyer Twitter profile | Pikagi

Pikagi

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@granolalawyer

3,279

Followers

1,001

Following

2,637

Media

77,089

Statuses

I have a lot of hobbies and I speak a lot of nonsense. Formerly @lawandloubs

CLT

Joined March 2009

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

I went over to a guy’s house after a date once and he had this giant piece of art on the wall. He said, “If you know what that is, we’re getting married.” I said, “it’s a topographic map.” He asked if I knew the location. I guessed correctly. Still waiting on that proposal.

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@granolalawyer

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2 months

Drove a friend to the airport ~5:30AM. Half asleep, I missed a turn, delaying us 3 min. Got chewed out bc his checked bag needed to be in by x time. It was 3 min late. I waited 20 min for him at the house but am still SO upset at MYSELF for this. Why am I like this??

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

$6 trillion and we can’t afford to forgive student loan debt?

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

This is a hard thread to write. Our genetic testing came back today and our baby has a rare genetic disorder. Baby has no chance at life, and is unlikely to survive to term. I am now in my second trimester and in many states would have no option but to move forward anyway.

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

I know that sounds morbid but that’s the reality of the situation and I think our policymakers could use a dose of reality these days.

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

At 12 weeks, I am already past the cutoff to terminate a pregnancy in some states. Being in this situation is hard enough. I can’t imagine being in this situation and being told I have no choice but to continue forward and just wait for this baby to die on it’s own time.

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

But here we are. I’m tweeting the thing I never wanted to. But I think it’s important to share, both by way of explanation and for the support I know I’ll need. And to add another story to the world about why we need reproductive choice.

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

Many of us operate under the notion that if we can make it through the first trimester, we are home free, it’s smooth sailing from there. We had every intention of announcing to the world next week with our latest ultrasound pics, adorned in pink or blue.

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

Hey everyone. I am going to be taking an indefinite hiatus from this app. And maybe from life, tbh. But before I go, I want to share my nightmare in the hope that my story will help someone else from being as stupid as I was. 🧵1/

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@granolalawyer

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1 year

Please send me all your tricks for shaking off that feeling of overwhelm that paralyzes you from getting anything done and just makes everything 100x worse

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

I went to my OB/GYN for an ultrasound and was taken to a high risk OB/GYN for a second ultrasound and a consult with a specialist and a genetic counselor. Based on ultrasound findings they are 99.9% certain the genetic testing was correct. I do not have a viable pregnancy.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

This is why I can never get behind Dave Ramsey. I am not about to lead a life of total deprivation because I decided to get a graduate degree. The toll on my mental health caused by a complete lack of fun would be far more detrimental than the cost of an occasional meal out.

@DaveRamsey

Dave Ramsey

5 years

If you're working on paying off debt, the only time you should see the inside of a restaurant is if you're working there.

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@granolalawyer

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6 months

Am I the only one who actually uses the cupboards over my fridge? Not for things I want to access often, but I *use* them.

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@granolalawyer

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3 years

After today’s discussion on maternity leave it feels appropriate to announce that I will be taking mine in November 2022. Surprise! 😂 If you know me IRL, I’m sorry you’re finding out here and PLEASE don’t share on other platforms until I officially announce in May.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Wearing an outfit that I’m really not feeling today. Does anyone else feel *off* all day when they are unhappy with their outfit choice?

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

The moral of this story is: be diligent with your finances. Don’t let things like this slip by. I’m sure I meant to file that 2018 tax return when my missing W2 arrived but I forgot and now I’m paying the price. Oh—and keep an emergency fund just in case. /end

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@granolalawyer

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6 months

You know what is appropriate for the gym? Minding your own business.

@OliLondonTV

Oli London

6 months

Is this outfit appropriate for the gym?

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

I am all for paying off debts. (Do as I say, not as I do, y’all.) But, rarely does anyone on their deathbed say, “I wish I had paid off my student loan.” They wish they had traveled or experienced more things. Allow yourself space in your budget to enjoy life.

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

Tomorrow I will be traveling over 2000 miles with my ex-boyfriend. We will be gone for a week. I can’t think of a better time to come back to this app. Grab your popcorn.

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@granolalawyer

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7 months

I stayed at man’s place for the first time last night, after almost three months of dating. Two things: First, I’m proud of our restraint Second, I’m pretty sure he has ghosts in his house.

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

It’s time to be real for a minute. This is me. This is 38. One step closer to learning who I really am.

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

So that, my friends, is how I became literally penniless overnight. I don’t have credit cards to live off of as they are either at capacity or I’ve closed them as I’ve been working to get caught up on debt. 9/

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@granolalawyer

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3 years

I got my dog a bow tie.

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@granolalawyer

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7 years

Got an email about a job opening for an attorney position. Firm wants someone barred in two states with 3 years of experience. Salary: $42k The legal market is absolutely absurd.

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@granolalawyer

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1 year

Life has been hard and I’ve been REAL tired, BUT: - I got a promotion yesterday. - I got my hair done this morning. - I just won the permit lottery for Angels Landing in Zion NP!!!

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

This is such a cool idea. I don’t know if I would have the patience to set it up myself but I love it!

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

I am embarrassed to admit that I live paycheck to paycheck. I grew up poor and took some unnecessary risks when I first started pulling in a decent salary, so I’m in a fair amount of debt, which I’ve been working diligently to pay. 2/

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

This photo came back from my sister’s wedding reception and I kind of love it. 🥰

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

They apparently sent me three letters over three months in 2023…to my old address. So I never received those. Apparently those letters said they could garnish my bank accounts until the full amount of the tax debt (plus penalties) was resolved. 8/

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

@Misnomer Anna Wintour, I’m ready for you

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

My mom got her second vaccine dose a couple weeks ago and, y’all, I just got to hug my mom for the first time in a year. 😭😭

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@granolalawyer

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3 years

Let me clear something up for many of you: If you’re crying, you’re not balling your eyes out. You’re BAWLING your eyes out. Please stop making this mistake. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

The DOR will not release any of my paycheck to me to live off of and, in fact, they’ll snatch up any money deposited into that account during the hold period (of up to 30 days). So not only can I not pay my bills, I can’t even feed myself or my dog. 10/

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

So y’all can stop sending me links to that NYT article about false positives now. I know (most of you) are trying to be helpful but it does not apply here.

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

@chipnanimus 48 + 20 = 68. Adding on the 7 is easy from there to get to 75.

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@granolalawyer

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9 years

I got the letter. I PASSED!!!

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@granolalawyer

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8 months

And just like that, I had to say goodbye. Our 15 years together were quite the adventure. RIP Hobbes. I hope there’s pizza in heaven.

@granolalawyer

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8 months

My cat’s behavior has been so off tonight that I’m really worried about him. 🥺 I’m pretty sure he turns 15 this year.

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

Eventually I get to a human who explains what happened. My account has been garnished. For a 2018 tax bill. But wait for it—it wasn’t that I didn’t pay my taxes. I just neglected to file a return. 5/

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

I now have short blonde hair bc after playing bumper cars on the way to my hair appointment I just did not GAF anymore

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@granolalawyer

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8 months

I got Hobbes when I was married. I took him with me when I left my abusive husband. He comforted me through that and so many breakups, tons of moves, bad days and bouts of depression. Law school. That cat saved me so many times by just loving me. 💔

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@granolalawyer

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8 months

My poor mom (who is not a morning person) woke up at 4AM today bc she was so stressed about DoorDash. She called her bank about the $14 of her own money she put in with that gift card. I told her I’m going to bring her $30 and Chinese food later but she’s still SO UPSET 😭

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@granolalawyer

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11 months

@nastywomanatlaw I love this. This is the best kind of friendship.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

So many of my Twitter friends are thriving right now — at work, in love, with family and health — and I absolutely love it. I’m so happy for y’all. 💕 And for those who are struggling right now, hang in there. Your time will come again. We love you and we’re here for you. 💞

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@granolalawyer

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3 years

I’m just going to sneak this in between the tweets about Taylor, our supply chain, and football: I’m starting a new job this week. It’s been a long time coming and I’m starting to get pretty excited.

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

Today I learned that the DOR’s default action is to bill a taxpayer for the tax due based upon the person’s salary for the tax year. The DOR will NOT give the taxpayer credit for employer withholding. A return has to be filed to get that credit. 6/

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

So the DOR lady told me that I probably already paid this tax but since I didn’t file, I was billed. For about $4800. Which is now $9800 because of interest and penalties assessed over the past five years. 7/

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@granolalawyer

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5 months

I don’t want to have to say this but it’s time to get it over with: W and I broke up. Just days before our trip. I kept the cabin and it’s going to be a girls trip now.

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

I’m just going to leave this here.

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@granolalawyer

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3 months

@clairezagorski The way he was standing there waiting for praise did me in. The apron would be a cute gift in some circumstances, but this was not one of them.

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@granolalawyer

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8 months

I went on a date today—a third date. He wanted to go on a bike ride and was kind enough to loan me a bike since mine needs a tune up. Y’all, we rode ten miles. TEN. MILES. That’s probably not a lot for a cyclist but adult me has NEVER ridden that far on a bike. 😂😂

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

I wish depression and anxiety weren’t so misunderstood. No, I don’t really have a reason to be so exhausted. No, I don’t know why I’m crying. No, I’m not frustrated at you. No, I’m not just a negative person who needs to adjust my attitude. I just need a little space.

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

Just got off the phone with a manager who referenced a terminated employee by saying, “that’s why we promoted her to customer.”

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Dear Women: Stop selling yourselves short. If you think you deserve more, you probably do. Go after it and do 👏🏼not 👏🏼 quit 👏🏼 until 👏🏼 you 👏🏼 get 👏🏼 what 👏🏼 you 👏🏼 deserve 👏🏼

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@granolalawyer

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7 years

I’m so happy I quit my firm job last year. It’s been a rough year getting the hang of consulting and contract work but I start my next project on Monday and I’ll be making 150% of what I made at the firm while working 20 less hours a week. 🙌🏼

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

I told G if we aren’t making this official that’s okay but we can’t keep spending five or six days a week together. I’m proud of myself for taking a stand even if my timing was crap.

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

Surgery went well enough and I’ve been home trying to eat and rest and recover. Talking to the doctor after, I was reassured we had made the right decision.

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

Today was payday so I woke up and checked my bank account like I always do, only to find it was showing a $0 balance. Cue panic. Did I get fired? Did I get hacked? Is the bank going under?? 3/

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

I scan my transactions and see a rather large debit from my state’s department of revenue. This transaction zeroed out my account. So I cancel my morning meetings and frantically call the DOR. I wait on hold forever and ever. 4/

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

I am have-to-buy-extra-strength-moisturizer-for-the-winter years old

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

So this is how that happens...

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

I know this is a stupid wish but I wish people without mental illnesses could actually understand what it is like to live with this kind of shit in your head

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

Four days into Hinge and I have five new phone numbers, four (socially distant) dates in the works, and I’ve already paused my profile bc my mom told me I’m going to “start getting the guys mixed up again like last time.”

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

My date and I put away over a dozen vodka sodas last night, talked about all the deep and taboo topics, laughed our butts off for like 6 hours, AND he said he’d watch the bachelorette with me, so... he’s forgiven for the scheduling thing. For now.

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@granolalawyer

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5 months

W is great but I don’t think he’s madly in love with me and I kind of want someone who is madly in love with me and I’m really not sure how long I’m supposed to give him to get there. Why isn’t this just instantaneous? I’m lovable, damn it. 😂

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@granolalawyer

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3 months

After a 12-hour work day yesterday, I met a guy for a drink (first date). We stayed 2+ hours and said goodbyes at 10PM. The man then went to another bar by himself to see his “friend” the [female] bartender. We had good conversation, but this doesn’t sit right w me.

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@granolalawyer

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8 months

@AKBrews I can’t tell the difference between mountain lions and bobcats and ghosts and potential murders and I dislike it immensely

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

I forgot to tell y’all that I went on a date Friday for patio beers with a new guy and the dude wore flip flops. That is all.

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@granolalawyer

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1 year

I didn’t get the promotion so I have shifted my attention to unloading 3/4 of my workload—all of the things I’m not supposed to be doing in my current role. It might sound petty but I did this for four years and I’m not doing it again.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

If I see a celebratory tweet on my TL, you can bet your ass I’m going to like it. I don’t care if I don’t follow the person or if I don’t know what that test they passed is for or why that job is so important. I am just happy to see other people succeeding. 💛

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

What do we think of this dress? I ordered three mini dresses on super sale for funsies bc I don’t have anything like this in my wardrobe but idk idk

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

I ended up going with an ombré spin on a french mani, in case anyone was wondering

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

@PaulCTaylor3 I’ve had six medical professionals give me their opinions and I saw what I saw with my own eyes. Respectfully, I don’t need any more opinions.

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@granolalawyer

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3 months

I ordered a family pack so I can eat for three days. 😌

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

I do not understand people who meal prep the SAME meals every Sunday and still feel the need to share on social media. We get it. You’re still boring af.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Trying to plan tonight’s date and this dude is like lmk when you’re home from work and we can figure it out. SIR. THIS IS A FIRST DATE. PICK A TIME AND PLACE.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Just to solidify my love of baggy comfy clothes — I am IN LOVE with this shirt from A&F. It’s soft, lightweight, and I love how it drapes. Can’t wait to layer it with a grandma sweater in the fall.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

FTR, I intend to finish paying off my student loans. However, the collective debt burden of student loans is having a profoundly negative effect on our economy. Taxpayers don’t want to foot the bill and I get it. But I would rather bail out students over corporations any day.

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@granolalawyer

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4 months

I am fed and pup is fed and the car note is paid and rent will be paid and I’m rediscovering free and cheap entertainment as well as new ways to deal with stress so it’s been a long few weeks

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Got a call a couple of hours ago to ask if I could come in very soon for a fourth (!!!) round of interviews for a new position.

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

Going through discovery and finding out my client is a total liar is my favorite part of being a lawyer. Without a doubt. Totally. I’m sure y’all agree.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

I 👏🏼 Need 👏🏼 To 👏🏼 Stop 👏🏼 Seeking 👏🏼 Validation 👏🏼 From 👏🏼 Others 👏🏼

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Contemplating moving my subwoofer across the room up against the wall adjacent to DJ Neighbor so I can blast his ass out of bed at 8AM. Suggestions for wake up music will be accepted here.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Reminder:

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

@CriminelleLaw The sheets, the wire hangers, the clothes suffocating in dry cleaning bags. And is that stuff in the tubs up top even FOLDED?!? On top of all that, this photo smells weird just by looking at it 😂

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

Final interview for this permanent position with the bank is this afternoon and I’m SO NERVOUS. I really want this job.

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@granolalawyer

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2 years

I’m so angry with the universe right now for giving me this pregnancy at this late stage in life and making me feel like maybe I was meant to be a mom after all, maybe I had finally healed enough to do this, and then dropping this bomb like, “lol jk”

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Why is the headline on CNN that Pelosi ripped up a copy of the speech and not that the president manipulated statistics or that he lied about his plans for insurance coverage?

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Did y’all ever have a favorite pullover hoodie that you just lived in, maybe in HS or college? I realized I don’t have one anymore and I need a replacement asap

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

I just turned in the final paper for my MBA capstone. I can’t believe this day is finally here!!! I have a few more elective classes to finish if I want my finance concentration certificate but the actual degree program is DONE.

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@granolalawyer

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8 years

Got this today so I would never lose track of my dreams.

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@granolalawyer

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8 months

One of my internal clients scheduled a 15 min call with me. At minute 18, I was giving her my final thoughts and I get a ping from her saying she got pulled into another meeting and would tag up with me later. I was talking to myself. Is it just me or is this incredibly rude?

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@granolalawyer

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3 years

Guys, it’s “voila” and not “walah.” Come on now.

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@granolalawyer

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6 years

No matter what happens in my life over the next few weeks or months, I need to find myself again. I’ve lost my shine, my sparkle, my happiness. I’m tired of living as a shell of my former self.

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@granolalawyer

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6 months

I just won a minor award at work on top of all this so I will be pouring myself a glass of wine tonight to celebrate. ☺️

@granolalawyer

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6 months

After my morning meetings I signed up for my employer-matched 401k and scheduled my first therapy session with a new therapist. Please clap.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Last night I went on a date with a guy who insisted on wearing his sunglasses indoors. I eagerly await your gif reactions.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

Went out with the girls tonight and I cried and they held my hands and gave me advice and supported me in a way I don’t think I’ve ever experienced with other girls... I’m so glad I went out tonight. I needed this.

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@granolalawyer

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5 years

G just texted to tell me that he might regret saying this but he’s becoming pretty damn fond of me so I think this is going alright you guys

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@granolalawyer

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6 months

After my morning meetings I signed up for my employer-matched 401k and scheduled my first therapy session with a new therapist. Please clap.

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@granolalawyer

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28 days

I’m grateful to my Colorado friends who housed me and shuttled me around and made this mini-vacation happen for me this year. I needed it.

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@granolalawyer

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4 years

This guy just told me I absolutely should not wear flip flops on our first date which will be on a casual patio in 90 degree weather and I know it’s not an unreasonable ask but I kind of hate him for it.

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