Michael Burgess @Byronik Twitter profile

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 months

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

1 year

@JMShumway This is how 9-year-old girls learn about state senators and sheriffs' deputies. I'm sure the lesson is indelible.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 months

@txadel_ Years of training in the Royal Navy and the Royal Air Force made no impression on him. 🤣

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 months

@Shanitaaaa I don't know if that's generally true, but I'll always stand by Simone Biles.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@patriottakes He has "President Donald Trump" embroidered on his shirt. 1. Because he forgets who he is. 2. Because Mar-a-Largo guests forget who he is. 3. Because the laundry doesn't know whose shirt it is.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@ymmayer @HollywoodLife According to this app, I'm the spitting image of Adele.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@MNateShyamalan He does seem desperate to be liked.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@BenjaminPDixon There's no room for that bourgeois sophistry when a United States Senator is perfectly comfortable talking about slavery being a necessary evil.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@BisHilarious My third wife used to find the real jazz station (KSDS 88.5) on her car radio to calm me down when she was drunk driving.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@michaelharriot 1. Maybe he'll lose the Senate, but SCOTUS is stacked in his favor. Don't forget the Brooks Brothers Riot of 2000. 2. The DOJ will do whatever William Barr wants it to do. 3. He is already using Chad Wolf's amateur army as police. 4. What is Portland if not a practice run?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@PadmaLakshmi Also we could stop putting pipelines and other outrageously polluting projects on Native Americans' sacred sites.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@jonathancoe You had it easy. We used to DREAM of hypothermia.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@shep23 @HuntStunning @Iromg @talkRADIO @Daily_Express I've long dreamed of retiring to a little concrete farm in the country.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@razzli_ What was it @MalcolmNance called him? " @elonmusk is NOT a Russian bot. He’s just a pale ass, chubby, lazy Bond villain. He the #GlassOnionGenius ."

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@thehill By that logic, if we disband the police departments we'll have no crime. #BlackLivesMatter

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@RepSwalwell @CitizenWonk @realDonaldTrump Well, all that Deutsche Bank money wasn't going to launder itself.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@CalltoActivism I'm not the first person to point out those qualities are not mutually exclusive.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@eldon_katz @dawnsaffron Kids in cages

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@donwinslow He's dead to me. And I was a massive fan of Person of Interest.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@itsJeffTiedrich He means loan worrier?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@pmgentry Have we done this one?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

1 year

@TheGoodLiars And there was that time he killed off everybody except Noah's immediate family.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@Maladroithe @AdrienneLaw But a weird thing happened around 1999 and the old Nazis who were still alive didn't seem so ashamed any more. How the fuck did that happen? Herbert Walther came up to me in a bar near the Marksburg bragging about his time in the Waffen SS. Something had changed.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@kellumdander @BetteWo67187229 @LindseyGrahamSC What percentage of the $7.50/hr people has to die before the $25/hr needs to make his own damned sammich?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@maxthegirl @cmclymer

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

1 year

@MSWelfareTheft @AngryBlackLady Makes no difference if the property is privately owned. The people who witness the behavior are "the public" and they did not consent.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@MaeSmit42001033 @w_mariamawit @DrKidNurse @Paul_Spicer @BisHilarious My doctor told me I have four books in me. Unfortunately, they can't be removed surgically.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@GeorgeForth Some of us have always supported trans people since the 1970s when so many of us found ourselves sharing accommodation, hanging out at the same venues and fighting off the same queerbashers. To abandon "trans people" now would make no sense.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@DrKidNurse @Paul_Spicer @BisHilarious I wasn't so much a husband, more a hostage.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@AOC I always assumed it was to intimidate black people.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@grantstern @TheDemCoalition

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@KimNunnink @TimInHonolulu @STabbytosavit I always hope he will spontaneously combust.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@ShillowBeer

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@lorrainemking

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@w_mariamawit @DrKidNurse @Paul_Spicer @BisHilarious When she wanted to really intimidate me, she would take the southbound freeway, knowing I didn't yet have my green card and I could see we were running out of exits before we crossed into Mexico.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@NoContextBrits

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@DefenseBaron @JJohnsonLaw It's a statistical certainty more than one of them will die from #COVID19 .

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@Stop_Trump20 Covfefe Day

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@Angry_Staffer And of course they can't be declassified simply by a former president muttering an incantation over them.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@jonnykip21 @brooklynmarie I have a truck load of non fungible tokens to sell this guy.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@HotPaperComics @MNateShyamalan You can thank the late great Robert Newton for that.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@redspecter00 @pitchforkcosmo

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@PastorAlexLove How come when white Jesus reveals himself, it's always as Robert Powell?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@RBReich I'd give $1,200 to never hear from him again.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@WIRED

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@AdrienneLaw Buried lede: his daughter's whole life she heard anti-gay slurs from her father. Nice guy?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

1 month

@dieworkwear My kitchen drawers are ideal.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@anniekarni Funny how that voice seems to have a Russian accent.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@issielapowsky I acknowledge I do have a problem with dishes. I have apologized to my loving wife for all the suffering my problem had caused and I am presently attending dish rehab to address my shortcomings. God bless America.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@Otto_English

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

18 days

@MikaelThalen And of course, there's no evidence that goose is a domestic cat.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@TheAuthorGuy @DevinCow @realDonaldTrump @GavinNewsom You're arguing with somebody who thought it might be a good idea to nuke a hurricane.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@BillKristol

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@girlsreallyrule How come he "believes in" heart transplants?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@Katchin05 @ESPNFrankie They'll take any opportunity to bring back slavery

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@AngryBlackLady Wierdest coming out ever?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@shannonrwatts @darth Yes we do. We made seatbelts compulsory, we banned smoking in public places, and we prosecute parents who don't put adequate safety fences around their pools.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@PaulbernalUK I don't know. From here it might look like somebody wanted to turn the UK's waterways into open sewers, but needed to get that pesky busybody the EU out of the way first.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@Comey You know if you hadn't made that public announcement about Hillary Clinton's emails possibly being on Anthony Weiner's laptop, we probably wouldn't be going through all this right now?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@shreyabasu003 Mine is Lily.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@waltshaub One lesson from this whole trump business is that we white people are a hell of a lot more racist than we had thought we were. #SaveUSPS #lyingTrump #BlackLivesMatter #BlackTransLivesMatter #IStandWithJeremyCorbyn #boycottfacebook #TrumpKillsUSPS #StarmerOut #VoteForBidenHarris

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@Kevin_Faulconer I'd much rather San Diego had a mayor who was more like California's excellent governor. During a pandemic, at least behave as if you're interested in doing something constructive.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@ASlavitt @DevinCow Who do they imagine was doing the roaring? There were flappers, gangsters, bathtub gin that caused blindness, lynchings. Most working people had to leave the house to take a shit. Fuck the twenties.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@buttpraxis @saccharinequeen So true. All my attempts at standup comedy during the 1980s were a cry for help.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@OwenJones84 Yes, but I'm not sucking anybody whose misuse of apostrophes is so lamentable.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@thehill Nomination for best beard?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@ECMcLaughlin Perhaps it would have been done by now if it was *just* mental illness. But it's a triple threat. He's as greedy as he is ignorant as he is mentally ill. And those three heads keep on running interference for each other. #Covfefe19

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@KThomasDC @krystalball This does not inspire confidence. Is it too late to go back and have a look at some of the other nominees?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@itsJeffTiedrich In the context it seemed trump feels the suburbs are a buffer against integration. In dog whistle speak, urban always means black; suburban means white.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@patriottakes If that's how they're cooking eggs, we need to take away their gas stoves.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@cbouzy He's already shown us he keeps the instruments of self harm beside his bed.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 months

@RonFilipkowski Are the Greek myths not available in the libraries of Oklahoma schools?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@duty2warn I thought the Clinton compound was a pretty safe place for Hillary's email server. It had Secret Service protection, but here we are.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@chrislhayes It's beyond weird how the common good of public health became a partisan issue. If Salk, Pasteur or Fleming were alive to witness this...

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@JoyceWhiteVance If the actual pillow needs washing, I chuck it out and buy a new one.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@SeanConnolly67 @HeronChe And I think it goes deeper than that. You'll be aware supporters of Glasgow's other team are affiliated with the worst paramilitary bigots. Celtic supporters stand with freedom fighters in Ireland and across the globe.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@chrislhayes Why Ivanka? Are we all going to get a purse?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@PeterStefanovi2 The Constitution provides for HM Queen to call on Daniel Craig to make it look like an accident.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@GeorgeMonbiot It's almost as if her campaign for the leadership of the Conservative Party was financed by lobbyists for the fossil fuel industry.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@funder Perhaps one day there will be a building paid for at public expense with a room in it dedicated to press briefings.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@neiltyson I mentioned Nelson Mandela in a non-controversial context and a 40-year-old white guy interrupted me to say he'd heard of the Mandela effect but had no idea there was an actual person named Mandela or that his name was Nelson.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@gorskon @davenewworld_2 ...and that's not Miley Cyrus

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@mrjamesob If the people of the United Kingdom don't really want austerity, why don't they try voting for something else?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@Otto_English Oddly enough, I was once employed to guard overnight the canvases painted by Winston Churchill himself. It was a special exhibit at the Ideal Home Exhibition. One unfinished painting was on an easel and, during the long, cold, Earls Court nights I thought of finishing it for him.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

3 years

@I_Write_Films @saybryant Imma buy ten Republican senators and get some legislation passed.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@TheTweetOfRhea @NotAcquiescing For the benefit of Americans reading that, it's four in every ten, or nearly half of you.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@Acyn We live in fascinating times if The Mooch is now the rational face of the Republican Party. #lyingTrump #BlackLivesMatter #BlackTransLivesMatter #IStandWithJeremyCorbyn #Covfefe19 #trumpvirus #boycottfacebook #TrumpIsALaughingStock

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@BenjaminPDixon Welcome to the Weimar Republic of America.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

4 years

@AngrierWHStaff Americans seem awfully complacent about #bountygate . Not one person I know in San Diego has even mentioned it in conversation. No mobs have assaulted the presidential palace. You're a strange lot.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@cooltxchick Yeah. Should I read it?

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 months

@TheBaddestMitch All bought and paid for with real money.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

2 years

@BeatTheCult

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@girlsreallyrule I was more concerned that people in the USA watched last Thursday's election and think all Brits are hillbillies.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@RawStory Perhaps the GOP needs to inform future candidates that parody is just one of those things you need to be able to put up with if you embark upon a career in public life.

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Michael Burgess

@Byronik

5 years

@cspan