Love is angry.
Love is sad.
Love is furious.
Love is overwhelming.
Love is aflame.
Love is tender.
Love is wet.
Love is silent.
Love is laughter.
Love is pain.
Learn emotional intelligence.
Or never love again.
Learn to hear.
Learn to listen.
Learn to speak.
Learn to understand.
Learn to ask.
Learn to answer.
Learn to see.
Learn to make pizza.
Learn to love.
Learn to live.
I care about you finding your way from chaos to agency and empowerment.
I care about you knowing you are exactly where you need to be to rise through the storm victoriously.
If you want that too, I can help you.
Dare to desire.
Dare to listening without speaking.
Dare to sense your gut.
Dare to watch out for your anger as it bubbles.
Dare to admit you were Wrong.
Dare to Celebrate when you were right.
Dare to care.
Dare to not care.
Whatever you do. Dare.
Silence is the space between hearing and listening.
To hold another through the silence we sometimes call love_
Is to lean into that space.
Our first response, idea, or impulse, is rarely our best.
Hear, hold and then listen.
Love will be there.
Freedom
1. Is to not run away from the very thing that you want to ignore.
2. Is setting a boundary, and holding the discomfort of it, until it is no longer uncomfortable.
3. Accepting things just as they are, holding ourself to our highest values, despite circumstance.
Want to develop your gut feeling?
Work with your dreams.
Intuition is closely related to the kind of activity which dreams use to process experience.
Don't know where to start?
Gendlin is a comprehensive practical guides (combining many approaches).
Happy dream hunting.
Some of the best embraces have nothing to do with hugs.
Hold space for your loved one to be_
sad.
anxious.
afraid.
angry.
frustrated.
confused.
Silence is the space between hearing and listening_
Lean into that space.
Embrace them exactly as they are.
(Re)parenting might not be what you imagine it to be.
Learn to hold space.
Learn to name the event.
Learn to tell yourself the story.
Learn sense making.
Learn to engage you frontal context in decision making and reasoning.
We are ALL parenting.
Learn it well.
100 x your attractiveness
- own up to mistakes
- hold yourself to your highest standard
- be explicit about your values
- be open with your affection
- act with the knowledge you are ultimately responsible for what you create
There is nothing more attractive than accountability
The hypothalamus receives 11 million bits of information every second.
Only 40-120 bits make it into awareness.
THREAT will highjack the system at a fraction of a second (responding by fight/flight/freeze/fawn)
before Bob's your uncle.
Understanding embodiment ➡️empowerment
Motherhood.
During the first 7 years of life
The primary attachment figure, sometimes known as mother,
was your
- Home
- Food
- Mirror
- Your map of yourself
- Your frontal cortex
- Your best friend
- Your safety
No one really told them that during those 7 years
Holding space for anger can be a tricky affair, because anger comes integrated with action.
By the time we notice we have been highjacked into fight and flight, we might have raised our voice, stomped the ground, growled like a dog or punched the air.
To work with your anger_
4 levels of inner work on healing and recovery (by Pete Walker):
1. Learning to stay present enough to hear and shrink the inner (and outer) critic.
2. Becoming aware of the fear and shame below the critic.
3. Being space for the fear and shame (mindfulness)
and
Every one of us is parenting.
If you have kids or you don't.
From within us there are aspects of us that assess, comment and correct our way of being in the world.
It is the part of us that models the behavior's we lived as children.
Meditation is a way to sharpen our focus_
On a day when you run out of inner resources technical failure is highly likely.
The map won't run.
The app won't open.
The email won't send.
Today might just have been one of those days.
Have you heard Christmasland?
That song
About
Christmas
Which
lives
in
our
hearts.
That song
Which asks us
To make
It
(T)here.
That song
Which says
Christmas
Peace
Lives
Inside
Us.
That song.
Christmasland
You probably haven’t heard it.
It’s An old
If you know to see where someone else is on the path
and begin to see how you might guide them
you are already well on the way toward tribal eldership.
The power of shame.
In the turning of my attention it paralyzed me.
Attempting to convince me of the shameful nature of exposing it publicly.
It wanted the newsletter deleted.
Disintegrated.
Disappeared.
And me along with it.
Pick the odd one out:
Language is a tool.
Language holds truth.
Language is unreliable.
Language is mainly on-verbal.
Language is love.
Language creates realities.
Language is limited.
Language is (finish this one yourself).
Scholarship is often associated to an obsession with knowledge and an intellectualization of disembodied ideas.
My experience of scholarship is the very opposite.
It is being obsessed with the experience of a problem.
Knowledge then becomes power.
Describe your Saturday in three lines with 2 related phrases.
I'll go first.
- Sea water 3 degrees Celsius + "MOM, why'd you get out already?"
- A series of 1 meter air bubbles + only small fish
- A handmade bong with 2 fresh MJ clumps + my 4 yo
Today was a grey day_
The
TUESDAY: A Shakespearean Tragedy. A narcissist father deceiving the love of his family, as he seeks world domination. His acts bring forth death of the innocent.
THURSDAY: Moliere, life’s a blaze with the comedy of opposites. The ultimate pedant facing sheering chaos.
Because you matter.
Because you care.
Because you got yourself this far.
Because you know not to give a flying F*ck of what they say.
Because you knew, even back then, when you were so little.
Because when your last day will come_ you can grin_
Because you took action.
Spend a day:
-saying NO
-saying YES
-in silence
-fasting
-barefoot
-feeling your bones through the skin
-drinking only smoothies made with fresh fruit and vegetables
and tell me,
if you didn't discover some of your addictive behaviors.
Lovers.
They savour the moment of being with you.
They enjoy your tone of voice.
They take their time to be with you_ not launching into a conversation, but lingering in your presence.
They are deeply curious of what you are offering in that very moment.
7 ways to shame
Reject the insecure one
Oppress the hysterical one
Walk away from the fearful one
Anger at the angry one
Dominate the defeated one
Ignore the exhausted one
Envy the loving one
May you enjoy this season with Family (whatever that looks like)
Nuclear Family
Extended family
Step Family
Single parent Family
Tribe Family
Inner (self) Family
Happy Holy-Days
5 acts of caring:
1. Listen without fixing.
2. Speak without qualifying into good and bad categorize.
3. Hear without assuming you understand.
4. Ask questions, to let the other person find out more.
5. Trust yourself to be enough, just by your mere presence.
Over time celebrating the smallest victory will run the electromagnetic train of compound interest.
Quantum Entanglement will be on your side.
The universe bending to your will.
Well worth investing.
Inner child work is to go inside, as an adult, and work with the young self that had to cope without help.
Yes we can be angry about how having had help way back when.
But NOW, the person who will help them is the ADULT SELF.
The best place for shame is on the table.
It is in the conversations.
It cannot be allowed to hide behind closed doors,
writing the lobby scripts of our life decision.
To disintegrate shame_
it must be named.
That, it won't survive.
Calling all females_
Make a vow to say NO. With no explanations.
It will improve your inner power, you health and clarity.
Do not fear the negative vibes of saying no.
Open yourself to discover the pathways to insight and boundaries.
Love is understanding our inhale is the exhale of plant life.
However, superior the mind may want us to feel_
We are entirely transgressed in body, by the life of others on this planet.
It's time to act it.
Trauma responses get a bad rep.
Yet your trauma response is what saved you.
It is what you reached out for in a moment of desperation.
You did not know it was a trauma response.
Before we can move into healthy relating.
We must learn to have a healthy view of ourselves.
The difference between then and now is that you know what will happen if you chose the same response again. So_
- Stop (when things get heated)
-Speak (to name the feelings)
-Declare (your next action - "I need time to cool off")
-Silently act
-Patiently wait
Because you did your best.
Because you know, who you are Now.
Because you can see what happened.
Because you know Better now.
Because it only involves the next small step.
Because your inner child will thank you.
Because it will bring peace.
There are parts of me dying today.
So, if you want to know how I am
Be willing to hold space
as I roam though the wastelands of my pain.
Bring with you only your heartbeat and full sight.
Trust that seeing me with you ear pricked
against the pickets of my sorrow is enough_
There is nothing quite like getting mail at Christmas.
Hand crafted, ink tinted, stream of consciousness storytelling at it’s best.
A real Letter
Is beyond a shadow of a doubt better
Than an Email.
And I do not often like to compare, or qualify.
Thanks you
10 things NOT to do when Shadow days are showing (number 10 is the most important one):
1. Assume your thinking is reflecting reality.
2. Allow yourself to be convinced "this will last forever"
3. Speak to persons you know cannot hold space for you.
Turning towards your experience
is the skill of knowing the distress is not all that we are.
It is knowing we can hold dysregulation.
We can be the bigger, vaster space for everything that exist in our experience.
You are already that, might as well do it with purpose.
Embodiment is all you have.
What you think affects it.
What you eat affects it.
How you (re)wire affects it.
How you speak affects it.
How you are spoken to affects it.
How you process your experience affects it.
Understand it, and prosper.
The skills you want to gift your intimate relationships are best practice explicitly.
Practice listening, mirroring and curiosity with other people.
State this is an exercise you want to try.
Do it when you are not in high stake (stress) situations.
Treat is as a present.
Make a list.
Check it twice.
How have you been to yourself?
Naughty or nice?
Take away anything that suggests someone owes you something that you really owe yourself.
Chose one action on that list_
Act on it now.
Put the rest on a second list_
If you want to be_
- intellectually curious
- creative
- imaginative
Give up your own point of view.
Imagination, creativity and curious perception mean to see things differently.
There's a thousand perceptions available, if you let go of yours.
Want to improve communication with the people that trigger you the most (your children, lovers, closest friends, parents)_
Normalize the phrase_
I don’t like how I said that
+
I didn’t like my energy just then
Can I do a *do over*?
Our Christmas holiday starts today.
I brought the kids home after having shipped the last little greeting at the post office.
The house is a bomb.
The present lie unpacked in their hidy-hole.
I have no real idea if we have what we would like for our meals.
Tired.
What an actor knows they do not know about someone else on Twitter.
This is why
- voice messages
- calls
- inhibiting immediate reactions to a written message
WILL improve your communication.
@RDelaney
@Theholisticpsyc
This one was tough when I was younger.
Now the only way of going into and through is grieving the younger self who wasn’t able to hold the truth in plain sight.
It’s incredible how hard it can be to simply be who we are. Whatever truth that is.
I prosper doing what I love.
I prosper doing what I love.
I prosper doing what I love.
I prosper going what I love.
I prosper doing what I love.
I prosper going what I love.
7 ways to love
Love the insecure one
Love the hysterical one
Love the fearful one
Love the angry one
Love the defeated one
Love the exhausted one
Love the loving one
A lot of things take place in 20 years.
Despite the 2000 words these two pics can speak_ they fall short beyond the expression of a 0.00001 of the journey travelled.
3 countries
2 own theatre companies
+8500 hours of psychophysical actor training
+20 grants, recognitions
In 2013 I obtained a yearlong grant to develop psychophysical actor training and to create a solo Performance during a project named Eldvägen_ the road of fire.
I was going to create a full length solo performance piece.
From scratch.
I was going to sit down in a space and
@Theholisticpsyc
“I don’t believe that stuff”
Is a cut if phrase I have experienced many times in my life.
Usually from someone unable to hold space for what they intuit I might bring to the conversation.
@Theholisticpsyc
Taking care of oneself first, is a major task when the nervous system is wired for vigilance and accommodation of others.
Finding ways to deal with that wiring is a beautiful journey. I found so many practices which allowed me to expand my being well beyond the states of
Back in the water.
Cold Water Immersion is one of the most impactful forms of disciplining the mind through direct instantaneous effects of elevating mood, detoxing the body and forging new pathways.
Long dopamine release needs to be developed, by leaning into hardship. Sea
Failure gets a bad rep.
Imagine how bored we would be if things were always easy?
The most magnificent athletes know the path is about finer and finer capacities of change and flexibility.
Failure is the process of achieving agility in the discipline of mind.
Embrace it.
No one will ever truly know what you are going through.
This is quite clear when we get seriously ill.
We presume.
We google.
We seek advice.
But it is only ever the 'I' that knows how much something really hurts.
If it feels normal or not.
Don't let people define
Karma is action.
Your action.
Acting out of past Karma - past patterns of reactivity,
will result in living The Same Things over and over.
To change your life_
Change your actions.
To change your actions stop your reactivity.
This is how you transform your "bad" Karma.
There was nothing negative about being entirely human to start with.
That was added in later.
Freedom from judgment over the quality of your emotional experiences is your birthright.
Mindfulness can get you there.
Mindfulness is developing an embodiment of the ability to hold cognitions and experiences that your system is presenting and processing in this very moment.
Social media is about perception_
But what we perceive is created within us.
It is never a receiving of a complete real image of someone out there.
Lives, people and achievements consist of the act of filling in the broken cracks in our lives with gold.
Go on, write a letter to spirit, god, good, or whatever you like to call *it*.
Allow yourself to list grievances.
Be angry.
Complain.
Good can take it.
Good holds space.
And you know, no human has to get hurt in the process...
not even you.
Sometimes meditation is mistaken as a practice of stilling the mind.
But the mind stilling is a result of
- attention
- acceptance
- presence-ing ourselves
in the midst of your very human experience.
Life is a mess.
You do not have to be.
2 days.
2 trips to the ER.
5 pierced veins
1 pierced artery
8 types of medicine.
In awe of the people who invented intra venous medicine.
On Monday I was happy to be in bed.
It’s Thursday
I am still in bed
Pain is a humbling experience.
Delirious by fever
I hated life.
I hated myself deeply.
There were days I wished myself away.
But step by step.
Process by process.
Book by book.
A mentor at a time.
A tribal elder at a time.
I began to see.
I am the biggest love story I will ever have,
and so can you.
@Theholisticpsyc
The year I was 39 I knew my life was about to begin, and that at 40 I would begin the life of my dreams.
Although I had a PhD by 30, and an international career soon after. Those things seem far less valuable, than the capacities of healing, inner work and change which come only