Michael Haneke Paneke @davo_arid Twitter profile

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

Guess who’s officially lost 100 pounds?

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Last Seen Profiles

@AmareloOrigame

@keiuzuki

@Nanix95

@blightedkudzu

@Autie_Radig

@zen_pie

@AbwarkanRa90223

@zbatesfisher

@Shadi_Tarazi

@joel_odo42706

@Dontfeartherea6

@AlsiFoundation

@iamjuicegreen

@craudinfpss

@EdersonAap95729

@jandakembangstw

@Enclamatic

@KatherineKellyL

@PetersvanDeinse

@jod_tessma

@Alexandria26423

@wbbunnies

@medicojurista

@fuking_rita

@2degreesmobile

@ali__x33

@jandakembangstw

@sumeshi14

@RealSpikeCohen

@EmilyZugay

@ItRecks

@maanch_platform

@shuimujun111

@ccnosnooze

@aitifaqiah

@TeamAndreaHK

Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

My wife is watching MANHUNT on AppleTV, a miniseries about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Patton Oswalt's character just called John Wilkes Booth a "creep," in case you were wondering exactly how much work went into faithfully recreating the language of 1865.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

8 months

The most controversial Simpsons episode EVER:

Rocky

@viperwave

8 months

The best prompt you could put into AI was "90s Simpsons Screencap" because it had no idea how to scale characters and occasionally just invented new Simpsons.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

These are texts my wife received from our HVAC repairman earlier today. Either he has a fetish or he’s trying to fuck her, right? Like, there is no third possibility?

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

Btw: The creator of this show sent me a DM yesterday, whining “I’m sorry this one mistake meant you couldn’t enjoy the THREE YEARS of writing and production and research involved” lol.

Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

My wife is watching MANHUNT on AppleTV, a miniseries about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Patton Oswalt's character just called John Wilkes Booth a "creep," in case you were wondering exactly how much work went into faithfully recreating the language of 1865.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

7 months

“chill for 9 months and deliver a baby” I love how, for libs, everything in America is “A Handmaid’s Tale” *except* for the elites renting out immigrant wombs and taking their babies.

mattparlmer 🪐 🌷

@mattparlmer

7 months

If some gays paying a woman $250k to chill for nine months and deliver a baby rustles your jimmies that hard I suggest moving to the mountains and cutting your internet umbilical cord now because shit's gonna get far weirder than that far quicker than you'll be able to handle

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

I remain amazed by how little *care* is given by the people tasked with managing our culture. Like, not a single person on set that day heard that and thought "hey guys, are we *sure* this politician born in 1826 used Zoomer slang?"

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

@Howlingmutant0 She’s only *allowed* to use it for Candy Crush!

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

10 months

Louis CK on American Beauty:

cinesthetic.

@TheCinesthetic

10 months

American Beauty (1999) dir. Sam Mendes

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

5 months

Everyone sharing the Wil Wheaton/Elmo post is missing the *real* gold in the comments, where he says Larry David raped Elmo.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

I love this line from the sheriff in “No Country for Old Men”:

Heghoulian

@Heghoulian

3 months

Today’s society is basically admitting it doesn’t know how to persuade people life is worth living.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

6 months

Hopping on the “Let Dasha star in the ‘My Year of Rest and Relaxation’ Adaptation” bandwagon. She’s the ONLY actress I trust to deliver lines like this:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

Unfunny people haven’t been this excited since Cards Against Humanity was released.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

PLEASE do NOT confuse your GOOGLE SEARCH with my MEDICAL DEGREE

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

6 months

also

Kevin The Critic

@kevin_thecritic

6 months

I get why Sydney Sweeney is popular now. She has a unique look (especially her eyes) and good comic timing. She also produced “Anyone But You” (her new star vehicle), so it looks like she’s riding fast. I look forward to seeing where she goes from here.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@columnthirteen

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

The State’s closing argument against Kyle Rittenhouse is that he did not have the right to self defense because “Everybody takes a beating sometimes.” I swear to God:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

11 months

@BadPostsLLC

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

8 months

@neontaster @damintoell Tracey: “some ridiculous comments” The comments:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

99% of the replies:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

@okaypompeii I can’t believe I’m approvingly referencing Yorgos Lanthimos, but I really thought this pithy quote of him should have been enough to shut down the entire “Poor Things” controversy (and every other controversy just like it about “bad” art.)

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 month

The comments remind me of Jarvis’s classic

Daily Mail Online

@MailOnline

1 month

Comedy is being 'policed by the Left' with 'sensitivities that seem out of proportion to the joke', says Office co-writer Stephen Merchant

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

LET IT GO! THAT’S WHAT THE MONEY’S FOR!!!

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

90% of this Filipino teen romance I'm watching is set in a convenience store, yet it still comes up with images more expressive than anything in this year's slate of Best Picture nominees.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

Look guys, you just have to tolerate schizophrenic crackheads jacking off on you while you ride the subway—that’s just part of the social contract. But there IS a line: If you don’t Wear A Mask, well, sorry pal, but it’s clobberin time.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

6 months

@SaintQ92 Exactly. There’s no other actress on earth who could deliver lines like this:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

Believe Women

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

I’m sorry to say that 90% of this was just “count calories/eat less.” But some tips: 1- use smaller plates 2- focus on high-protein foods, eat them first. Esp. at breakfast. 3- drink a ton of water (and no soda or alcohol) 4- cardio! (The whole purpose was to keep up w/my kids.)

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

If you ever feel like you’re bad at your job, comfort yourself with the knowledge that this woman is still getting paid for her journalism.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

8 months

@viperwave Jesus Christ, Bing:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

I don’t judge, but why exactly do over 100 of my mutuals follow this one specific account which appears to only post photos of scantily glad women with very large breasts?

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

@MrReesesCups The Shape of Water needed *more* sex scenes:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

Men are like “I’m gonna end my marriage so I can flop around on a younger woman for ten minutes.”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@macho_taildrop @danup My wife is fond of pointing out how *the shape of infant babies’ heads* is always wrong in films set >100 years in the past, they’re always too flat (due to the modern practice of only letting babies sleep in their backs).

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

@RichardDawkins I used to be an atheist, but this tweet was so embarrassing it made me become a Christian.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

@tractor_owner SPOILER ALERT: Lincoln is only in the first episode. I gather it's more about the search for Booth.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

I'm not normally a fan of the crazy fashion trends that the YOUTHS are getting up to, but I am in love with Belle Mariano's eye shadow/makeup in An Inconvenient Love.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

8 months

@punisheddp16 “yeah that’s gonna be a yikes from me”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

“my four queer biracial kids beg to differ”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

6 months

huma 💌

@humahasit

6 months

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

@corgzone @thepinksmoke Bingo. Literally every movie is “what if this awesome/imaginative thing that children dream about was just the Human Resources department of a mid-size marketing firm?”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

this is still just because Pratt posted about how much he loved his wife

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

@twinkophrenia Is that even legal???

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@pattonoswalt Shoulda used this one

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@clairegcoleman is there anything else you could do to reduce *your* carbon footprint?

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@faceyouhate I’ve stared at that shot for several minutes and haven’t found any Easter eggs, what am I missing, does that guy wind up having a big role in the sequel or something?

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

@xtinatucker His World Cinema Foundation restoring and releasing Lino Brocka’s “Insiang” was literally life-changing for me. I never would have discovered Filipino film otherwise.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

5 months

@mrod21mvp My mind did go straight to *an* R-word when I read Wil’s post, yes.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

24 days

The idea that it is somehow BEYOND THE PALE for a film critic to mention that an actor is literally bad at talking is the funniest thing, lol. Like going to a symphony and pointing out a guy can’t play his instrument only to be hit with “whoa, white man, check your privilege!”

renae (still Batcher's Mom)

@ct99r2d2

27 days

I am genuinely confused how this was approved to publish at ROLLING STONE... What are we even doing here? How is Any of this at all relevant to the show? Or are we saying it's okay that a valid "critique" is just bigotry? #TheAcolyte

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

@tractor_owner 100%

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

6 months

I just realized that these guys think they’re gonna look like this in *their* 50s too, lol.

Rx Redpill

@RxRedpill

7 months

Your daily reminder to avoid marriage.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

Are the new Avatar water aliens Filipino? Consider: 1- they live on a tropical archipelago 2- they greet elders with a hand to the forehead 3- they all call each other “bro” Lots to consider.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

Thinking again about the “all the good artists are liberals, all conservatives have are Ted Nugent and Kirk Cameron” and realizing that all it really means is that liberals don’t read.

Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

I’ve finished “No Country for Old Men,” and I agree with Cormac McCarthy’s premise: liberal women with blue hair, stupid tattoos and piercings are responsible for all the world’s evil. They have ushered in the End Times. We are all doomed. There is no God: they killed Him.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@GreatApeDad 37, where’s my prize?

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

I used to think this, but I am becoming red-pilled (or is it black-pilled?) into the view that: No. There is something that entered our air and water around 1990 that is making us get fatter than we should, regardless of what we eat.

Seasonal Clickfarm Worker

@ClickingSeason

3 years

Half the reason obesity is prevalent is the fact that obesity is normalized

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

@Ch3rryb0mbxx Jesus

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

Thinking about the popularity of Mehdi and John Oliver and Trevor Noah among the liberal set, and I think a huge part of their success is that they are foreigners. Liberals WANT to know we are being weighed *by outsiders,* and that they have found us WANTING.

Mehdi Hasan

@mehdirhasan

1 year

"White people kill other white people at almost the same rate black people kill other black people & yet you never hear anyone complaining about 'white on white crime'. These aren't points of sage wisdom from Maher. They are classic racist dog whistles."

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

@dk_34997

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

8 months

When I worked at an Amazon call center for a summer, I had a Black customer call in to complain that he hadn’t received his copy of this particular 1972 western, and it remains the most uncomfortable phone call of my entire life.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

Woody Allen changed his name to hide his Jewishness. Astute observation from one of the alt-right’s brightest minds.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@faceyouhate I watched The Shining once at a “midnight screening” in Uptown on Halloween, so you can imagine the crowd that showed up. They laughed the whole time, especially hard at her reactions. And it’s like…”Yes, this is who the Razzies are made for.”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

If you liked this post, you should definitely check out the 1975 Filipino melodrama “Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag,” currently streaming on the Criterion Channel:

Manila in the Claws of Light: A Proletarian Inferno

Gritty realism meets Hollywood-inspired melodrama in this portrait of urban poverty, seen through the eyes of star-crossed lovers.

www.criterion.com

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

5 months

“Lamb Chop, I’m going to put my hands through the back of your head, is that okay? Does this feel good? Can I open your mouth with my fingers now?”

ThisIsAllJustBS🙄

@tiqigal

5 months

@davo_arid He knows it’s a puppet, right?

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

@BrndnStrssng It makes you long for the halcyon days when the taxation of trade routes to the outlying star systems was in dispute.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

Picking a romantic movie for an at-home date night with my wife, and I know I *should* pick something I haven’t seen before, but I know there’s no chance it will be better than ISA PA WITH FEELINGS (Cruz, 2019), so that’s what we’re seeing!

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

Chapo Trap House’s “Hunter Biden is actually Chad for being a monstrous drug addict who uses his Dad’s influence to avoid any consequences for his crimes” is one of their most effective marketing campaigns on behalf of the Democratic Party.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

5 months

To take a sympathetic view: the guy destroyed his face and body by taking all those drugs for this film—sacrificing years off his life in the process—and then for it to come out and learn immediately that he WASN’T going to be a star, that none of it mattered…It’s gotta be hard.

Variety

@Variety

5 months

Kumail Nanjiani Says He Started Seeing a Therapist Because of Bad ‘Eternals’ Reviews: ‘I Do Have Trauma From It’

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

10 months

@DustinTheFella It was wrong then, and it’s wrong now.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 months

“Whoa, cool tattoo! I love Fleetwood Mac too. Those opening tracks on the ‘Mirage’ album—so perfect! I think that’s when they peaked. What about you, what’s your favorite?” “STOP MANSPLAINING, INCEL!!!!”

Kaya 🫶🏻🪩✨

@kyylien

3 months

A man at a bar mansplained Fleetwood Mac to me

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

John Simon: “Cybill Shepherd in Taxi Driver looks like Mussolini in drag.” Cybill Shepherd in Taxi Driver:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

Rittenhouse’s brother and grandmother and aunt and uncle and cousins all lived in Kenosha because it’s actually just 20 minutes from his house, lol. But love to see the Chapo boys joining forces with Pod Save America on this one.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

@empathyhaver Like how did he think this was gonna play out?

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 months

My 5-year-old watched THE PHANTOM MENACE for the first time today. I asked him about it during bedtime tonight, and all he could talk about was pod racing and the Jedi—the idiot, too stupid to graap what it’s *really* about (the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems).

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

6 months

She’s so blessed to not be tortured by the memories of January 6th.

New York Post

@nypost

6 months

Louisiana grandmother wakes up with no memory of past 30 years

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

And much thanks to everyone for all the kind comments! :)

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

“I thought it over, and I decided that never getting to live with my kids again was an acceptable trade-off for seeing the Applebees waitress’s boobs.”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 month

Derek Thompson

@DKThomp

1 month

New Harris-Guardian poll: - 56% say US is in recession (reality: 7 straight quarters of positive GDP growth) - 49% say stocks are down YTD (reality: S&P500 up 12%) - 49% say unemployment at a 50-year high (reality: U3 has been under 4% longer than any period since the 1960s)

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

The only “accountability” that could possibly prevent future cases like this would be to amend the laws to make it easier to place people in psychiatric facilities *forcibly*, against their will. Any other “policy solution” to this is just pissing in the wind.

Ayanna Pressley

@AyannaPressley

1 year

He was 30 years old. Black men deserve to grow old—not be lynched on a Subway because they were having a mental health crisis. Jordan deserved better. Accountability now.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

@Pontevedrian A couple years ago I made a Resolution to read one century-old novel a week. It forced my mind to SLOW DOWN—it’s not just that there’s less “action” in old books, but the prose is more complex, it forces you to take a minute to process everything. And that’s exactly why I did it!

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

Ok, which of you posted this to Reddit? NOT COOL!!!

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

12 days

@zermatist I’ll have you know MY Dad (pictured) has never heard of this show, because he has all 285 episodes of “Blue Bloods” saved to his DVR.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

The biggest beneficiaries of legalized abortion have always been creepy sex pests.

Dave Portnoy

@stoolpresidente

2 years

Emergency Press Conference - We Are Going Backwards (avoid if you don’t wanna hear me talking politics)

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

Are her TikToks supposed to demonstrate that men are really good at writing female characters? Because that’s what I got out of this.

GOTHICC

@frankenfemme_

1 year

Her TikToks will single-handedly destroy ever male writer in Hollywood.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

7 months

In the climax of this film, Emilia Clarke learns that Henry Golding is a ghost. He died in a car crash the LAST CHRISTMAS…but since he was an organ donor he GAVE HER HIS HEART and saved her life. Real movie. This is a real movie. Made a hundred million dollars in the theaters.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

Hank Azaria still voices Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel:

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@theneedledrop Not only have there been literally hundreds of examples that disprove your point, but much more significantly, the leftist/Marxist framework you pretend to employ SPECIFICALLY EXPLAINS *WHY* AND *HOW* SUCH REACTIONARY PEOPLE SHOULD MAKE SUCH REVOLUTIONARY ART.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@laserboat999 Ha!!!

Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

Are the new Avatar water aliens Filipino? Consider: 1- they live on a tropical archipelago 2- they greet elders with a hand to the forehead 3- they all call each other “bro” Lots to consider.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

27 days

Ok: so I lost my job on Friday. AND THEN i made the decision to WITHHOLD THIS INFO FROM MY WIFE (cuz she was having surgery on Monday) on the prayer that I’d be able to get a new job before she noticed I was unemployed AND IT WORKED OUT, I got a new job today that starts Monday.

Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

28 days

I don’t mean to be cryptic, but I am right now doing the most insane thing of my life, and it’s just KILLING ME that I can’t talk about it with anyone.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

Publishing private text messages and falsely, hysterically labeling them “abusive” strikes me as exponentially more harmful and sadistic than what Jonah Hill is accused of doing to his girlfriend.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

@jfkenney (immediately clams up) “I could play Thaddeus Stevens”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

It remains impressive how stupid and gullible Marvel has correctly determined their fans are.

DiscussingFilm

@DiscussingFilm

3 years

Victoria Alonso says more LGBTQ+ representation is coming to the MCU. “We’re not going to nail it in the first movie or second movie or third movie, or the first show or second show, but we will do our best to consistently try to represent.” (Source: )

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

I’ve finished “No Country for Old Men,” and I agree with Cormac McCarthy’s premise: liberal women with blue hair, stupid tattoos and piercings are responsible for all the world’s evil. They have ushered in the End Times. We are all doomed. There is no God: they killed Him.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

@risahoshinoMD You can do it right now. Look up “sunk cost fallacy.” There’s nothing you can do about the two years you missed, but that’s not a reason to make it go on even longer. Just accept you got duped and move on.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

“you don’t get it, we made it bad on purpose to trigger the incels”

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

1 year

I approached it in good faith, but I wish the Oppenheimer movie hadn’t been about Oppenheimer.

Li Lai 賴立萍

@MediaversityRev

1 year

People seem to love #Oppenheimer but I'll just say it: I was uncomfy watching yet another movie about tortured white male genius when the victims of the atrocities glossed over by the script—Japanese people, interned Japanese Americans, and Native Americans—had no voice.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 years

Movies should be directed by committees, so we can finally eliminate the scourge of *artistry* from our beloved motion pictures.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

3 months

Leftists: “We need a robust system of reliable and affordable public transportation.” Also leftists:

Nate

@frozenagitation

3 months

A person smoking fentanyl on the train is not making you unsafe. Just stop trying to find ways to hate poor people.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

8 months

Marvel: the plucky underdog

zoë rose bryant

@zoerosebryant

8 months

it’s so annoying to see so many ppl hating on #TheMarvels without having even seen it (even for non-incel-y reasons), bc i feel like it’s just been so tainted by the overall bad buzz around the MCU rn - which is out of its control! - and no one’s giving it a fair shot on its own.

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Michael Haneke Paneke

@davo_arid

2 years

This guy writes for RogerEbert, I’m case you were wondering about the quality of modern film criticism.

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