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Jon Doughboy

@doughboywrites

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hobbyist scribbler

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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
3 months
Chekhov with some advice for June 7th
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
16 days
Predicting that within ten years there will be an influx of novels written longhand and published as such, highlighting the process, crossed-out plot points, marginalia, doodles, handwriting quirks stylized as proof of the human mind and body at work and not AI
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
2 months
A lot of submission calls asking for “weird” stuff but when you read the description, “cutesy” feels like a better fit. Or maybe “whimsical.” Not knocking whimsy, but wouldn’t call the stuff “weird.” Maybe “slightly odd yet tame” or “quirky but inoffensive.”
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
12 days
It’s easier to imagine a cabal of Iowa MFA clones or NYC trustfunders standing in the way of your literary stardom than acknowledging that no one cares about your little stories and everyone’s just scrabbling for scraps after the table’s been cleared. Who’s open for submissions?
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
5 months
Resubmitting to the mag that has ignored every one of my submissions just to do my part in using up their gmail storage
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
5 months
Deeply frustrated that the writing community hasn’t protested the way the autofiction industrial complex and its lobbying arm has deskilled American writers, deimaginalizing the heartland of American letters and shipping fabulist, metafictional and expansive novel work overseas
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
24 days
Sometimes I finish writing a story and it feels very tight, polished, yet boring. I go back and add some playfulness, a little chaos, loosen it up, and it’s not necessarily better but I like it much more. This is my craft essay.
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
3 months
The editor of one mag publishes the story of an editor at another mag who wrote it in a workshop taught by the editor of a third mag who happens to be the ex of the first editor who went to school with a fourth editor that blurbed the second editor’s book on the condition that…
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
2 months
Each writer defines success for themselves. Personally, success is millions of dollars. Producing beach reads to buy a beach house. Money, money. Second best is publishing 3 more flash fictions online before year’s end while not getting duped into submitting to a writing contest.
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
2 months
Is it minimalism or is the writer just deeply unobservant, deaf to the richness of language, and devoid of an inner life?
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
10 months
Just got a rejection email from the New Yorker and gmail recommends I respond with “ok, thanks for the reply,” or, “bummer.”
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
2 months
If you use words above a ninth-grade reading level, your writing is pretentious, purple prose. Below a sixth-grade level, you’re an illiterate moron. Middle-school prose is the key to the literary kingdom. #writingtip
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Jon Doughboy
9 months
Experimental writer says fuck it, starts first-person, present tense story by showing instead of telling with a scene in medias res
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
2 months
I’ve got some rat meat fresh off the griddle in here
@APCON_MAG
APOCALYPSE CONFIDENTIAL
2 months
APOCALYPSE CONFIDENTIAL presents TOOTH+CLAW 🩸🐶🐱🐭🐻🐯🦁🙈🐷🐸🐺🩸
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
Just wrote the rough draft of a story about a monk in the French alps in 1200 and forgot how fun it is to get the hell out of dodge/the endless present
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Jon Doughboy
9 months
I wish my writing process was like this but the more I write, the murkier I become, convinced that authenticity is a delusion, the self a hallucination, and we’re never knowable least of all to ourselves, just cackling in the maze of human ignorance, farting stories in the wind
@kevinrmaloney
Kevin Maloney
9 months
I feel like with every new book I write, I’m hunting my deepest, most authentic self, trying to put words together in a way that no one else could, so that the story and the voice I use to tell it are impossible to distinguish from who I am
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
Writing and publishing are forms of attention terrorism, neural colonialism. Write something? Say nothing! Give peace a chance and delete your work unread. #writingtip
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Jon Doughboy
7 months
Writers complain about how hard it is to get ahead but if you stick with it you too can have one of the stories in your linktree get 17 lifetime clicks
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
9 months
I’ve got a little baseball yarn out today in @press_roi with thanks to @FBereaud for finding a spot for it in the moxie issue
@press_roi
Roi Fainéant Press SUBS ARE OPEN BAYBEEEE
9 months
Hello hello and welcome to Sunday! Hope you packed your sass. Moxie 53 is live. #WritingCommunity
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Jon Doughboy
6 months
Had a couple of stories out this past week ICYMI Rabbit holes @ErgotPress And Bolaño @DflLit
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
7 months
Had three little stories out this week ICYMI Relationship arithmetic @DontsubmitLit Cultural cement @soyosbooks A shard of awareness @EmergeJournal
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
7 months
Got a little intergenerational story churning over at Soyos today:
@soyosbooks
Soyos Books ~ €5 Sale only at our website!
7 months
Amalgamate yourself into our strange new world with Jon Doughboy, now live at Soyos shorts. The Cement Mixer - Jon Doughboy
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
At Bennington, Ocean Vuong read us poems among the maples. We drank sap water straight from the tap, made a bonfire of our warby Parkers, kindled with the so-called American canon. The haze off the green mountains heralded the dawn of an inclusive, restorative, poetic future
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
True literature is humorless. Read your story aloud to friends and if there’s a laugh or even the hint of a smile, pack it in, clown. There’s always improv. #WritingTip
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
Dear Submitter, I apologize for taking 18 months to read and reject your four-hundred word story. I was busy, you see. The climate crisis. Wars. Our platform was starved for content. The right posts needed liking. These virtues don’t signal themselves. Have you seen our tip jar?
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
A more interesting publishing model could be a mag with five or so editors who only publish the most polarizing submissions, no consensus candidates, just the stories that floored one editor and revolted or offended or baffled the rest
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Jon Doughboy
8 months
Can someone interview this guy? It’s such a strange and fascinating grift, I want to hear the logic behind it. A get rich quick scheme where you plagiarize poems and publish them in small lit mags to one day…publish a chapbook that makes no money? To get on an AWP panel?
@OneArtPoetry1
ONE ART
8 months
John Kucera attempted to publish "Summer 1993" in ONE ART. It was then discovered that the poem was published in @redividermag days before it was forthcoming from ONE ART. At that time, we confirmed the other two poems allegedly by Kucera had been previously published
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
8 months
Got some poems submerged in the latest issue over @swampspit_
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
I sold my kidney to pay for my MFA at the Art Institute, tap-danced naked in dimes square, got a PO Box in Brooklyn, memorized all the coolest verb tenses, the name ROONEY is tattooed on my left ass cheek, on my right, LERNER—where’s my book deal?
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
I’ll be at a defunct Barnes and Noble on the outskirts of St. Louis tomorrow reading my unpublished collected works to an unidentified corpse and the rats gnawing on it. The literary event of the season according to my mother. BYOB. Happy fourth!
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
Got a story/creepy trip to the park out today, thanks to @GergleySteve for picking it up
@scaffoldlitmag
scaffold literary magazine
3 months
it's time for scaffold feature #12 , so take a seat at the park and measure the passage of time with this weird and funny story by the brilliant @doughboywrites !
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
9 months
Writing workshop that starts with a Panera charged lemonade enema and you come out of a trance three days later with arrhythmia and a finished novel
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
2 months
Here’s the latest prose entertainment from this hobbyist scribbler (thanks again to Sam for picking it up)
@ErgotPress
ergot.
2 months
"Like my father and my mother before me I work for the Parks Department but not exactly like them because the Park, my particular park, and I have a special bond..." Today on ergot.: 'I am the Park and the Park is Me' by Jon Doughboy ( @doughboywrites )
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Jon Doughboy
8 months
Two poems of mine are hanging out today in the bilge over @ballastjournal
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Jon Doughboy
7 months
Writing goals this year: Do a bit Develop this bit into a brand Rub this brand in an agent’s face until they agree to represent me Publish my collected works Grow jaded and bitter promoting said works to an indifferent world Give up writing and buy a ps5
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Jon Doughboy
6 months
I have a little foray into horror out today, a rabbit hole of vertigo, with thanks to Sam for the helpful edits on whether shanks cut or puncture or if blood tastes more like iron or tin
@ErgotPress
ergot.
6 months
"Up follows down and vice versa for verily we all must climb in order to more fully, more completely, burrow." Today on ergot.: 'Rabbit Holes' by Jon Doughboy ( @doughboywrites )
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Jon Doughboy
1 year
The flash submission windows where you have 97 seconds to step on the neck of other submitters and get your shit in feel super sad to me, editors watching rat writers scurrying into their Skinner box for improbable cheese
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
Fascinated by the small online mags that charge submission fees but don’t pay writers, just this slow drip of $3 a sub for the masthead to get coffee with, passive literary income like a billboard in a backyard next to a highway
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Jon Doughboy
27 days
Once I come up with the perfect sentence to end this 800-word short story, I can finally start living my life
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
From the slush pile a hero rose up to…sell three copies of his short story collection
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
Girlfriend praised my writing hobby by comparing it to her knitting but I said that wasn’t fair of her because a scarf at least keeps you warm. Traded her two flash fictions for a knit beer koozie. Neither of us is happy with the exchange.
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
Nothing worse than reading a story and feeling that the writer had some fun while writing it. Amateur behavior. If it isn’t relentlessly miserable, it isn’t art. Looking for a good time? Go to six flags and leave literature to the chosen, wretched few. #writingtip
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
My agent dropped me but her mother loved my novel and from her nursing home sends me coupons to defunct supermarkets for discounts on obscure deli meats. It’s become the most important relationship in my writing life. The halal olive loaf continues to intrigue.
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
The Paris Review organized a poetry reading at Guantanamo, the prisoners were resistant to the beauty of my words at first, but after five hours they were moved to a poetic stupor by my slam sonnet where the hole in the ozone layer is a metaphor for neoliberalism
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
Worthless? Are you crazy! I’ve gotten over 400 views of my linktree since joining last year, Pulitzers are growing on trees, an agent is hand feeding me prime rib mmm…A new age of literary fiction is dawning, grab your sunglasses kiddos oooh it’s bright oooh
@RealClearBooks
RealClearBooks & Culture
5 months
Twitter Is Almost Worthless for New Writers
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Jon Doughboy
10 months
Growing like a tick fattened on writers’ blood
@BeckyLTuch
Becky Tuch
10 months
Say what 😮
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
The one true path to literary success is to submit to only the three most famous literary magazines and accept those annual rejections in silence for decades until you inevitably break through three reincarnations from now with the Cat Person of the 22nd century
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
Went to the DMV to renew my literary citizenship but they demanded I complete six flash fiction workshops, pay $200 in submission fees to magazines that only publish solicited work, and confess to how much of my fiction is auto. A long queue of weeping writers kept me company.
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Jon Doughboy
1 month
Got a new little story out today @TinyMolecules
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
Any small presses looking for volunteer contributing editors? I can commit to 30-40 minutes a week if you’ll publish 1-3 of my novels and a short story collection. I don’t know how to use excel but I can read, type, make a mean grilled cheese etc.
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
Stupid Idiot Press—no grandiose theories, no assertions that art or fiction or reading matters, no empathy instruction, just idiots addicted to experimenting with stories and words, hedonistic, compulsive, irrelevant, whistling past the literary graveyard
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Jon Doughboy
13 days
Doing an MFA in Pyongyang and writing socialist realism poems about living off the fat of this beautiful North Korean land
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Jon Doughboy
19 days
Maybe if I buy a standing desk I’ll finally have my big writer breakout—agent, book deal, money. Could be all this sitting and slumping that’s holding me back. When I finally do my reading at the Strand, my posture will be impeccable.
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Jon Doughboy
6 months
These expat tweets as trailers for/distillations of new work are under appreciated poems in their own right
@ExpatLitJ
Expat Press
6 months
Not owners but stewards, know better than to trust a damn fool’s heart, love not meant to be survived on, love was in the air once, people used to enjoy it. No pressure William Tidwell, but you could single-handedly end the romance recession, usher in a renaissance with one poem.
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Jon Doughboy
8 months
Taking out a loan so I can go to AWP and read three poems offsite at an Olive Garden
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Jon Doughboy
6 months
Got my first rejection letter with “but it was much discussed by our editors” so I’m pitching my stories now as conversation starters, submitting them to corporate training seminars and speed dating meet-ups in nursing homes
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
I’ve got a little essay in here, responses to bookmarked tweets from the masterpieces of Japan account
@frwell_trans
Farewell Transmission
4 months
Issue 2 is alive and well. Full of the good stuff.
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
Anyone written a hot take about how reading literary fiction can solve the male loneliness problem? Feeling down, lads? Reading is the remedy. A sedentary, isolating hobby guaranteed to…
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
This was me. Zadie read it, loved it. Said I’m the next Sally Lerner. I’m open to seven figure book deals.
@lucydougtweets
Lucy Douglas
3 months
I have just witnessed the most egregious - violent! - example of “it’s more of a comment than a question”. A young man stood up and told Zadie Smith (!!) that he was having an identity crisis about being a writer and then ASKED HER TO READ HIS SHORT STORY
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Jon Doughboy
6 months
I have new story up @DflLit today, Bolano and 2666 inspired (thank you Nick)
@DflLit
D.F.L. LIT
6 months
NEW at DFL: "Bolaño" by Jon Doughboy ( @doughboywrites ) "This was the sort of woman I was drawn to too, a violent woman enraged by her history, a tyrant with nice legs." 🖤🖤❤️
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
Had a new grotesquerie out a couple of days back ICYMI @ErgotPress
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Jon Doughboy
9 months
Got a little essay/verb list out today about writing and failing, like Richard Serra meets Lorrie Moore if they were both failures
@WriteorDieMag
Write or Die Magazine
9 months
🖤 Read "A Failed Writer’s Failed Attempt at a Verb List (2023)" by @doughboywrites
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Jon Doughboy
18 days
Still haven’t had a single sponsorship deal despite all the product placement in my short stories, the invisible hand of the market is an arthritic claw and capitalism is dead
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
I’d like to write a story where all the consequential stuff isn’t shown but we learn from mundane and parallel moments what’s happened, like the reader catches just the barest glimpse of the plot happening on the periphery
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
Just wrote a short story in fourth person point of view using every verb tense in every language, but when I read this masterpiece aloud my workshop says they only hear literature’s agonal breathing
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Jon Doughboy
7 months
Reading my poetry at kohl’s and refusing to leave until they give me free underwear, new writing model to make it profitable again, forcing the world to pay writers to not write, give me $30 and the pain, and my poems, will go away
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
Got two poems out today @worldhungerlit
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@worldhungerlit
WORLD HUNGER MAG
3 months
Today on WORLD HUNGER, @doughboywrites is stood up at the orgy….happens to the best of us.
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
One nice thing about twitter is hearing “successful” writers still complaining and feeling victimized, there’s always someone better off, with more books or money or accolades, who’s also somehow incredibly miserable and self-pitying, Roth waiting for the Nobel call, seething
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
Publishing stories and poems online like leaving breadcrumbs for readers to follow except the trail leads nowhere, never ends, no loaf, no bakery, just crumbs as far as the eye can see, a crumb horizon
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Jon Doughboy
8 months
My approach to submissions too, not to be too precious about it, have fun flinging shit against the wall and seeing what sticks knowing it’s largely an arbitrary lottery and anyway the odds aren’t in your favor and there’s no cash prize because the house, the mag, is broke too
@MatGost
MatGost
8 months
Happy new year writer-friends! 🥳 I sent out more than 200 submissions in 2023 and landed 40+ publications. I spent the year subbing sluttily and I had a blast. Here's what I learned (and why you should try it too):
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Jon Doughboy
8 months
My mom’s neighbor died and her body is still in the apartment and my mom thinks this is bad luck. I said it’s good luck in Chinese medicine, making shit up. She sounded relieved. Then said she wanted an egg roll. Later she texted me a picture of her lunch. Feeling like a good son
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Jon Doughboy
6 months
Granta has been telling me for years that my particular text isn’t quite right for their magazine, feel like a lovesick idiot kid sitting at his desk on Valentine’s Day waiting for chocolates that will never come
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
@WhatHoARat You have two choices before you now. Sebald imitator or Bernhard clone. There is no middle way. Choose wisely
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Jon Doughboy
6 months
Sometimes I’m reading fiction and think it’s the most important art form and sometimes I’m like why am I reading all this made up shit and start googling best biographies of American presidents
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Jon Doughboy
19 days
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@APCON_MAG
APOCALYPSE CONFIDENTIAL
19 days
“CLICHÉS” – “REALM OF CONTRADICTION” - Cletus Crow "Our desire isn’t burning. It’s a frog corpse zapped alive"
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Jon Doughboy
2 months
Publishing fewer than five stories a year betrays a poor work ethic. Publishing ten or more is gratuitous and gauche. 7.5 stories per year is the golden mean, the Goldilocks number of refined literary porridge. #WritingTip
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Jon Doughboy
1 year
Looting the submittable store and walking out with armfuls of submission fees
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
23 days
You pay $2k for a personalized fiction consultation to take your manuscript to the next level. The instructor mails you an autographed copy of his self-published “craft” book. You never hear from him again. Welcome to the next level.
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
Does anyone have 1,200 pounds I can borrow? I want to take Granta’s fiction course and emerge with a 3,000 word (maximum) piece of fiction and an increased awareness of the submissions process
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Jon Doughboy
15 days
It’s 2035. You’re home after a day at the microchip factory. You order ChatGPT 82 to write a late Roth meets early Rooney novel. You read three pages, grow bored, then play Elden Ring 8 until you shit yourself. Your sex doll fetches you a towel. Time for your next shift.
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
Reading “Bacacay,” a collection of short stories by Witold Gombrowicz, funny, twisted psychology, simmering shame, resentment, murderous boredom, guy trapped in a a glass egg dumped into the ocean, takes a hot balloon to a leper colony, gaslighting manic Poirot
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Jon Doughboy
5 months
Had a little story up @DontsubmitLit earlier today ICYMI, a sneak peak into Pep Boys’s special oil
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Jon Doughboy
4 months
I quit volunteering at the soup kitchen to develop true empathy by reading and writing fiction
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Jon Doughboy
3 months
Giving up submittable and getting into draftkings
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Jon Doughboy
1 year
I know @APCON_MAG likes dime-store Dostoevskys, but any mags out there looking for penny-ante Krasznahorkais?
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@doughboywrites
Jon Doughboy
4 months
While completing my sixth writing residency on the amalfi coast, I fell in love with a countess who, out of her deep love for me and appreciation of my aesthetic vision, agreed to bankroll this little writing life of mine. Oh, what a fine, pretty little sea!
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Jon Doughboy
7 months
“We pay writers” - robbing 900 rejected Peters to pay 3 accepted Pauls
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