Ara Hagopian @ara_hagopian Twitter profile | Pikagi

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Ara Hagopian

@ara_hagopian

6,347

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6,923

Following

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Writer, polemicist, aphorist. “Take my wife, please.” “Mankind has a freedom fraught with paradoxes.”

Joined October 2020

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

Pleased to announce that I have a new story in @hobartpulp . It’s a short piece based on my hometown in rural Massachusetts. I want l extend a heartfelt thanks-in-advance to everyone who takes the time to read it.

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The Monastery by Ara Hagopian

Methville, USA, has a monastery at its heart, up on a hill, on the former site of Alta Crest Farms—the best land in town, everyone says so. Consecrated in the holy name of Saint Joseph. Vespers every...

www.hobartpulp.com

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Every so often, someone in the know has a momentary lapse in judgment, and you get a glimpse of what geopolitics in the 21st century is actually like. This is one of the most illuminating tweets ever in that regard:

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Ara Hagopian

1 year

Do people realize that “consistently good-looking on camera” essentially translates to “the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen in your life”? I’ve seen Emma Watson in person… it was like staring at the sun.

@GonzaloLira1968

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1 year

Emma Watson about to hit the Wall real hard. Brace yourselves and get the popcorn.

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Ara Hagopian

3 years

@freshgaycorpse I love how all the “old gays” stuff has to include pictures of their younger selves, and they were coincidentally all hot lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

“Go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog” is a palindrome.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Incel Wiki getting dialectical

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@Britt_The__Shit @BruceinKY Actually the chances of being attacked by a hippo are relatively high lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

@TheodorAwhoreno 45 bucks an hour? I’ll go grocery shopping and bring a cat to the vet lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

If you put the average person in a movie they’d look so bad that they’d ruin the movie. Even character actors have to have really good bone structure.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

College is the way life should be: walkability, access to gyms and green spaces, libraries, community building, lenient substance laws, etc. They’re mini-utopias that provide escape from declining society, but you must go into lifelong debt for that 4-year respite. Pure evil.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

Cousin just got married. One of her (many) rules was that only she and her bridesmaids were allowed to wear blush (other female guests weren’t allowed). I don’t know much about the politics of makeup, but that’s pretty crazy right? I’m trying to gauge exactly how crazy it is.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

I will finally quit porn in 2022.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@AttorneyFren They both have nice bodies and nice faces…

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

@AmateurExpertOp Taken out by the CIA because he was gonna spill the beans about what was actually going on over there

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

@olivesagan “It’s just a fuller, richer experience.” “Listening to records?” “No, fucking teenagers.”

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Lol

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Ara Hagopian

3 years

@legit_scumbag Would. Also I love the phrase “rebuilding my credit” lol. I’m gonna use it.

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Ara Hagopian

2 years

@FALLENAL1EN @MaleWifeNo1 He’s such a queen lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

I’m sorry for over-sharing, but I read this last night and started crying. I started watching porn at ten years old. I don’t think I’ve ever truly “enjoyed” sex the way most people seem to. I’ve been trying to quit this year, but it’s hard when the hits are always in your pocket.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Sobering

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Hyper-sexual language is a form of linguistic bullying. You feel powerless so you assert yourself in a very cheap way- by transgressing a boundary in an attempt to make others uncomfortable.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

@Riperoo6565 I’ve always loved that this album is dark and existential but also beach-related

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

I want to strengthen my relationship with Christ, but I didn’t grow up religious and I have no idea where to start. Any advice?

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

The villain should win in about 20% of all movies. This would raise emotional stakes and reinvigorate a declining medium.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Just because I have sex with mostly men doesn’t mean I’m not bisexual!When you can get deep-throated whenever you want at the press of a button, it’s very hard to go back to paying for drinks. That’s just some basic Base-Superstructure type stuff.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Someone just told me they were into “knife play”. Like, getting a knife dragged across their chest or held against their throat. I’m open-minded, but this shit is getting out of control. Whatever happened to just having regular sex?

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

@eatpraylube I do feel compelled to defend her because I’ve had a crush on her since I was like eight lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

What possesses someone to invite you into their bed and then say “you’re tall but I was talking to a guy who’s 6’7’’” or “you’re big but I was with a guy once who must have been 12 inches”? This has happened to me a significant number of times and it’s incredibly disheartening.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

4 years

@shoe_sticky The CIA paid academics to create a bureaucracy of language around Marxism. That is how “rich people have too much stuff” became hidden behind a bullshit veneer of “theory” and “deconstruction”. It’s part of their larger project to make the world seem un-understandable.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

@roadtoserfdumb I often find myself attracted to women who have to be in their 50s

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Ara Hagopian

3 years

@tishray One time, when I was in college, a woman physically dragged me to her bedroom. I still didn’t make a move lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

@heckmanatee Ruth is a good name

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

I can’t imagine anything less important or interesting than my own “identity”. I’m literally just some guy who’s gonna be dead relatively soon.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

The Muslim call to prayer is the most beautiful thing in the world. I felt a profound peace and connection to the earth when I heard it every day, and I’m not even Muslim.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Is there a bigger red flag than “not liking cuddling”? I try not to judge, but non-sexual touching and affection and intimacy are such fundamental human needs… if you cant enjoy them, I think you must have some sort of crossed wire or emotional handicap.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

I truly don’t understand people who want to stay single their whole lives. Sleeping alone and waiting for a text back is depressing enough at 25… imagine it at 45 when you’re bald and you know the best part of your life is behind you.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

I love animals, but I am steadily becoming anti-dog (or at least anti-dog-owner). The other day I walked past a small woman walking a large dog on a leash. The dog went mad when it saw me. The owner tried to restrain it but eventually the dog wrenched the leash out of her hand,

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Your life has to stop being (primarily) about you at some point; starting a family has always been the most accessible path to this, in fact there are very few other paths for most people. With very few exceptions, a mature and healthy person should want to have children.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Do you guys ever think about death? I’m afraid of dying.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Is it wrong to want homeless people to be somewhat appreciative when you give them money? Like you don’t have to grovel and kiss my ass, but when I give you a 10 and you respond with “don’t you have five more”, I feel like that’s a bit rude. Like I’m not exactly rich either bro

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

@OldPersonOnline What’s wrong with the first guy? He’s just playing video games lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Went to the hospital today, ended up talking to a nurse about Covid. Me: “So is it gonna be like the flu where it just crops up every year?” Nurse: “Yeah basically. We can’t get out in front of it.” Me: “So when can we go back to normal?” Nurse: “We should have already.”

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Our brains and bodies simply weren’t designed for the way we live today. It’s as incontrovertible as that.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

The hyper-empathetic soft-speak of the modern lib: I used to live in a co-op house- we all tip-toed around each other’s “mental health”. But when a girl had a breakdown, she was promptly ostracized, and the decision was justified using the same soft-speak (safety, “care”, etc.)

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Terms and Conditions being so long and verbose that nobody can reasonably be expected to read them. How is that not a blatant perversion/abuse of contract law?

@LizzieCosmos

Tired Peasant ☭🇵🇸

2 years

What’s a scam that’s become so normalized that we don’t realize it’s a scam anymore?

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

@WhatQueerIsThis I was staying with my gay uncle in Venice beach, it turned out that the person leasing the apartment upstairs was Emma Watson’s assistant. He’s actually an artist and one thing he makes is living plant walls, so he has a really nice garden. Emma needed a place to do a photo shoot

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

I think some of you might actually be racist…

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

So now there’s “ChudsofTikTok” to compete with “LibsofTikTok”… Can’t we all agree that watching carefully curated clips of people on “the other team” behaving badly is not a healthy way to engage with the world at large?

@ChudsOfTikTok

ChudsOfTikTok 𓅜 🐀

2 years

Hispanic street vendor outside SDSU harassed by a group girls: the vendor, Arguelles Alvarez, had refused to lower his price when asked by the four women, which led to them touching, eating, and throwing his food.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

It just seems like people aren’t that comfortable talking to each other anymore. That sense of shared experience, that trust in the fact that others have similar frames of reference, seems to have disappeared.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

I’m very affectionate and I always gush over the person I’m with; never in a million years would I ever say something like “your ass is nice but I fucked someone once with a bigger ass”. Can you at least pretend to give a shit about me for five minutes?

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Just saw a Publix employee wearing a pin that read “CARRY-OUT SERVICE IS OUR PLEASURE: NO TIPPING PLEASE”. Like if you don’t want your employees accepting tips, that’s one thing, but the please-don’t-give-the-drones-any-extra-money scarlet letter seems like a bit much.

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Ara Hagopian

1 year

Imagine “having a type” when you could be trusting that spontaneous wave of body heat that inexplicably occurs when you lock eyes with someone

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

4 years

@fourth_dog

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Ara Hagopian

2 years

@TABYTCHI He’s so online lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

The more philosophy I read, the more I realize that God is always implicit within ethical systems. A true genius like Kant can hide Him very well, but he’s always there if you look hard enough. You either believe in God or you believe in nothingness… there’s no third option.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

The Book of Job is funny because in the beginning God and Satan are just, like, hanging out. They talk like friends and even make a friendly wager. This seems theologically significant…

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@renaultfailure She looks so much better in the right pic.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Went to the pool at my apartment complex. It’s a complex for grad students, so we’re all around the same age, but nobody talks to anyone. A big group of twenty-something’s in swimsuits completely ignoring each other. It’s sad- life shouldn’t have to be this way.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

We’re being fucked over in ways that are hard for many people to conceptualize or articulate. Hence I will always have sympathy for the “conspiracist”; in the face of an intentionally bewildering world, he retains his instincts, and sees the spirit of the truth, if not the letter

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Showering in the dark is a spiritual experience.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Today’s my 25th birthday. Just wanted to send some peace and love to everyone out there. ❤️ Many of you represent a potential for connection that will probably never be realized, which is sad in a way. But I’m still grateful for my little twitter community. Recall this quote:

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

When I first got to my grad program I made what I considered to be a very mild and inoffensive statement- “I don’t like Trump but I can see why he appeals to people”. My professor looked at me like I had three heads. It was like… oh boy, here we go.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@platformedboots I think everyone still thinks of that guy with no neck as “the face of sex tourism” lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

@queerjobcreator Well said. Also is “claimed by Mrs AIDS” a common phrase? It comes across as vulgar and insensitive.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

Lots of talk about how romantic relationships aren't always the answer, how you shouldn't count on a partner to be your salvation, etc. I think it's only fair to also occasionally bring up how profoundly you can impact someone by loving them and what a beautiful thing that is.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

I just met a guy with a PhD in physics who works “designing laser systems for self-driving cars”. He lives in Gainesville, Florida in a shitty apartment complex with three roommates. I feel like pencil-pushing bureaucrats and administrators are the only ones who still make money.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

One time (when I was an undergrad) this guy in my class was so handsome that he basically ruined the whole dynamic of the group. Everyone’s confidence plummeted, nobody could focus, we didn’t learn anything.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

When the British colonized India, they consciously attempted to “break the spirit of the nation” by dispensing propaganda that portrayed Indian culture as inherently backward and inferior. This spirit-breaking is now taking place on a global scale; there is a massive undertaking

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

4 years

@joanna_nuisance @Jezzerat The ruling class (which controls both parties) doesn’t want mass immigration because it threatens their position as de facto neo-colonialist rulers of Latin America. The empire returning to the metropol has always been dangerous.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

For all the supposed homophobia, Chick-fil-a seems to hire plenty of twinks.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

You may be completely unsuccessful in life. You may have no distinguishing physical or mental characteristics. You may have nothing going for you at all. And yet, if you have a beautiful name, you will never be without a certain dignity.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

If you’re charming, you get away with almost everything. If you’re not charming, you get away with almost nothing. This still strikes me as unfair, but it is what it is- gotta accept it and plan accordingly.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@ProManimalUnity That kid was such a good actor. I wonder where he is now.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

I’m drunk for the first time in like 5 years (at my 25th birthday party). Feeling very affectionate- I guess I’m a nice drunk lol. I love you guys!!!! Mwah mwah mwah 💋

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

When am I allowed to become resentful of someone who is “crashing” at the place I live without paying rent or utilities?

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

I’d like to see someone- ANYONE- say something like “it’s morally wrong to feast and wear expensive clothes and attend fancy parties while so many people are suffering in this country.” Morality has been eroded so thoroughly that we don’t even know how to aspire to it anymore.

@FilmUpdates

Film Updates

3 years

AOC arrives at the #MetGala

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

If you “hate kids”, you’re an asshole. Or maybe it’s a coincidence that the type of person you happen to hate is the one type of person that can’t offer you material gains and doesn’t have enough social capital to threaten consequences for your shitty narcissistic attitude?

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

@WhatQueerIsThis I was at the gym and my uncle texted me “Hermione’s here” so I sprinted across the Venice boardwalk past street performers, muscle beach, homeless, etc. I got back there as she was leaving. We did make eye contact but I was trying not to pant. I did feel some chemistry though!

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@Peteyville @mawju5 If you have a friend that lives in another city, just switch apartments with them for the week. Vacation on the cheap.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

It’s okay to have social anxiety, it’s not okay to embrace it and make it part of your identity. People are incredible and you’re missing out if you don’t interact with them. Trust me- I learned this the hard way.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

It is absolutely possible to enlarge your penis. They don’t want you to know this.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Merry Christmas from Cape Cod ❤️

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

You shouldn’t own a dog if the dog can overpower you— I think we should all be able to agree on that. If you want to adopt a large dog you should have to show some sort of proof that you go to the gym at least three times per week.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@BritMartinez @Der_Musikant In general good-looking people are better people, simply because they are generally treated better.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@The_Acumen @ToweC She didn’t “go from” anything to anything. People don’t get that kind of platform without being vetted in advance. She’s completely astroturfed. Her “bartender” origin story is a complete fabrication. She worked for the state department.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

@EdmundSmirk I don’t understand the phrase “talentless women” in this context. What talent does a person have to have to get into a nightclub?

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Modern life does not lend itself well to storytelling. It’s hard to create a compelling narrative in a world with instantaneous communication, omniscient pocket-computers, and flying machines that bring you to distant lands in a matter of hours.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

Today is my birthday! Happy to be 27. Hoping to make this the best year of my life.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 months

I’m getting the sense that a significant amount of dog-owners don’t really have their dogs under control. Most of the dogs in my neighborhood start barking like crazy and throwing themselves against their fences when I walk by. I’ve seen a number of dog-on-dog skirmishes.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

Please, I’m begging you, try abstaining from porn/masturbation for a little while and see how you feel. I bet you’ll feel better.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@hausofdecline Why doesn’t the Alt text mention Annie’s visible erection? That’s the funniest part of the whole comic.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

It still bums me out that The Tonight Show, one of the true honest-to-god pillars of American culture in Carson’s day, is now hosted by the biggest no-talent hack ever to come out of the comedy industry.

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Ara Hagopian

3 years

@dameron68 I can’t think of a worse context in which to say this, but he’s very cute lol

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Ara Hagopian

3 years

My dick got flagged by the airport security scanner lol. I’m both flattered and annoyed.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Why is it so hard to find a long-term partner? Obviously I’m not perfect, but I think I have a lot to offer somebody. I’m a catch goddamnit!

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

I don’t want to sound like a snob or anything, but why would you watch movies when books are infinitely superior? Most movies kinda suck.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

2 years

@mell0wbr1ckroad He has acromegaly. He’s actually a very kind and intelligent person- he used to host a Russian children’s TV show, now he’s a politician.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

1 year

Life update if anyone is interested: I finished grad school. I’m about to turn 27. I haven’t been on twitter much lately because I feel like I have things I need to accomplish in the real world; I hate the idea of being in my 30s with the same faults that I have now.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

My uncle has HIV. My grandparents (his parents) just told me that, when he first tested positive, they flew out to California to meet his doctor. The doctor said they were “the first family he’d ever met”. I was not prepared for these feelings on a Tuesday night lol

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

When you take a train ride across America, you realize two things: 1) large swaths of this country’s population have been abandoned to destitution, crumbling infrastructure, and the depression-to-substance-abuse pipeline with no help forthcoming. 2) there’s a lot of corn.

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@ara_hagopian

Ara Hagopian

3 years

Art and literature standing the test of time is one of the most amazing things that ever happens. It’s a beautiful amazing testament to the universality of the human condition, and we should be grateful for every chance we have to witness it.

@BoundingComics

Bounding Into Comics

@BoundingComics

6 years

Science Fiction and Fantasy Author Fonda Lee Decries Barnes & Noble Stocking J.R.R. Tolkien and Robert Jordan Books: We are Competing with “Dead Guys”

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