Alan Grofield @AlanGrofield2 Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@hairybusiness @kept_simple Putin started a war with Ukraine because of 0% APR promotional financing at the December to Remember Sales Event at your local Lexus dealership

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@bgmasters Blake you press the picture of the burger you want, which step are you having trouble with?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@isaiah_bb If the driver of the red pickup truck had murdered this guy when he did the "wait" finger, showing the jury this video would get him acquitted in 15 minutes

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

9 months

@pattymo It’s so rarely done I’m gonna start letting my goons talk first, it’s really embarrassing every time

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@ThePatrickPryor @TylerIAm Please tell me this cutscene plays even if you make your guy white

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

16 days

@captivedreamer7 @IrateMaxwell That’s probably why JD Vance liked chatting with you so much

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@YAppelbaum @NellieBowles Genuinely I would like to know how The Atlantic's policy on sourcing approved of granting anonymity to a single source to rely this dubious anecdote

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@dash_eats You have cocaine in your purse right now

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@oldlinds The replies where she's like "but every 26 year old is like that, teehee, just carefree garden party living!"... Imagine learning that you're an alcoholic from the replies to your own engagement bait.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@swolecialism @ggooooddddoogg Anyone who WOULDN'T shock themselves lacks the curiosity of a common housecat. Like come on, how often do you get to sit in a weird empty room with electrodes strapped to you?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 month

@Very__Regular This is why everyone needs to be nice to William Gibson instead of making fun of him for being a cringe hashtag Resist Lib. He’s in the 99th percentile there guys, it goes Kim Stanley Robinson, Gibson, then a variety pack of all the different types of Hitler

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@BudrykZack In Arrival his very serious by-the-book military character didn't really have any big scenes so it seems like he invented a Boston/Cajun/South African transplant backstory because he got bored

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@RichardHanania have you ever had a real job

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@THEnotoriousJ0D @ViceApologist Standing around playing Candy Crush all day and getting free beans is the cop version of heaven

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@coopercooperco This exchange in the replies is two genuine flesh and blood human beings both failing the Turing test

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 years

@dickexpert the problem with trying to be a right wing egirl is that they have like hundreds of spare pretty blonde ex-sorority girls willing to be racist online and sleep with state Senators. So I’m not really sure there’s a niche for like your cursed TJ Maxx mannequin aesthetic

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@ishapiro @GeorgetownLaw Did they ask you to do actual work

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

10 months

@Liv_Agar BREAKING: Michael Knowles recently forgot to use incognito mode and his wife checked his browser history

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@JimPethokoukis James there has been tremendous technological progress over the past half century yet an enormous number of people live very miserable lives. So that appears quite plausible. Prescient, even

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

24 days

@JimmyJazz1968 She’s looking at her handler holding up a bag of ketamine off screen to keep her from attacking the interviewer

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 month

@bariweiss @uaustinorg @nfergus @JTLonsdale See at real colleges you don’t wear the robes until you graduate.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 years

@FantomasCinema The CGI is bad but not terrible, the green screen is fine, but Jesus the lighting and blocking is just terrible. Where is the sun supposed to be in the second scene?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 months

@Very__Regular @kbsea34 He’s never won the popular vote for a reason! People hate that dude

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@mattyglesias Finally, someone on Substack brave enough to have a go at trans people

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

6 months

@venusisvain @vaq_vaq Your parents pay your rent

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@ssimmons1187 @BrotiGupta Do you think this makes Kamala look good

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@dogeofficialceo I am the one with $8, dude. You gave your $8 to Elon to buy a nerd badge, I still have my $8 because I didn't.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@mattyglesias It is very much zero percent man

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@wnderfulguy @hum_dunkin The thing about maps is like, the little circles mean something

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@punishedhoover @CokeEnjoyer No thank you

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@amylunews @SpeakerPelosi Is this a joke

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@NatashaBertrand @andersoncooper Hey what were the names of the brave first responders who hid while children were massacred

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@pegobry VINCENT: You know what they call Ian Miles Cheong in Paris? JULES: They don't call it Ian Miles Cheong? VINCENT: No, man, they got the metric system there, they call it Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@SlaylerJ @stef2dope It’s a book about a fictional character, not a potential friend

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

19 days

@Boringstein I respect that Kamala could’ve easily rode the post-switch optimism wave to an Obama 2008-like result but she was like, no, we’re going to be upfront about how much I am going to be just as lazy and evil as Joe was

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@ourobororoboruo Frankie your husband is a Mayflower descendant

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@elisawine14 We made fun of all those”never forget” slogans and bumper stickers but this lady straight up did forget

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

15 days

@OsitaNwanevu Remember when everyone laughed and laughed at how stupid that one Biden advisor was when he said to stop calling Vance weird? Yeah that guy won

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@helen_min Have you considered not calling yourselves “founders”

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@AndrewYang Rich people being above the law is very centrist and forward

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 months

@BillSwiggart @malmesburyman This is linguistically fascinating: we see here with just a single generation difference right wing cranks have developed two entirely distinct forms of gibberish to rant at each other, creating the appearance of disagreement.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@lizweil Hello Ms. Weil, Who provided you with the brief list of other examples of 'cancellation'? Why were none of them hyperlinked? Who did you speak to for this story? It's unclear which statements were made to you directly and which were relayed to you via "Diego"'s parents.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@kittypurrzog Katie what would you say is the best historical analog of a conservative cultural view being redeemed as correct all along with the benefit of hindsight

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@nycsouthpaw Tactically deploying a mission specialist who kinetically operated a notched metal breaching device counterclockwise roughly one half rotation

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

9 days

@TrueAnonPod What percentage of Israelis killed on October 7th were family members of IDF reservists

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@GASLIGHTER_ @ToadUnderHeaven @willhmcguire It's awesome that these guys are into the real classics of Western civilization, such as Troy(2004).

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@blakeflayton @ADavidGordon Oh that’s awful, so who was it that liberated Auschwitz?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@annakhachiyan @beefytopdog @our_daily_pain What if it’s a guy being annoying on the subway

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@Boringstein Amazon's transition from "big warehouse you can buy books and DVDs and other stuff from" to "television studio that provides a storefront API to Chinese criminals so they can scam you" is right up there with Google Search as one of the ways the internet is meaningfully worse now

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@jenn0emi Why would your parents talk to a child about their anxiety.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@detachment_red Also go to the store and buy more peaches if you care so much? What is the problem here

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@MrGChristopher @thestuffofmemes Promoting lawlessness, man, you said you think it’s ok to kill people for being annoying. I would think that through if I were you!

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@Isi_baehr “37 year women who regularly get asked to leave by the manager” is genuinely one of the core demographics for the modern GOP

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@NateSilver538 Hmm so what you’re saying is that if someone is wrong about one thing you should regard their future statements as less credible. Interesting.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@cenkuygur Lol so you’re just a Republican now , huh?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@samknight1 Pretty cool how Canada started a new viral trend of finding your countries most decrepit surviving war criminal and making them famous.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@MattyBoySwag143 @mualphaxi Imagine having parents as rich as yours, pulling all those strings for you, and you think that’s where the raised fist is “from” lol

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@GlennKesslerWP So like if they never found the guy, or something went wrong with the case, the 10 year old retroactively would’ve no longer needed an abortion?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@garethlwatkins @SilvermanJacob Libs and the smoother brained part of the left come up with “I’ve got it! We just be nice to the opposition” as a bold new plan roughly every 3 weeks now lol

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

9 months

@whstancil Which part of that is wrong? That is just an accurate description of the motivations of the parties involved.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 months

@willmenaker The novelization says he was a Democrat, but Fox is a stripper who is dating a fighter pilot, she absolutely voted for Perot.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@Olivianuzzi Your 2017glowing profile of Mike Cernovich does not use the word “lisp” once. In fact, you describe his voice as “robust”.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@sleepisocialist @ImagineAGuy Absolutely baffling how TikTok(videos of pets, bad jokes, true crime podcast summaries) has gotten the rep as the dumb video site when Facebook is exclusively 9 minute long insane Eastern European fake prank short films

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

7 months

@KrangTNelson Carrying soup, coffee, Big Gulps through the subway isn't against the law, and being clumsy also isn't against the law, and what with inflation who can afford shoes with good grip these days?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@rehab_kyle @osamabishounen @viperwave Between kiwifarms being in the news a few weeks ago for the Keffals thing and now this, we all have to grudgingly admit that Biden has absolutely made it 2011 again.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

1 year

@still_oppressed Also incredible that free speech extremist Elon Musk is in there, tagging the President of South Africa

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 years

@BFriedmanDC Dog if there’s a hell you’re gonna spend eternity there

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@mattkatz00 @JarJarFan69 A quick google of "NYC jail overdose" and one click uncovered this chart. Matt, why are you lying in your own lede?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

6 months

@nycsouthpaw What on Earth is the news value of reporting on the identities of potential jurors with this level of detail. These aren’t public figures!

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@banalplay He’s just confused because Lorenz is exposing the identity of the subject of her story instead of her sources.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@lukeoneil47 Hilary said some, but not all, Republicans are bad people 7 years ago and not only are they still mad about it every objective reporter agrees that was a terrible thing to say about Real American

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@jasonfurman You should do your part and quit your job immediately

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@mattbai @crampell

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

7 months

@lib_crusher Journalism malpractice not to ask “what is your middle initial?” Here

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

8 months

@BrandyLJensen @Joolia562 That "I asked three of my friends, who are also all millionaires, and they also all got scammed" anecdote is obviously the lynchpin of the whole story but I'm really glad they left in the thing where the lady still has NextDoor brain about stranger danger crime:

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 years

@TheNotoriousRBF @MorantBayRebel Dog do you know who pays Edwin Aponte to run a Nazi magazine with a bunch of insane tradcaths? I strongly suspect it is not someone with a great amount about of love for the Jewish people

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@ndrew_lawrence That $75 million has to be some sort of tax fraud scheme. Power of the Dog only cost $35 million and they had to pay a cast of real actors

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 months

@ettingermentum Vance's "A courtesy like in every notifications tab" campaign results in Puerto Rico joining the union just to award electoral votes to his opponent

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

6 months

@muntaba @Econ_Marshall Yglesias sent that tweet from Jamaica, where he is taking a vacation from blogging

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@ReemAmirIbrahim Gonna be honest until the castor oil guy I assume this was a lib/left “dress up like a Tory to mock them” party bit. So uh, what’s uh, going on with your faces over there?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@NotABigJerk @isaiah_bb Hey man come over on Saturday we’re grilling up some burgers! Bill has drinks and I’ve got beef and cheese, but can you bring the flatbread and salsa ?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@mtracey Oh my god are you saying the people who are right about everything else are also right about the cops?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

11 months

@DiabolicalSpuds @postsenjoyer Nobody should see themselves as a complete person! We’re all members of a community and we should be defined by our relationships to other members of the community

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@briebriejoy Briahna you know this "seems like this is one situation where the Left should just admit Republicans are right and do whatever they want" act works better if you didn't wheel it out for literally every single situation

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@mattkatz00 Matt you understand the story here is "Commissioner Louis Molina lied to city council", right?

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@NYTimesPR @NickKristof @nytopinion You either need to get two people on the record saying they are thrilled, or correct this headline

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@Lubchansky Incredible that they signed up two guys who haven’t had a hit in a decade and still the most dated part of the show was “involves NFTs”

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@sm80551 @lionel_trolling Blake just really likes German things

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@randygdub Youth describes the menu, not the membership

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@rehab_kyle @osamabishounen @viperwave The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be reborn. Now is the time to get on TikTok and paraphrase some Cracked dot com "15 plot holes you never noticed" listicles.

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@lib_crusher @BLACKMESSlAH These people make wallet inspector jokes but will instantly trust any Republican who does Krusty’s standup bit from the Canyero episode as a fellow anti-establishment crusader

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 years

@nytimes I also gave myself Havana syndrome with PlayStation

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

9 months

@USABorn55 @ndrew_lawrence it's pretty impressive that you finished out this post after having a stroke 3 sentences in

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

3 months

@SlickTweetsSC @vamps0 @jzaraterod Do you think people respect failed associate editors or pediatricians more

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@CFunderburg Disney will make running a repertory theater a felony by 2030

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@mtaibbi Oh no, those activists somehow alienated a rich right wing pundit, one of environmentalisms most important demographics

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@aaronjmate @author_himself hey is there anything else he's known for doing

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@NathanJRobinson Are you still doing your lil Halloween costume ever day thing

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Alan Grofield

@AlanGrofield2

2 years

@RottenInDenmark The Pelosi statement about how Republicans will have to "explain themselves" to the voters is like, uh, they said they opposed abortion and so they took actions to make it illegal again. What needs to be explained about that?

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