My granny was laid to rest today in her hometown. My God bless the people of Celina Tennessee who came out to remember one of their own. And thanks to One Stop BBQ for the best soul food ever. Ate so much I used one of her favorite southern sayings... “I’m as full as a tick!” RIP
Way to go Tiger! I’m sitting at the original Hooters in Clearwater FL crying tears of joy. First time that’s happened to me here without the help of a negative pregnancy test. Swear to God! All is right with the world again.
#StateLaw
!
#MastersSunday
#TheMasters
#Tiger
#Tigerwins
I’d rather have one eye than no balls! This coming from a douche canoe that has a pair of eyes in desperate need of anal bleaching. No wonder why Ariana dumped your ass. I hope SNL is next!
#StateLaw
!
This from
@RealSaavedra
SNL mocks GOP House candidate Dan Crenshaw for losing eye in war: “You may be surprised to hear he’s a Congressional candidate from Texas and not a hitman in a porno movie. I’m sorry, I know he lost his eye in war, or whatever.”
Just got another 30 day jail sentence from Facebook for calling out somebody who should be in real jail. Swear to God!! Don’t worry - you can’t muzzle a wolf!
#StateLaw
!
Hard to believe it's been 5 years. He was my comedy dad and there's not a day that goes by I don't think about him. This is one of my all time favorite Tim Wilson songs!
Hey
@FoxNews
... hiring Donna Brazile to give Presidential debate analysis is like asking OJ to host the First 48. Welcome to the $hit show that is our current news media. It’s a sad day when Cartoon Network has more credibility.
#StateLaw
!
#PresidentialDebate2020
#FoxNews
#Sucks
I’m still in Facebook jail. 18 more days. Swear to God I’m trying to dig my way out but need a bigger poster of Ronda Rousey for cover. Anyways - in FB jail I can’t even reply to emails or comments or anything. So I’m not being a dick. Please spread the verbs!
#StateLaw
!
#FBPokey
Trying it again. Taking Angel Skinner to see REO Speedwagons and Chicago. This might be a mistake already. The night started with me cussing out her repo man and then having to round up jumper cables. Please keep me in your prayers. Been down this road before!
#StateLaw
!
#Lovers
!
Just when you thought it was safe enough to return to HR derby after Chris Berman tapped out. ESPN pulls in Bill Nye the Science Dick! What’s next... Stevie Wonder doing NASCAR?!?! I Swear to God! I’d rather watch bow legged lesbians try to scissor!
#Unchristian
#StateLaw
!
#Dumb
Great night in Hawkins TX at Red Rooster IceHouse saloon! Hired this hottie on the spot to sell my shirts and tapes. And almost sold my boat! Swear to God! Name is Michelle and all she wanted was some Twitter love. So if you’re ever in TX look her up!
#StateLaw
!
#ShovelReadyJobs
I liked the Field of Dreams game. But the intro was weird. Seeing Kevin Costner’s with white hair and aviators, wandering around like he was lost. At first I thought it was Joe Biden getting off Air Force One again. Swear to God!
#FieldOfDreamsGame
#StateLaw
#MLBatFieldofDreams
Happy birthday
@bobkevoian
. My Mom Phyllis wanted me to tell ya the first one is free. And you can pick lefty or righty this time. She’s amphibious just like me! Hope this is your best birthday ever!
#StateLaw
!
#IWannaBeBob
!
Damn! Josh McDaniels treated that Colts job like some bitch on the Bachelor! Swear to God! I’ve had hand jobs last longer than he did. Not sure if the Colts can press charges after getting screwed but I think they got him for a “Pump n Run!”
#StateLaw
#JoshMcDaniels
#Colts
#Pats
Dead Red. Ruined my night. Grew up cutting their ball cards out of Hostess boxes. 1990 was the greatest baseball year of my life. Still believe Eric Davis is Superman. But I’ll never attend another
@mlb
game again. State. Fucking. Law!
I heard
@donlemon
went off on
@realDonaldTrump
on the “original” shit hole known as
@CNN
. Well Don - given your sexual preference - if anyone knows a real shit hole it would be you! I’ll say it to your face when you vaca in Haiti or Chicago this year!
#ShitHoleCountries
#StateLaw
I’m in Facebook jail again. Over this stupid MEME that I invented. 30 days in the hole over this. Even though yesterday on Facebook I saw two Vietcong gang lords slaughter a billygoat with a poop knife! Swear to God. I’m more blocked than
@DiphallicDude
at a glory hole!
#StateLaw
And that’s when u will have 12 guys on the team that are soft as pillows! Enjoy ur participation award. If u don’t hustle, u should get ur ass chewed on. I applaud coach Izzo. Always have!
Damn!!! This game is crazy! I’ve been on dates before where they’re pregnant by the 3rd and showing by the 7th inning stretch. And that don’t include the ones dialated to 8. Swear to God. Never take a bowl legged chick to see Mr. October.
#StateLaw
!
This just happened. One Million Followers on this fan page. All I can say is “I love you more” to each and every one of ya. Swear to God. The Dick on the right was my One Millionth follower. His name is Caleb...
This 10 year-old boy just obliterated his school board’s mask mandate and calls out its unfairness and hypocrisy.
You’re going to want to watch this one…
Thanks Bob! I’m sick of going to car dealers and Ace Hardware to get it. Popcorn is a mineral. They shouldn’t charge for it anyways. No different than salt, pepper and malt vinegar!
#StateLaw
!