Hayley... @allhaylsatan Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@A3G1r1_

Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

It’s The People’s Princess weather aka bike shorts and crew necks casually thrown on w high cut white socks only

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

A story in two parts

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Beyoncé said let’s make love in the summertime and now it’s illegal to have sex from September-May

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

When I don’t have a package to track it’s like well what am I supposed to do today

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Do not do this

Chance The Rapper

@chancetherapper

4 years

Ask your mom who to vote for. Vote for who she say

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

@guitarcenter having a big presence

hunter harris

@hunteryharris

2 years

embroidery looks like a guitar

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

@hunteryharris It’s giving… email body - text set to size large on iPhone screen - typed by agent and sent to Don, that was then screenshotted and cropped to post

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

PUSHING DAISIES (!!) now on HBO Max could cure me

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

Remembering my first corporate party in 2017 that I got really drunk at and then came into work the next day and the CEO opened an all hands meeting with the line “as a reminder we do not get drunk, as employees, at work events”

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

Cal’s LGBT get together looked sooo fun

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

I’m sick and tired of my crushes not responding to my Instagram stories like why else am I trapped on this god forsaken app for the love of GOD

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

At this time, we’re unfortunately perusing other candidates. Thank you for your time!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 months

When the weed tells me to eat all my roomates cheez its

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

Tampa Baes 😍

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

In many ways this would be the perfect lesbian couples costume

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

My dentist today told me that those floss pic things don’t work (and by using them I actually haven’t been avoiding cavaties) and I was so shocked about the flossers that I said “no…no…there must be some misunderstanding”

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

Awesome find in my parents trash

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Me hiding on the Transformers set to be close to Megan Fox

Grande

@Sixrande

4 years

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

8 months

Fell to my knees over aparagus lattice

bella

@earlygirl__

8 months

parmesan-crusted chicken schnitzel over white asparagus caesar salad

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

Obsessed w this IG glitch that gave me a Buildings of New England x KKW collab on my feed

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

1 year

Trying to carry on at work business as usual, working through the NYC climate apocalypse, while the room glows yellow and it smells like BBQ outside

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

I live in a building with worlds thinnest walls and I hate to report a 16 y/o boy moved in above me with his mom and the walls are so thin I can hear him watching porn on low volume at 3:15pm ❤️

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

I wear mostly all black every day but sometimes I just can’t shake the feeling I’m dressed as a 7th grade stage crew member on their way to tech rehearsal at the middle school auditorium

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Please, please do not settle into the mindset of “a day off” if you are white. Don’t play this like you have a summer Friday or something. Do the work, do the reading and most importantly - open your wallet. Reach out to me if you need resources!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

If I have a crush on you I really do need you to be promptly watching my Instagram stories like you never know when I’ll be funny/charming/cool/cute and you wouldn’t want to miss that would you?

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

I can’t believe I didn’t scream louder from mountain tops about men’s abuse and their grossities when I was in college & friends would share things. That behavior was/is so hurtful. Denouncing someone in private w/ words is not the same as doing so in public w/ action + tenacity.

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

My favorite song off of Lady Gaga's Born This Way album

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@amadijuana

7 years

weed and i

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

In my language we call this Queen Mother

Populism Updates

@PopulismUpdates

2 years

Denver mayoral candidate Renate Behrens wants to convert churches, factories, offices and parking lots into affordable housing. She also claims she would "install obstacles" to discourage car use in the city. Behrens is German-born and says she's running because she "needs a job"

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

When people pronounce niche as “nitch” instead of “neesh” I feel like the police need to be involved

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

8 years

"'Mom? Come pick me up."

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

Just drank a VERY tall glass of water I can't wait to have clear skin!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

8 years

Glad to be here/alive/awake for our generation's Watergate! #KimExposedTaylorParty

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

This and a blunt

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

Every f*g on the LIRR to Fire Island with a little fanny pack and a dream while Callie and I have 3 coolers filled with marinating chicken, potato salad, veggie skewers, dips, orange wine…

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Is this dead ass the green line on Harvard Ave

SWEET HONEY BUCKIIN’ ♈︎ ⚜️

@Jaymalone_____

6 years

This level of unbothered 😎

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

God after making corn on the cob

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

If you can imagine getting up from your couch on camera, on a zoom call, only to discover you’ve bled through your tampon onto your light pink couch where a huge red blood stain has formed for all zoom participants to see up close then you reader, can imagine my Monday afternoon!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Shid

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Why isn’t there a lesbian remake of John Tucker Must die

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

8 years

How does Common have time to introduce Hamilton at the Tonys when he has to work at EmCafe tomorrow morning!!!?

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

I need to take shrooms and watch the white lotus intro on repeat like 34 times

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

This reads as a threat more than a support message

Kim Kardashian

@KimKardashian

5 years

Morning Texts ✨

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

FOR WHO KIMBERLY??? SAY MORE! Denounce write ins for your husband and log off for the week

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

It’s crazy that people like...pretend their parents don’t pay their rent like? Performative struggles are so....ugly? Are you guilty that your rent is paid and you still don’t contribute financially to disenfranchised communities? You pressed about the uber split? What is it!!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

Idk how to say this but we’re at the same hotel in Cabo that the Free People influencer trip is at rn and the girlies are getting their motherfucking content at the pool yes mama!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

I was just admiring a man’s outfit on the subway and just realized he’s a literal postman. He’s wearing the USPS post delivery service uniform and I almost asked him where he got his pants.

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

Whenever I’m around random extended family I’m like…do you guys know I am cool and hot? Or do you perceive me as something…else 😵‍💫

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

I think when Rupi Kaur girls do that thing where they finger different fruits for art projects it is SO funny like get ur nasty paws off of that perfectly ripe nectarine those are expensive

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

PLEASE respect my privacy and the privacy of my family as we sort this out. Media wants to spin this to make me look bad but you have NOT been given the full story.

NBC Chicago

@nbcchicago

7 years

Woman smashes window at Popeyes because $4 meal doesn't come with soda

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

What if I started Haim-ing it up and went full time middle part?

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

Oh no the doctor just called and confirmed I’ve been diagnosed with the need to snack on fruit roll ups and unfortunately it’s terminal

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

Hi I’m not sure where to do this but is this the right place to address the new shirt I bought after seeing some person’s TikTok?

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Netflix please lower your voice

Netflix Tudum

@NetflixTudum

6 years

I don’t mean to @ myself, but if you loved Diane from It Takes Two and Chessy from The Parent Trap — you might be gay now.

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Being at my parents house means my high snack is a leftover pork tenderloin sandwich with spicy apple slaw not unlike the usual 5 cheetos, a glass of warm tap water, and a hard boiled egg I have in NY

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Some of you grew up in homes with finished basements and it really shows

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

8 years

How I started 2016 vs how I ended 2016

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

I can’t believe this! I can’t believe congress passed the law that if you’re my barista and we talk for more than 0.03 seconds we HAVE to fuck. This is insane! USA! USA!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

There is nothing quite like diarrhea in the Amtrak bathroom…God does not exist here…

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

Sadly went to sleep December 14th 2021 and woke up March 13th 2020 like the rest of gay Brooklyn

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Whoever sent me this today and whoever it was intended for are both icons

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

Unfortunately quitting my well paying & stable full time job after witnessing a coworker use a coffee cup that says “hustle juice”

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Obsessed with feeling like 3:45 is the end of a work day. If you email me at 5:45 which is fully inside our working hours? No ma’am. That’s night time.

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Not to be a l*sbian on main but I am thankful

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

It’s so much pressure when a hot person sits across from you on the train bc you were just trying to sleep your way to work but now you have to sit up and act like a cool mannequin for 30 mins

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

This tweet starts with the exact, verbatim way I would want one of you to write my Eulogy…

Nathan Allebach

@nathanallebach

2 years

Eating ass. Dick veins. Horny crypto outrage bait. Pickle pics. Nutty shit. Mascots having sex for clicks. I wrote about how we reached this get-viral-quick chapter of gimmick marketing in a long history of brands acting horny on social media

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

Me and my pals at The Tam

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

9 years

This beautiful mystery woman has 2 things I don't: rain appropriate gear & an irrelevant servant to carry her around

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

High and dog sitting my parents dog and I don’t know how to tell him (the dog) that I don’t love him but that I still respect him and am happy for him

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

There's no reality where I'm just eating one bowl of cereal it's always fucking 6 bowls and a Honey Nut Blackout later that I am satisfied

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Does anyone know how to make money? I’m interested...

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

I brought up Carly Rae the other day at work and a str**ght person deadass said “oh like the Call Me Maybe girl?” like I have to laugh....some people really are still asleep....

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Dum as absolute shit. Never have weed. Openly shit on my rug. Pass.

Jollof Papi 🇬🇭

@OfficialEnam

6 years

Unpopular Opinions: Newborn baby edition

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Is there ANYTHING more safe than putting on a random episode of The Office when you’re high

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

I was weirdly embarrassed to watch Bend It Like Beckham as a kid and now I realize it’s just because I was gay and horny for the entire soccer team but wasn’t quite sure what was going on

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

3 years

The holidays remind me how time consuming being a lesbian housewife is… and that I should, in fact, make housewifing a full time job (deviled eggs, twice baked potatoes before the 2nd bake, homemade dill cocktail pickles, maple Dijon ham)

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

8 years

It sucks that people can be hot and have relationships and successful careers while also listing their education as Hogwarts on Facebook

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

Straight women love to be like “Happy Birthday to my soulmate, my twin flame. My witchy sister in this crazy life! My sole obsession, with whom I spend more time & energy than anyone in the world. I am in love with her & can’t believe Josh is marrying her. Anyways HBD Jessica!”

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Luann airing her divorce drama on Bravo

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

STOP THE COUNT!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

Faggots let me hear you make some noise!!!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Normalize Christy Carlson Romano being the next Bond girl

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

8 years

You: ya spring is nice, Easter soon... that's cool Cousin who went to a state school & joined a sorority who your grandparents like better:

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

2 years

Just remembered my high school lunch period was 22 minutes long and started at 10:50 AM 🤩

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

Rug reveal

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Cheaper by the Dozen was...a simpler time. Taking a mans underwear and soaking it in raw meat? A little butch queen and a freak who carries around a frog? I could not ASK for MORE wow

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

I can’t make it I’m busy with abortion

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

I have once again re downloaded Tinder and I can’t stop soliciting advice for my broken toe. It’s going really well, I found a podiatrist in some stroke of luck and am now en route to buy a toe splint, per the advice. Gonna delete the app once I find the right splint though

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

It’s 5PM and I just realized my intern never showed up today?

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

Alexa please draft tweet: “The Amanda Show died so that iCarly could live” Send the tweet, Alexa

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Everyone deserves to go out and get drunk but not everyone deserves to take that to their Instagram stories

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

Time will pass but the stage crew kids working on a middle school theater production will stay the same

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

My ideal date is you take me to Chick Fil A and pay for my chicken sandwich while I listen to Lady Gag with headphones on, checking Twitter

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

6 years

So severely scared of the impending Fourth of July social media posts so I’m trying to prematurely unfollow people who would hit the internet with a “Land of the Free because of the Brave” or something WORSE like “Proud to be an American”

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

After a long time thinking about this decision, I’ve decided that after doing 8 jumping jacks and 4 push ups, the best thing for my body right now will be for 6 more months of rest and down time

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

Just took out a second mortgage

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

7 years

Alexa fetch me the carriage I’d like to go for a jaunt about town

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

4 years

I’m so sorry to be doing this over Twitter but if you’ve come in contact with me in the last 2 weeks I recommend you go get tested because I just got diagnosed with having the most perfect, zip code owning ass in the whole world!

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Hayley...

@allhaylsatan

5 years

Let’s go lesbians!

NPR

@NPR

5 years

An anaconda named Anna gave birth to 18 babies at Boston's New England Aquarium — without ever being in contact with a male. ( @wgbh )

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