Maria !!! @MariaSmal_ Twitter profile

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

Ur telling me this life crisis is mid?

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

I’d rather wear a mask every day than put a fitted women’s tshirt on my body ever again in my life

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

1 year

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

Today i walked into a grocery store & then saw that a smoothie cost $19 & then cried a little bit & then left the grocery store to go help my friends film tiktoks & then bumped into phoebe bridgers on my way out the door in case anyone was wondering what living in LA is like

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Showing up to my place of work as a customer instead of an employee

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

“i hang out with guys bc it’s less drama” ok well i hang out with guys so that my groupchats can look like this

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Girls w/o boyfriends pulling up to the pumpkin patch with their ladies ready to take insta pics in front of everything

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

A memoir of the types of people who come into a restaurant

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

1 year

Just did my taxes & this screen popped up at the end wtffff ??

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

@ariellerosee_ @_mir____ Literally what do i look like to you? A victoria secret angel?? Get this unflattering garbage as far away from me as scientifically feasible

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

@CharlesXVl Fitted tees & sheet face masks ....... who was the blueprint .. whomst are they supposed to fit

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

I saw andrew garfield kissing santa claus

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

I want everyone on my local timeline to know that ben shapiro’s sister lives in ... wait for it ... omaha, nebraska

Nathan Allebach

@nathanallebach

4 years

no matter what i do i cannot escape abby shapiro’s youtube ads

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

CDC says my mom can drop us off if your mom can pick us up

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

1 year

Dipping my wetzels pretzels into the fountain at the grove

Damarys

@RoatansFinest

2 years

Went to Roatan to dip my mango in the ocean like Rihanna! And it’s so good!!! 😩

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Big fan of the movie “Little Women” because i, too, am a poor little woman with a crush on timothée chalamet

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

The sunday timeline switching from sports to euphoria

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

nobody: the guys who blast country music from the balcony of theta xi every day that it’s above 60°:

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

@bfgd__ Also filled up my gas tank yesterday and it was $66.68 🙌 living the dream fr

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Me every single morning after I hit snooze nine times refusing to do basic mathematics & ending up with 5 minutes to get my class that’s 10 minutes away

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

There is no decision more godless than ordering cinnabon delights from taco bell & having to choose between 2 or literally 12

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Alright now that i’ve got you angry let’s arrest Jonathan Mattingly, Brett Hankison, and Myles Cosgrove for murdering Breonna Taylor. This petition is almost to its goal of 10.5 million ‼️

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

If we all have to switch over to online classes they’re literally gonna find the cure to coronavirus before my laptop connects to eduroam

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

The real reason why it’s so hard to find love is because every hot person your age is at the airport. idk where they’re going but they’re just there

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

A very normal christmas gift from our vegan landlord

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

1 year

Every quirked up white girl rocks this hair for at LEAST 1-3 years in their 20s… u see this hair & u already know they got jokes!!

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

1 year

Worm moon today, time to cherish & celebrate ur girlfriends

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Every moment that you’re not running, He is getting closer

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Chin up princess, your thun thun thun is dropping

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

I’m so glad UNL finally took its students’ safety into consideration & cancelled school it seriously would‘ve been so hazardous for me to walk to class!!!! ♥️

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Well what if i said the dean was on MY list? What would u do then??

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

If the men in your hometown look like this, you’re traumatized & funny now

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

If i ever run into the person who came up with the idea to not give us a single break this semester i am biting them

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

When i ask for a strawless lid for my iced coffee

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Me making sure i wash my hands for the proper amount of time

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Well if the president doesn’t show up in 15 minutes we all get to leave, it says so in the syllabus

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

@naaaaaaaaathan @phoebe_bridgers thoughts? 🙌

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Grocery store fit, reply w yours ❣️

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Being on birth control and using a condom is two-factor duo authentication

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

“Closeness Lines Over Time” // Olivia de Recat

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Snapchat be like 1 year ago today u loved this person and then 3 years ago today u loved this other person and then 4 years ago u were hideous and had no friends , enjoy xx have a good rest of ur day girl ! :)

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

I want this text from my immigrant mother tattooed on my body

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Getting banned from tinder bc of guys who reported my account after getting mad that I didn’t respond to their messages is giving me war flashbacks to getting reported on club penguin for telling a guy I didn’t want to go back to his igloo :/ hard life out here for a woman!

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

I know someone did NOT just make me stand there and watch a tiktok on their phone instead of telling me their starbucks order verbally

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Starbucks got oatmilk today, glad to see see joe biden is finally following through on his campaign promises

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

6 years

When Chancellor Green doesn’t cancel school

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Hi it’s National Eating Disorder Week and i wanted to drop in & say that eating disorders don’t have a size or shape or “look”. More ppl are struggling than you may realize. And if you’re struggling - give this week to yourself to eat without guilt. You deserve at least a week.

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

@nesquik_look The beginning of the revolution starts here

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Idk it just doesn’t FEEL like toyotathon this year :(

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Schools releasing statements about everything that is going on in the world right now </3

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Sorry to say it but me going into home depot without a bra on feels like more of a political statement than AOC’s met gala dress

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

6 years

Spring breaking on North Padre instead of South Padre

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

First day of college vs last first day of school lmaoooo (in case you’re wondering yes my student ID looks like im committing identity theft)

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

Red flag is when a man is wearing glasses because it’s like ok ? … what do u need to see ?? other women ? 🤨

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

People who think they’re the main character even when they’re at home doing literally nothing

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Men start balding bc they never use their brains so the blood circulation literally just stops flowing up there

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Hilarious that when u find out u have a mental illness ur so relieved like omg nothing’s wrong with me there’s just something wrong with me❤️

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

“All I want for christmas are FUZZY SOCKS!!!! <3” twitter has been awfully silent this season, they usually come out of hibernation right after halloween .... what are they planning this year .............

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

When they were coming up with the name for the red delicious apple they were like ok what if we literally just lied lmaoo

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Holy shit my graphic is going viral on a completely different twitter acc maybe graphic design really is my passion .. hey guys it costs $0 to rt an artist 🙏🏼❤️

lauren 🇵🇸

@xumingjao

4 years

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Whatever happens at the roundabout is between me & god

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Don’t let anyone tell u that your body dysmorphia isn’t real, i bought these pants at goodwill yesterday fully believing that they would fit

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

My sweater? Yeah, it’s handmade with love. (My immigrant mother likes to knit.)

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Cockroaches fall from the ceiling of the Temple basement and the roof leaks every time it rains

Christopher Heady

@heady_chris

5 years

Here’s what Nebraska’s new $155 million facility will look like.

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Sometimes when i hop on a zoom call i’ll wait there for a while before turning my camera & mic on just to feel the rush of showtime

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

every middle school girl: yeah?! WELL a bitch is a female dog and dogs bark and bark is on trees and trees are in random nature and nature is boy who beautiful so THX for called them calling me beautiful :-) a bitch:

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Canonically trader joe’s is for nice hot ppl & whole foods is for mean hot ppl

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Found this new research study, crazy if true! can anyone confirm??

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Browsing through snapchat stories has become vastly more entertaining since I made british friends while abroad

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

A case study of the male species

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Rolling up to campus after break seeing all my college friends who love & value me 💞💓💕💗💖💘

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

7 years

When their playlist is all country music

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Much to think about .

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

When there is another girl in public wearing doc martens it’s like ok i see i have met my match ...

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

When i wear a mask in public i am actually creating a barrier against two viruses: covid-19 & the random men who tell me that i should smile more

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Babe, what’s wrong? i SAID i was sorry for party rocking

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

An angel loses its wings every time a student on a field trip orders a frappucino & proceeds to hand me the $20 bill that their parents gave them to buy a meal with vitamins in it

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Newton’s 4th Law is small shirt big pants big shirt small pants

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

@bocxtop No it was soo crazy when she asked for a picture with u

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Me marching back into the group chat to send my 7th message in a row even though I know nobody‘s gonna respond

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

We’ve been almost a year in this panny and y’all still have not learned how to increase your volume when ordering food ... speak up or starve i‘m tired

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Turned 21 today but can’t go to the bars, might go rent a car or something

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Fine I’ll say it... my dedication to the straw-less movement is motivated 90% by genuine environmental regard and 10% by my master plan to hide 1 plastic straw in my room until the day that all plastic straws are eradicated so I can make the ultimate “this is the last straw” joke

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Dua Lipa and Duo Lingo are married

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

In this life, all i want is to find a love as strong as the sexual tension between all the popular kids from high school who still hang out all the time despite having nothing in common anymore

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

Corporate coffee shop playlists are like hey here’s 5 hours of smooth jazz & imagine dragons

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

The number of steps involved in changing the time on non-clock appliances makes it feel like ur doing something illegal like why am i jailbreaking my microwave rn

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

6 years

Me walking into my professors’ office hours for the first time all semester to discuss extra credit opportunities

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

The sexual tension between me & the person at the covid spit-test site telling me my spit is perfect ..... like um ok now my hands are sweating are we about to kiss rn

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

2 years

Men will buy twitter dot com instead of going to therapy

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

3 years

“Pronouns are confusing” ok literally how do u have the entire marvel cinematic universe committed to memory

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Male authors writing blonde women: she was golden & delicate .. stunning ... the type of beauty that’s almost too ethereal to look at .... Male authors writing brunette women: she was mean & smart & no other men were interested in her but i’m not shallow so yeah i’d hit

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Imitation isn’t the greatest form of flattery, the greatest form of flattery is nearly not being allowed to enter a country because u glowed up so hard that the border patrol officer thought u were using a fake passport

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

5 years

Here comes the sun (doo doo doo)!

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Maria !!!

@MariaSmal_

4 years

Trying to communicate with men feels exactly like when ur parent calls u from the other room and u repeatedly yell YEAH??? as u sit there short-circuiting in silence while they say absolutely nothing back

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