Last year, in Amsterdam,
@tomsegura
spent more money buying me a prostitute than the United States Government is giving citizens in their stimulus package.
Saddened and dismayed that my fellow celebrities did not keep my contribution in the final version of this video. Here is the one that was SUPPOSED to come out.
If you think the President is mentally disabled, then voting for him in 2020 is the most progressive/inclusive move you could make. Im sorry that Im more woke than you.
Shout out to
@blubloxofficial
for sponsoring “The Josh Potter Show” and hooking up my first new glasses in 15 years. I teared up when I put them on. It feels so good to have new glasses 🙏🏻
I have officially made more $$ than Mia Khalifa with my shoulder hair porn. 🤷🏻♂️ couldn’t have done it without the great, horny people of this great country. Thank you. ❤️
The man broke ELEVEN ribs AND punctured a lung 4 weeks ago and is going to play in an NFL game Sunday. By this standard,
@tomsegura
should be back on the court by Christmas at the latest.
Drew Brees will be the Saints’ starting QB Sunday vs. the Kansas City Chiefs, source tells ESPN. Saints believe he is fully healthy and doctors have cleared him to play.
Just want to say Thank You for listening to the pod and buying the merch. It’s been a strange experience launching a show while most days I don’t even get a chance to speak out loud to anyone. I feel disconnected from everything, but it helps hearing you enjoy it despite that. 🙏🏻
Let's be honest - JRE is not the place to get a read on these candidates. If you want to know what direction the country is going to go in
@JoeBiden
&
@realDonaldTrump
need to come on YMH and watch our clips and Toks.
#tryitout
#dontbestingy
The same white girls who told me I would be a piece of shit for not staying home during quarantine, are now telling me that Im a piece of shit for staying home... Im just going to keep reminding folks, I AM a piece of shit.
I smoked a cigarette 20 minutes after getting my first dose and now all I hear in my head are the voices of dead politicians telling me to be a pedophile. Is this normal??
Congratulations on your Liberal Arts degree. That qualifies you to be a COVID police officer/doctor. You’re ability to comb social media and shame your neighbors, family and friends will definitely fill the hole in your heart and remove all of your deep-seeded sadness.
Tell me Aaron Rodgers thinks of Bears week as a Bye week without actually saying Aaron Rodgers thinks of Bears week as a Bye Week 😂
Partying with The Machine
@bertkreischer
!
Back home from surgery finally. All good news. Thank you to the best friend a guy could have,
@annielederman
for helping me get through the day and coming to the hospital with me. You’re the best.
Today’s the day to take your car out of neutral and shift it into funny. Colin Quinn & Friends: A Parking Lot Comedy Show is out today on
@hbomax
. Link here:
A year ago today, a girl flew across the country to surprise me and then she gaslit me into thinking it meant nothing and despite dating for a couple months, she ruined me. I have built back better (Joe Biden style) and only now am I feeling back to where I was. Its my 38th bday.
Its funny how people are like “we must be concerned for Kanye” as if there aren’t hundreds of thousands of loons shouting shit from tents on every street corner. Kanye has a few “resources,” he’ll find his way.
I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID! I WILL NEVER EAT YOUR ASS DE’ANDRE HOPKINS! I REGRET THAT I TRIED TO HELP YOU WITH YOU DICK PIC SITUATION AND I HATE YOU FOREVER
Maybe
@tomsegura
has been spending too much time with The British. Im sorry that I bleed Apple Pie and love our Stars and Stripes, like a real American. 🤷🏻♂️
#Elementary
This stupid old twat just yelled at me because she was sitting in 34A instead of the number on her ticket, 38C. Apparently Im the asshole for wanting the seat I bought. Im so happy to be traveling again, guys. I’ve missed this and Im not even kidding.
When my family had big Xmas gatherings, we’d do Yankee Swap. Id buy shit from truck stops because the $10 limit. 1 year I found an ornament of Baby Jesus smoking Marb Reds. It actually would smoke when you turned it on. My cousins gf got it. Shes blocked me on social media since
Identical twin brothers Josh & Jeremy married identical twin sisters Brittany & Briana. Both couples gave birth to baby boys at the same time. Although technically cousins, the boys are genetically brothers. It gets more weird: Both families live together in the same house.
Trump is going to come out of this bragging how he survived the virus and he’s strong and knows more than them because he had it. This just makes him more of an expert in his eyes.
RIP to one of the Greatest to ever do it. First time I met him, he talked to me about horse racing for 30 minutes and how it applied to life. Such an interesting brilliant man 😔
#RIPPaulMooney
This will be the first Christmas Eve I won’t be in a bar in about 15 years. Most people utter a sentence like that after meeting a partner and settling down. Mine is because they have outlawed bars.