Conor Smith @conorsmith Twitter profile

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Conor Smith

5 years

I finished the Good Samarathon well ahead of all those losers who kept stopping to help people but apparently I didn't win? What the fuck??

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

M.I.A. - Paper Planes ▶ 🔘──────── 3:25 M.I.A. - Paper Planes (feat. a 17th century musket) ▶ 🔘──────── 27:18

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Magneto's plan in the first X-Men film is flawless: find the senator most vocally targeting your minority group and turn them into a horrible goo

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

ACTUAL BENOIT BLANC DIALOGUE I keep returning in my mind to the glass onion. Something that seems densely layered, mysterious and inscrutable. But in fact, the centre is in plain sight. BENOIT BLANC IN YOUR TWEETS What in tarnation!? I do declare a murder. Consarn it! Yee-haw!!

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

8 years

Guy 1: OK. Nail polish on the hand means it's a woman. Guy 2: You can't see the other hand's nails. How do we make it clear that it's a man?

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Folks, the smile on my face right now

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Wow! What an unbelievable shot of Poolbeg taken yesterday in Dublin.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

7 years

🤔

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

I was in Boojum yesterday evening and saw Leo Varadkar in the queue ahead of me and he kept asking for the student discount until they gave it to him

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

I just tried to book a PCR test and I've wound up with 8 Garth Brooks tickets wtf

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

I'm showing up at the school gates tomorrow come hell or high water. I'm not going to psychologically damage my children over a so-called storm. It's time we fight back.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

Imagine if the Luas wasn't free. Let's say it cost €2 a trip. Someone commuting to a minimum wage job would spend 5.5% of their weekly net income on it while a commuter on €80k would only spend 2%. That wouldn't be fair at all.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

Polling days in the referendum are being split this time around. If you're voting Yes, do it on the 25th. If you're voting No, do it in 1983.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

Fellow Criminal: Did you pick up the burner phones like I asked? Me:

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

*protest for marriage equality* "what about the homeless!?" *protest for abortion rights* "what about the homeless!?" *protest against direct provision* "what about our homeless!?" *protest for housing rights* "I need to drive down the quays, you fucks!"

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

Ah yes, let's give these kids their Leaving Cert results determined entirely by their own teachers who famously aren't biased and never, for example, bully students because of the housing estate they live in or let others away with murder because of the sport they play

The Irish Times

@IrishTimes

4 years

We need to cancel the Leaving Cert and give students predicted grades

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

7 years

If Ireland wore pants would it wear them like this 　 or 　 like this

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

In fairness, Stephen Donnelly does exude big "hiding his zombie bite from the other survivors" energy

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

What am I supposed to do with 50,000 "Passport Express" novelty cowboy hats? I'm ruined!

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

1 year

Ari Drennen 🍏🌴

@AriDrennen

1 year

Jesse Singal logged off twitter yesterday and then read all your mean tweets about him and wrote about how it made him feel. No, I am not joking.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

Never get distracted on the red line

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

Poor Barry Cowen, cancelled by the intolerant left for the crime of *checks notes* crime

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

I showed Eoghan Murphy one of these and now he's installing them all along the quays. They're only good during low tide but that's perfect for today's young lunar-based shift workers.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

Private schools once again demonstrating the type of citizen they want to cultivate. You get a day off for the senior cup final but taking one for a protest will have "a negative impact on schooling". Activism is "infuriating" and should not be tolerated under any circumstances.

The Irish Times

@IrishTimes

5 years

Blackrock College in south Dublin has urged parents of students at the fee-charging school to ensure their sons do not take part called in Friday’s school strike for action on climate change

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 months

Seamus Blackley

@SeamusBlackley

2 months

CEO of Google Says It Has No Solution for Its AI Providing Wildly Incorrect Information

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

Oh boy it's America Eve can't wait for Uncle Sam to come down the chimney tonight and protect the interests of the United Fruit Company by installing a fascist dictatorship in my kitchen

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Brendan O'Neill

KG Miles

@barberville

2 years

Monday Quiz...the tallest door in London. Can you guess what it was for?🤔 #London

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

if you ever ate these don’t worry about what’s in the vaccine

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

Maybe the government should just admit that schools are first and foremost child storage so their parents can go generate surplus value for their employers. Then they could keep only the kids of essential workers in and send the rest home, thus reducing the spread of the virus.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

This is jealousy. RTÉ don't understand why people pay €8 a month to Netflix but not €13 a month to them. They argue they produce more output; forget the quality. Netflix has probably given Aisling Bea more airtime than RTÉ has given all Irish comedians combined this year.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

Drop the Dublin. Just Airport. It's cleaner.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

I work in a well-known Dublin bookstore and I've been binning every copy of John Boyne's book we get delivered. My manager knows but he can't do anything to stop me because he knows I'm on Twitter and I'll get our side to pile on him.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 months

I am very much looking forward to some footage in the morning of irate yanks

Jenny Maguire (SU)

@TCDSU_President

3 months

The Book of Kells is now closed indefinetly. No business as usual during a genocide. @tcddublin cut ties with the genocidal state of Israel!

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

I was just out collecting the groceries and the roads are completely dead. If we can work out why all the selfish rule breakers are only going out on weekday mornings then we'll crack this case wide open.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

8 months

This includes Ireland, which means getting the bus from Dublin to Donegal via Fermanagh may now change your gender twice en route

GAY TIMES

@gaytimes

8 months

In a new announcement, a number of countries’ Gender Recognition Certificates will no longer be recognised by the UK government

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

9 months

You think That's bad? They used to have this Thing on and tell us it was a Turkey. But it was no turkey. I could see the Felt.

Gareth O'Callaghan 🇮🇪

@GarethOCal

9 months

In a previous era, this might have passed for entertainment. Not anymore. A bloke with a plastic bag covering his face guests on the Late Late Show? This was very creepy

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

RIVER PODDLE, DUBLIN 2 €1,750 per month 1 bed apartment available for rent immediately in semi-secure river culvert. Ideal location in the heart of the city directly under Dame Street. This letting is Sunday to Thursday only, during low tide.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

WHAT WE NEED Replace fuel-burning power plants immediately, reduce private car use through vastly improved public transport, overwhelming regulation of businesses WHAT WE WILL GET Ban straws, ban water bottles, regressive taxation of the public

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 months

Are our weirdos just less creative? I didn't see a single drawing of John Bruton being escorted to the gates of hell by Mr Tayto

Hannah Thompson

@HLThompson93

6 months

Why are people obsessed with making Paddington Bear the grim reaper

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

Oh no they've accidentally legalised yokes again

Richard Chambers

@newschambers

3 years

Micheál Martin: “What traditionally happens in a nightclub will happen in a nightclub.”

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

1 year

The next Late Late host should be a newborn baby who will grow up before our very eyes unaware that they are hosting a talk show for a broadcast audience of thousands

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

1 year

It is infuriating that this moral panic against trans people was primarily manufactured because a handful of people make their living writing a few hundred words once a week and are really fucking bad at it

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

The distance between the front of this person's double-staircase and their iron fencing is wider than any of the roads in my estate

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

1 year

I don't think deleting tweets erases the event from history, but sure he's got more experience with historical erasure than I do

TheJournal.ie

@thejournal_ie

1 year

'That is an urban myth': John Boyne says he never had a spat with Auschwitz memorial museum

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 months

The welfare cheats did it. They won.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

8 months

Very annoying that Varadkar found somewhere to live rent free

Fran McNulty

@franmcnulty

8 months

A pointed reference tonight from the IDF “Our Hostages are not lost, we won’t sit around and hope they are found”, follows controversy over Leo Varadkar tweet posted over the weekend @rtenews

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

I'm utterly terrified of the sheer raw energy that Irish Twitter will radiate if we end up with Housing Minister Jack Chambers

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

Nows that it's over Richard Chambers can write his new book, Oh My God What A Complete Pandemic

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

I assume they're going to have to sack a nurse to cover the cost of this

Paul Hosford

@PTHosford

3 years

New: Antigen tests will be made available to Oireachtas members and staff from next week.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

1 year

Buy a paper (while you still can)

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

I'm just so tired of pandemic. They won't pay for ventilation in workplaces. They won't pay for people to stay home from work when they're sick. Or when their kids are sick. We could have avoided so much by just looking out for workers.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

1 year

This morning I got sacked from my job in an Irish bookstore chain. My manager had us pull all of John Boyne's books off the shelves. She said we had to add pronouns to them before they can go back on sale. I refused to engage in this homophobia and paid the ultimate price.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

If you believe Elon Musk's boy tube was a genuine attempt to help and not a publicity stunt then I've got a hyperloop to sell you

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 months

Do the students also "disrespect the dead" when they're drinking cans on these benches or only when they're using them to protest mass slaughter?

Larry Donnelly

@LarryPDonnelly

3 months

@Chris_Noone_ These are memorial benches commemorating peoples’ loved ones. The Book of Kells is a big part of a trip of a lifetime for many. Protest? Yes. By all means. But disrespect the dead and do something nasty to people who did nothing to deserve it? Not nice or moral, no matter what.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Robert Troy is still a TD Robert Troy is still a landlord

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

Luas drivers: *strike* Suit boy in Big Four graduate programme: Why should you earn more than a nurse? Nurses: *strike* Suit boy in Big Four graduate programme: Why should you earn more than a *consults notepad* pauper

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

11 months

the An Garda Síochána

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

A 48 year old man with a Funko Pop collection should not be Minister for Finance. This is objectively worse than not having a bank account.

Seán Defoe

@SeanDefoe

2 years

Note also the bobblehead collection in the office of the Finance Minister. Darth Vader, Yoda, some X-Men and (I think) a Dalek watching on

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

Alan Farrell TD

@AlanFarrell

5 years

@AsDfh12567 @Aisling_Pash I doubt it. If anything, I suspect it would have enlightened them somewhat more than a non landlord when legislating for improved tenancy rights, rent pressure zones etc.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

Your kid catches covid from their teacher who caught it from a teacher in the staff room who caught it from a kid in their class who caught it from their dad at home. This will be labelled the result of a "household transmission".

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

There should also be a Burger King that's just for software engineers

Fiona Daly

@FionaSDaly

2 years

Whenever I'm having a coffee on Grafton Street I always think how nice it would be to have a dedicated writer's café nearby. We boast that Ireland has some of the best writers of all time yet don't support the arts as we should & the city's heart is becoming, well...non-existent.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

I dunno, this feels a little desperate to me...

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

A man's life, if he survives, will be forever transformed because of Dublin City Council's concern for the aesthetic consequences of our homelessness crisis over his humanity

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

It's because you've never been poor, Paschal

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

Ticket prices are high because there aren’t enough tickets. If you want more tickets to buy, you need touts. The lazy framing of them as automatically exploitative is immature.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

This farmer killed off this chicken but then spent two more seasons teasing that maybe the chicken was actually still alive

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

RTÉ seems to think 125,000 households who don't own a television should pay €160 a year because they "can watch RTÉ Player", which is a very bold claim to make since in my experience it's rare that anyone can actually successfully watch a programme on that piece of shit

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

[Music venue upstairs room] Me: [chanting] ket, ket- Boss: ket, KET Mary McAleese: [pounding my drinks tray] KET, KET, KET!

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

FUN FACT® If Labour had won more seats in the last election than the Greens then these TDs would have spent yesterday on the radio defending the NMH plan

Ivana Bacik

@ivanabacik

2 years

Just some of the strong @labour contingent out today listening to speakers including @drboylan ⁩ ⁦ @ailbhes ⁩ at today’s #MakeNMHOurs rally ⁦ @labourwomen ⁩ ⁦ @DuncanSmithTD ⁩ ⁦ @hoeyannie ⁩

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

The folks throwing an absolute strop over Sinn Féin's victory are so unaware of their selfishness that they say "they'll ruin the country" and don't realise they mean "they'll ruin the country _for me_"

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

7 years

Five men have already starved to death at this junction waiting for "somebody with authority" to tell them to cross

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

Irish Times Poll: You encounter a wizard on your travels. He offers you but two options: proceed with a Zero Covid strategy OR purchase his mysterious elixir that will end the pandemic for good. What is your choice? Irish Times Article: Massive public support to end lockdown now

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

The greatest victory of neoliberalism was convincing people who don't feel they have right wing beliefs that everything is, or should be treated as, a business Universities are not businesses

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

It's frightening yet not surprising that so many men's predatory reaction to the verdict is to roam hashtags and harass women they don't know

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

Greens before the election Greens after the election

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

The words of a man who would never hold a big sign to signal his ideology

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

[to the tune of Eleanor Rigby] 30-50 Feral hogs run in the yard With the children at play How do I slay?

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Guess what this is in response to

sijoco

@sijoco1

2 years

@thejournal_ie What a looney left liberal rag piece

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

I've labelled the vertical axis on their weird graph

James Kelleher

@etienneshrdlu

4 years

Also lol

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

BRANDON FLOWERS: He doesn't look a thing like Jesus but he talks like a gentlemen like you imagined when you were young. SKETCH ARTIST: Please, just give me something I can use. Anything. DETECTIVE: [enters] Get back, Steve! We figured out who the killers really are.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Why does Chris Pine look like he's about to vote to let people drown in the Mediterranean?

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

*Seán Moncrieff vomiting uncontrollably all over the Newstalk kitchen after eating a bowl of Frosties*

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

"Online was the only platform available to the NO campaign to speak to voters directly." Aside from posters. Canvassing. Billboards. Trucks parked on main streets. And so on. Watch how many papers print that literally unbelievable lie without challenge though.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

I just spotted these things in town. The reduction of society to nappied and cotton wrapped toddlers continues at pace and is pathetic. Grow up.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 months

Cllr Dermot Lacey

@LaceyDermot

5 months

@wereontheditch I wish The Ditch and many other journalists would cover the Costs of being a Public Rep. Of course that is not as easy a story.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

7 years

We did it folks! George Hook is gone. Opinions are now illegal. Our all-terrain PC brigade vehicles are taking the streets as we speak.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

7 years

Literally every single Irish-made product orbits the sun

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

5 years

There was a major leak for Pokémon Sword & Shield today before its release next week and I'm more hyped than ever

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

Irish State: *slaps roof of society* this bad boy can fit so much fuckin blame in it

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

Ireland is not better than this

Daniel Lambert

@dlLambo

2 years

Ballymun right now. This needs intervention Chanting “get them out” & “send them home” as young families look out frightened (a woman with 2 young kids sent us this). This is utterly sickening. The centre is a small number of mothers and kids. Ireland is better than this 😢

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

2 years

You don't understand, I'm only hoarding housing in exchange for passive income because I want to live a comfortable life at the literal expense of others. I have to, because other options are harder and riskier. Does selfishly doing the easy thing for my own benefit make me bad?

Michael O'Regan

@Michael_O_Regan

2 years

A friend of mine is a landlord with one property. Self-employed, it is his pension and security for the advancing years. Some of his tenants are mature single people who are unable to buy their own place. They have been his tenants for years. He is not the problem. #housing

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

6 years

It is clear now that Sinn Fein have a duty to take their seats in Westminster to pull off the greatest mace heist the world has ever seen

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

I hate it when I accidentally like a tweet that is entirely consistent with my publicly stated beliefs but says the quiet part loud

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 years

We're socialising at a level we cannot sustain, but we're working and going to school at an absolutely fine level. This hierarchy is real and simply the way things are. It is not something that people made up and could change.

Richard Chambers

@newschambers

3 years

Holohan says a 'small change' in behaviours could be all that's needed to get things back under control. But now - "we're simply socialising at a level we cannot sustain."

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

7 years

In the early 1990's I was almost 3ft tall, I'm now a little over 6ft tall. If this continues I will become an unstoppable behemoth.

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

1 year

Say what you will about this country but we'd never sack Mr Tayto for calling the government a shower of cunts

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

3 months

The "followed a Facebook page to win a Smyths voucher that didn't exist" to "in Garda custody charged with committing arson" pipeline

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Conor Smith

@conorsmith

4 years

Two of our airports are housing the military and civilian agency forces of a state which is in the process of declaring war on its own citizens and our government won't even contemplate changing that

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