Misnomer Profile Banner
Misnomer Profile
Misnomer

@Misnomer

3,884
Followers
1,715
Following
4,515
Media
43,611
Statuses

Humorist. Satirist. Provocateur. Writer of bon mots.

The Boulevard
Joined January 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Justin Bieber is 25, Tom Cruise is 56. Challenge an actor 31 years older than you to a fight. I’ll go first… Sam Waterston, you’re a punk, and due for an ass beating. Name the place.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
The good old days, before drones. You wanted aerial footage, you hired a guy in a Cessna who had a couple cocktails and a pending case before the FAA.
@LasVegasLocally
Las Vegas Locally 🌴
4 years
The Strip, 50 years ago
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
This is the face of a man whose $20,250 jackpot doesn’t quite get him even.
@boydrewards
Boyd Rewards
6 years
Did you see John's handful of cash? He hit it big for $20,250 at @DiamondJoWorth ! #BConnected
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
BREAKING NEWS: Authorities have identified the body found in a barrel in drought-stricken Lake Mead as 3:2 Blackjack.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 months
Cheers, dealt Royal. 🥂
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
Jamie Dutton looks like a velociraptor. #Yellowstone
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
If I win the $1 billion lotto tomorrow, I’M buying Rio, and I’m putting the carnival in the sky parade back. I’ve been drinking.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
The below article says “more than 140 people” have signed a petition to keep the volcano. I bet I can get 150 likes to this tweet requesting that the volcano ooze molten nacho cheese. Please RT. #cheesevolcano
@8NewsNow
8 News Now
3 years
GOODBYE VOLCANO: The volcano outside of the Mirage Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas will be torn down as part of remodeling #8NN
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
Three girls sitting atop the terrace railings taking pics. I’m sure this’ll end well.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?
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Misnomer
5 years
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
I broke the internet. Perhaps fellow St. Louisan @jack might bestow upon me the honor of the blue checkmark?
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
@markasaxon $50 million is like…4 Bud Lights at Ballpark Village.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
I suspect many of you are lying about your age for the chance to fight Kevin Spacey.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER SPLIT TENS AGAINST A DEALER’S SIX. NEVER LET YOUR CAB DRIVER TAKE THE TUNNEL. DON’T BRING YOUR KIDS TO VEGAS. ELLIS ISLAND HAS A $7.99 STEAK DINNER SPECIAL.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
My kid is her high school valedictorian, which will come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. Her mom’s pretty smart though.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
1 year
Get a load of this draw.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
If you would’ve told me this morning that I’d have incidental conversations with Laura Ingalls, Jan Brady, and Ted Cruz, I would’ve said, “AGAIN??!!??”
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
Kids threw me a Vegas-themed Father’s Day party!
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
@ScottAdamsSays It’s pronounced “shēt stain”. It’s French.
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Misnomer
5 years
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
Royals ain’t everything. Video poker porn for the discerning connoisseur.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Your tongue-in-cheek threats of elder abuse have landed us in the A.V. Club. Great job, internet!
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
Those not wearing masks are surprised with an involuntary antibody test.
@CaesarsPalace
Caesars Palace
4 years
Lucky @Caesars_Rewards guests wearing masks are being surprised with $20 in #FreePlay ! 🎉 #LikeACaesar @CaesarsEnt
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
Shoutout to this person, who apparently slept on the floor of their terrace last night.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
@BrainGoblin Exceptions could be made.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
9 months
My daughter is home from college, and her boyfriend has come for a visit. He’s Russian. What should we watch tonight, Red Dawn or Rocky IV?
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
Who says Vegas got rid of all the amenities?
@LasVegasLocally
Las Vegas Locally 🌴
4 years
The Fremont Street Experience has installed a gunshot detection system that will allow security to precisely locate the source of all the gunshots.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
My baby girl was just admitted to the University of Illinois! Third generation Illini! @Illinois_Alma @Illinois_Alumni @StLouisIllini
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
@libsoftiktok Or - hear me out - maybe they’re just teammates. You know, people from diverse backgrounds supporting one another, working together toward a common goal. (That is a fully articulated thought.)
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 months
I visited Mirage on my first Vegas trip, c. 1992. My buddy and I saved up all of our daily budget, because we wanted to eat at this VERY fancy restaurant we’d heard about, the “California Pizza Kitchen”. We sat down, perused the menu, and decided on a pepperoni pizza, $24.95. 1/2
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
Got a stupid doctor appointment tomorrow and I can already tell two things are gonna happen: I get yelled at for being fat, and I get a Shamrock Shake for the ride home.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Hell to the yes.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
@Ms_Kat_L Peace and love!
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Magic hour
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
To those who would say time travel is impossible, I invite you to explain how I’m already into tomorrow’s gambling budget. 🤔
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
10 years
And now we know what happened to the old MGM entrance lion.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
9 months
Ah yes, the famous Fontainebleau nachos. They bring this little bit out first, and then 16 years later, you get the rest.
@MuTigerMike
Mike Herman
9 months
Hey @fblasvegas we waited an hour for food in the Sportsbook and this is our nachos??? Come on man
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
That’s the face of a man whose $8700 hand pay don’t quite get him even.
@suncoastcasino
Suncoast Casino
2 years
Congratulations to lucky local Henry on his $8,681.29 win!
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Who wore it better? #vegasnerds
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
Checking my kid’s candy. I’m concerned there might be a razor in this one.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
7 years
CONFIRMED: Bellagio IS removing iconic fountain.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
1 year
🎰
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
Who did this?
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Misnomer
3 years
Shazam ⚡️
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Misnomer
2 years
@KurtSchlichter @MattWalshBlog The thing is, you put a dress on Chromium, that don’t make it Boron.
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Misnomer
2 years
I’m not saying inflation has hit Las Vegas, but Stage Door hotdogs are now listed as “Market Price”.
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Misnomer
5 years
Checking my kid’s candy. Concerned there might be a razor in this one.
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Misnomer
3 months
@Mike_E It’s funny, because @MirageButler just posted, “I had to wait until we closed to tell this story: It was 4:30 am, and I was cracking a Bud Light for a naked man floating on an inflatable unicorn….”
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
The wife and I share an Amazon account, so I get an email every time she buys a kindle book. She just bought one called “The Marriage Lie”. I’m sure everything is fine.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
@ChristinaPushaw Oh great, I survive the Winter of Severe Illness and Death only to find myself squarely within the Time of War and Global Peril. I can’t catch a break.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
Never gets old.
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Misnomer
3 months
What if Mirage was never actually there. 🤔
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Misnomer
5 years
Last Saturday night, I performed in a Las Vegas showroom before a sold out crowd. This Saturday night, I nuked some Velveeta that expired in June.
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Misnomer
3 years
Pains me to say it, but cabs are the only game in town. Ride share is completely useless at the moment.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Excited to announce my new book, which will show you how to get the most out of Las Vegas WITHOUT the need for coupons!
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Misnomer
4 years
Wife had to borrow my pickup truck to go get my Father’s Day present. I’m either getting a new grill or three cubic yards of mulch.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Welp, we caught the teenage daughter sneaking out last night. The giveaway was when the temperature in the house dropped 20 degrees. She left the window open. Foiled by general dipshittery.
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Misnomer
3 years
I just wanted to play craps for two minutes. I just wanted to eat steak for two minutes. I just wanted to watch the concert for two minutes. Why isn’t everything free???
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Dream realized. #vegasnerds
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Misnomer
5 years
Each time I’m in Vegas, on about the 4th day or so, I say to myself, “Self, you’ve proven yourself capable of walking long distances every day. Let’s continue that at home and we’ll lose some weight.” And then I say, “J/K, I’m so high right now!” And we laugh.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
7 years
How do I inform the elderly gentleman in this Southern Illinois tavern that he’s just won the 2018 World Series of Satin Casino Jackets?
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 months
I returned to my room at Fontainebleau and discovered they’d provided turn down service. As I was standing there appreciating this, the doorbell rang. It was housekeeping. “Is that enough chocolate? Want some more?”
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Misnomer
6 months
Fontainebleau Room Service: No minimum spend, food served on fine china with polished flatware and linen napkins. Cosmo Room Service: Here’s your pancakes in a sack.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
Guess who turned 6 today?
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
For those who followed the saga of my dad and I building a farmhouse table together, here’s the finished product. Pretty pleased with it. 😊
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
There’s a “Hotel Storage” closet on my floor, but given that it’s Cosmo, how do I know there’s not a swanky speakeasy lounge behind that door?
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Misnomer
11 months
There was a strict “no political talk” restriction at Thanksgiving, so I just brought a cheese board and kept my mouth shut.
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Misnomer
8 years
Boom goes the dynamite.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
My beloved Cosmo is getting pretty ragged. @MGMResortsIntl
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
7 years
BREAKING: Wynn Resorts names Stephen A. Weinberg new CEO
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 months
Extraordinary, exceptional dinner at Michael Mina at @Bellagio . GM Justin Wolf and his entire team made my daughter’s 21st birthday celebration an unforgettable evening. I give them my highest recommendation.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
Welcome back, Vegas bars.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
🎶Luck be a Lady tooo-niiiiiiiight!🎶
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
With my birthday 40 minutes away, I reminded my wife this was her last opportunity to blow a guy in his 40s. “No,” she said, “it’s my last opportunity to blow you in your 40s,” and she rolled over and started snoring.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
As random plane spotting goes, this was a good one!
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
@Pennys4Vegas Enjoyed the most recent vlog. Particularly, the pregnant chick slugging Coronas while ignoring Big Elvis.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
I can’t keep up! You guys have a lot of pent up rage against aging thespians. 🎭🥊
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 months
“Great choice!” the waitress said. Then she turned to my friend. “And for you?” You see, $24.95 bought you a personal pizza, unsuitable for sharing. That was my first lesson in Strip economics. The Mirage really did change everything.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
@ComplexSneakers @lemkus_ “Worn once, no creases, full stars”
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
Alright, this one’s going to be controversial, but: @MGMResortsIntl please make the @Cosmopolitan_LV guest rooms, including the terraces, marijuana-free zones. Zero tolerance.
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Misnomer
7 years
Checking my kid’s candy. Concerned this one may have a razor in it.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
7 years
Back detail of my @fivehundy Road Crew t-shirt w/ tour dates! #vegasnerds
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
@oxreb30 He has a very special set of skills...
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
Las Vegas, you did it again. ‘Til next time. 😘
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
You guys, I’m up $920 at the airport now. Does this place have a hotel?
@Misnomer
Misnomer
2 years
Airport slots pay lots! #SusanBAnthony
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
7 years
Heartfelt thanks to all of the #vegasnerds for the love, laughter, and generosity. What a wonderful group of people! 🤗
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
I don’t know how this helps us, but I support it. #BetterTogether
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 years
Bartender at Cosmo sports book just went over to Chandelier and got me two Verbenas. Said it was real busy over there, and I shouldn’t have to wait. Incredible service! @Cosmopolitan_LV
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
9 months
Hear me out: What if the nachos are so small because every time a FB exec leaves, they take a chip with them?
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@RickVelotta
Rick Velotta
9 months
Another Fontainebleau VP exits, 4th exec to leave since casino’s opening via @reviewjournal , @mckenna_ross_
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
“Sir, you’ll have to empty that glass into a plastic cup before you go outside.”
@CircaLasVegas
Circa Las Vegas
5 years
Sports betting the way it used to be. Your new favorite sportsbook ( @CircaSports ) opens at @GoldenGateVegas tomorrow, June 1st. Coming soon to @theDlasvegas . Then, #Circa2020 .
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
1 year
The life/death cycle of a Vegas vlog: 1. Develop following by producing genuinely interesting content. 2. Fall in love with newfound “celebrity”. 3. Assume it was you, and not your content, that people found interesting. 4. Produce only vids of you talking to selfie stick. 5. 💀
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
Went to my father looking for some perspective & comfort. He was born during WW2, wounded in Vietnam, lived through the turbulent 60s and the 70s recession. The wise old sage didn’t hesitate: “I ain’t never seen no shit like this!” Thanks, dad.
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Misnomer
3 years
I just walked into Circa for the first time and “WOW!” keeps falling out of my mouth. WOW!!!
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
5 years
Another one.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
6 months
Upon stepping into my Fontainebleau room, the drapes parted, and music started playing. Very cool.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
3 years
What your hookup looks like at night, what they look like in the morning.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
4 years
Checking my kid’s Halloween candy. I’m afraid there might be a razor in this one.
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@Misnomer
Misnomer
9 years
“Sexy Sean Rodriguez Fighting Gatorade Cooler” Halloween costume. #NLWildCard http://t.co/RwodsTCrSn
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