t𝕏om𝕏s @T_om_s Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@kayshottas

@Dunzod

@batmanbad461480

@HorribilisPasos

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@1997AyaRose

@ouyang_mon79556

@jandakembangstw

@ChainsawManDog

@Roma_una_

t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

4 months

If I was a conspiracy minded Kate Middleton twitter investigator, which I'm not btw, I would start here

The Prince and Princess of Wales

@KensingtonRoyal

4 months

Thank you for your kind wishes and continued support over the last two months. Wishing everyone a Happy Mother's Day. C 📸 The Prince of Wales, 2024

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

The real reason I can't use American recipes is I find the word 'broil' absolutely repulsive to read

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

Sometimes I feel like I live in a different world

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

4 months

Michael Owen absolutely killing the vibe here, tremendous

Channel 4 Sport

@C4Sport

4 months

Sven-Göran Eriksson receiving these messages from his former @England players was an incredibly beautiful moment 👏

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

Jake Humphrey

@mrjakehumphrey

7 months

My 76 year old Dad discovering Bluetooth ❤️❤️❤️🙌🙌

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

I'm going to need an educational background check, stat

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

Rachael Burford

@RachaelBurford

8 months

Sadiq Khan has blocked plans for the MSG Sphere in Stratford. Mayor spokesman: 'London is open to investment from around the world...but the Mayor has seen independent evidence that shows the current proposals would result in an unacceptable negative impact on local residents.'

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

I'm not unsympathetic to Letby trutherism in principle, but I will need to hear it from people who aren't insane true crime brained yanks tbh

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

This situation is competely absurd.

Sinead O'Brien

@sinebrien

7 months

He has duct taped the door in his office & is exiting through the window to use the spider filled outdoor toilet that is a relic of ~1960's Ireland which I never thought I would be grateful for. Feel free to laugh. I'm laughing superficially. This situation is completely absurd.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

Was in a pub earlier that called last orders at 7.30pm! Not being funny but this should be illegal. If a hospital did this you'd never hear the end of it

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

Y'all I just found out that in Britland, jurors aren't even allowed to google the case they're hearing and do their own investigations. They can't even start making a true crime podcast. Y'all call this a fair trial?!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

The hospital bombing is probably the most sickening thing that has happened in my living memory. And we have a government and media that cheers the whole thing on, I have honestly never felt so disgusted and helpless

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

If your dog is frightened by all the loud noises this weekend, just tell it the fireworks are very friendly and only want to say hello

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

Wow look at all those high rise buildings, this must be the most affordable city in the world!

YIMBYLAND

@YIMBYLAND

6 months

The European mind cannot comprehend this

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

He's very friendly, he loves sheep, he's just saying hello

The Mirror

@DailyMirror

10 months

Two XL bully dogs kill 22 sheep in savage attack after escaping from their home

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

An argument to be made that the Premier League's overachievers this season were Manchester United. Consistently the worst team every weekend, a total laughing stock, so to finish 8th is some achievement.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

A very specific type of wanker I hate is these 'working class' posturing academics who spend their whole life going on faux-left whinge fests about gentrification, and end up coming out with exactly the reactionary bollocks you see in the Telegraph from retired colonels

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

5 months

Superbowl night...good luck getting the IT helpdesk to reset your password tomorrow morning

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

Fucking lighting up public buildings to show solidarity with a government that is bombing hospitals and committing genocide, I mean I'm not under any illusions that British governments haven't always been extremely bad, but this has been next level I'm going insane stuff

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

@evdokios Getting upset because a DJ played last Christmas in December. Sorry 'whamageddon' fans but the world can't always revolve around a bunch of sad little online losers!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

As a rule of thumb, if you ever find yourself saying "it's this thing off twitter" to someone irl, you've taken a very wrong turn. I would never talk about twitter to anyone who isn't a beloved mutual, I'm not mad!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Nothing showing on primary, secondary, or university. Wait...what's that in the 'parental Wikipedia entry' section

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

Getting to the pub before the rest of the lads, time for a pint to yourself, even found a table, not big enough for the group but it'll do for now, soak up the ambience, it's Friday, it's Christmas, let's go.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

All the UK 'shitpost podcasters' who ever sucked up to yanks by playing to the 'save us on Normal Island, we hate spicy food here, everything is terrible' peanut gallery, they should all be hanged for treason

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

What if I got kicked out of private school (twice) but had fuck all problems getting a lucrative career as a management consultant and media leftist throughout

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

26 days

The Mundial CCCP bucket hat (£75) is no longer the most embarrassing football/communist crossover

Ash Sarkar

@AyoCaesar

26 days

@meadwaj "Labour is committed to making Britain the best place in the world to be a football fan." ok, decriminalise gak then if you're bad.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

4 months

@blsispoz How deep does this go

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

Thinking about yesterday when the plumber said "can you help me choose the right blade, my eyes are fucked" then immediately sawed through the wrong pipe and flooded the house. You really do have to laugh.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

How left wing am I? Well let's just say I don't use deliveroo...when it's windy

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

3 months

Three extremely poor decisions Three penalties not given Which we simply cannot accept

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

Don't see many people claiming to be 'politically homeless' now that Labour have become openly racist, transphobic, pro-austerity warmongers. Guess they all have a home again now!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

5 days

Spent most of my commute between the office and the polling station thinking about how I quit my labour membership when Rebecca Long-Bailey got sacked for calling Maxine Peake "a legend". A turn of events so ludicrous it had me laughing and fuming for a full hour

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

22 days

@bluenilehatsfan Extremely low effort Brit bait

just matt (bar prep edition)

@questionableway

23 days

@am0rex i’ve been to england like 15 times (i am english) and ive never seen a thai place outside of london

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

@ore_ebbed

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

My favourite twitter moment this year was Michael Walker's friendly dog (that has only hospitalised him twice)

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Quite simply the best political party of all time. Three branded items!

Bridget Phillipson

@bphillipsonMP

10 months

Labour wants an end to stories like this. We will change the law to save parents money & impose a limit of three branded items in total. Uniform should make children smarter, not poorer.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

Americans have deeply fucked up 'race science' ideas about ethnicity/nationality. This is the common thread that runs through all their dipshit opinions about food, Zionism, culture, etc. It's why you can talk to them about anything, just mutual incomprehensibility

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

People joining the "HMRC keep your hands off my side hustle" narrative because they think it's about them selling some trainers on depop and not massively exploitative airbnb slumlords etc...talk about doing your enemy's work for them!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

27 days

"Do you have any other holiday photos, no worries if not we'll just crop this one sensitively"

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

I don't think it's unreasonable to say I want to be able to take my kids to the pub without having to worry about them being surrounded by lads doing coke

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

MPs are feeling threatened, so it must be time to wheel out Brendan Cox again to explain we should all be kind to each other. DON'T ask why he was forced out of his charity jobs btw.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

Please donate if you can, to the campaign to send Grace Blakely on another gap year

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

I find the dehumanisation of Palestinians, and the way it is used to delegitimise their cause, competely terrifying tbh, too much to think about really. It is just pure fascism isn't it

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

Possibly the best tweet of all time?

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Have to admit the ongoing 'zennials against income tax' psyop gets me rattled every time

🇧🇩🐅🇵🇸

@plsitsnotme

10 months

This type of shit breaks my heart and no wonder why people evade tax lol i am so angry. £49,999 per year vs £65,000 per year

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

@Robbie_OR @PhilBlundell Thought you supported Liverpool, not Newcastle

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Why would banning existing 'Bullies' inevitably condemn them to a long miserable life? You could just give them all a quick painless death tomorrow with no issues

Michael Walker

@michaeljswalker

10 months

My thoughts on this as co-owner of a bully cross… - they are harder to train than other breeds, and given strength, more dangerous than average dog. - problem with a ban is that even well trained dogs would be on lead + muzzle for life. - my guess is that vast majority of

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

Oh you're a conscientious objector from the IDF? Try doing something useful next time, like never leaving the house and rapping about anarchism

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Hospitalised by his own dog (which is harmless btw)

Michael Walker

@michaeljswalker

2 years

@zoesqwilliams No one understands the strength of our dogs 😭

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

4.80 for a stout and a packet of crisps in Bradford. Samuel Smith you have truly lost the run of yourself I'm afraid. And I'm using my phone illegally to send this.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 days

Annoying when you press send on a tweet but it only appears four years later

🇧🇧🏳️‍🌈 / 🆓🇵🇸 m a r c u s

@marcusjdl

8 days

Is it just me or do a lot of people have covid right and not a peep from media or government

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

Remember when loads of people on the twitter left were demanding the government make it illegal for these children to have any normal social contact during their formative years, hahaha

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

The adult baby takeover is back on

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

6 months

'I've lost over £4,000 because of the ADHD tax'

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

3 months

Correct, after the revolution it will be illegal to charge more than £4 for a pint

Leanne 莉安 ⭐️🚩

@Leannenist

3 months

Drinking culture WILL be tackled in the next cultural revolution

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

Obviously if you read an article that ignores all the things that suggested her guilt, she won't look very guilty! The alternative explanations are also all rather unconvincing, to put it mildly

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

It was good when Walker n Bastani said "if you're scared of XL Bullies you're just racist against the people who own them" when the people who own the all look like this

Urban Pictures

@Urban_Pictures

10 months

“Save Our Bullies!” Hundreds of XL Bully owners mount fierce protest in London against plan to ban their dogs. Hundreds of protesters turned out in Trafalgar Square, London, today to demonstrate against plans to ban their dogs, the American XL Bully breed. #XLbully #London

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

@evdokios My eyes! The stoggles do nothing!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

AnOther Magazine

@AnOtherMagazine

10 months

Erykah Badu and Usher front row at Marni

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

5 months

@alitlstrawberry Your therapist was right about you

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

£6.85! People used to put old cooking oil in their cars, now it's cheaper to put petrol in your cooking!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

The app is now showing me blank tweets from 1970, so probably safe to say everything is going very well at Xeet Towers

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

FACT CHECK: It's actually very alienating and depressing

evelyn website

@evelynwebsite

10 months

having a work from home email job that pays your rent is probably the most luxurious thing a human being can experience

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

Literally the same thing

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

5 months

Having a Palestine flag in your name and describing some benign covid guidance as "nothing short of genocidal"...bit weird

Malini 🇵🇸🍉❤️

@alitlstrawberry

5 months

people need to be able to REST when they have covid to prevent long covid and worsening symptoms. the CDC’s new one-day isolation policy is nothing short of genocidal

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

Two delay repay claims submitted while I'm on a train that I'll also be able to submit a delay repay claim for

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

1 month

How do investment portfolios make money, does anyone know? Is it in any way compatible with being a socialist?

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

5 months

[the most sensible political expert voice you've ever heard] Parliament voting for a ceasefire won't actually change anything you fucking moron, that's why it's so important to make sure a vote doesn't happen

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Lockdown really was a massive laugh when you think about it (which I never do, because I'm normal)

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Just got off the phone with Suella Braverman, she said "toms, as the official spokesperson for left twitter what can I do to bring an end to your ceaseless hostility and win your endorsement, I said just ban them dogs and I'll tell everyone to vote for you" so here we are

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

4 months

Some good news amidst the darkness

barry pierce

@BarryPierce

4 months

when was the last time someone in the London scene wrote a big piece? where have the discourses gone? something odd has happened in the last six months.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

Fellas is it ADHD to leave your shit lying around everywhere

emily may

@emilykmay

9 months

this box has been sitting in my hallway for *six weeks* and my husband has not asked me what it is, why I haven’t opened it, or if I should ever plan on moving it and this is what it’s like when both partners have ADHD.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

And as for "you're stereotyping Bully owners"...do me a favour! Why do you have one instead of a Yorkshire Terrier, because you want to project yourself as being the kind of person who owns one (ie a cunt)

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

Checks out

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

I'm getting cooked for this, as if a 38 year old man is supposed to recognise some 'youtubers'

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

Famously, compulsory education was introduced because capitalists demanded an end to people working and living happily together on the Vinted commune

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

Did someone's toy advert not win a prize? Are we being sad about it? Has the world ended?

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

The location tag 🧑‍🍳👌

Philip Proudfoot

@PhilipProudfoot

9 months

HS2 was always a waste of money for the North, anyway. If you want to get to London 30-minutes earlier, leave 30-minutes earlier. The problem is connections between and within Northern cities. Leeds is the biggest city in Europe without a light-rail or metro system.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

"They're taking my toys away just because it's incredibly dangerous and keeps killing people and animals wahhh" I hate theses cunts so much hahaha

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

@pickyouredge Decathlon have them and the first time I used one there I was a proper old man baffled by the technology, fucked it all up, had to get someone over to help, actually a very depressing experience, like watching my grandparents try to order in McDonalds when I was a kid

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

4 months

It's American week in Lidl again

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

Put one cup corn oil in your skillet. Broil three cups chlorinated chicken. Add four cups curry sauce (I like Aunt Mae's High Fructose E-Z Curry). Add one cup garlic salt, one cup onion salt, one cup celery salt, and one cup seasoning. Serves one middle school quarterback.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

9 months

Watching matches at double speed is obscene. No wonder football writers like telling you which episodes in a TV series you can skip because they don't advance the plot

Jon Mackenzie

@Jon_Mackenzie

9 months

People often ask me advice on how to get better at understanding football. What they often want is a silver bullet answer but the real answer is graft. This week, I watched over 30 games of football (most in double speed). It's long and tedious but it has to be done.

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@T_om_s

2 months

'Uh she was scapegoated my dude'...when the consultants she worked with tried to raise concerns about her to the hospital, they were told to shut up and apologise to her!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

You wrote something edgy on your ballot paper! And tweeted a picture of it!

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

5 months

Workers showing their power, the pavements safe for pedestrians, and hopefully some ableism discourse, so that's a win-win-win.

Sky News

@SkyNews

5 months

Delivery drivers for food-ordering platforms including Deliveroo, Uber Eats and Just Eat are striking on Valentine's Day to call for better pay and conditions. 🔗 Read more

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

7 months

"Support your local independent shops, save your high streets!" Great will do, are you open on a Tuesday afternoon in the final shopping days before Christmas? "Uwu smol bean we're cwosed until 11.30 - 3pm on Saturday :3"

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

8 months

I do!

Owen Jones

@OwenJones84

8 months

Remember when anyone challenging the government's handling of Covid was ridiculed, demonised and dismissed?

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Gentlemen, start your whacking!

Sky News

@SkyNews

10 months

BREAKING: American XL bully dogs to be banned after attacks, Rishi Sunak says

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

Right, well, that's the end of the night for me. Time for my normal bedtime routine, which is the same as everyone else's - check the front door is locked, have a piss, brush my teeth, get into my pyjamas, write "I AM EVIL I DID THIS" in my gratitude journal

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Watching the best scene in television history

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

5 months

A cast iron rule in life is the more a Thai restaurant looks like an estate pub, the better the food is going to be. And I'm telling you, I had the best som tum of my life tonight

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Can't wait to tell people how I spent my weekend

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

1 month

The licence fee is worth it for Radio 3, Test Match Special, and getting the 'shitpost left' banned form twitter

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

1 month

X removes accounts of deepfake network smearing UK politicians after BBC investigation

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

@_nathanf38 You won, Nathan. Enjoy the RTs, I hope it makes you happy. Dear lord, what a sad little life, Nathan. You ruined my tweet completely so you could have the numbers

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

Quite depressing how the media/discourse fallout from the Brand story is all about this drift to the right conspiracy elites shit, nothing really about how to stop men abusing women or how to make women safer. Not much sense of a wider reckoning in media/comedy industries.

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

10 months

One of them dogs walking round town off the lead there. Doesn't bother me obviously, I just told it it is yesterday's discourse and it left me alondt

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

2 months

If you use deliveroo you're a wanker 👍

Harry Wallop

@hwallop

2 months

I spent a week as a Deliveroo rider. And learnt a lot. First up, Deliveroo likes to claim you should earn at least the minimum wage of £11.44 while working. Me? I worked for 22hrs 50mins, rode 105 miles, did 27 drop offs and earned £120.38. That works out at £5.28 an hour🧵

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

3 months

Here's my compromise: the Yanks stop sending their NFL games over here, and we promise not to send our football games over there. Everyone's happy (apart from the IT helpdesk)

Grace Robertson 🏳️‍⚧️

@GraceOnFootball

3 months

I know it's not "the same thing", but I feel like the compromise for me would be to play the League Cup semis and final outside the UK?

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

3 months

This Cass review stuff, really grim on its own terms, even more so as an excuse for Labour to unleash its horrible sadistic controlling urges

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t𝕏om𝕏s

@T_om_s

6 months

It's absolutely fine, perhaps even NORMAL, to think "I would prefer to sit around doing fuck all every day" but it's not an inherently progressive ideological premise imo

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