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@SamFacto

1,837
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1,054
Following
6,965
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55,104
Statuses

In life we love In death we dance I get a little too high I get a little too low Take my hand To the promised land Synthpop Forever

Portland, OR
Joined February 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@SamFacto
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2 months
@saddymayo @pyrameadhead thriving in the boo economy
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@SamFacto
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1 year
Each era of twitter is first preceded by a nigh prophetic dril tweet and you never can tell which one it’ll be but it is really a fundamental law of this site
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@SamFacto
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3 years
I must know. What's a song you consider an absolute masterpiece, start to finish, no second of wasted time, every note just in a perfect spot, every word true?
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@SamFacto
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6 months
I work in a very highly regarded and prestigious kitchen and they don’t want you to know this but the pantry in basically all Michelin starred places is just hundreds of these four
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@Utwitily Wouldn’t it be more badass to just not be scared of everything in the world
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@SamFacto
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2 years
I dreamed that I made this meme and it became extremely popular
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@SamFacto
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3 years
I'm sorry you have to see this but what the fuck
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@AsAnActivist @WR4NYGov @elonmusk @KennyGesserit Tesla fans when a joke isn’t from 2014 reddit
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@SamFacto
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2 years
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@SamFacto
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10 months
This is a man who has never listened to a single album in his life. If you played him TOOL it would euthanize him instantly
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My Dinner with Andre 4K Blu-ray
10 months
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@SamFacto
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6 months
The walk in is just boneless skinless chicken breasts
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@jenny2x4 my first gf did the sane and normal thing where she just pointed at it and I was like "oh ok"
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@SamFacto
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8 months
God damn it rules being an American man I wish I were fucking dead
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Brook Hines 💚🤍💜 crisis of reason noticer
8 months
“don’t mess with wmemmawma unless you wanna gddhublefma” [more embarrassed for those cheering]
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@lNTRUSlVETHOT @SheIsTheWraith “I’ve been buying and putting stickers under public toilet seats like an extremely normal person!”
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@lilyalwaysdoes incredible heroes with the world's worst microphones
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@HeheWaitWhut The president of the young republicans club at my school gave a speech endorsing electric shock collars for Mexicans and was later beaten badly off campus. It was pretty political
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@freykin @AmosReborn Can’t buy taste
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@Magstersnoyl1 I’m thinking a dril tarot
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@SamFacto
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8 months
@autogynefiles This is what my fifty year married grandparents sounded like
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@SamFacto
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3 years
This good
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@lilydont it's like something from a ghibli movie
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@SamFacto
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6 months
@Frrancis Holy shit I can throw all the herbs and spices away this is going to revolutionize our inventory and ordering. Who else knows about this???
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@SamFacto
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4 months
@airbagged Creators: It’s pretty important to be able to answer the “who cares?” question before making a video longer than a full time job shift.
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@SamFacto
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3 years
for me the first song to spring to mind is The Bottom Line by Depeche Mode (no surprise there) it's just such a perfect centerpiece to the time, place, and album.
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@AsAnActivist Civil war felt like it was four times longer than 2049 despite being 20 minutes shorter or so.
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@SamFacto
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1 month
@StarSun2 @iam_smx This is gibberish please call a doctor
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@Utwitily I live there and I’ve ridden bus and trains thousands of times, had dozens and dozens of situations that were confrontational and never once did a single one of them get resolved with violence. Guess I’m just built different.
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@SamFacto
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4 months
@EvilKeaton It’s serious this time. He’s already doing basic drills with the plasma pistol.
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@SamFacto
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7 months
The waiting area at this restaurant is packed
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@SamFacto
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10 months
Lmao you gotta see the comments
@mrtrans
Nguyen Tien Hoang
10 months
Elon Musk, who owns the social media platform X (formerly known as Twitter), said that the decision of some major advertisers to distance themselves from the platform could "kill the company." This comes after Musk supported a post on X containing an antisemitic comment.
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@SamFacto
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2 years
Everybody boost me I want weird reply people
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@Utwitily Honestly the only thing scary about living here is that there’s tiktok fascists driving around with the safety off looking to become the next “Good Samaritan”
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@SamFacto
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9 months
@Very__Regular Is it normal for a chef to get this mad at a lemonade stand
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@SamFacto
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6 months
@Frrancis We call it a seasonal menu because it depends on what that seasoning tastes like! Genius!
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@GarbageGangHQ gotta pray for help whenever dad gets all coked up and wears a flag
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@SamFacto
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9 months
@RaceplayShawty the gift that keeps on giving
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@SamFacto
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6 months
@phatcussy it was originally about iodized salt but the picture that gets used isn't of iodized salt which makes it even funnier to me
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@SamFacto
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1 year
oh lord this is going to go out of control fast
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@gayest_tone Fuck it I’m calling work to let them know I can’t come in until this is over
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@CuboneUnknown just a weird coincidence that doesn't mean anything but both of those accounts use a capital i as a replacement for an l and I'm starting up my conspiracy machine
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@tinywienerbabe Johnny Depo speaks out about the rich flavor of black rifle coffee
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@socialistdogmom Don’t forget Madame Crunchy
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@jenny2x4 @kimpossiblefact This is also how we know communism is evil
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@SamFacto
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3 years
my favorite The Joker movie is the one where Crispin Glover becomes The Rat Joker
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@SamFacto
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1 year
This is the French triforce
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@dennisbhooper tumblr witches are planning to
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@inevitablybored @meowmeowmeuw probably why they pick them as their audience.
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@dennisbhooper ah but you see how there were no quips? scorcese lacks the chops to make sure every line of dialogue sounds like its spoken by the same character (chandler from friends)
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@SamFacto
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11 months
This was in 1996
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@w0jt3c giggling the entire time I'm listening to my favorite album
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@Utwitily Whoah they should make a restaurant around this idea
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@simbakionnala11 I would've said this site is the museum but we need one that isn't coming apart at the seams
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@SamFacto
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3 years
I think when you start posting a lot your username should visually heat up until it bursts into flames NBA Jam style.
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@SuddenlyDoug “I’ve got the worst fucking genetics”
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@Saeko_Cut “Didn’t like my haircut so now I’m detrans”
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@SamFacto
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3 months
@pyanrye I have a cyanide capsule in my teeth to prevent me from ever reading what she thinks about philosophy
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@SamFacto
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1 year
Pretty cool how we’re creating a sort of chivalric order of white supremacist cops, wannabe cops, and vets that are allowed to kill any peasant with impunity
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@SamFacto
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3 months
@tttt1999999 @airbagged That would be a really astute comparison if they were remotely the same
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@SamFacto
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@SamFacto
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@SailorUrectum @crungeoneer Basically a guy saw DC Doomsday’s origin and decided to see if he could make one in real life
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@SamFacto
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4 years
@TonyBeast1957 @Communism_Kills let's get her some carmex at least
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@lasergiant1 love too have a castle with no fucking yard at all
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@SamFacto
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10 months
@CantEverDie He’s responding to every single reply. The level of “not mad” is off the charts
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@ask_aubry this is why their whole "you're a sicko groomer" approach holds no weight under any degree of scrutiny
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@impliedChoppy @BestGayHusband it's either thinking too much or thinking too little but in either case we need to prevent it
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@SamFacto
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7 months
@RaceplayShawty mine said the ending doesn't make sense but will not elaborate.
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@SamFacto
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6 months
@satanicbibble We use it to clean up spills because of all the cellulose it’s great
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@SamFacto
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4 years
@LivPosting I'm as left as they come but I think anybody questioning capitalism in the slightest needs to be arrested.
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@SamFacto
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4 years
@saintknives what the fuck is going on with his expressions
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@SamFacto
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2 years
@jenny2x4 @blkstrps Amazing that someone would come away from a children’s movie with a child’s understanding of the events it portrayed
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@SamFacto
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@airbagged Storm troopers were a level 1 threat in the saga Star Wars rpg. Womp rats were level 2.
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@SamFacto
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2 months
@probaconspiracy @JoeyMannarinoUS Do you want us to vote for her
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@SamFacto
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3 years
what a man what a man what a man what a john goodman
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@viperwave It’s wild going through those and being like “he died. He’s dead. That guy’s in prison. Murder suicide. Oh that guy you don’t even want to know.”
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1 year
The reason my support for the second amendment is t compatible with conservative support for it is that I will never be able to relate to their weird fetish for concocting situations that make them the main character in a death wish movie.
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@SamFacto
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3 months
@pyanrye These are different people?
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@autogynefiles Accidentally did this to myself because it popped up while I was following a tutorial on how to change my wiper blades
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@SamFacto
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@SamFacto
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4 years
@jenny2x4 we all have to follow them now, that's the rules
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@SamFacto
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6 months
@aramhadjinsi James Beard has deployed his shadowless assassins to come for me this is my final message please tell them I-
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@ByYourLogic every single fail state in heavy rain is the funniest moment in video game history
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@lilydont I have a theory that he just loved looking feral in pictures
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@SamFacto
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1 year
@dril
"Wabe"
8 years
the fool tries to make one million dollars.... but the wise man knows that its much easier to make $0.000001 dollars one trillion times
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@SamFacto
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@Chinchillazllla I called every shark I know and they all agree that it didn't happen
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@SamFacto
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11 months
BIG BUTT
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@SamFacto
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9 months
@GarbageGangHQ @Scoobydouchebag Wait who the hell was that bald guy that magically appeared just as Tim disappeared I don’t recognize him.
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@SamFacto
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2 years
There was a popular fashion style in the 90s that my sister and I referred to as “Admiral Mom”
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@SamFacto
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When their recent pics looks like this, you know they've got some Shit Opinions™
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@Chinchillazllla there's an andy ngo that's a journalist? I only know about the nazi grifter one
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@SamFacto
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2 months
@halomancer1 so anyways I asked zoltar
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@SamFacto
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4 months
@FluffSuit He’s just a little guy
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@SamFacto
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1 year
Sorry, I’ve fixed my reaction. My new reaction is “too bad it wasn’t Ben Dreyfuss”
@bendreyfuss
Ben Dreyfuss
1 year
if your first reaction to seeing the story of the Titanic tourist submarine that went missing is to focus on the fact that they could afford a $250k excursion and then tweet about how they deserve to die, you should touch grass but that grass should be in a mental institution.
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@SamFacto
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@RaceplayShawty The greatest gift an artist can give their audience is their own paraphilia
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@SamFacto
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5 years
@kthalps @ReadeAlexandra Tara is incredibly brave for coming forward.
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@SamFacto
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1 year
Bots and bluechecks both gotta learn: clout is never bought or borrowed. Clout is only earned.
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@SamFacto
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8 months
You’re the boss and this guy drops off his resume
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@SamFacto
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3 years
@Chinchillazllla better to post in hell than to lurk in heaven
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@EclecticHams Ex-porn “addicts” always make that their whole personality and it’s not even real
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@SamFacto
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3 months
Every single person in the world when I try to explain the “clean as you go” process of cooking to them:
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@SamFacto
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@esjesjesj *guy falls six miles from the sky and lands safely in a pile of straw* that’s normal
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