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The Democratizer

@DavidTheNonBot

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Followers
68,081
Following
14,146
Media
83,237
Statuses

I'm a pro-humor, Democratic Dad of three, husband of one wife. No Democratic policy proposal is too progressive for me.

Naperville, IL
Joined September 2017
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
SNOW BERNIE ON OUR DECK My wife made this today.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Don't litter.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Ivanka Trump won't commit to staying in Washington and her father's administration if he wins reelection. It is still unknown who would actually care about this.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
TRUMP'S 4TH OF JULY NEWS: Word on the street is that the Blue Angels have canceled due to the bad weather. Fireworks may also be canceled tomorrow. If a plague of frogs hits the White House I will probably become religious.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: President Trump remarked "Maybe next time her husband shouldn't let himself be killed and then she won't have to spend all her time complaining about paying for my tax cut".
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
OMG - LISTEN TO THIS Trump: "It's one million, eight hundred and seventy thousand million tests." Yes, that's what he said.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
@MattGertz Or we could use "Trump" to replace other words as a more realistic gesture. The racist cop Trumped the unarmed Black guy in the back. My ex really Trumped me over & now I'm broke. That driver cut me off. What a Trumphole. I drank too much & woke up feeling like Trump.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Would you rather see Trump in jail or broke?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
@claudiatenney 😂😂😂 Today at Walmart I told the cashier Merry Christmas. She said, "Happy Holidays, I smiled & said "You don't have to be afraid anymore. President Biden gave us Christmas back" she started crying tears of joy & said "Merry Christmas" & everyone in the store applauded
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
KARMA COMES CALLING ON TRUMP Lawyers for E. Jean Carroll (who accused Trump of rape) request a DNA sample from Trump. Yes - she has the dress with unidentified male DNA on it.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: It has been revealed that VP Mike Pence lied about being bitten by a horse. He says he lied because "the base loves this kind of stuff".
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
SUBSPECIES DISCOVERED Florida scientists discovered the "Weasel Americanus Minimus". Part of a spineless mammal species found throughout North America in the Republican party, this little guy had a collar tag that said "If found please return me to my owner Mr. Trump". So cute.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Ivanka worked the kitchen at the UN today, baking cookies to celebrate "International Privileged Rich White Mom Week". Her apron (part of The Ivanka Collection) is available at Amazon & is part of Ivanka's effort to employ children under 10 years old in China.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
Snow Bernie was made possible by the individual contributions from millions of snowflakes.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
TWO TWEETS IN CONTRAST A great example of a good cop in Jackson, Tennessee. He's dropping off water for protesters, while earning respect and making friends.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Chicago mayor to Ted Cruz over city shootings: 'Keep our name out of your mouth. God only knows what else has been in there'.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
JUST WONDERING What will happen when people realize that reopening has been a call to death?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
BREAKING: Evidence shows that Republicans who pretend to be vaccinated are prone to bad acting.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
@Elizrael Don't blame the dolphins. The Crimean bridge was attacked on porpoise. 🥁
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
6 years
Stephen Miller prepares new border security measures to protect us from Latin American children.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING. BREAKING BREAKING Now we're talking!!!! Giuliani associate willing to tell Congress Nunes met with ex-Ukrainian official to get dirt on Biden
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Bolton, the patriot, makes his position clear. Either take him to court to get his testimony or pay him $2M and he'll tell you everything in a book. He told reporters he regrets that he has but one country to give for his book advance.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
NOT KIDDING - BREAKING: Nobel Peace prize recipient Nadia Murad tells President Trump that her mother & 6 brothers were killed by ISIS and Trump asks "Where are they now?". She answered "in mass graves in Sinjar". Trump said he "knows the area well".
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
My mother turns 92 this Sunday, but is now in the hospital with BP of 270 over 130. Her heart checks out ok and they've gotten it down to 170/100 - still scarily high. Not that anyone lives for my tweets, but that's why I'm sort of MIA.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
The Senate should consider banning any member from wearing a sausage casing to work. 😧
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Anyone interested in transcripts of calls with Putin? I'm sure those were equally beautiful calls.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
WHITE HOUSE JOB TITLES: Trump has bypassed his requirement to have cabinet posts approved by the Senate so he can have unqualified lackeys. Hence half of them have "Acting" in front of their job titles. Wouldn't it be easier if we just referred to all of them as "accomplices"?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
@FrankMikeDavis1 Cubans are uniquely oblivious to the fact that most Republicans see them as just another brand of Mexicans. But Republicans know enough to know they have to play along with the "Cubans are white" thing. Tell a Cuban they're white & they'll love you forever. 🙄
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
TO: AARON RODGERS FROM: JAKE AT STATE FARM I can't believe I've been standing next to an unmasked, lying, closet Trump supporter. Maybe you can offer your Racist Rate somewhere else.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
WELL WORTH A MINUTE: I have no clue why Rudy is ever called America's Mayor, but Sean Maloney is AMERICA'S CONGRESSMAN.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Are you listening to our drugged up president? OMG what an embarrassment.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
FBI INAUGURATION DAY TIP Trump is sending invitations to supporters to go stand at Andrews AFB on Wednesday morning & wave goodbye to him. Sounds like a great place for the FBI to go and round up the bad guys for questioning.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: North Korea pulls out of talks with the US calling the talks sickening. This could also signal an end to Kim's beautiful letters. Trump is reportedly back on Tyrannical Tinder looking for a new dictator to love
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Does anybody believe Bolton is offering to testify for honorable reasons?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Stephen Miller was positively beaming with his date and said "It only took one look and I knew she would make an excellent lamp".
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Trump lied about giving a medal to the military dog involved in Syria. The White House admitted that they photoshopped the picture they released. There was no dog/medal ceremony.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
HOW TO SPOT A TRUMP LAWYER This attorney confused "under penalty of perjury" with "under plenty of perjury". Of course he is working for Trump. Schools will now use this as the best example ever of a Freudian Slip.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
BREAKING: Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) comes out against calling witnesses citing the fact that she isn't up for re-election until 2022. It remains unclear if she will be granted permission to wash Trump's feet in return for the favor. News from The Scallion
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
@scottycknight @paxtonkempf I feel threatened. 😂😂😂
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Secretary of State Pompeo, delivers a speech in a Trump hotel, apparently finding the emoluments violation fair game for a nervous joke. Afterwards Trump reportedly gave Pompeo a Milk Bone biscuit & told him he was a good boy.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
STAY WITH ME ON THIS: We know Trump didn't consult the US diplomatic team assigned to Ukraine. He didn't even trust US intel pointing to Russia as the 2016 hackers helping him. So what made Trump believe there was corruption in Ukraine justifying withholding aid? Only Putin.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
@SureReality She really did it. 😂😂😂
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Russia is banned from the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo for state-sponsored doping. President Trump said he's "sure the US does the same thing" saying the ban on Russia "unfairly punishes the world's best athletes". This news provided by The Scallion
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Senator Joni Ernst (R - Iowa) blocked a bill opposing violence against women. I don't want to judge values - is violence against women popular in Iowa?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
PREDICTION Trump's mispronunciation of Thailand as Thigh-land is going to have legs.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
NEWSFLASH: You heard it here...well I'm sure not first, but Trump isn't going to debate the Democratic nominee either. He lost to Hillary and now he has an indefensible track record.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
RIDDLE ME THIS: Trump has an Iranian general killed to kick off his 2020 campaign. Pompeo says it was because of an imminent Iranian threat to the US. How does killing the general stop the threat? Oh wait...did Pompeo lie again?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
@MitchellMcCoy They were executing the "Repeatedly punch a defenseless person" maneuver. And, if you don't like it, they'll take some paid administrative leave.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Trump reverses course and says his Florida resort won't be used for G7 summit. "I have instructed the Department of the Treasury that the G7 Summit will not be held at the Doral and to simply pay the nominal 25% cancellation fee."
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Who saw this coming? Shocking - bringing students back to Liberty University turns out to be a bad idea. 12 students have Covid 19 so far.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
2024 ELECTION Nikki Haley will find - to her surprise & dismay - that Republicans prefer White people. Kristi Noem will find - to her surprise & dismay - that Republicans don't like women. Trump will find - again - that he can't win nationally.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
BREAKING: In an unprecedented show of support for Ukraine, Tom Selleck is now offering Ukrainians reverse mortgages. He explained "it's a loan, just like any other loan. The big difference is how you pay it back."
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
@NoLieWithBTC Has the NRA blamed her (yet) for not having a gun to protect herself?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
There's something extra special about the Fox legal analyst concluding that Trump's actions are clearly criminal.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Bill Gates says we can’t restart the economy soon and simply “ignore that pile of bodies over in the corner” Anyone care to bet? That's exactly what Trump will do in states with Republican governors?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
The Diaper Don. No wonder Hope Hicks had to return to "duty".
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
@CalltoActivism When Boebert says she didn't read something, believe her.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Imagine having a job where your boss has people killed to benefit himself and you need to go along with it if you want to keep your position.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
6 months
@RonFilipkowski Is no one capable of accepting aging as part of living? Her plastic surgeried face is as ridiculous looking as others who try clinging to that slippery slope.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
ROOTIN' TOOTIN' FOR PUTIN: Trump makes progress in destroying relationships with our most loyal allies - in this case the United Kingdom. If true, this could land Trump his largest quarterly bonus from Russia yet.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Rep Collins (R - New York) to plead guilty to insider trading. Says he can still be a Congressman from prison using FaceTime. He claims he won't miss a beat because bribes can be put directly into his commissary account.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) is "disturbed" by impeachment trial coordination. Sources say she could move to being "deeply troubled" before voting as instructed by Trump.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Trump was taken to Walter Reed Hospital (unscheduled) yesterday. The White House wants us to believe it's because he's in great shape & had no pain. Two options: 1. Something's wrong with Trump 2. Trump is setting the stage to resign due to health issues
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 months
@Acyn With all due respect, what a racist bitch.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
@ClayTravis I assume you're talking about the ex-Marine that was convicted and sentenced while Trump was president? The Marine who was dishonorably discharged after he attempted to steal $10,000. Why didn't Trump get him released? The guy sounds very Republican-friendly.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
@joncoopertweets Probably a couple of Senators.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
@DanRather One of my favorites is Butchart Gardens on Vancouver Island, British Columbia. There's so much beauty everywhere in the world.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: North Korea has created a dozen nukes since Trump became president. Trump stated "they haven't blown us up yet and Obama couldn't say that.".
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
I'm starting to think Trump killed small animals when he was a child.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
MY PERSONAL COURAGE ON DISPLAY: I benefitted from the law that allows birth after 9 months. Anyone else ready to admit this? (I know it's not easy)
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Which Republican will be first to suggest George Floyd died to make Trump look bad?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Is it just me or are these false promise stories getting old? "Trump Jr should be concerned" "Ivanka is about to be indicted" "Ooh wait 'til Mueller gets home" Wake me up when they're arrested/indicted. I'm tired of chasing the ball around the backyard.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 months
@SethAbramson @SharonM57240943 UPDATE: Musk is a bad guy, but the business was not hurt at all. This story generated tons of goodwill for the bakery and they were able to sell all of the canceled order. Don't hold your breath for Musk to personally do anything.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
That this even needs to be said is a sad statement about Alabama.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
THE LATEST:Bernie Sanders says on advice from his cardiologist he will scale back the pace of his campaigning. Why would he continue at this point?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Donye
@hkb73
Huey K. Bridgeforth
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Collins says an impeachment trial will stop the Senate from functioning. McConnell refuses to bring any House bills to vote. Collins means an impeachment trial will slow the packing of Federal courts with right wing judges & hurt her reelection chances.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
2 years
@RonFilipkowski I feel awkward bringing this up but God told me he doesn't even know a Mike Lindell.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
BREAKING: Former president of Brazil, Hair Bolsanaro, has issued a statement to those attacking Brazil's capitol. "Go home. We love you, you’re very special."
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
TODAY'S SENATE TO DO LIST 1. Get rid of the filibuster. 2. Immediately pass the $1.9T aid package 3. Ask the House to send over a bill ending Trump's tax cuts for wealthy people & corporations. Pass it. 4. Start the Trump impeachment trial. 5. Break for lunch
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Netanyahu indicted in corruption cases. You can bet that, if he's found guilty, Trump will never have known him.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
PAINTING THE PICTURE It's election night - Tuesday, November 3rd. You're watching MSNBC. Steve Kornacki has his sleeves rolled up & is waving papers. He touches the screen; the returns are confirmed. In an historical landslide, Democrats win the Presidency, the House & Senate.❤️
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
TRUMP RALLY INTERRUPTED BY A TOUGH JOURNALIST Enjoy.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
@RonFilipkowski But we won't grab you by the pussy, so calm down Eric.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
BREAKING: Jeff Sessions to announce run for Senate. He will remind Alabama voters that as an experienced racist he can best represent their state. A Roy Moore endorsement could also secure the pedophile vote. Headline courtesy of The Scallion News Bureau
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Trump issued a statement telling the horse to ignore any subpoenas from the House.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
Oh THAT Lav Parnas?
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
@Acyn Biden has never given a speech calling for Trump to be put in jail. That has always been Trump's game. Maybe "lock her up" sounds familiar.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
6 years
@TheTweetOfGod Got it, but was Trump really necessary? A simple note would have done the trick.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
7 months
@atrupar @LukeRussell1281 And back in 1985, Hunter left $2 in the pocket of his jeans when they went into the washer. If that isn't money laundering I don't know what is.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
3 years
@CNNnewsroom Oh Lordy there's tape ..
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
1 year
UPDATE: Jason Aldean has confirmed that licking Trump's drool from his wife's forehead is something he does regularly in a small town.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 years
Can someone tell me why Kellyanne Conway is still put on TV to be "interviewed"? We have 3 years of evidence proving she is a pure propagandist who talks over the interviewer to promote lies.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
4 years
South Dakota Sioux tribe refuses to take down checkpoints that governor says are illegal. Keep in mind - to the Sioux we are all illegal immigrants.
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@DavidTheNonBot
The Democratizer
5 months
@Acyn Is there some part of Trump being previously convicted that she doesn't understand? This trial was only about additional damages based on additional defamation.
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